Post by Jim Mud on Dec 17, 2020 21:18:52 GMT -5
Nails, a hammer, Gorilla glue.
A gas can, discount Lincoln Logs, a doorknob.
Home Depot cashier: Big project..?
A rope, a chainsaw, another hammer.
Jim: Yeah...I suppose you could say that.
A shower head, plaster, a flamethrower.
Home Depot cashier: Didn’t know we even sold those..not sure why you need-
Jim: It’s for work.
Home Depot cashier: Where do you work?
Home Depot cashier: So, that’s what the last few people were talking about with the parking lot. You really need all this for...wrestling?
Jim: Ya just never know, right?
Mud’s expression stays stone cold. The cashier’s brow raise tells the story for the rest of her mask covered face.
*BEEP BEEP BEEP*
A gnome, chicken wire fencing, a lamp.
Home Depot cashier: Doesn’t sound like you’re gonna be doing much actual wrestling looking at all of this..
Jim: Lot of other folks are, not really plannin’ on makin’ it a match myself.
Home Depot cashier: Okay..
Jim: Gonna be a lot of’em all tryin’ to win this one. You got a champ who is desperate to survive the biggest gauntlet of the calendar year and a whole lotta hungry challengers who are busy obsessin’ over that very thing and thinkin’ about their chances of hittin’ the target that’s been put on his head. For me, I spent a lotta my own efforts tryin’ to win matches and then somethin’ hit me and I realized that I was lookin’ at this sport all wrong. Why should I be tryin’ to win a match when I can just spend my efforts makin’ sure that others lose.
Home Depot cashier: So, you’re buying all this and you don’t wanna win the thing you’re doing it for?
Jim: Don’t get my words twisted, ma’am. I’m still a fighter. These sons of bitches hired me because they witnessed me beatin’ the tar out of another man and recognized a special sorta talent in that. Difference between the rest of the field and myself is that everyone else is gonna be focused on one approach while I bring somethin’ totally different.
Home Depot cashier: Maybe revealing your hand a bit early?
Jim: I don’t have a problem doin’ so. Whether they know my plan or not, it doesn’t matter. In a way, I’d almost be happier if they did. This match I’m preparin’ for, the belt and the division I’m fightin’ for..it’s gettin’ cramped. People hear the word opportunity and they start flockin’ and right now, there’s just too many damn people in the locker room who aren’t doin’ nothin’ other than takin’ up space they shouldn’t be. Maybe I break a neck or two, maybe I make a couple of’em consider a career change. Either way, I get to hand out pink slips. Think of it as...generosity. It’s the season of givin’, ain’t it? Between the current champ Kaz and men like Teo Blaze, I’m a man livin’ among overhyped gymnasts. This year, I get to provide the people who come to our shows the gift a product that’s actually watchable for once by chopping away at the roster. Speaking of, are y’all hiring?
Home Depot cashier: I think so..
Jim: Great. I’ll let them know.
Home Depot cashier: It’s um…
Jim: What is it?
Home Depot cashier: Your total today will be….nine thousand seven hundred dollars and eighty-seven cents.
Jim: No worries.
Home Depot cashier: I...don’t think I can accept that..
Jim: Run it. They’re good for it.
The cashier’s confusion grew as she look over the Philidor branded credit card. No Visa or Mastercard indication, but an unfamiliar blue and grey. She slides it through and taps her foot awkwardly behind the counter as she smiles at the still blank Jim Mud. A small crew of baggers scurries to cram the remainder of the items into a series of shopping carts and pushes them out like a line of ants marching out to the parking lot.
Home Depot cashier: Have a good day..
Jim: I intend to.