Post by NATE on Jan 3, 2021 17:20:04 GMT -5
Matthias Mintzel and NATE are sitting in the main room of Buckingham Palace, the queen is there but stays out the conversation.
Matthias: Hi NATE, I just wanted to thank you for being such a great friend in 2020, as a token of my appreciation I am giving you the Hardcore Title because I know you deserve it.
NATE: Why, thank you Matthias, I am absolutely honoured and, dare I say, more than a little shocked. What a wonderful surprise but a kind and generous companion like yourself never ceases to amaze me! I promise that I will treat it with the utmost honour, dignity and pride that such an historic title deserves. Action Wrestling can trust that, from this day on, the Hardcore title will represent integrity and class. As my first act as Hardcore Champion is to make you the owner of all of Action Wrestling.
Matthias: Wow, thanks, it’s so great to be friends with you.
NATE: It’s not a problem, we’ve always had a mutual respect, I couldn’t have got here without you and I daresay you’d say the same about me?
Matthias: Of course, we make such a good partnership!
They smile and laugh and...
...
…and NATE falls out of bed.
He wakes up with an enormous thud. Hearing the loud bang, Matthias Mintzel who’s been staying at NATE’s over the festive period (and mostly been sleeping with NATE’s adopted mother, Traw Ma) walks in to find him flopping around on the floor.
Owwwwwwwwwww
Jesus christ NATE.
Matthias’ brief moment of surprise quickly stops as he remembers it’s NATE.
It’s time to wake your lazy ass up anyway.
Iz Itt Twen Tee Twen Tee Wun Naw
Yeah, how the fuck do you sleep for 3 weeks straight?!
Eye Am Da HiberNATEor…
No! We put a stop to that shit months ago, remember? You’re NATE… Just NATE.
O Ye
You do this every year? You miss Christmas and new year and just sleep? I’m not complaining, me and your Mom have had a great time, but what the hell is that?
Eye Gett Tyred
NATE looks sad at realising he’s not the Hardcore Champion.
Eye Woz Havin Sutch A Nyse Dreem Eye Cood Tolk Propa Lee An Yooz Fanci Wurdz And Yoo Wer Beein Reeli Nyse 2 Mi
Sounds like a nightmare for everyone else.
NATE lies on the floor some more, he isn’t quite ready for 2021 yet. The last remnants of his dream of being Hardcore Champion in his dream fade as the real world hits him.
You gotta get up, we’re flying to LA for Clash soon, you’ve got a match.
Iz Itt A Wurld Tyle Shott Datz Eksytin Eye Wil Beet Cor E Blak
No, it’s against Carter Shaw, again.
O Yess Eye Hav Faysed Hym Too Tymes B4 An Eye Wun Bofe Tymes
Erm, no. You got lost in about 30 seconds both times.
O
Get off the floor and meet us downstairs.
Noe
NATE, don’t piss me off.
Sori
--------
That evening in Los Angeles...
NATE has a microphone and he’s addressing a raucous crowd.
Itz Finel E Tym 4 Uss 2 Meat Agen Kart A Shor U Basterd
The crowd go wild, excited at the prospect of 2 behemoths of Action Wrestling going head to head. They know, as well, that Shaw absolutely can’t beat the unstoppable NATE. To his credit, the humble NATE keeps level headed and doesn’t get carried away.
Eye Respecked U Butt Olso Eye Hayt U An Eye Wil Beet Yoo Upp An Yoo Wil Haf 2 Goe 2 Hospittle
“Poor Carter Shaw!” Everyone in the arena thinks simultaneously. When NATE means business he really means business and you can only feel sorry for the poor sucker who he’s coming up against. Carter Shaw may have just been voted most likely to be Champion in 2021, and have the All In Briefcase to prove it, but NATE is NATE and as such, Carter faces an impossible task.
Downt U Oll Wurry Eye Wil Nott Kil Miss Der Shor B Coz Eye No Yoo Ol Lyk Hym
The crowd boo in jest, they all want to see another classic NATE massacre, of course they do!
O O Kay Den Eye Wil Kil Hym
The crowd pops BIG! Not just a deadly opponent NATE really is a wordsmith, a phenomenal promo who has them hanging on the edge of their seats with his every utterance. Surely he’d be the next professional wrestler to make the move to Hollywood with this charisma and amazing looks, every word carefully selected and impactful.
Bi
With that NATE’s music hits and NATE acknowledges the crowd in a cool manner, befitting his persona. Some of the crowd are actually hyperventilating with excitement at being in NATE’s presence. He turns around happily to face the entrance ramp and...
...And the crowd and arena disappears completely and is replaced by a fairly squalid hotel room.
And the microphone was a hairbrush the whole time.
And Matthias Mintzel is standing at the hotel door with a huge grin on his face, very amused by the private performance NATE has just unwittingly given him. He laughs sarcastically.
Fuck me, I wouldn’t wanna be Carter Shaw on Monday night!
Oops Eye Dydnt No U Wer Der Matty Ass Eye Woz Viszulysin Suck Sess
Me and your Mom are off for dinner downstairs now, do you want us to bring you something up.
Sum Sashays of Tomahtow Sorss
And some of the crusty bread they bring at the start?
NATE’s eyes light up.
O Yess Pleez Iff Dats O Kay
Stay out of trouble whilst we’re gone, in fact. I want you to think of 3 targets for yourself in Action Wrestling for 2021, think of it as homework to keep you occupied. Do you understand?
Yess
Unconvinced, Matthias shuts the door.
------
4 hours later
NATE is stood exactly where he was when Matthias left the room, thanking and moving at the same time doesn’t really work for him.
Sorry I took so long, we erm… had some desserts.
Yumi
Did you come up with any targets for this year?
Ye
Three?
Ye
Are they stupid?
Ye Eye Meen Noe
Go on.
Wun B Wurld Champeeun Too Wyn Hava Krumble Free B Miss Der Ollin
Matthias sighs, he’d thought as much.
I think a big part of the problem is you don’t have a clue what’s going on, ever.
NATE nods blanks, not having a clue what’s going on.
Why don’t we make target 1, “win a match”?
Eye Hav 1 A Mach I Wun Agenst Ostraylier Looweez
She fell over you whilst you were distracted by a ladybug.
Aw Eye Rimeba Dat Lad E Bug Wot A Nise Animle
You gave Frank Lowe quite a good match. I mean, I bet him twice in a row but I guess we might find someone on the roster this year you can beat?
O Kay Tar Git Wun Wyn A Mach
I was thinking target 2 could be to not end up in hospital this year? It’s expensive and boring… for the taxi driver we send to collect you.
Butt Eye Wil Mys Ol Mi Dok Tor An Nerss Frends
Last time you were at the hospital 2 nurses quit cos you wouldn’t shup up telling them about how you lost your ladybug friend.
Arr Eye Pee Looweez Lay D Bugg Naymd Afta Ostraylier Looweez
So we’re agreed, if you can keep out of hospital that’d be nice?
O Kat Tar Git Too Doant Gow 2 Hos Pittle
I’m not sure about target three? Winning a match and not spending your year in hospital sounds optimistic as it is. I took the piss earlier but maybe you learning how to speak would be useful? If you can’t wrestle they’re gonna need a reason to keep putting you on TV, the joke’s probably wearing a bit thin now as it is…
Eyem Karizzmatik
NATE stands awkwardly and picks his nose.
Do you know what that even means?
Itt Meens Eye Cood B A Akta
Well, aim for that then, get some performance skills, there’s probably a new Dumb and Dumber film coming out, you could just play yourself.
O Kat Tar Gitt Free B A Akta
That’s not quite what I mean, but OK. Anyway, get some sleep, you’ll need it if you’re gonna stand a chance of staying out of hospital against Carter.
Ferd Tyme Luki
Yeah… No. See you tomorrow.
Matthias leaves and NATE finally moves as he flops down onto his bed. He lies down and tries to remember the first two of Matthias’ targets for him, but he is certain that the third one was to be a Hollywood Actor. He closes his eyes and as he dozes off for the night visions of his first blockbuster dance around his head.
Clips from the last 2 times Carter Shaw and NATE face off show in the screen in dramatic style.
There’s an Action shot of NATE awkwardly stumbling into the ring.
There’s an action shot of Shaw pinning NATE. Then another one.
A happy NATE falls asleep with his imaginary film playing in his head, ready to do battle with Carter Shaw at Clash.
Maybe 2021 would be the year?
Maybe NATE was on his way at last?
Maybe Matthias would see the genius of NATE? See how talented he is, and see that he’s the future of Action Wrestling?
Maybe pigs could fly.
Matthias: Hi NATE, I just wanted to thank you for being such a great friend in 2020, as a token of my appreciation I am giving you the Hardcore Title because I know you deserve it.
NATE: Why, thank you Matthias, I am absolutely honoured and, dare I say, more than a little shocked. What a wonderful surprise but a kind and generous companion like yourself never ceases to amaze me! I promise that I will treat it with the utmost honour, dignity and pride that such an historic title deserves. Action Wrestling can trust that, from this day on, the Hardcore title will represent integrity and class. As my first act as Hardcore Champion is to make you the owner of all of Action Wrestling.
Matthias: Wow, thanks, it’s so great to be friends with you.
NATE: It’s not a problem, we’ve always had a mutual respect, I couldn’t have got here without you and I daresay you’d say the same about me?
Matthias: Of course, we make such a good partnership!
They smile and laugh and...
...
…and NATE falls out of bed.
He wakes up with an enormous thud. Hearing the loud bang, Matthias Mintzel who’s been staying at NATE’s over the festive period (and mostly been sleeping with NATE’s adopted mother, Traw Ma) walks in to find him flopping around on the floor.
Owwwwwwwwwww
Jesus christ NATE.
Matthias’ brief moment of surprise quickly stops as he remembers it’s NATE.
It’s time to wake your lazy ass up anyway.
Iz Itt Twen Tee Twen Tee Wun Naw
Yeah, how the fuck do you sleep for 3 weeks straight?!
Eye Am Da HiberNATEor…
No! We put a stop to that shit months ago, remember? You’re NATE… Just NATE.
O Ye
You do this every year? You miss Christmas and new year and just sleep? I’m not complaining, me and your Mom have had a great time, but what the hell is that?
Eye Gett Tyred
NATE looks sad at realising he’s not the Hardcore Champion.
Eye Woz Havin Sutch A Nyse Dreem Eye Cood Tolk Propa Lee An Yooz Fanci Wurdz And Yoo Wer Beein Reeli Nyse 2 Mi
Sounds like a nightmare for everyone else.
NATE lies on the floor some more, he isn’t quite ready for 2021 yet. The last remnants of his dream of being Hardcore Champion in his dream fade as the real world hits him.
You gotta get up, we’re flying to LA for Clash soon, you’ve got a match.
Iz Itt A Wurld Tyle Shott Datz Eksytin Eye Wil Beet Cor E Blak
No, it’s against Carter Shaw, again.
O Yess Eye Hav Faysed Hym Too Tymes B4 An Eye Wun Bofe Tymes
Erm, no. You got lost in about 30 seconds both times.
O
Get off the floor and meet us downstairs.
Noe
NATE, don’t piss me off.
Sori
--------
That evening in Los Angeles...
NATE has a microphone and he’s addressing a raucous crowd.
Itz Finel E Tym 4 Uss 2 Meat Agen Kart A Shor U Basterd
The crowd go wild, excited at the prospect of 2 behemoths of Action Wrestling going head to head. They know, as well, that Shaw absolutely can’t beat the unstoppable NATE. To his credit, the humble NATE keeps level headed and doesn’t get carried away.
Eye Respecked U Butt Olso Eye Hayt U An Eye Wil Beet Yoo Upp An Yoo Wil Haf 2 Goe 2 Hospittle
“Poor Carter Shaw!” Everyone in the arena thinks simultaneously. When NATE means business he really means business and you can only feel sorry for the poor sucker who he’s coming up against. Carter Shaw may have just been voted most likely to be Champion in 2021, and have the All In Briefcase to prove it, but NATE is NATE and as such, Carter faces an impossible task.
Downt U Oll Wurry Eye Wil Nott Kil Miss Der Shor B Coz Eye No Yoo Ol Lyk Hym
The crowd boo in jest, they all want to see another classic NATE massacre, of course they do!
O O Kay Den Eye Wil Kil Hym
The crowd pops BIG! Not just a deadly opponent NATE really is a wordsmith, a phenomenal promo who has them hanging on the edge of their seats with his every utterance. Surely he’d be the next professional wrestler to make the move to Hollywood with this charisma and amazing looks, every word carefully selected and impactful.
Bi
With that NATE’s music hits and NATE acknowledges the crowd in a cool manner, befitting his persona. Some of the crowd are actually hyperventilating with excitement at being in NATE’s presence. He turns around happily to face the entrance ramp and...
...And the crowd and arena disappears completely and is replaced by a fairly squalid hotel room.
And the microphone was a hairbrush the whole time.
And Matthias Mintzel is standing at the hotel door with a huge grin on his face, very amused by the private performance NATE has just unwittingly given him. He laughs sarcastically.
Fuck me, I wouldn’t wanna be Carter Shaw on Monday night!
Oops Eye Dydnt No U Wer Der Matty Ass Eye Woz Viszulysin Suck Sess
Me and your Mom are off for dinner downstairs now, do you want us to bring you something up.
Sum Sashays of Tomahtow Sorss
And some of the crusty bread they bring at the start?
NATE’s eyes light up.
O Yess Pleez Iff Dats O Kay
Stay out of trouble whilst we’re gone, in fact. I want you to think of 3 targets for yourself in Action Wrestling for 2021, think of it as homework to keep you occupied. Do you understand?
Yess
Unconvinced, Matthias shuts the door.
------
4 hours later
NATE is stood exactly where he was when Matthias left the room, thanking and moving at the same time doesn’t really work for him.
Sorry I took so long, we erm… had some desserts.
Yumi
Did you come up with any targets for this year?
Ye
Three?
Ye
Are they stupid?
Ye Eye Meen Noe
Go on.
Wun B Wurld Champeeun Too Wyn Hava Krumble Free B Miss Der Ollin
Matthias sighs, he’d thought as much.
I think a big part of the problem is you don’t have a clue what’s going on, ever.
NATE nods blanks, not having a clue what’s going on.
Why don’t we make target 1, “win a match”?
Eye Hav 1 A Mach I Wun Agenst Ostraylier Looweez
She fell over you whilst you were distracted by a ladybug.
Aw Eye Rimeba Dat Lad E Bug Wot A Nise Animle
You gave Frank Lowe quite a good match. I mean, I bet him twice in a row but I guess we might find someone on the roster this year you can beat?
O Kay Tar Git Wun Wyn A Mach
I was thinking target 2 could be to not end up in hospital this year? It’s expensive and boring… for the taxi driver we send to collect you.
Butt Eye Wil Mys Ol Mi Dok Tor An Nerss Frends
Last time you were at the hospital 2 nurses quit cos you wouldn’t shup up telling them about how you lost your ladybug friend.
Arr Eye Pee Looweez Lay D Bugg Naymd Afta Ostraylier Looweez
So we’re agreed, if you can keep out of hospital that’d be nice?
O Kat Tar Git Too Doant Gow 2 Hos Pittle
I’m not sure about target three? Winning a match and not spending your year in hospital sounds optimistic as it is. I took the piss earlier but maybe you learning how to speak would be useful? If you can’t wrestle they’re gonna need a reason to keep putting you on TV, the joke’s probably wearing a bit thin now as it is…
Eyem Karizzmatik
NATE stands awkwardly and picks his nose.
Do you know what that even means?
Itt Meens Eye Cood B A Akta
Well, aim for that then, get some performance skills, there’s probably a new Dumb and Dumber film coming out, you could just play yourself.
O Kat Tar Gitt Free B A Akta
That’s not quite what I mean, but OK. Anyway, get some sleep, you’ll need it if you’re gonna stand a chance of staying out of hospital against Carter.
Ferd Tyme Luki
Yeah… No. See you tomorrow.
Matthias leaves and NATE finally moves as he flops down onto his bed. He lies down and tries to remember the first two of Matthias’ targets for him, but he is certain that the third one was to be a Hollywood Actor. He closes his eyes and as he dozes off for the night visions of his first blockbuster dance around his head.
IT’S TIME FOR THE THRILLING FINALE OF THE EPIC TRILOGY
Clips from the last 2 times Carter Shaw and NATE face off show in the screen in dramatic style.
FEATURING A LIST MEGASTAR… THE ASSISINATEOR... NATE!
There’s an Action shot of NATE awkwardly stumbling into the ring.
AND CARTER “VERY AVERAGE” SHAW.
There’s an action shot of Shaw pinning NATE. Then another one.
AFTER TWO LEGENDARY ENCOUNTERS, THE FINAL SHOWDOWN IS UPON US. WHAT WILL BE THE FINAL TWIST IN THIS TALE? CAN CARTER PICK UP A THIRD, LUCKY WIN? WILL THE INEVITABLE HAPPEN AND NATE BEAT HIM THIS TIME? WILL THE MATCH ACTUALLY LAST MORE THAN 30 SECONDS THIS TIME?
YOU DO NOT WANT TO MISS THE WRESTLING EVENT OF THE YEAR.
NATE.
SHAW.
ONLY ONE MAN CAN LEAVE VICTORIOUS… THE FATE OF NATE, AND THAT OTHER GUY, HANGS IN THE BALANCE!
A happy NATE falls asleep with his imaginary film playing in his head, ready to do battle with Carter Shaw at Clash.
Maybe 2021 would be the year?
Maybe NATE was on his way at last?
Maybe Matthias would see the genius of NATE? See how talented he is, and see that he’s the future of Action Wrestling?
Maybe pigs could fly.