Post by Johnny Bacchus on Feb 11, 2021 16:26:39 GMT -5
They say pride precedeth the fall.
They say conceit is God's gift to little men.
Kendrick Lamar even said, "Sit down, bitch, be humble."
But Byron Bathory forgive me, I'm back on my bullshit.
TWO AND OH,
LET'S
FUCKING
GOOOOOOOOOOOO1.
I hope Maxwell Daemon is watching because I'm about about to show him the only reason his little reign was special was lucky booking2. Eat this sin and eat my ass3, Byron, because I'm strapping on that culturally appropriative Louisiana psychic headdress4 and seeing it now: Johnny Bacchus going 4-05, raising that Pure Title at Battlefield6. Only thing standing between me and a cover of "Stan" address to Z-Mac... is you.
I hope you're enjoying eating this sin because I'm gonna feed you so much you're going up a weight class7.
Then I'mma kick that fat ass back to Vegas8.
Now here's a little Diet Pride: I'm cocky, but I ain't stupid. I watch this show; feels like not a whole lotta people do9, but I sure as hell do. So when I say I know who you are and know what you're capable of: trust me. I know who you are:
You're a big.
You're fucking scary.
You're bald10, and considering the whole weird religious fundamentalism angle, I'm gonna bet your politics are extremely sus11.
I'd go so far as to place a bet12 that you may've strapped on a wig and stormed the Capitol13.
There's a world of difference between us, and a big guy like you probably can't wait to get a piece of a loud-mouth, smarmy little SJW Twitter Troll like me. Hell14, I'm sure we got pieces of each other this summer, I was just wearing a black ski mask and you were carrying a wooden shield with Pepe on it15. So Round 2. Who's it gonna be - the technical monster with a roundhouse like a sledgehammer... or the scrappy street fighter with good ring IQ?
So here's something you probably know by heart, Mister Bathorgy16: Facts Don't Care About Your Feelings. You look at the facts, there's a helluva17 different story than the one playin' out on the card.
You know what your sin is, Byron? I'll list 'em off for ya: false representation (which is envy), condescension (which is wrath), thinkin' you're a fuckin' divine messenger (aka Pride), and sucking huge ass in the ring (sloth). I'm sure when I actually stand across from you and have to look up to make eye contact I'm gonna shit my pants, but know what else made me shit my pants the first time I saw it? Hellraiser. And by the time I finished that piece of shit Hellraiser: Hellworld, I though Pinhead was such a joke I slapped a bobblehead of him on my Tempo's dashboard. I think that's a pretty good approximation of your rampage.
Let's start from the beginning, Big Mister Reaper of Souls and Avenger of the Heavens18, who's sitting at 1-2:
❌Got your ass kick by Dionysus.
✅Eked back your dignity against a guy who's gimmick is literally being nice and gentle.
❌Got smooshed by the Following.
I'm gonna debut that King's Dead and take your head off19, sending you in a box to your next logical destination in Pete Harper's care. I'm gonna leave you so hustled, the ring announcer's gonna start announcing you as Byron Bathory the Pin Eater.
A monster's only as scary as its legitimacy belies, Ronnie20. You're too fresh to have legacy bonafides like Oblivion and WALTER: you gotta earn that shit. If WALTER'd come in here with his Supreme Gentleman Elliot Rogers shtick and hadn't been putting people six feet under, we'd all be making "are there gonna be rabbits, George?"21 jokes about him. If Metzger hadn't ripped through Odin Balfore, people wouldn't be stressin' his gaze. Fact is, those men came to play: they weren't content sittin' on their asses and mean muggin' for the camera like a Philidor tag team22. The whole "you didn't win, you survived me" line works once, but when it happens twice or three times? Shit, in Nightmare 6, Freddy was trying to kill a motherfucker with a video game; why the fuuuuuck do you think they cancelled the series after that?
You don't even got your sights on me. I beat up that stupid23, fat24 priest25 last week; that's who ya wanted, yeah? You guys are probably meant for each other with the whole self-absorbed dark religious shtick. Go do the whole "righteous battle of good and evil" in the corner26 so the rest of us can focus on gettin' our cake up and winning titles. Maybe you can get enough street cred back to go debate about the wolves inside you with Downfall27, rather than get thrust in the path of a yung savage28 comin' in HAWT after you just got owned29 by Team Junkie30 & Jobber31.
No sleep til ZMac. That this goofy32 even thinks he could be contendin' with Yung Toon Summoned Skull is wasting air time we could be giving to Trey, Debbie Moe, or any of the Undercard Proletariat GAWDS dabbing on the brass ring. And I'm takin' names, takin' heads, and settin' examples.
The best shit comes in threes. Obnoxious Johnny Bacchus 3-033. Byron Bathory 1-334. The ref's count after that King's Dead to the grill35. Number of times your side piece is gonna call me tryin' to get a piece of winning dick36. Number of minutes in heaven37 she's gonna get38.
This has been a reading from the Book of John Bacchus39:
"And lo, the Yung Gawd cast down this fuckin' weiner to back whence he belongth."40
No.
Sleep.
Til ZMAC.
SIN COUNT: CALORIE COUNT: 69,42041 PIN FALL COUNT: 342 WINNER: JOHNNY BACCHUS43 |