(7/31/17) Summermania Dec 17, 2020 1:58:23 GMT -5
Post by Action Reel on Dec 17, 2020 1:58:23 GMT -5
Nova-Kaine’s Open Challenge
Nova-Kaine’s Open Challenge
Sah’ta Thor vs. Nova-Kaine
Little Bit More by Jidenna plays through the Staples Center as we are greeted by the announcers.
Jimmy Garcia: We're gonna begin Summermania with a one on one match-up in a Nova Kaine's Open Challenge Match.
Sebastian Reid: We have Nova Kaine stepping up against Sah'ta Thor.
Gravedigger: This should be an interesting match!!
"Paper Cut" by Linkin Park starts blaring across the arena and red beams of light aim at the entrance of the ramp. Nova walks out with the beat of music controlling his movements and he bows to the fans in attendance. Nova throws up a salute and he runs down the ramp full speed.
Taylor Lorde: Coming down to the ring... From Columbus, Ohio!! Weighing in at 205 pounds... The Extreme "High" Flyer!!
At the end of the run way, Nova slides into the ring and pops up in the middle of the ring. He moves to the music a bit more before ascending the far right ring corner, where he bows to the fans. Nova leaps off the top rope and rests against the corner to await his opponent.
Gravedigger: Spencer Adams needs to do the right thing and administer surprise drug testing and see who would pass and who fail!! Where would Mr. "Nova-Kaine" fall? Straight to a methadone clinic!! HAHAHAHA!!!
Jimmy Garcia: That's not funny!!!
The opening riff to "Ruina Imperii" by Sabaton echoes through the arena's speaker system as the lights dim. A few seconds pass before an almost demonic looking Sah'ta Thor. He is dressed in a pair of black jeans and a red t-shirt with a golden pattern of the Seven Deadly Sins with the words Sin Incarnate in white. After a moment of standing at the top of the ramp He starts towards the ring with a purposeful stride.
Taylor Lorde: Approaching the ring... From Parts Unknown, weighing in at two hundred and twenty five pounds... The Raging Storm... Sah'ta Thor!!!
Getting to the ring he looks at his foe for the night with a look that promises impending. After a moment he pulls off his shirt revealing his scarred toned muscular upper body. He turns and starts pacing in the ring as he awaits his opponents much like a caged animal as he waits for the starting bell.
Jimmy Garcia: Both competitors lock up... Sah'ta Thor pushes Nova Kaine away!!
Sebastian Reid: Spinning back fist by The Raging Storm!!
The Extreme High Flyer stumbles back. With determination, charges Sah'ta Thor...
Sah'ta Thor drops to the mat, which Nova Kaine picks him up....
Jimmy Garcia: The Raging Storm struck Nova Kaine with a Kesagiri chop!!
Sebastian Reid: The Hero of the Underdogs is down!!
The crowd: NOVA!!! NOVA!! NOVA!! NOVA!! NOVA!!
Sah'ta Thor: SHUT UP!! SHUT UP!! SHUT UP!!
The Raging Storm proceeds to stomp on Nova Kaine, who struggles to stand up.
Jimmy Garcia: Sah'ta Thor whips Nova Kaine into the ropes...
Sebastian Reid: Nova Kaine bounces off the ropes... leaps over Sah'ta Thor...
Gravedigger: Dropkick!! Another Dropkick!! Nope!! This this time third strike your out!!
Sah'ta Thor bites the forehead of Nova Kaine....
Jimmy Garcia: IT BITES A FOREHEAD!!
Nova Kaine wipes his forehead and sees blood, goes berserk
Jimmy Garcia: Uh oh!!
Nova Kaine kicks Sah'ta Thor in the midsection then....
Gravedigger: TWIST OF FATE!!
The Extreme Cruiserweight hurries over to the corner and climbs up to the top turnbuckle. Without any hesitation, Nova Kaine flies off...
Sebastian Reid: Ode to Danny D!! High angle frog splash!!
Gravedigger is starting to laugh.
Jimmy Garcia: What's so funny?!
Gravedigger: All that?! ALL THAT?! THAT'S IT?! That is why Sah'ta Thor laying there laughing his ass off, waiting.
Sebastian Reid: Waiting for what?!
Gravedigger: Waiting for this!!!
Nova Kaine grabs for Sah'ta Thor...
Jimmy Garcia: Two chops to the throat, a roundhouse kick to the head, followed by a heart punch!! That's the Sah'ta Combo!!
Sah'ta Thor grabs Nova Kaine hangs him upside down on the turnbuckles then charges at him full steam, hits him with a running knee!!
Gravedigger: CROM'S EMBRACE!!
Nova Kaine collapses to the mat. Sah'ta Thor drags him to the center of the ring...
The crowd: ONE!!
The crowd: TWO!!
The crowd: THREEEEE!!!!
Taylor Lorde: The winner of the match... Sah'ta Thor!!!
Sam Kidsgrove vs. Joe Smarts
Jimmy Garcia: Welcome to SummerMania!
Gravedigger: And what an card we have for this sold out ppv event live in Los Angeles, California at the Staples Center!
Sebastian Reid: That triple threat world title match is going to be LIT! But first let's get to our opening match.
Taylor Lorde: Introducing first the self proclaimed smartest man in UCI, JOOOOOOOOOEEEEEEEEEEE SMARTS!
The opening beats of 'Catgroove' plays throughout the arena as the crowd goes silent. As the music continues, a faint voice echoes around the arena. The only words that are understandable are
'Dams it, the mic is toos quiet.'
Then a deafening voice can be heard over the arena saying
'HERE COME... OH FUCKS, IT TOOS LOUD!!!'
Finally, as the final part of the opening beats of Catgroove plays, a reasonably loud microphone can be heard throughout the arena.
'Here come the World Smartsest Man, Captain Bruddahhood, JOE SMAAAAAARTS!!!!
Then the crowd realises that Joe fiddled with the mic volume, and they cheer out loud when he struts out on stage, doing a Scotty 2 Hotty dance down, I suppose, as the main part of Catgroove plays.
Joe climbs up the steps, and falls over the ropes into the ring. He then taps his head, as he fails to try and display his 'intelligence'.
Taylor Lorde: And uh, his opponent,
There are lots of spotlights swirling around the arena as the Universal Studios fanfare hits the audio system. After the initial fanfare and the breakdown, Sam Kidsgrove launches himself through the curtain and starts walking down the red carpet that the backstage crew put down for him. He throws a massive grin on his face while striking a pose in his tuxedo on the ramp for the paparazzi. He walks down the ramp, going to each side and talking to the fans, signing autographs and taking interviews. Shaking a lot of hands. The ramp walk lasts a good five minutes because of this. When he finally gets to the ring, he turns to the crowd and performs a deep theatrical bow. Then rolls into the ring under the bottom rope and immediately climbs a turnbuckle, grinning at the crowd and doing yet more poses, such as the double gun salute, the “Hey I know you” wave and the classic Magnum.
Taylor and all of the female audience plus a few males all sigh SAM KIDSGROVE loudly in unison scaring Joe Smarts.
Joe goes to tie up with Sam but trips over his own feet and Sam capitalizes on it with a pin fall.
Female crowd and few guys: 1!...2….Thr..OH! Sammy Sammy Sammy!
Sam raises Joe to his feet and whips him into the turnbuckle.
Sebastian Reid: Looks like the Actor is begging Joe to come get some!
Jimmy Garcia: And here comes the Smartest man alive!
Gravedigger: Well if you believe that I have oceanfront...OH! Stunt double from Sam Kidsgrove and the crowd is going wild.
Sam Turns Joe around and unleashes with chops and forearms to the lanky man’s quickly reddening chest.
Crowd: MARRY ME SAM!
Sam turns and runs to the opposite corner and blows the crowd a kiss, before heading back and nearly kicking off Joe Smarts head.
Sebastian Reid: Scene 2! That might be a wrap! NO! Sam isn't done yet with Joe Smarts, Suplex!
Gravedigger: Three more! Wait goddamn how many this boy got in him, he suplexing that handicapped boy all around the damn ring, And 7 suplexes! No 8, 9..
Female crowd: 10!!! Sammy Sammy Sammy!!
Joe stands up groggy as all hell before he is blasted by Sam’s running Knee. Smarts drops like a sack of potatoes and Sam goes in for the pin.
Gravedigger: don't even Sebastian or I’ll make you eat your teeth.
Sebastian Reid: What?
Gravedigger: No more damn movie jokes let's just go to the next match.
El Payaso Loco vs. Suzi Spitz
Gravedigger: Now we get to watch something really special that little masked fuck vs some chick with big tits I can't wait.
Sebastian Reid: Oh god, I am glad we are on ppv for this show. Any way Uci Summermania is brought to you by the Dumb and Dumber Remake starring our own Sam Kidsgrove!
Gravedigger: Way to miss your spot. This is why you don't wrestle anymore huh? Always late. Anyway onto the mexican vs the pornstar. Think i seen that on pornhub somewhere
Taylor Lorde: Introducing first from The Rabbit Hole, El Payaso Loco!
The opening riff of "Let's Go" hits the PA as the lights lower. Red, white and green spotlights flicker around the entrance ramp, falling onto one central space. At that point, they focus upwards as Payaso Loco descends from the rafters on a cord of some form, landing safely on the ground. He detaches himself from the cord, making a beeline for the ring and jumping from the floor, over the top rope and into the ring. He flies up to the nearest turnbuckle, his arms outstretched as he takes in the reaction from the fans.
Taylor Lorde: And his opponent from New Orleans, Louisiana, Suzi Spitz!
Suzi walks out to the ring while men stare at her rack. She climbs into the ring and the bell sounds.
Sebastian Reid: OH wasting no time, Payaso Loco nails a Disaster Kick and knocks Suzi out cold.
Jimmy Garcia: He is up on the turnbuckle again and OH! Coupe De Grace! The finishing blow.
Gravedigger: Spence and his talent relations need to find better talent.
Jimmy Garcia: Agreed a win for Loco but not much of one for the audience but the next match should be a real treat. Triple threat action in the rising stars division when we come back!
Rising Stars Match
Matt Angel vs. Cheyenne vs. Oblivion
Sebastian Reid: Time to get freaky Jimmy.
Gravedigger: Why do we keep you around Reid?
Sebastian Reid: Well I appeal to a certain demographic.
Taylor Lorde: The following is a triple threat Rising Star Division match. Introducing first from right here in Los Angeles California, Matt Angel!!
"I will Show You" By From Ashes To New blasts from the PA system, Matt Angel walks out and with his arms raised he walks down the ramp way high-fiving the fans. He jumps onto the apron and climbs the turnbuckle and also celebrates cheering to the fans.
Taylor Lorde: and his opponent, from Chicago IL, Chhhhhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyeeeeeeenneeee!!!
I'm Gonna Show you Crazy by Nightcore Hits. Then a red headed woman in a figure shrouding tattered black and moss colored floor length Overcoat burst threw the curtain, spasticity shaking her head back and forth. In her hand she holds a black leather bag that appears to be alive. The lights flicker off and on to the beat giving the appearance that the woman is blinking in and out towards the ring. Upon reaching the the squared circle, she puts the bag into her mouth then pulls herself up onto the apron then backbends over the top rope flipping into the ring. Holding the bag high above her head she drops the coat revealing underneath a tightly fitted dark green and black top and tight green pants with knee high black boots.
Taylor Lorde: And their opponent, from From The Deepest and Darkest Side of a Sick Man's Mind, OBLIVION!!!!!!!!!!!!
The house lights go out, as lighter colored lights come on. The multiple cameras pan around the jam packed Arena. The fans are holding up various signs. The atmosphere is explosive and the crowd is cheering. "Oblivion" by Mastadon begins to play. The blaring guitar begins to play.
The house lights go out. The crowd begins to murmur. Strobe lights begin to flash, as bright white lasers begin to flash. Two bright spotlights hit the entrance stage. The music continues to thump. Some of the fans are thrashing and/or dancing a long with the music...
Explosive fire pyro shoots straight up, on the stage and down the ramp. Then right about that time, Oblivion slowly comes, with a dead stare. The music continues the blare out and rattled the arena.
Oblivion slowly begins to walk down to the edge of the entrance stage, bringing in the cheers, of the crowd...
Crowd: OBI!! OBI!! OBI!! OBI!! OBI!! OBI!! OBI!! OBI!!
Past the entrance stage there are sixteen hooded cloaked individuals, eight on each side of the aisle, with their heads down. Chanting...
Hooded individuals: A-WHOO!! AWHOO!! AWHOO!!
Ring Announcer: From The Deepest and Darkest Side of a Sick Man's Mind... Weighing in at 325 pounds... IT is The Monster... Oblivion!!
Oblivion drags IT's right leg as drags along a sledgehammer. The Monster sneers at a nearby camera, right before Oblivion slowly run up the steel steps and climb the turnbuckle from out the ring, once again throwing up IT's massive right arm.
Crowd: OBI!! OBI!! OBI!! OBI!! OBI!! OBI!! OBI!!
Oblivion leaps into the ring, stomping around, taking long strides, barking, shaking the top ring rope..
Before the bell can ring Chey goes to attack Matt but he ducks and she about hits Oblivion. The redhead stops short as the large masked man glares down at her she grins a wicked grin and gets on all fours as she slides backwards through a confused Matt Angel’s legs.
Sebastian Reid: Looks like Cheyenne wants none of the big monster Obi.
Gravedigger: Well wants it or not Matt just got a large boot to the face!
Obi then drops a leg onto Matt, while on the outside Cheyenne is seated in the corner of the barricade laughing.
Jimmy Garcia: But looks like Matt Angel is firing back, trying to chop the big man down at the knees with a mix of kicks.
Matt ducks a right fist and goes under the arm. He bounces off the ropes and hits a chop block that brings the big man to a knee. Matt unleashes with a Flurry of blows that Oblivion covers up for.
Sebastian Reid: Matt has the big man where he needs him now! But wait, what's that charlatan doing?
Cheyenne Slides in the ring as Matt attempts a ddt on the kneeling Oblivion. She slithers up behind the Extreme Icon and kicks him in the back of the head with a roundhouse kick. Cheyenne mounts the downed man as Obi shakes his head trying to regain his bearings. The red headed fiend locks in an Omoplata on Matt Angel, but quickly releases it as Oblivion rises to his feet and advances towards the pair.
Jimmy Garcia: Oblivion doesn't quite know what to think of the fiery red head Cheyenne’s actions. The two have locked eyes for the second time now but again Cheyenne slides out.
Cheyenne walks slowly over to the announce table and climbs up on it and lies down across it.
Sebastian Reid: What is..
Gravedigger: Not sure now is the time to ask tough guy.
Meanwhile back in the ring Oblivion has Matt in a double underhook.
Jimmy Garcia: The monster looking to give Matt Angel a Dirt Nap! But no Matt fights out and hits a dropkick! Big man is rocked but not down. Matt with an enziguri rocking the monster again.
OBI: HIT IT AGAIN LIL MAN!!!!
Sebastian Reid: Well that got Cheyenne to sit up at least. Obi looks pissed as he is dropped to a knee again. Matt Is hitting the monster hard with those muay thai kicks.
Cheyenne slides in and goes to hit Matt from behind but is knocked out of the equation with a Pele kick. Matt explodes up with a super kick knocking Oblivion to the mat.
Matt Goes for the pin but Oblivion sits up. Matt is taken back so steps back but runs into Cheyenne who throws him into the monster. Obi catches Matt and drops him with the double underhook DDT.
Jimmy Garcia: Dirt Nap! Oblivion gets the win!
Sebastian Reid: Yeah but with that psychos help.
Gravedigger: A W is a W no matter how obtained.
“Evil” Paul Rudd vs. Alex Richards
Gravedigger: Up next is the greatest mistake Alex Richards has ever made, signing to face Evil Paul Rudd in his own match, the Hollywood Death Match.
Jimmy Garcia: Alex Richards is a former world champion. An early legendary UCI performer. Throughout his year in the UCI it's been shown time and time again. You don't want to face an angry Alex Richards. And after what Paul Rudd has done to him for months on end, I don't know if I've ever seen Alex this angry.
Sebastian Reid: Normally I would agree with that. But after seeing the way Alex begging for his brother to make sure his girlfriend doesn't get hurt tonight. I'm not sure.
Gravedigger: Why is Alex letting Rebecca come anyways? That's almost as stupid as signing this match in the first place! Let's go to the live feed from Hollywood and we'll see what Alex has gotten himself into.
Sebastian Reid: The only rules we know are.. pinfalls and submissions only count if the victor decides to allow the match to end. Otherwise death is the only way to finish the fight. Besides that your guess is as good as mine.
Gravedigger: Gentlemen.. we are about to witness the end of a Guardian.
Alex Richards consults a piece of paper and mutters.
Alex Richards: Where the fuck is Rudd. This is where I'm supposed to meet him. I swear if he chickened out.
Alex looks around and is immediately blindsided with a diving clothesline by Paul Rudd from the golf cart he was driving.
Evil Paul Rudd: You stupid idiot! You dare face me in my fucking match! You don't know shit. You don't have anything about what I have planned for you!
Paul slams Alex's head into the side of what appears to be a metal sound stage. He opens the door and tosses Alex inside.
Revealing what appears to be the set of Paul Rudd's Hollywood Death Match. There are weapons everywhere. There are several rows of steel folding chairs, as well as a regal looking throne with Rebecca's name over top of it. There is a wrestling ring towards the back of the room, and a stage at the front.
Alex fights back connecting with a series of hard punches rocking Paul Rudd. He picks him up and slams him on the floor before tossing him right onto the stage.
Evil Paul Rudd: Stagehand! A little help please!
Alex snap suplexes Rudd on the stage then begins to garvin stomp him hard.. the wooden stage creaking each time Alex stomps. Until a stagehand dressed in black sneaks onto the stage, tasering Alex Richards right in the small of the back.
Jimmy Garcia: This is a set up!
Evil Paul Rudd gets up kneeing Alex several times in the back.
Evil Paul Rudd: Did I forget to mention the best part? This is my stage Alex! My production! You know what that means? That means I have my own stagehands.. my own production assistants! And they do anything I want! Anything.. I mean if I say.. hey.. bring me a piano!
Two stagehands come out from backstage pushing a piano.
Evil Paul Rudd: Thank you.
Paul blasts Alex with the piano bench.. then drags him on top of the piano.. and quickly executes a piledriver.
Evil Paul Rudd: You just have to tune it properly.
Paul kicks Alex in the ribs a few times then walks off the stage, returning with a toolbox. He opens it up and pulls out a pair of pliers. He kneels on Alex's wrists, grinning evilly.
Evil Paul Rudd: This should take you back a few months. Now which nail should I pull?
The door creeks open.. then the lights go out and we hear Rebecca Thatch's voice in the darkness.
Rebecca Thatch: Sorry I'm late. Don't worry.. I'm used to the low light, I can navigate in the darkness just fine.
Evil Paul Rudd: Turn the fucking lights back on!
The lights return only to have Alex Richards standing beside Rudd now holding a kendo stick, a sick grin on his face.
Alex Richards: Thanks for the gift Becky. I'm sure Paul is gonna get lots of enjoyment out of it.
Alex blasts Paul with a hard kendo stick shot! Then another one! Finally he wraps the stick around Rudd's throat and breaks it by russian leg sweeping Rudd on the stage. Meanwhile Rebecca is making her way into the empty sea of chairs. She looks at throne and shakes her head.
Rebecca Thatch: If Paul Rudd left that for me... I don't want it.
She promptly sits down in a metal chair.
Gravedigger: See? Paul Rudd knows how to treat a lady! She's so ungrateful. Wow! Belly to belly suplex right off the stage onto the floor! Alex spots the discarded pillars.
Alex Richards: You were right.. I do know how much this hurts. Which is why this is going to be so much fun.
Alex grabs Rudd's hand.. and immediately rips out his thumb nail.
Alex Richards: This is going to save you tons of time on those manicures!
Paul meanwhile reaches into his signet pulls out his trademark handful of powder and tosses it right into Alex's eyes! Rudd grabs the pillars.. then tosses them aside.. reaching into the tool box and pulling out his wrench.
Evil Paul Rudd: Oh... I missed you.
Alex swings wildly still blinded by the powder only to eat a vicious shot to the knee with the wrench!
Gravedigger: Yes yes! This wrench lead to victory for Paul Rudd over David Sanchez! It surely is going to lead to a victory again tonight! Yes.. look at that... figure four leglock!
Evil Paul Rudd: Get me a referee!
A referee runs in from the backstage area.
Jimmy Garcia: That is new UCI official Jerry Tucker. He just graduated referee school and surely is going to have a long and distinguished career in the UCI.
Sebastian Reid: Jimmy.. having background information on the refs makes you seem really nerdy. And in a bad I want to smack you kind of way.
Evil Paul Rudd: Give it up! Give it up!
Alex Richards: If I did give up would you let the match finish?
Evil Paul Rudd: No.. I just want the satisfaction of making you quit!
Alex Richards: Well in that case..
Alex turns the figure four over applying the pressure to Paul Rudd. Rudd quickly releases the hold and grabs his wrench again swinging for the head of Alex Richards... who rolls just barely out of the way. He takes a second swing and barely misses again. Alex rolls towards the ring dodging a third and fourth shot. But finally eating a shot to the ribs as he tried to slide into the ring.
Evil Paul Rudd: I mean you would feel more comfortable in there. All the better to trap you!
Paul whips Alex off of the ropes and clotheslines him with the assistance of his wench. Alex collapses bleeding heavily from his nose. He makes a cover.
Jimmy Garcia: That could have shattered Alex's jaw there. What a vicious move.
Paul decides to go to the corner and removes all three turnbuckle pads. Alex gets up only to eat a drop toe hold onto the bottom steel bolt!
Gravedigger: That was brilliant! Paul Rudd isn't done though! He's got his trusty wrench and he's going to the top rope. Alex's face is positioned right on the bolt.. he's going to somehow make Alex's face even uglier!
Paul leaps swinging the wrench for basically a brutal version of a double ax handle. Only to have Alex rolls out of the way. The wrench connects with the bottom bolt and flies back nailing Paul right in the face busting him wide open!
Alex Richards: Are you bleeding? Are you hurting? Not nearly fucking enough! I'm going to fucking ruin those movie star good looks of yours! Make you look as ugly as you are!
Gravedigger: No! Don't do that!
Alex german suplexes Rudd right into the exposed steel corner nearly knocking the actor unconscious. He drags him to the middle of the ring and applies the crippler crossface while at the same time rubbing Rudd's bloody face into the mat.
Evil Paul Rudd: Jobbers! Jobbers!
The Wambulance hits the ring stomping away on Alex while screaming like he's an actual ambulance. He is followed by Eric Draven who delivers a few brooding kicks.
Jimmy Garcia: Why are these guys involved in this match! They don't belong here!
Sebastian Reid: It's no disqualification. Hiring some help isn't illegal. Although he probably should have hired better help.
The Wambulance is choking Alex with a stereoscope while Eric Draven throws some of those karate chops that would make a 6th grader jealous. They decide to whip Richards off the ropes and go for a double backdrop. Alex stops smashes the Wambulance with a superkick then sambo suplexes Eric Draven. He grabs Draven and choke tosses him far far out of the ring right into the throne that Paul had made specially for Rebecca.. sparks fly as Eric finds himself in what appears to be an electric chair!
Jimmy Garcia: There's one of Paul Rudd's plans that have backfired!
Alex picks up the man dressed as an ambulance and nails him with the spiked samoan punch knocking him from the ring. Only to have Hardcore McMurderkill nail him in the spine with a barbed wire wrapped baseball bat!
Gravedigger: Yes Yes! Hardcore McMurderkill comes through for Rudd! He's going to DDT Alex on that bat... Nooooooo!
Sebastian Reid: Alex countered with a hard spinebuster! So much for the murder man. But that gave Paul his opening. Backstabber from behind is blocked with a mule kick to the crotch. Vicious headbutt sends Paul Rudd flying!
Paul staggers to his feet as Alex lifts him up into his press slam. Alex press slams Paul Rudd over his head, walking around the ring.. then finally disposing him hard on the cement floor!
Jimmy Garcia: No padding out there tonight! Paul Rudd hit with a sickening thud on the concrete!
Gravedigger: That is no way to treat a great actor.. a national treasure such as Evil Paul Rudd!
Alex rolls out of the ring, seeming to go after Rudd, but instead he lifts up the ring skirt looking underneath.
Alex Richards: I knew it! Every single ring I have ever been in had one of those! It looks like one of us are in luck.
And with that Alex pulls out a press table and quickly sets it up. Paul Rudd staggers to his feet, blood leaking from the back of his head.
Alex Richards: That's gonna leave a nasty hangover isn't it. A Zim-Quila Hangover!
Paul grabs Rudd by the throat.. lifting him up for the chokeslam.. but before he can fall backwards with the move he is met with a vicious big boot to the skull by Petrov 2.0!
Gravedigger: Notice that Petrov didn't need to be called like those jobbers earlier? Petrov knew when he was needed and he just destroyed Alex Richards!
Alex lays on the hard cement and looks up at Petrov.
Alex Richards: Betty Adams deserved better than you.
Petrov: 2.0: Fuck you! You die now!
Rebecca Thatch from her seat in the crowd shrieks in agony as Petrov lifts up Richards for the powerbomb, while Evil Paul Rudd shouts Fuck You Fuck You Fuck You over and over again in Alex's ear. Petrov delivers the powerbomb with the styles clash ending through the table!
Jimmy Garcia: Holy shit!
Sebastian Reid: Alex Richards is not getting up after that.
Evil Paul Rudd gives Petrov a high five, the soviet superman, barely masking his contempt for it. Then he makes the pin on Alex.
Evil Paul Rudd: I don't think he's had enough. He's still twitching.
Sebastian Reid: I assure you.. that leg twitch is involuntary. The King of Mass Confusion is out to the world after that brutal version of the Fuck You! Who could possibly get up after that?
Evil Paul Rudd: I enjoyed that Fuck You so much I want to see it again. Only better! Minions... I want two tables!
Paul's assistants come out carrying two tables which they place beside each other.
Evil Paul Rudd: No.. you idiots. It's so hard to find good help. Like this..
Paul stacks the tables on top of each other. Then he comes back with a bottle of lighter fluid and a blow torch. Petrov meanwhile is setting up what appears to be a 20 foot ladder. He lifts up the massive 300 pound Richards and flungs his dead wieght over his shoulder and begins to climb the ladder.
Jimmy Garcia: I wish someone could stop this match. Alex is defenseless already!
Gravedigger: I can't wait until someone makes a gif of this so |I can watch Alex get destroyed over and over on my iPhone. He never should have fucked with Paul Rudd.
Evil Paul Rudd: Wait.. wait..
Paul dumps the fluid over both tables.. then uses the torch igniting them.
Evil Paul Rudd: Now.. fucking burn him!
Petrov sits on the top of the ladder.. positioning Alex's dead weight in between his legs for the powerbomb.. He yells out Fuck You! Only to have Alex come to life and backdrop Petrov landing him on top of the table which bends but does not break.
Alex Richards: No... Fuck you!
Alex launches himself backwards off the top of the ladder leaping onto Petrov with a brutal King-Quila bomb.. the force driving Petrov through both flaming tables!
Sebastian Reid: Oh my god that was brutal!
Alex Richards rolls free clutching his ribs. Petrov does not move. As the door opens and someone makes their move. Elvira rushes into the room, grabs Petrov by the ankles and starts dragging him towards the exit.
Elvira: What? A girl's got needs. He does have a cock like a tree trunk after all.
Alex Richards struggles to his feet, only to have Paul Rudd jump him from behind with the back stabber.. into the rear naked choke!
Gravedigger: I love it! Paul Rudd was lying in wait. If Petrov didn't finish Alex off he was going to do it himself with the Evil Accolades! Nobody has ever broken this move.
Alex tries to fight his way out with desperation punches to the face of Rudd but reaching behind yourself and blindly punching isn't particularly effective. Alex begins to turn a deeper shade of red as Paul continues to pour on the pressure.
Evil Paul Rudd: I just want to let you know Alex.. after I finished choking the life out of you.. I'm going to do the same thing to Rebecca. You think if I apply the same amount of pressure I'm giving you I can snap her neck? What do you think Alex?
Sebastian Reid: That may not have been the right thing to say. It appears it gave Alex some extra energy as the big man is clawing at the hands around his throat.
Jimmy Garcia: He can't break the grip though. Alex Richards is... climbing to his feet with Paul Rudd on his back!
Gravedigger: You guys don't know what you're talking about. Winning the psychological war is even sweeter than winning the psychical one.
Alex Richards, unable to break the hold begins slowly climbing the ladder.
Sebastian Reid: This can not be a good idea.
Jimmy Garcia: This is a horrible idea.
Gravedigger: This is a great idea! Ever see someone pass out on a ladder? It's on my bucket list!
Paul Rudd holds tight as Alex begins to turn blue. Finally in desperation he flings himself backwards... right in the direction of the ring steps! The steps are flattened as Paul Rudd is crushed against them by the mass of Alex Richards!
Gravedigger: That's not fair! He had this won!
Sebastian Reid: Alex had a plan after all. He knew exactly where he was and used those steps to absolutely annihilate Paul Rudd. He is not getting up after that.
Jimmy Garcia: All Alex has to do is pin him here.
Gravedigger: Alex isn't in much better shape then Rudd.
Jimmy Garcia: Would you look at the blood pouring from Rudd?
Sebastian Reid: You sound like a low rent macabre version of Dr. Seuss.
Alex crawls away from the ring steps on his hands and knees and barks in an even harsher voice than usual.
Alex Richards: Hey stooges... get me a chain saw!
Sebastian Reid: Oh no.
The assistants, being employed by Paul Rudd don't do anything.
Alex Richards: Stooges.. get me a chainsaw! I'm telling you.. if I have to go back there... I'm going to destroy each and every one of you until I find my chainsaw.. What I'm saying is.. get me a fucking chainsaw!
One of the assistants come out carrying a chainsaw. They drop it next to Alex then sprint towards backstage. Alex slowly, gets up, using the chainsaw as a sort of makeshift crutch. He grabs Rudd with his free hand and sits him up as much as he can on what's left of the stairs. He places the chainsaw against Paul's jaw and..
Alex Richards: You give it up Rudd?
Evil Paul Rudd: Not a chance you obese troll!
Alex Richards: I was hoping you'd say that.
Alex fires up the chainsaw and Paul immediately begins waving his arms.
Sebastian Reid: It's amazing how much energy you suddenly have when someone comes at you with a chainsaw.
Evil Paul Rudd: Wait Wait Wait!
Alex Richards: I knew you'd quit.
Evil Paul Rudd: No... I'm not quitting. I want a last prayer.
Alex Richards: Yeah... right. I'm not falling for that.
Evil Paul Rudd: A last prayer.. to the flying spaghetti monster! As a devout Pastafarian you have to grant me that request!
Alex Richards: You have ten seconds.
Jimmy Garcia: Alex Richards.. showing some mercy.
Gravedigger: He doesn't have the killer instinct!
Sebastian Reid: We know that isn't true!
Paul drops to his knees.. bends over.. then unleashes Hell on Alex Richards launching a massive fireball directly into his face. This engulfs Alex's beard in flames. The big man stops, drops, and rolls.
Gravedigger: I knew it! There is no quit in Evil Paul Rudd! He suckered Alex Richards in and the big dummy fell for it!
Evil Paul staggers around looking for the closest weapon.. a metal shovel wrapped in barbed wire. He blasts Alex in the head of it with it! He blasts him in the back of the head again. He blasts him in the skull one more time in order to make sure.
Jimmy Garcia: Who on earth wraps a shovel in barbed wire? Why does a shovel need something extra to be used as a weapon?
Sebastian Reid: You got me there Jimmy but I have to say.. that thing really ripped up Alex's head as well as seemingly knocking him out, perhaps for good.
Evil Paul Rudd: It's time for the Grand Finale!
Gravedigger: And as if on cue. Actually definitely on cue some of those overpaid stage hands come in wheeling... ohh.. this should be good. Look at the glee in Paul Rudd's eyes as they wheel in that dunk tank.
Evil Paul Rudd: Last time I dunked you in there you weren't seen for months Alex. This time.. let's make your death permanent? You remember the way that lye dissolved your body? But you came back last time. I guess we need a quick test to make sure this time will be fatal.
Paul Rudd quick grabs the referee! The man screams as Paul boots him in the gut and DDTs him! He screams again as he hits the lye as Paul hoists him up and tosses him in the tank. The man scrambles as his body begins to dissolve turning the “water” red.
Evil Paul Rudd: Perfect! Backup referee!
A second, very nervous looking official tentatively approaches.
Jimmy Garcia: This is bad. We aren't going to show this on pay per view are we?
Gravedigger: Shut up your pussy! Live death equals ratings!
Sebastian Reid: That is technically true. But I don't think anyone wants to see it.
Paul picks Alex up.. and the door of the studio swings open. Shaun Zach Richards sprints towards the door grabbing Rebecca Thatch by the hand.
SZR: C'mon Rebecca.. we have to go.. NOW!
Evil Paul Rudd: Oh no.. you fucking don't!
Evil Paul nails the tribute to the oscars superkick to Shaun's groin! Then tosses him right into a row of the steel chairs.
Evil Paul Rudd: Sit the fuck down! Both of you! You get to witness this! You get to witness history! Nobody is going to be able to stop this.
Paul Rudd strains, and heaves then finally..
Evil Paul Rudd: Stagehands! Would you fucking help me already?
Two stagehands come over and help Rudd hoist Alex up in the air.. going dangerously close to the lye.
Gravedigger: It's over! It's finally over! We finally get rid of one of the Guardians.
Jimmy Garcia: You are sick Gravedigger.
Gravedigger: Think I can ask Paul to borrow some of that lye for my favorite announcer?
Suddenly the far wall of the sound stage buckles as a white van with the words “Free Candy” in blood red letters on the side crashes through the wall.
Evil Paul Rudd: Oh! What the fuck now? You have got to be fucking kidding me!
Evil Paul drops Alex and rips over the door of the van.. pulling out the driver... the older version of Alex Richards from the future, the one with the long flowing black hair steps out. Paul immediately rips off the hubcap smashes older Alex in the face with it.. then piledrives him on the hub cap.
Evil Paul Rudd: That was your fucking plan, Alex? That was your fucking trump card? You're such a fucking failure Richards!
The passenger door opens and out hops... an alternative version of Paul Rudd.
Evil Paul Rudd: A fucking imposter? This is what you have for me.
Paul Rudd looks at Evil Paul coldly.
Paul Rudd: I'm not an imposter. Alex brought me here because you're disgracing my name in this universe.
Evil Paul Rudd: Disgrace your name? I'm fucking Ant Man bitch!
Paul Rudd: Yeah.. well I'm fucking Batman in my universe. Furthermore I won an Oscar for my performance in the Dark Knight. I'm not here to brag about things like in my world I'm a more respected actor then Al Pacino AND Robert Deniro combined. But actually I am here to do just that. Because when I heard about your evil deeds.. and about the fact you're proud of it. I had to come and tell you I have everything you ever wanted. I am the greatest actor of my generation, and Rebecca Thatch? In my universe she's my wife.
Evil Paul Rudd: Well big fucking deal! Let's see how much you enjoy it.. when you're fucking dead..
Evil Paul picks up the discarded chainsaw. He pulls the cord it doesn't start. He's about to pull it again when he is tapped on the shoulder... he turns and
Jimmy Garcia: Spear by Alex Richards right into the side of the van!
Gravedigger: Oh for fuck's sake! What does it take to keep this guy down?
Sebastian Reid: Paul had him but he got distracted and too full of himself. And look what's happening now.. Alex is dragging him onto the hood of the van. Now the top of the van. He positions Paul for a powerbomb.. and SANITY SLIP OFF THE TOP OF THE VAN TO THE CEMENT FLOOR! WOW!
Alex rolls over and covers Rudd. The replacement ref makes the count...
Alex pulls himself to his feet, looking determined. He presses Paul over his head.. walking towards the dunk tank filled with lethal lye.
Alex Richards: I should throw you in there. You would do it to me. After what you do to me, to Becky to the Guardians.. you have it coming. But I'm not going to. You know why? Because I'm going to let you live with the knowledge that the love and respect you truly want. It's never going to come. And more importantly.. live with the knowledge that you failed BECAUSE you're evil. Or you know.. maybe I changed my mind..
Alex throws Paul Rudd with his last bit of strength.. javelin style right into the side of the dunk tank leaving him in a heap on the floor.
Alex Richards: This is over.
The referee raises Alex's hand.
Referee: Your winner of the Hollywood Death Match... Alex Richards!
Rebecca rushes over and embraces Alex. He slowly limps over towards his wounded brother, helping him up and whispering You did great into Shaun's ear. The trio help up the future version of Alex and load him into the van and drive off barely surviving the Hollywood Death Match.
Betty Adams vs. Mama Mustache
Jimmy Garcia: Ladies and gentlemen, a lot of words may be used to describe our next match. Interesting. Ground breaking. Weird. Vomit inducing. But no matter what, it’s going to be personal, it’s going to be a brawl, and it’s going to be the first official Silver Cougar Fight in UCI history.
A camera backstage shows Biff and Buff massaging Mama Mustache’s arms while her brother, Ulysses Nabrow, stands behind her, massaging her breasts.
Jimmy Garcia: There’s Mama Mustache in her locker room being...um...prepped.
Gravedigger: You’re not vomiting.
Jimmy Garcia: I’m so desensitized at this point.
Another camera shows Spencer Adams talking to Betty Adams in her locker room. They stand up and hug before Betty leaves. Spencer looks on with a look of concern on his face.
Sebastian Reid: Go get her, Betty.
The camera cuts back to the ring.
Taylor Lorde: This contest is a Silver Cougar Fight!
The crowd cheers.
“Turbo Lover” by Judas Priest plays. Out steps Mama Mustache in her purple singlet. She flexes her muscles at the top of the aisle before marching down to the ring.
Taylor Lorde: Introducing first, from Centereacharound, NY, weighing in at “none of ya fuckin’ business,” Mama Mustache!
Mama enters the ring and poses on the second rope.
“Supremacy” by Muse plays. Betty Adams comes running down to the ring in a tank top and shorts.
Taylor Lorde: And her opponent, from Chicago...
Taylor can’t finish the ring introductions as Betty flies into the ring and immediately spears Mama.
The bell rings to start the match. The two women roll around on the mat, punching each other and pulling each other’s hair.
Crowd: FIGHT FOREVER :clap clap clap clap clap: FIGHT FOREVER
Sebastian Reid: Already?
Mama is finally able to free herself from Betty’s grip and rolls out of the ring. Betty gives chase. They run around the entire circumference of the ring before Mama gets back in and tries to run out the other end. Betty, however, grabs the back of Mama’s singlet. Mama holds on to the bottom rope while Betty pulls and rips the singlet, exposing the sagging skin on Mama’s back and the top of her butt crack.
Sebastian Reid: Quarter moon!
Gravedigger: Have some respect for the matriarch!
Sebastian Reid: She’s getting what’s been coming to her ever since she stepped foot in this company!
Betty grabs Mama’s legs and throws Mama up in the air, causing Mama to belly flop on the mat. Mama releases her hold on the bottom rope. Betty takes the piece of singlet she ripped off, walks around the ring with it, twirling it in the air, and tosses it into the crowd. The crowd cheers.
Betty gets Mama on her back and starts slapping her in the face repeatedly. She grabs Mama by the hair.
Gravedigger: Not her beautiful hair!
Betty starts yelling at Mama.
Betty Adams: You want to kick my son in the balls?!
She tosses Mama across the ring. She grabs her hair again.
Betty Adams: You want to try to embarrass him?!
She tosses Mama again and grabs her hair for a third time.
Betty Adams: You want to mess with me?!
Mama goes flying again. Betty traps Mama for a fourth time.
Betty Adams: Time for some of your own medicine!
Instead of throwing Mama, she pounds Mama’s face into the mat over and over again.
Gravedigger: She might be concussed!
Betty gets up and roars. The crowd cheers. Betty points to the corner of the ring and climbs up onto the second rope. With her hands, she summons Mama to get to her feet. Mama gets up with her back to Betty, stumbling around, the left strap of her singlet falling off her shoulder.
Mama turns around. Betty jumps off the rope and attempts a double axe handle but Mama avoids it by grabbing Betty’s crotch.
Mama continues to squeeze Betty’s crotch and slaps Betty right across her tits.
Gravedigger: SHE SLAPPED HER ACRAWSS HER GAWD DAMN TITS!
Mama continues grabbing Betty’s crotch. The pain is so intense that Betty falls to her knees, but Mama doesn’t let go. She forces Betty back up to her feet and slaps her in the breasts again. The ref begins a five count but Mama grabs the ref by his collar, kicks him right in the balls, and throws him out of the ring.
Mama turns back around and Betty spears Mama. She begins slapping her and choking her.
Jimmy Garcia: Wait! Here come the Super Stache Brothers!
Biff and Buff run into the ring and pull Betty off of Mama. They pull Betty into the corner and hold both off her arms down. Mama marches over to Betty and starts ripping off her top and her bra. She smacks Betty across her tits once again.
Jimmy Garcia: Okay, this is uncomfortable.
Sebastian Reid: This isn’t about a fight anymore! This is about embarrassment! This is straight up sexual assault! I can’t sit by and watch this anymore!
Sebastian Reid throws his headset down and runs into the ring. The crowd cheer this act of heroism, but he’s met with a bicycle kick by Biff and thrown out of the ring.
Jimmy Garcia: Our broadcast partner Sebastian Reid has just been taken out by Biff Mustache!
Buff continues to hold Betty in the corner while Mama relentlessly smacks Betty’s tits over and over and over again.
Jimmy Garcia: My god! Betty’s breasts have been busted open!
Despite the blood, Mama continues her onslaught. The crowd begins to cheer.
Jimmy Garcia: IT’S SPENCER ADAMS!
Spencer gets in the ring, grabs Mama and throws her down to the mat. He and Buff start trading blows but Biff clobbers Spencer in the back of the head with a forearm. Mama orders Biff and Buff to pull Spencer into the corner opposite Betty. They comply and force Spencer to his knees. Buff chickenwings Spencer’s arms while Biff holds Spencer’s head up.
By this point, Betty has fallen to her butt in the corner. Mama walks towards Spencer and yells in his face.
Mama Mustache: She asked for this, Spencer, and now ya gonna fuckin’ watch!
Mama runs towards Betty and slams her crotch into Betty’s face with a Bronco Buster.
Jimmy Garcia: This has got to stop!
Mama goes back to smacking Betty across the tits.
Jimmy Garcia: Come on! Enough!
Mama adds a few more smacks in for extra measure. When she’s satisfied, she drags Betty into the center of the ring and motions for someone to come out from the back. Ulysses Nabrow runs down to the ring in his ref’s shirt.
Mama stands over Betty, swivels her hips, jumps in the air, and sits down on Betty’s face. Ulysses counts.
Jimmy Garcia: We are not counting that pinfall.
Ulysses raises Mama’s hand in the air. Mama poses for the crowd. She turns around and sees Betty holding her left arm.
Jimmy Garcia: Oh my god. Don’t tell me. She’s not...she’s having a heart attack!
Mama’s face goes from elated to shocked.
Mama Mustache: Oh shit! Boys, let’s get the fuck outta here!
Ulysses and Mama run out of the ring. Biff and Buff release Spencer and high tail it as well. Spencer immediately comes to his mother’s aid. He motions for EMTs to get to the ring. Sebastian Reid recovers and joins Spencer’s call for medical help.
Jimmy Garcia: Can we get some medical attention out here please?! Jesus Christ! Maybe we should just see if there’s a doctor in the crowd!
Finally, UCI officials and EMTs run out to the ring with a stretcher. They get Betty onto the stretcher and rush her down the aisle. Spencer follows right alongside the stretcher. Sebastian Reid gets back on commentary.
Sebastian Reid: That’s the people you admire ‘Digger?! These people who use intimidation and harassment to get what they want?! These people who will cheat to win? These people who will brutalize anyone whenever they feel like it? These people who will cause someone to have a heart attack?!?! You know what the Mustaches are, ‘Digger?! They’re UCI’s equivalent to terrorists!
Gravedigger: Hey, Betty agreed to this match. You’re just mad because Biff kicked you in the face.
Sebastian Reid: You know what, ‘Digger?! Fuck you!
Jimmy Garcia: Sebastian, I’m just as mad as you, but we’ve all got to compose ourselves here. We have a very serious situation. The mother of UCI’s owner is on her way to a hospital right now with a possible heart attack.
The show cuts to a camera backstage following Betty’s stretcher. The EMTs load her into an ambulance. Spencer hops in and the ambulance drives away. Another camera follows the Mustache Family, who hop into the Mustache Machine and speed away as well.
Sebastian Reid: Cowards! All of them! Cowards!
Jimmy Garcia: Of course, we all hope Betty Adams will be okay. That’s the most important things for now. Let’s take a quick pause and try to reset here. My god...
Rising Stars Tournament Round Two
Umeji vs. Cormack MacNeill
Taylor Lorde: This next contest is for the second round of the Rising Stars Tournament, and is scheduled for one fall!
Crowd: ONE FALL!!!
Jimmy Garcia: This one is going to be good, ladies and gentlemen! It's Umeji vs Cormack MacNeill!
Gravedigger: Apparently, these two have respect for each other… *yawn*.
The drone of the pipes fills the air as MacNeill slowly walks out onto the entrance ramp. He stops and looks around at the raucous cheering crowd. He takes a moment and brings his fist to his chest before raising it in salute.
Taylor Lorde: Making his way to the ring. From Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada! Weighing in at 285lbs! CORMACK MAAACNEEEEEIIIIILL!!!
As the drums kick in, MacNeill walks slowly down to the ring, stopping at the end of the ramp to eye the ring before climbing up and sliding into the ring. With great ceremony, he unclasps his kilt and hands it to the ring attendant before taking up a position in his corner and using the ropes to stretch out and warm up.
Sebastian Reid: Big Mac's first match went well against Matt Angel. Let's see if he'll have the same luck against Umeji.
Jimmy Garcia: Umeji also did well on his debut against Cheyenne. Let's see who wants the Rising Stars title more!
“Katana Groove” by Hotei cues a haiku across the screen:
Time walking forward
One breath from a high mountain
Stops to see it all
Lights dim displaying red, pulsing words to a taiko's beat. The music picks up with the entrance of Umeji, inside drifting fog, followed close by Stuart Mendelsohn. His manager drums up the crowd.
Taylor Lorde: And his opponent! From Kobe, Japan! Weighing in at 182 lbs! UUUUUUUUUUUMEJIIIIIIIIIII!!!
Umeji descends the ramp and slides into the ring to no fanfare. His manager circles outside while in route for the turnbuckle. A quick spring lands Umeji atop the ropes. He takes a long breath, spotlights shine around him, sitting before mixed reactions. Two arm pumps throw a white suit jacket into Menedelsohn's outstretched arms. Umeji jumps down into a warmup combo. His music fades behind a high kick held for several seconds.
Before the bell rings, they walk toward each other and have a bit of a stare down. Cormack raises his hand out for a handshake, and Umeji accepts. They break apart as the ref calls for the bell, both gearing up for the fight.
Spencer Reid: There's that respect Gravedigger brought up, as they lock up, with Cormack powering Umeji out!
Gravedigger: I hate being right, sometimes.
Jimmy Garcia: Big size advantage for Cormack here! They lock up again, this time, Umeji getting the waist lock.
Gravedigger: Only for Big Mack to drive him to the turnbuckle. That size advantage is gonna be a problem for Umeji.
Mack hits a snapmare on Umeji, and follows it up with a chin lock, while driving his knee to the back of Umeji.
Jimmy Garcia: We're getting a good look at Cormack's form of offense here! Very methodical, with emphasis on the back region! Now hitting him with some elbow strikes to add even more pressure! Umeji is in trouble!
Umeji grabs the rope to break the hold.
Cormack breaks the hold and steps back, only to be met with a savate kick that staggers him.
Gravedigger: Good ring awareness by Umeji, getting the rope break, and using the slight hesitation from Mack to his full advantage.
Jimmy Garcia: A chop from Umeji to to Cormack!
Sebastian Reid: Cormack returning the favor, with twice the power!
Umeji hits an elbow to Cormack, Cormack returning the favor. Umeji hits another one, only for Cormack to hit one twice as hard.
Jimmy Garcia: A headbutt from the Japanese poet!
Sebastian Reid: And Big Mack returns the favor, taking Umeji down to the mat!
The crowd applauses as Cormack goes for the cover.
Jimmy Garcia: Kick out! Umeji is nowhere near done!
Gravedigger: Yeah, but he's gonna deal with an uphill battle here. He's having a hard time dealing with the size difference. Even with his strikes, Cormack is able to blow them back twice as hard.
As Cormack rises, Umeji is on all fours, attempting to get back to a vertical base. Cormack doesn't allow this. He hits the rope and drops an elbow to the back of Umeji. He rolls him over for another pin attempt, but Umeji rolls out of the ring before Mack can get the lateral press. Mack stands up while Umeji takes a breather and savors his back.
Gravedigger: More ring awareness by the Asian, rolling out of the ring to get some energy back, and at the same time, taking away Cormack's momentum.
Once Umeji gets back into the ring, Cormack goes after him, only to be caught with a hotshot. Mack now staggering, Umeji quickly rolls into the ring and sweeps the leg to finally bring Cormack flat on his back.
Jimmy Garcia: And the Big Mack is down!
Gravedigger: Umeji is using the ring to his full advantage in this match, and it's paying him dividends! He heads up to the top now.
Cormack is back up to one knee by the time Umeji is at the top rope. Umeji jumps off, wraps his arm around Mack's head, and drives it to the mat.
Sebastian Reid: Wow! Major turnaround for Umeji, hitting a big DDT from the top! Lateral press, now.
Cormack pushes Umeji up and sits up, but eats a big kick that takes him right back down.
Gravedigger: Damn! Cormack must be seeing stars after that! Umeji pulling off a good mean streak now. Repeatedly jumping off the bottom turnbuckle to hit some major stomps! So much for Big Mack's size advantage.
Cormack tries to turn to his side, only to be met with a soccer kick to the back.
Sebastian Reid: Umeji hits the rope, and lands a big senton to Cormack! Cover now.
Jimmy Garcia: It's gonna take more than that to keep the big man down and out.
Umeji sits up for a second after the kick out. Cormack takes advantage and attempts a Crossface submission, but Umeji reverses it into a submission of his own.
Sebastian Reid: The cross armbreaker is locked in! Middle of the ring! Will Cormack submit?
Gravedigger: He's got no choice. There's nowhere for him to go.
Cormack defies that. He rolls over Umeji and picks him up with one arm, taking him to the top turnbuckle.
Gravedigger: I stand corrected! That doesn't happen a lot, ladies and gentlemen.
Sebastian Reid: Yeah… Sure, it doesn't.
Umeji kicks Mack off, and goes for a dive, but…
Gravedigger: Caught! Cormack has him right where he wants him now. He puts him up to his right shoulder…
Jimmy Garcia: Powerslam! He goes for the cover!
Jimmy Garcia: He's still in it! Umeji won't quit!
Cormack gets up to argue with the ref, but Umeji catches his leg and gets the ankle lock.
Jimmy Garcia: Ankle lock! Middle of the ring! It could be Umeji making it to the finals here!
Sebastian Reid: Cormack is trying to get some leverage, but it's Umeji getting leverage by getting the scissor lock in for added pressure!
Jimmy Garcia: This could be it! If Cormack taps out, this will bring Umeji to the final round of the Rising Stars Championship tournament!
Cormack gets just enough leverage to roll over, slamming Umeji to the mat, and causing him to finally break the hold.
Gravedigger: Every time Umeji is able to gain an advantage, Cormack is able to use his power to turn the tables. But the damage seems to be taking a toll on Cormack. Both his right arm and leg are hurting. He manages to get a weak cover though.
Gravedigger: Just as I thought, Umeji kicks out. But his back isn't doing too well either. Both of these guys are reeling.
Both competitors are on opposite sides of the ring, reaching for the ropes. They manage to get to get to the ropes, and use them to get to a vertical base, savoring their damaged body parts. The battle continues.
Jimmy Garcia: Left arm clothesline attempt from Cormack, but ducked by Umeji. Now he goes for a bicycle, but Mack grabs the leg and pushes him away. Umeji hits the ropes. Big Mack goes for a hip toss, but Umeji lands on his feet! U goes for the roundhouse kick, but Mack ducks. Umeji flips…
Jimmy Garcia: Wow! The roundhouse kick was a fake out, so that he could hit that beautiful backflip kick!
Gravedigger: He's not going for the cover though. He's going springboard. This is not gonna end well…
Jimmy Garcia: This is it… he's going for…
Jimmy Garcia: TSUCHIGUMOOOO!!! An amazing shooting star elbow!
Sebastian Reid: Guys, both of their shoulders are down!
Jimmy Garcia: Could this be!?
Gravedigger: You've gotta be kidding!
*DING DING DING*
Gravedigger: A tie? A fucking tie!?
Jimmy Garcia: Guys, what does this mean for the Rising Stars Championship Tournament!?
Sebastian Reid: We'll just have to see what Spencer Adams decides…
Rising Stars Tournament Round Two
Cordelia Malice vs. Karlie Nash
Jimmy: We conclude the tournament with more contrasting styles.
GD: Speed kills, unless it gets caught.
Jimmy: Well here comes the power.
Reid: And Nash has that.
War Machine by AC/DC plays in the arena, Tracy steps on the stage and moves to the side, Karlie steps on the stage, Tracy and Karlie walks to the ring showing disdain for the crowd, Tracy walks up the steps and enters the ring, Karlie climbs the ropes from outside and flashes the loser sign to the crowd, she then climbs down ans stretches in her corner.
Lorde: On her way to the ring… Karliiiieee Nash!
Jimmy: Any keys for Nash tonight?
GD: Like I said, Jimmy, catch and destroy.
Reid: That’s easy to say from here.
Cordelia Malice wearing a full length leather duster steps out to a single spotlight then the music begins to play. It builds to a crescendo and she raises her head and smiles while petting her cat Misty. She slowly walks down to the music and gets to the ring. She puts her cat down gingerly on a stool waiting for the feline. She sits there looking around as Cordelia walks up the steps and climbs under the bottom rope into the ring. She removes her coat and hands it to a runner by ringside and speaks to her cat giving her commands as she waits for the match to begin.
Lorde: And her opponent… Cordeliiiiiaaaa Malice.
Jimmy: Malice has her eyes set on the title. Let’s see who strike first—
Reid: Nash beat the bell there.
Jimmy: Ryan Jackson didn’t even hit the bell. Malice trapped in the corner.
Nash rains blows, pushing the limits of the 10-count. Malice drops to knees. Nash fights around Jackson and goes for a gutwrench suplex clutch. A deadlift has Malice careening for the mat. Her feet catch the ropes, propelling her over Nash’s shoulder.
Reid: Smart reversal there.
GD: Can’t be afraid of a little rope burn.
A back bump sends Cordelia into a roll. She regains before taking a rough shoulder block. Nash applies an abdominal stretch. Male voices start howling on the arena, as she transitions to ground game. She moves from mid-guard to the legs into finally, a vicious Boston crab. The high angle has Malice clawing for the break, but Karlie pulls her back every time she reaches in vain hope.
Reid: Nash wants to work the legs. Take those out and she can't run.
GD: She should go for one of the power moves.
Jimmy: We’ve seen her strength. She took down Oblivion last week.
GD: Have to show killer instinct. No regrets tonight.
Jimmy: Malice caught the ropes—Nash won’t break.
Jackson hovers over them with the count. Nash relinquishes, only to circle around for another Boston crab. Malice grabs the apron to break the hold again. She crawls under the ropes while Jackson berates Karlie Nash. Seeing her climb, mightily so, sends Nash into a bull rush. A shoulder block stuns her for a second, delivered from the middle rope by Malice.
Jimmy: Look at the height on that!
Reid: A show of her speed. Cordelia hit a textbook arm drag.
GD: If like that lucha s***, it is.
Nash rebounds to face a high angle dropkick. She falls into the corner. Cordelia backs up like Jordan for maximum air. The crowd lifts to its feet. Three long strides smashes one helluva kick to Nash, still strapped in the corner. She drops rump first in a thud.
GD: She wants more. Go on—finish it already!
Jimmy: That cannonball splash might do it.
She pulls Nash far enough for the pin.
Jimmy: I thought that’d be enough.
GD: Nash is tougher than that.
Reid: Yeah, but Cordelia should stop playing with her food.
Cordelia setting up for her moonsault. She climbs backwards, her back to Karlie, and checks only once to see if she’s still down. Fans begin to shout as she teases the takeoff. Nash rolls over in time—
Jimmy: Nash caught Malice on her shoulders! Here she goes!
Reid: A jackknife powerbomb. I bet that gave digs a hard on.
GD: I could do better.
Nash goes for the cover.
Reid: Shoulder up. Love the fight.
GD: Should have gone for the kill.
Reid: I don’t know if Malice has much left after that.
Jimmy: Nash signaling for that underhook piledriver!
Nash hoists for the finish—Cordelia catches her legs for a hurricanrana. The impact has Karlie stunned by the apron. Cordelia looks for any strength to stands. Jackson goes for the 10 count.
1.. 2.. 3..
Karlie gets to her knees, receiving encouragement from Tracey on the outside. Misty the cat, stalking the apron, leaps onto her manager’s back. Tracey panics in circles. Karlie looks behind to see Cordelia gaining to her feet.
Jimmy: Big clothesline—Nash missed!
Reid: Now that’s speed.
Coming off the ropes, Malice surprises Nash with a springboard bodysplash. The angle is high and has her rolling out of a pin. Nash walks dazed into a charging flash—
Jimmy: Up and over—Divine Malice! This has to be over!
Lorde: Your winner… Cordeliiiiia Maaalice!
She wastes no time rolling out of the ring. Misty the cat leaps off the well-dressed cougar, staying close to her mistress’s heel. They head to back as Tracey and Karlie Nash collect themselves in the ring.
Reid: Nash goes to the championship round. I like her chances.
GD: Gotta stay hungry. One loss and you’re out.
Jimmy: Next up, is for the UCI Intercontinental Title—don’t go anywhere!
UCI Intercontinental Championship
Casey Holliday (c) vs. Shadowlove vs. Calvin Harris
Taylor Lorde: The following match is scheduled for one fall and is for the UCI Intercontinental Championship!
"PERSONAL JESUS” by Depeche Mode begins to play throughout the darkened Arena. A mixture of multicolored laser lights and strobe lights illuminate the Arena along with theatrical smoke and fog sets the scene like a Four Season Fashion Show. The Audience throughout the Arena stand in anticipation for what is about to be the "New and Improved" wrestling trend in the UCI.
Coming through the theatrical smoke and fog and appearing under the fashion show lighting is the one and only, "The First Couple of Professional Wrestling" in all of sports entertainment, "The Handsome Half-breed" Shadowlove, along with his personal bodyguard/valet, "The Fashionista Sensei" Ms. Miyamoto, stopping for a second, taking in the aura of the Arena, pose like fashion models on a catwalk.
The Audience throughout the Arena begin clicking away with their cameras like the paparazzi during a "Hollywood" premiere. Ms. Miyamoto leads the way down the aisle with "flirty" confidence as Shadowlove, a few steps behind her, enjoying the view. "The First Couple of Professional Wrestling" make their way to the squared circle. Shadowlove slides into the ring like a snake. Ms. Miyamoto, with catlike precision, walks up the ringside steps and seductively enters the ring through the second rope.
"HER STRUT" by Bob Seger & The Silver Bullet Band begins to play throughout the arena. Shadowlove stands in the middle of the ring, spreads his arms straight out and bows his head, as if, being crucified on a cross. Jesus Wept! Ms. Miyamoto, exuding fantastic supermodel energy, as she walks with a stiff, erect, and apparently arrogant and conceited "Strut" around "The Handsome Half-breed" Shadowlove, to a rousing "Standing Ovation" from the crowd. She lowers her RayBan sunglasses down her perfectly flawless nose of her angelic looking face showing off her incandescent green eyes, nodding in approval at such a Magnificent Specimen, while tapping a rolled-up copy of the Wall St. Journal in the palm of her hand.
Ms. Miyamoto cradles up against Shadowlove's body, caressing his muscular chest with her fingers and raises her RayBan sunglasses up her perfectly flawless nose of her angelic looking face, hiding her incandescent green eyes, with her middle finger. Shadowlove raises his head, with his classically masculine and modern mussed, razor-textured, choppy finished dark brown hair. He shows off his fighters face, with an ice cold stare which radiants from his blue eyes. A malevolent, tight wolfish, whiplash smile, slowly appearing on his lips showing off perfectly white even teeth in a "'The Face Of The Franchise’, the whole ‘F’N’ Show, Mr. UCI, if you will, or whatever expletive that you want to put in front of his name.” shit-eating grin as he strips off the black leather trench-coat like a Chippendale's dancer.
A couple of salty looking Japanese dudes named Kyodai and Shatei, known as the bodyguard duo of Black Rain, both sporting jet-black crew-cut hair, sunglasses, custom-made black Giorgio Armani business suits appear out of nowhere and stand in an on guard, very protective, ever vigilant attack formation behind Ms. Miyamoto outside the squared-circle.
Sebastian Reid: Is it really a PPV without Shadowlove?
Jimmy Garcia: Shadow and Miyamoto are staples in UCI and The Handsome Half-Breed is hoping to prove why with his first title win tonight!
Inside the arena the fans were sitting on the edge of their seats waiting in anticipation for the next bit of action to take place. With that being said Fall Out Boy's "Memories" began to hit the arena's speakers. The guitar riff kicking it all off and it was something the thousands in attendance were able to recognize from the start. Didn't take long at all for those fans to begin to change their tune. They went from being excited for action to completely and utterly loathing the show. All because of who was about to make their to the ring.
Only a few seconds had passed since the song began to play. That's when the curtain could be seen being slowly pulled back. Stepping out a moment later happened to be none other than the man known as the Martyr of Pro Wrestling himself, Calvin Harris. Seeing the man caused the crowd to uproar again, but this time with louder boos and jeers. All of them hoping that this was going to be enough to get him to go away. However they should've known better than that. Standing center of the stage, Calvin looked around the ring with this smug smirk on his lips. The type of smug smirk that would make people want to knock it right off his expression.
That being said Calvin found himself stretching his arms out to either side of him. Almost like he was encouraging the crowd to give him more hate. For this was something that actually motivated him and something that actually drove him. Like puppets the fans gave in booing even louder and vocally expressing their hatred for him anyway that they could. After a few moments he lowered his arms back down at his side and began to slowly make his way down the ramp.
RING ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen. Introducing at this time all the way from Chicago, Illinois. Weighing in at two hundred and twenty seven pounds. He is known as the Martyr of Pro Wrestling. . . CALVIN HARRIS!
Hearing that announcement put the crowd on edge. It was like they were hearing nails running down a chalkboard. Not a pleasant situation at all. Again they were vocal getting louder with their boos. At this point they were so loud it was hard for people to even hear themselves think. Let alone begin to form an actual thought that made any sense. By this time that he had been introduced to the crowd. Calvin was halfway down the ramp, seemingly taking his time. That smirk of his remained on his expression as he let out a couple of chuckles at those fans he deemed pathetic. Though, he had finally made it to the end of the ramp.
Calvin took a couple of steps towards the ring and reached up with his right hand grabbing the middle rope. He proceeded to pull himself up onto the apron and onto his knees. He pushed himself right up to his feet and in a pretty swift motion. He lifted one leg over the middle rope, ducked down under the top, and found himself right in the ring. That's when Calvin took it upon himself to take the nearest turnbuckle. He climbed it right up to the second rung and looked out at the booing crowd. Not a single one of them were backing down from how they felt about him. Something that was just making him happier and happier with each boo he heard.
All of the sudden he brought his hands up and out to each side of him while tilting his head back a bit. It was almost like he was in a position where he was forcing the crowd to "bask" in all his glory or as if he was wanting them to "praise" him. Something that wasn't going to happen. Not even on his best day. That taunt remained for only a couple of seconds. At least until the theme song found itself fading out. At that point Calvin turned himself around leaping down from the turnbuckle and found himself bouncing around on his two feet waiting for the next bit of action to take place.
Gravedigger: Harris making a statement earlier this month by throwing away the Rising Stars Championship.
Jimmy Garcia: Harris is determined to move up further and this could be his night to do it!
The chorus of "Fashion" by Lady Gaga hits the PA system and Casey Holliday steps through the curtains, instantly drawing a mixed reaction from the crowd. She starts to walk down the ramp, obviously confident in her self-proclaimed, prodigious abilities. She has a smirk on her face as she gets to the ring, obviously enjoying whatever reaction she's getting from the fans. When she enters the ring, she finally acknowledges the "haters" with a 'hush' signal, which only serves to incite them to boo her louder. Casey has a laugh to herself at this, as she starts to focus on her match and the song fades.
Sebastian Reid: Big time title match worthy of a main event spot many could argue!
The three circle each other as the ref gets in position.
DING DING DING!!
Casey heads after Calvin who dips under the bottom rope and rolls out, taunting the champion as Shadowlove takes advantage just behind her.
Gravedigger: Shadow pulling the champ in for the kill!
He wastes no time, opting not to signal to Miyamoto as he drops the champion straight on her head.
Jimmy Garcia: DARK GIFT!
Before Shadowlove can go for the pin, Harris reaches in and yanks him down and out by his right leg.
Sebastian Reid: Shadowlove none too pleased about that!
Gravedigger: Harris throwing him into the post though!
Harris slides in quickly as Shadowlove goes down.
Jimmy Garcia: Not like this! Harris known for these sort of cheap finishes!
Gravedigger: Nothing is cheap in a triple threat match! It’s no DQ!
Harris pulls Casey to her feet and quickly lifts her up for-
Sebastian Reid: ART OF BETRAYAL!
DING DING DING!!
Jimmy Garcia: WHAT AN UPSET!
Taylor Lorde: Your winner and neeewwww-
Taylor is cut off as Harris snatches the belt and slides out of the ring, quickly retreating up the ramp.
Gravedigger: Shadowlove left looking a bit frustrated right now.
Shadow opts to march down the ramp, headed after Harris it seems.
Jimmy Garcia: That just leaves Casey in the ring to recover, the former champ being helped up and it’s needless to say she’s feeling a bit disapp-
With the ring clear other than Casey, Bonnie Blue accompanied by her #BeachKrew family rush the ring.
Sebastian Reid: What is this?!
Casey is stomped down by the collective before being pulled to her feet by by Bonnie who shouts for boyfriend to attack.
Gravedigger: BROSEIDON PUNCH!
Casey crumples to the mat as Bonnie shines a devilish smirk.
Jimmy Garcia: The champ is not done with Casey yet as #BeachKrew just drags her limp body towards the ropes!
Casey is pulled out onto the apron alongside Bonnie as the other members of #BeachKrew take to ringside and rip up the protective matting.
Sebastian Reid: Officials pleading with Bonnie right now!
Bonnie looks at the cement below as her group keeps the officials at bay.
Jimmy Garcia: WEEPING ANGEL!
Gravedigger: Holy shit..
Sebastian Reid: We need medical help out here now!
UCI Hypermedia Championship
UCI Television Championship on the line
Zombie McMorris (c) vs. L Verez vs. Kaz Mazy vs. Dylan Wade vs. Nova-Kaine vs. Corey Black vs. Jayson Price
Jimmy Garcia: Great night of action so far! We know that Umeji and Cormack will both meet Cordelia Malice next month to determine a new Rising Stars Champion!
Sebastian Reid: We also know by now that Calvin Harris is our new Intercontinental Champion after upsetting Casey Holliday! Casey, of course, could be in a bit of trouble with that attack from #BeachKrew!
Gravedigger: Let’s talk about this match though, gentlemen. Not only is this the biggest Hypermedia Title match we’ve ever had, but it may be one of the biggest matches EVER in a UCI ring.
Jimmy Garcia: Indeed! Both ZMAC’s Hypermedia and TV titles will be defended tonight!
Sebastian Reid: How is that gonna work anyway? I don’t know if we were ever told..
Gravedigger: Don’t question the fucked up logic, just enjoy!
DING DING DING!!
Taylor Lorde: The following is a gauntlet match for both the Hypermedia and Television Championships!
The crowd lets out a loud chorus of applause, because everybody loves giant convoluted title matches or some shit.
Taylor Lorde: Two competitors will begin the match with a new one entering after every pinfall!
The ref leans over and whispers something into Taylor’s ear as the announcer looks back at him a bit curiously before continuing.
Taylor Lorde: It has been brought to my attention that as champion Zombie McMorris be pinned twice to be eliminated from this match! If any competitor manages a first pinfall on ZMAC, they will become the new Television Champion! At the end of the gauntlet match, the last person standing will be the Hypermedia Champion!
Sebastian Reid: Interesting stipulation and a HUGE advantage for the champion, essentially being given two lives tonight!
Jimmy Garcia: Well, let’s hope it’s not-
Gravedigger: God dammit..
"Judas" by Fozzy hits the arena speakers as the lights dim down until the guitars and drums kick in and pyro goes off from the titantron and stage. The crowd lets out a mixed reaction as a spotlight comes down onto the stage as Jayson Price steps out from the back. He pauses at the top of the stage and soaks in the crowd reaction, even waving them on so they'll get louder for him.
Sebastian Reid: The crowd not pleased to see the former UCI GM as our first entrant tonight!
Price slaps the spot on his waist as if he’s a champion or something and rubs his hand over the imaginary face plate before he starts walking down the ramp, ignoring the outstretched hands of the fans, until he knocks the cell phone out of the hand of a selfie taking fan and then laughs. Finally he'll climb up onto the apron and step through the ropes into the ring where he walks over to the nearby corner and climbs up onto the top turnbuckle where he takes a seat.
Jimmy Garcia: Who will be next then?
"Paper Cut" by Linkin Park starts blaring across the arena and red beams of light aim at the entrance of the ramp. Nova walks out with the beat of music controlling his movements and he bows to the fans in attendance as he grabs at his midsection, showing the toll of having already wrestled in the opener. Nova throws up a salute and marches down the stage before sliding into the ring, being met with a couple of cheap stomps to the head from Jayson Price.
Crowd: FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU!
Nova eats a few more stomps before being yanked up and backed into one of the corners by a barrage of hard jabs. The ref quickly intervenes, separating the two to check on Nova-Kaine who appears dazed from the early attack, but eager to get into the fight.
Gravedigger: A bit out of it, but it looks like this one is ready to begin.
Nova charges forward clumsily, met with calculated chop block from Price that collides with the front of Nova’s knees which quickly buckle as he collapses to the mat.
Jimmy Garcia: Jayson Price dissecting Nova in the early going, clearly taking advantage of being the fresher man!
Price yanks Nova to his feet once more, but is met with a hard slap across the face as Nova wobbles a bit more before springing back off the ropes.
Gravedigger: Knee to the gut from Price!
Sebastian Reid: Continuing to stop Nova from building any real momentum right now.
Nova doubles over, holding his midsection again as Price holds his arms out to his sides to absorb the boos.
Jimmy Garcia: Price stepping back for the Price Check, taunting Nova with it!
Sebastian Reid: Nova ducks it!
Price spins around in surprise, being caught with a move of desparation from Nova-Kaine.
Gravedigger: Twist of Fate from Nova!
Jimmy Garcia: Just barely got that one off! Can he make something happen here?!
Nova practically collapses toward the corner, pulling himself up with sheer willpower as Price begins to shake off the cobwebs.
Sebastian Reid: Jayson Price trying to push himself up here just as Nova seems to be looking for his footing! Someone’s taking big damage!
Gravedigger: Nova looking for High Times. Can he land it?
Jimmy Garcia: He does just that!
Sebastian Reid: Nova hooks the leg!
Jimmy Garcia: Price is out! Nova-Kaine pulling off a big time magic trick there!
Gravedigger: He may be a bit spent now though!
As the beat to her song starts, L Verez starts walking slowly to the stage with her hands behind her back. Then she slowly turns toward the ring, and moves her arms to an X-crossed position, with an L hand sign on her right hand, and a V hand sign on her left. Once the bass drops, she 360 spins as she drops down to one knee. Her right hand is holding up her sunglasses, and her left is out with her "come in peace" symbol. As she gets back up, she lifts her right arm up with an "OK" symbol, and her left arm out to the side with her peace symbol. After making some odd gestures to the crowd, she quickly rolls to the ring and approaches the worn down Nova-Kaine, extending a hand and pulling him to his feet.
Sebastian Reid: Big respect shown from L, opting to start out her battle with Nova the noble way.
Gravedigger: More like the stupid way. Why would anyone blow an easy pinfall like that?!
L shoots Nova a nod which is returned as the two circle each other, Nova hopping around a bit gingerly.
Jimmy Garcia: Quick arm drag from Verez, cranking back on it now!
Sebastian Reid: Nova trying to spin out of it though.
Gravedigger: Arm drag from Nova-Kaine.
Jimmy Garcia: Big leg drop to follow it up!
Sebastian Reid: Ref counting the pin!
Gravedigger: Bit early for that one.
Nova pulls L up, but is met with some big chops across the chest.
Jimmy Garcia: Big dropkick from Verez, quick pin here!
L sits Nova up and quickly drives her knee into the middle of his back before throwing him back to the mat for another pin attempt.
Sebastian Reid: L wasting no time, pulling Nova up here.
L goes for an overhand right, but Nova is able to duck it and counter with a soccer kick to the leg.
Gravedigger: Nova going for the twist of fate.
Jimmy Garcia: L spins it around!
Sebastian Reid: CELESTIAL DESCENT!
Gravedigger: Nova spins out though!
Jimmy Garcia: Keeping each other on their toes!
Both competitors spin around, answering back with big moves out of instinct.
Sebastian Reid: DOUBLE ROUNDHOUSE KICK!
Gravedigger: Close quarters roundhouse kick between these two as they collapse to the mat!
Jimmy Garcia: L with the arm over Nova!
Sebastian Reid: Nova doing the same though!
Gravedigger: Wow! Big double elimination!
Jimmy Garcia: Nice back forth between Nova and L, but now it looks like we’ve gotta bring out not one, but TWO new competitors!
Sebastian Reid: Looks like Dylan Wade is the next to join the party!
Gravedigger: Running down to the ring, not wanting to waste any time in getting this one started.
"Killed By Death" hits the PA system as the arena begins to fill with smoke. The Guitar and drums kick in and play up as the crowd search for ZMAC. Them vocals smash the speakers as the spotlight shows ZMAC who stands out in the middle section of the area. He stands there with his back turned to the ring with his arms out in a ‘T’ pose. He turns to face the crowd as he takes a few steps down the aisle way. He pumps the crowd up as they go rabid for the Coked UP Mad Man who reaches into his pulls out a vial of cocaine and snorts it. Fans swarm him as he takes beer after beer and chugs them; getting some all over his face and chest. ZMAC is in a sea of “Dove Killah Certified OG’s” as the fans lift him up and body surf him down to the crowd barrier. He jumps the barrier and at Dylan Wade from the outside.
Jimmy Garcia: This is NOT the guy you want to see right now if you’re Dylan Wade!
Sebastian Reid: ZMAC does have those two lives granted to him as a champion’s advantage tonight, but Dylan Wade is the first to get a crack at that first life, the TV title!
Wade taunts for ZMAC to bring it and Z hops up onto the apron, staring the rookie dead in the eyes.
Gravedigger: Dylan Wade going in for the big lariat.
Jimmy Garcia: ZMAC dipping down using the ropes for leverage!
Sebastian Reid: Z swings the legs into his ankles and Dylan Wade is taken down!
ZMAC pulls himself under, sliding into the ring and rolling over to a knee, smiling as he stalks the down challenger.
Gravedigger: Z pulling Wade in, crucifix powerbomb set up here.
Z goes to slip Wade behind a bit, dropping him face first, but Dylan Wade barely manages to tuck and roll through to get to his feet.
Jimmy Garcia: Great body control from Dylan Wade!
Wade falls into the ropes and manages to turn around just as Z approaches him.
Sebastian Reid: Headbutt to the midsection from Wade.
Gravedigger: ZMAC answering back with a big clubbing forearm!
ZMAC pulls Wade in for another powerbomb setup but the rookie is able to drop his weight down and grab hold of ZMAC’s legs before sliding him into position.
Jimmy Garcia: Alabama Slammer!
Sebastian Reid: Big move from the newcomer!
Wade opts to take to the second turnbuckle, holding onto the ropes before pushing himself off.
Gravedigger: Diving senton from Dylan Wade, pinfall attempt!
Jimmy Garcia: Just barely a two count there!
Wade pushes up, turning around and looking to the top this time.
Sebastian Reid: Dylan Wade going for it again!
Wade balances himself up top and pounds his chest a couple times before leaping off back first towards ZMAC.
Gravedigger: KNEES UP FROM ZMAC!
Jimmy Garcia: ZMAC rolling Wade up!
Sebastian Reid: Great effort from the rookie Dylan Wade tonight, showing nothing but fight against the champ!
Jimmy Garcia: ZMAC still safe with those two lives!
Heavy guitar distortion cuts through the arena as all the lights shut off, minus a gaggle of blue and green on the stage. They all aim at the tron which is showing an unorthodox entrance video. It shows UCI Superstar Kaz Mazy performing daring feats all in Super Nintendo fighting game graphics ala Mortal Kombat.
"2nd Sucks" by A Day To Remember starts blaring as lights explode throughout the arena and the words growl sending a shiver up every collective spine in attendance. The battle cry makes men sprout thick and all the baddest of poons wet. Every child in attendance grows hair on their ballsack and they reach for the nearest bong and start tokin' up!
Spotlights center on one of the entrances in the crowd where Kaz stands, kendo holstered to his back, waving that Old Glory Poon Guinean Flag with the Ham' n' Sick' and the Fitty Stars and Thickteen Bars.
Kaz leaps the barricade and slides into the ring, taking a corner as he watches the champ push to his feet and shift his attention towards The Godson.
Gravedigger: Shit just got real.
Sebastian Reid: It sure as hell did!
They step to one another, trading words and pressing foreheads together.
Gravedigger: They gonna fuck or what?
Jimmy Garcia: Jesus, Digger..
Gravedigger: It’s PPV. The network ain’t got nothing on me here!
The ref steps in a bit, trying to place an arm between the two men which only causes tempers to flare up more as both start swinging for the fences.
Sebastian Reid: A lot of words traded between these two and now, there are a whole lot of shots being exchanged as well!
ZMAC throws a few consecutive haymakers which knock Kaz back a bit, but Mazy is able to answer with a high angled dropsault.
Jimmy Garcia: ZMAC sent to the corner there!
Kaz steps off the bottom rope and runs toward the cornered champ.
Gravedigger: ZMAC pushing off himself.
Sebastian Reid: FALCON PUNCH!
Jimmy Garcia: Kaz still on his feet, but not looking great after that one!
With Kaz trying to regain footing, ZMAC steps back slowly off the ropes before making a quick dash at Kaz.
Gravedigger: FALCON PUNCH NUMERO DOS!
Sebastian Reid: Already with one elimination, ZMAC bringing the fire against Kaz Mazy right now!
Jimmy Garcia: Indeed! Kaz just barely able to stay up and another shot like that might do him in!
ZMAC looks at Kaz like a wounded animal before driving a knee into his gut.
Gravedigger: Kaz taken down to a knee here.
ZMAC: BOOT PAAAARTY!
Sebastian Reid: ZMAC stepping back here, looking poised to kick Kaz’s head clean off his body!
Jimmy Garcia: Kaz pushing up just enough to avoid it though, very smart move!
ZMAC steps to the challenger now, lifting his boot up under Mazy’s chin to prop him up a bit.
Gravedigger: Still slumping a bit though.
Z grabs a fistful of Kaz’s hair, pulling back a big right and driving it forward.
Sebastian Reid: Another big shot from ZMAC!
Jimmy Garcia: Z sees this as his house and he’s letting that be known right now!
Gravedigger: Another vicious right from Z!
Sebastian Reid: If we were under MMA rules, this would’ve been called a long time ago!
Jimmy Garcia: Z pulling back for another one!
Gravedigger: RKAZRO! RKAZRO!
Sebastian Reid: RKAZRO OUT OF NOWHERE! Z IS DOWN! KAZ USING WHAT MAY HAVE BEEN THAT LITTLE BIT LEFT INSIDE!
Jimmy Garcia: MAKE THE PIN! MAKE THE PIN!
Gravedigger: Kaz rolling on top of ZMAC now!
Sebastian Reid: WHAT JUST HAPPENED?!
Jimmy Garcia: WE HAVE A NEW TV CHAMPION!!!
Gravedigger: No way…
The crowd goes a bit silent in shock as Kaz struggles to sit up.
Sebastian Reid: An end to a historic TV title run from ZMAC, but this one isn’t over!
Kaz tries to sit up, but is slow in doing so as ZMAC is able to stir a bit quicker.
Jimmy Garcia: Punches being traded from the ground this time as ZMAC has been taken down to his second chance at winning this one!
Gravedigger: Kaz slow though on the offense, the previous onslaught doing big things against the challenger.
Both men do their best to keep after the other, but ZMAC is just a touch healthier, managing to push up to a standing base as he delivers another big strike.
Sebastian Reid: LOO-BRUH-KAY-SHUN TWIIIIST!
Jimmy Garcia: ZMAC REVERSES IT!
Gravedigger: He’s got him up!
Sebastian Reid: AXE WOUND!
Jimmy Garcia: KAZ SENT CRASHING TO THE MAT!
Gravedigger: THE COVER!
Sebastian Reid: WOW!
Jimmy Garcia: THAT is intensity!
Gravedigger: ZMAC still in this one, but ther-
Before Gravedigger can finish his sentence, "Spit Out the Bone" by Metallica hits the PA as the lights drop and purple lights illuminate the arena. A few moments later Corey Black emerges from the backstage area wearing a worn looking black leather vest with "ALL HAIL" - a skull with a crown - and "THE KING" on the back of it. The crowd fills the arena with boos as Corey makes his way to the ring, little interaction with anyone, just focus on the squared circle. Black slides into the ring and walks towards the downed champion.
Sebastian Reid: Corey Black is here in a UCI ring and he’s not waiting for anything right now, stomping a mudhole into the Hypermedia champion!
Jimmy Garcia: Corey bringing ZMAC up now, he has the champion craddled!
Gravedigger: Michinoku driver from Corey Black!
ZMAC slumps down, but Corey pulls him right back up for another.
Sebastian Reid: Another Michinoku!
The champ smiles up at The King of All Wrestlers before being pulled into a third.
Gravedigger: The champ just got MUNK’d times three! We’ve never seen ZMAC in this position before!
Jimmy Garcia: Black with the pin!
Sebastian Reid: ZMAC is refusing to die!
Corey pulls Z up again, positioning himself behind the champion for a German suplex.
Gravedigger: Z with an elbow to the gut!
Jimmy Garcia: The champion grabbing the leg!
Sebastian Reid: Samoan drop from ZMAC!
Gravedigger: Ref counting a pin here!
Jimmy Garcia: Corey rolling through for a pin of his own!
Sebastian Reid: Corey still in decent shape though, ZMAC managing to hang in there of course!
Corey gets to the ropes, pulling himself back up as ZMAC sits up in the middle of the ring.
Gravedigger: Corey with the running kick across the chest.
Z leans back a bit from the impact as Corey swings for a kick to the head.
Jimmy Garcia: Z DUCKS IT!
Z hooks the leg, managing to leap on top of Corey with a burst of energy.
Sebastian Reid: Hard headbutt from ZMAC!
Gravedigger: This one is a straight up dog fight right now, ZMAC laying into him with some big closed fists!
Z’s hits seem to get harder and harder as Corey’s blood paints his hands.
Jimmy Garcia: ZMAC like a shark when he sees crimson and Corey black is busted open big time!
ZMAC goes for another headbutt, but Corey fires back with one of his own before grabbing hold of the champions head.
Sebastian Reid: Corey raking at the eyes and forehead of the champ!
Gravedigger: That’s one way to become blood brothers I suppose.
As his blood leaks down onto Corey, Z fires back with another hard headbutt which renders CD nearly unconscious as pushes himself off of him.
Jimmy Garcia: Zombie getting up now and this is something you just have to see to believe!
ZMAC wipes the blood from his brow, pulling the nearly limp CD up to his feet.
Sebastian Reid: HE’S UP FOR THE AXE WOUND!
Corey stumbles out of ZMAC’s grip and just barely onto his feet, grinning as he pulls Z closer.
Gravedigger: This is happening!
Jimmy Garcia: BURNING HAMMER!
Sebastian Reid: Classic Corey Black!
Corey flops on top of the champion as the ref counts the pin.
DING DING DING!!
Sebastian Reid: It’s over!
Taylor Lorde: The winner of this match and newwwww UCI Hypermedia Champion, Corey Black!
Jimmy Garcia: A lot of people feared this moment coming to light and….we just witnessed a classic!
Gravedigger: Two new champions crowned and a former champ showing why this is his house!
We cut to commercial as CD sits up bloodied and smiling with the Hypermedia Championship in his lap.
UCI World Championship
Bonnie Blue (c) vs. Bolas de Arana vs. FPV
Jimmy Garcia: The biggest event of the Summer has been living up the hype, but we’re not done just yet!
Sebastian Reid: We already know what’s to come! Bonnie Blue. Bolas de Arana. FPV. UCI World Title on the line! Let’s finish this off with a bang!
Taylor Lorde: The following match is schedule for one fall and is for the UCI WOOOOORLD HEAAAAVYWEIIIIIGHT CHAAAAAAMPIONSHIIIPPP!!!!
The crowd roars with excitement as the cameras focus toward the stage.
Gravedigger: It’s time!
The guitar riff of "Feel Invincible" by Skillet and the lights go out and a blue spread light aims at the entrance. Bolas de Arana walks out to the roar of the crowd. He strikes a Michael Jackson pose, pointing out to the crowd as blue flames erupt behind him. Bolas stands straight, his focus becoming much more serious as he walks to the ring. His smile grows and that tongue sneaks out as Bolas slides into the ring, posing in the middle of the ring, the "Sexy Bear Skin Rug" Pose. Bolas stands and walks to the corner, pacing like a caged animal.
Jimmy Garcia: This is the man the people came to see! This is Bolas getting his chance to shine in the main event of one of the biggest PPVs of the year!
Sebastian Reid: He’s up against stiff competition though!
Gravedigger: Speaking of..
The lights dim to a blood red, as glitchy electronic noises fill the arena. Many suspect that "Ghosts n' Stuff" is about to play...until instead they get a snippet of multiple songs. First "You Know My Name," then "Mountain Song," "Ghosts 'n Stuff, "The Scott Pilgrim Anthem," and finally "Professional Griefers." This snippets play seemingly at random until all sound stops, and the lights go off completely, until three words pop up on the titantron, in big white letters.
"FRANK PATRICK VENABLE"
Jimmy Garcia: Another huge threat to Bonnie Blue’s reign as world champion! One of the greatest wrestlers alive today!
Sebastian Reid: You’re not kidding! This is a match that’s long overdue!
The crowd explodes in applause as "True North" hits the P.A and Frank Patrick Venable finally makes his entrance, dressed in a dark red hoodie and wrestling tights, ready for a fight. He runs down to the ring at an almost inhuman speed, sliding into the ring from underneath the bottom rope. He panders to the always appreciative crowd before removing his hoodie and entering his corner, waiting for the champion.
The slow beat of Rihanna's "Same Ol' Mistakes" rolls through the arena as blue and white spotlights, synchronized to the music, flare on and off against a darkened stage. Bonnie Blue appears, the UCI World Championship slung over her shoulder, peering at the audience over the rims of a pair of teal shutter shades. A mixture of boos and cheers pours forth from all directions as she surveys her domain, a defiant smirk on pink-glossed lips.
I can just hear them now / "How could you let us down?"
They don't know what I felt / Or see it from this way round
Sliding the shades back up, Bonnie makes her way along the aisle with a confident swagger, posing for a few selfies with fans as she reaches ringside.
Feeling it overtake / All that I used to hate
Wonder what if we trade / I tried but it's way too late
After a few photos, Bonnie tosses her shades to a fan, then continues to the ring. Without hesitation, she leaps up onto the ring apron and kneels to strike a cocky pose, leaning against the middle rope. She gazes out across the audience for a moment before slipping through the ropes.
All the slides I don't read / Two sides of me can't agree
When I breathe in too deep / Going with what I always longed for…
Haughtily, she saunters to her corner, where she hands off her vest and the strap resting on her shoulder.
Jimmy Garcia: The champ is in the building and you could cut the tension with a knife right now!
Gravedigger: Big time title defense for Bonnie against two very hungry challengers to her throne.
DING DING DING!!
As the ref calls for the bell, Bolas springs off the ropes, hitting Bonnie with a tornado kick.
Sebastian Reid: Wow!
FPV is caught off guard as Bolas leaps right back to his feet.
Jimmy Garcia: Clothesline from FPV!
Gravedigger: Spider Balls leapfrogs over.
Sebastian Reid: Don’t turn around!
Jimmy Garcia: Pele kick from Bolas de Arana! Cover on FPV!
Gravedigger: Big energy out of the gate, but he shouldn’t be tiring himself out too early here.
As Bolas pushes to his feet, the champ comes behind him and grabs a fistful of tights.
Sebastian Reid: Bolas sent face first into the turnbuckle!
Bolas collides into the post, but manages to turn around just as-
Jimmy Garcia: Flying clothesline from Bonnie and Bolas goes down!
Gravedigger: Cover on Bolas.
Sebastian Reid: FPV quick to break that one up!
Bonnie pushes up and turns around, staring into the eyes of FPV who leers right back.
Gravedigger: With Bolas down, it looks like it’s all about Bonnie vs. Frank right now!
Without saying or signaling much of anything, Bonnie and Frank lay into each other with an exchange of chops, kicks, and jabs in rapid succession.
Jimmy Garcia: Quick brawling between champion and challenger!
Sebastian Reid: Big spinning chop from Bonnie!
Frank rubs the sting layed across his jaw as the champ bounces off the ropes.
Gravedigger: FUS ROH DUH!
Jimmy Garcia: Big clothesline counter from Frank and a cover on the champ!
Sebastian Reid: Another quick pin and a quick kickout to match.
Gravedigger: He’s been tasked with ending Bonnie’s reign at the top and he’s not about to waste any window he sees.
FPV rolls through to towards the ropes and pulls himself toward the top turnbuckle.
Jimmy Garcia: That clothesline counter may be just we he needed as FPV appears ready to execute a Goomba Stomp on the champ!
Frank motions toward the mat as he stands tall above the ring.
Sebastian Reid: BOLAS IS UP!
Gravedigger: Frank better rethink the situation quick or els-
Jimmy Garcia: JUMP UP FRANKENSTEINER FROM ARANA!!!!!!
Frank is sent flying across the mat as the crowd roars and Bolas scrambles for the cover on his opponent.
Sebastian Reid: Bonnie shoves him off! Just in time!
As Bonnie makes the save, Bolas rolls over onto his front, gripping at his head in shock.
Gravedigger: Big move from Arana, bigger save from the champion.
Bonnie and Bolas crawl towards each other as Bolas tries to pull the champ towards him.
Jimmy Garcia: Bonnie with a bridging triangle choke!
As soon as Bonnie flips over to apply the submission, Arana screams out in pain, reaching for the nearby rope in an attempt to escape a sticky situation.
Sebastian Reid: Bolas gets it, but Bonnie not letting go!
As the strength starts to leave him a bit, Bolas is able to yank himself free just enough to roll out and drop to the outside where he begins choking and grabbing at his throat.
Gravedigger: Effective strategy from Bonnie, Bolas lucky to have escape that one.
Bonnie pulls herself up with the ropes, shouting insults at the injured challenger on the outside before turning back toward-
Jimmy Garcia: BOOM HEADSHOT!
Crowd: HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!
As FPV drops to go for the pin, Bonnie opts to roll out to join Bolas on the outside.
Sebastian Reid: Bonnie able to escape a loss as well!
Bonnie crawls toward the barricade and uses it to drag herself up, managing to stand just as FPV runs off the ropes opposite his opponents and dives through to the champion like a lawn dart.
Jimmy Garcia: SPEAR! SPEAR! SPEAR! FPV JUST BROKE THE BARRICADE!
Crowd: THIS IS AWESOME! *CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP*
Sebastian Reid: Never in my life have I seen a barricade break like that!
Before the ref can check on Frank and Bonnie, Bolas is back to his feet. He pulls Frank from the rubble and rolls him into the ring.
Gravedigger: Bolas still grabbing at the throat that Bonnie was targeting earlier, but now may be his best shot at ending this!
Frank sways back and forth as Bolas stomps his feet on the mat to get the crowd riled up in support of him.
Jimmy Garcia: Could this be Arana’s time?!
Sebastian Reid: ABSOLUTE RESOLUTION!!!!!
Gravedigger: FRANK IS DOWN!
Jimmy Garcia: COVER FROM BOLAS!
Sebastian Reid: FRANK KICKS OUT! FRANK KICKS OUT!
Gravedigger: HOW IN THE HELL?!?!
Jimmy Garcia: That may have been the best chance Arana had in this match and FPV is just BARELY able to kick out of it!!
Bolas pounds the mat, letting out a deep battle cry as the crowd roars right along with him.
Sebastian Reid: Bolas has Frank to his feet!
Gravedigger: Big uppercut from Arana and Frank can barely stand right now!
Jimmy Garcia: Spinning kick to the gut!
FPV is forced to grip the top rope to remain standing as Bolas bounces off the adjacent middle rope and flies toward Frank.
Sebastian Reid: BOOM HEADSHOT!!!!
Gravedigger: Bolas goes out cold, but Frank doesn’t look like he has anything left in the tank either after the last second superkick!
Jimmy Garcia: Wait a minute-!
Sebastian Reid: Medical staff trying to get Bonnie to the back, but she wants no part in it as she breaks away!
Bonnie stumbles to the apron, weakly pulling herself up onto it as staff try to talk her down.
Gravedigger: How is she still in this?!
Jimmy Garcia: She’s got the top rope now!
Sebastian Reid: SONIC SCREWDRIVER!!!
Bonnie can only lay motionless on top of Arana as the ref slides in for the count.
DING DING DING!!
Taylor Lorde: Your winner and stttiiiiiillllll the UCI Wooooorld Heeeeaaaaavvvvyyyweeeeiiiight Champppiiioooonn Bonnnnnnieeee BLUUUEEEE!
Jimmy Garcia: I don’t think any of these three are responding right now!
The medical staff rush in, checking on all three competitors as the arena falls silent and Summermania fades to black.