(6/26/17) Election Day Dec 17, 2020 1:50:50 GMT -5
Post by Action Reel on Dec 17, 2020 1:50:50 GMT -5
UCI Rising Stars Championship
Stipulation TBD by Calvin Harris
Calvin Harris © vs Artemis St. Cloud vs L Verez vs Derek Wellings
The cameras open with the introductory opening video of Election Day until it changes to the interior of the Verizon Center where a series of fireworks explode from the stage. Afterwards, the cameras pan around to show different sections of the audience who paid to be live on this great night. It cuts to Jimmy Garcia, Sebastian Reid and Gravedigger sat behind the announce table ready to call the action!
Jimmy Garcia: Ladies and Gentlemen! Welcome to UCI Presents: Election Day. I am Jimmy Garcia alongside Gravedigger and Sebastian Reid. Tonight we have a stacked card of grudge matches, championship matches and a flurry of hard impact moments waiting for your very eyes but the biggest match is our main event. Bonnie Blue defends the UCI World Heavyweight Championship in a Fatal Four Way match.
Sebastian Reid: Against Casey Holliday, Shadowlove and the former UCI World Heavyweight Championship, Kevin Bishop.We also have the UCI Tag Team Championships in the co-main event defended by The Two Gents against The Super Stache Brothers and Damian Kaine along with Kaz Mazy. However, a lot is going down tonight!
Gravedigger: Hell yeah! Bonnie loses her title, Super Stache Brothers are gonna win and hella’ drama for tonight boys! Now we move to our opening match and that’s the UCI Rising Stars Championship defended by Calvin Harris who is YET to name the stipulation for CHRIST sakes!
While the fans were on the edge of their seat and prepared to see Election Day unfold before their eyes. In fact all of those fans were waiting for the opening match of the night, but before they could get that. Up on the titantron a video began to play. A video in which featured The Martyr and the reigning Rising Stars Champion: Calvin Harris. Seeing his face had the crowd booing heavily, but all Calvin did was smirk that wicked grin that he could give. Before speaking and causing his voice to echo throughout the speakers of the arena essentially overpowering the fans voices.
CALVIN HARRIS: Well the wait is finally over...
There was a very brief pause from the champion. Letting people wonder what he was referring to, but as everyone knew he couldn’t keep his mouth shut for long.
CALVIN HARRIS: Tonight, I’ll step into the ring with the Rising Stars Championship over my shoulder and be prepared to defend it against the likes of Derek Wellings, L Verez, and Artemis St. Butt. In which this entire time I’ve had more control than you people have ever wanted. Because you fans screwed up, I was given the opportunity to choose just exactly what the stipulation was going to be when it came to my title defense. And as you’ve all found out earlier in the day, this match is going to be contested in a Barbed Wire Massacre match.
Right away the crowd reacted and based on the reaction it sounded as if it was a split between them. Some fans booed rather loudly for the decision of the match stipulation. There could have been a million reasons for why they were against it. Then there were those that cheered the fans rather loudly for the match stipulation. Those fans had to be the ones that just enjoyed violence.
CALVIN HARRIS: That means that the ropes are going to be replaced with barbed wire. So therefore anytime that someone gets tossed into those ropes. They’re not just going to bounce back. Instead they’re going to have sharp barbed wire stick into their skin in which when they either pull themselves off of it or someone else pulls them off. The barbed wire is going to tear chunks of their skin out. It’s going to cause a lot of blood to be spilled onto the match. Best part is, that’s just the ropes itself. You see there are also going to be weapons wrapped in barbed wire which will be perfectly legal to use throughout the entire match.
His smirk proceeded to grow just a little bigger at that moment. That sinister and sadistic side of Calvin coming out a little more.
CALVIN HARRIS: Weapons that are very much similar to this bad boy right here. This Barbed Wire wrapped Steel Chair has been in my family for a couple of years now. My uncle had been known to compete in Barbed Wire Massacre matches. To which he introduced this chair in a lot of those matches. Hell there were even times that he didn’t have a Barbed Wire Massacre match, but he would take this chair and use it against someone that he felt deserved to be in some of the worst pain imaginable. That being said I remember being a kid and watching my uncle hit people with this chair. Needless to say every single time someone was hit with it. They never got back up. Not only did they not get back up, but they were always left with a scar. A scar that would remind them for the rest of their lives what happened to them. And with that being said tonight, I intend to take this and do my own damage!
Chuckling to himself rather lightly. This caused the crowd to begin booing all together once again, in an attempt to let their voices be heard but as he spoke it shut them all down once again.
CALVIN HARRIS: All three of you have come here tonight with the intentions of upsetting me and with the intentions of taking what belongs to me away, but at the end of the night. You’re all going to leave empty handed. At the end of the night you’re going to have your hearts broken. More importantly than all of that, at the end of the night the three of you are going to have hospital beds right beside each other as Doctors and Nurses frantically worked together to stop bleeding and to stitch back together you’re useless bodies. I don’t not feel bad for you, nor will I have any remorse for what I do to you. Way I see it, you’re the ones at fault for setting yourselves up for failure.
Course at that moment Calvin’s ego was oozing right on of him. Sure it was going to piss people off, but at the same time it was a given that he simply didn’t care.
CALVIN HARRIS: I said it once before, but allow me to say it again. Tonight I am going to go out there and prove that why I may not be the Champion, you fans WANT but instead I am the Champion that this company NEEDS! There isn’t a damn thing anyone can do about it. For I am simply BETTER than all of you!
On that note the intense set of eyes that Calvin had locked on the cameras for just a couple of seconds longer. Until the video faded out causing the titantron to go black. Sure enough the fans were booing at the top of their lungs and they weren’t looking forward to seeing how this was going to pan out, but at the same time. They didn’t have a choice considering that the match was happening to start the night off.
The lights in the arena dim to nothing. As the opening to 'O Fortuna' begins the lights grow increasingly brighter with syllable as it is sung. As the music drops to a whisper the lights begin to dim once again and change colors to red and flickering. Once the song picks back up a spotlight blast the entrance ramp and we see Artemis standing there in his garish, red, bedazzled rode. His arms are down so his biceps are touching his sides, elbows bent with his forearms out and his palms open and facing up. His head is facing the ramp but he slowly lifts it up and looks out into the crowd. He walks down to the ring as the lights still flicker between white and red. Once inside he holds his arms out while his manager Belle removes the robe for him.
Jimmy Garcia: The first of the four here tonight, but certainly not the little man here! Art has been on a tear in UCI!
Gravedigger: I mean, he has the marks pissy, so I can appreciate the guy.
”Strike Back” by Kira Justice plays loudly and Derek Wellings walks out. The fans cheer him loudly as they look at the Airborne Ranger. Derek takes a hat off and throws it into the audience, he clenches his fists and throws them up in the air. Black and gold pyro sparkler pyro raise up from behind him, Derek takes several steps forward before throwing his fist down to have bright white pyro explode behind him. He runs towards the ring, stopping to slide under the bottom rope of barbed wire, before taking a knee and throwing a closed fist up above his head.
He looks at several people in the audience, taking his shirt off he tosses it into the crowd. The Airborne Ranger closes his eyes and absorbs the atmosphere for a moment before he jumps off the turnbuckle. Then crouches down in the corner, waiting for his opponent.
Sebastian Reid: Big debut opportunity here for Derek Wellings, an industry vet that many expect could grab a UCI title in just his first outing with the company.
Jimmy Garcia: That term “industry vet” carries a lot of weight and I’m definitely curious to see what Wellings has for the competition tonight!
Tetris by DJ Dahi hits and L Verez starts walking slowly to the stage with her hands behind her back. Then she slowly turns toward the ring, and moves her arms to an X-crossed position, with an L hand sign on her right hand, and a V hand sign on her left. Once the bass drops, she 360 spins as she drops down to one knee. Her right hand is holding up her sunglasses, and her left is out with her "come in peace" symbol. As she gets back up, she lifts her right arm up with an "OK" symbol, and her left arm out to the side with her peace symbol. After making some odd gestures to the crowd, she quickly rolls to the ring and cautiously heads up the top rope as the beat intensifies with a robotic sci-fi like instrumental. She goes up the top turnbuckle, facing the crowd, lifting her arms back up. Her left back to her side with the peace symbol, and her right making an upside-down OK symbol against her eye, also sticking her tongue out. As her music begins to fade out, she sits on the top turnbuckle, with two peace signs held together in a praying position, as she awaits the arrival of the champion.
Gravedigger: Didn’t think we’d see this thing in an actual title match any time soon..
Sebastian Reid: Get used to it, Digger. L Verez is a legit star in the wrestling world and is making waves of her own in very short time.
Jimmy Garcia: We heard about some...alternate strategies that Verez might employ in her quest for championship gold. Do you guys expect those to pay off tonight?
Sebastian Reid: She better hope to pull off something big in UCI’s first ever Barbed Wire Massacre Match!
Inside the arena the fans were sitting on the edge of their seats waiting in anticipation for the next bit of action to take place. With that being said Fall Out Boy's "Memories" began to hit the arena's speakers. The guitar riff kicking it all off and it was something the thousands in attendance were able to recognize from the start. Didn't take long at all for those fans to begin to change their tune. They went from being excited for action to completely and utterly loathing the show. All because of who was about to make their to the ring.
Only a few seconds had passed since the song began to play. That's when the curtain could be seen being slowly pulled back. Stepping out a moment later happened to be none other than the man known as the Martyr of Pro Wrestling himself, Calvin Harris. Seeing the man caused the crowd to uproar again, but this time with louder boos and jeers. All of them hoping that this was going to be enough to get him to go away. However they should've known better than that. Standing center of the stage, Calvin looked around the ring with this smug smirk on his lips. The type of smug smirk that would make people want to knock it right off his expression.
That being said Calvin found himself stretching his arms out to either side of him. Almost like he was encouraging the crowd to give him more hate. For this was something that actually motivated him and something that actually drove him. Like puppets the fans gave in booing even louder and vocally expressing their hatred for him anyway that they could. After a few moments he lowered his arms back down at his side and began to slowly make his way down the ramp.
RING ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen. Introducing at this time all the way from Chicago, Illinois. Weighing in at two hundred and twenty seven pounds. He is known as the Martyr of Pro Wrestling. . . CALVIN HARRIS!
Hearing that announcement put the crowd on edge. It was like they were hearing nails running down a chalkboard. Not a pleasant situation at all. Again they were vocal getting louder with their boos. At this point they were so loud it was hard for people to even hear themselves think. Let alone begin to form an actual thought that made any sense. By this time that he had been introduced to the crowd. Calvin was halfway down the ramp, seemingly taking his time. That smirk of his remained on his expression as he let out a couple of chuckles at those fans he deemed pathetic. Though, he had finally made it to the end of the ramp.
Calvin took a couple of steps towards the ring and hesitates before rolling under the bottom rope and into the ring. He lifted one leg over the middle rope, ducked down under the top, and found himself right in the ring. That's when Calvin took it upon himself to take the nearest turnbuckle. He climbed it right up to the second rung and looked out at the booing crowd. Not a single one of them were backing down from how they felt about him. Something that was just making him happier and happier with each boo he heard.
All of the sudden he brought his hands up and out to each side of him while tilting his head back a bit. It was almost like he was in a position where he was forcing the crowd to "bask" in all his glory or as if he was wanting them to "praise" him. Something that wasn't going to happen. Not even on his best day. That taunt remained for only a couple of seconds. At least until the theme song found itself fading out. At that point Calvin turned himself around leaping down from the turnbuckle and found himself bouncing around on his two feet waiting for the next bit of action to take place.
Gravedigger: We always talk about the future in these matches, but the fact of the matter is that Calvin Harris is also the present!
Jimmy Garcia: I think many of us would find it hard to argue! Calvin Harris is as smart of an athlete as anyone in the world!
Sebastian Reid: He may have bitten off more than he can chew though with this stipulation tonight.
Gravedigger: Only time will tell.
The four competitors gaze around the ring, observing the plethora of barbed wire wrapped weaponry on the outside before turning their attention back to one another in anticipation.
Jimmy Garcia: For those who don’t know what is about to happen, this is Barbed Wire Massacre!
Sebastian Reid: Not to be confused with your average fatal four way, literally every weapon at ringside as well as the ring ropes work to surround these four in their own personal hell!
Verez, Harris, Artemis, and Wellings close in on each other as the ref signals for the bell.
DING DING DING!
Gravedigger: Verez locking up with St. Cloud as Harris and Wellings do the same.
Jimmy Garcia: Harris and Art gaining control of the holds quickly though!
St. Cloud and the champion both whip their opponents towards the opposite end of the ring towards the barbed ropes, but both Verez and Wellings are able to catch balance as Artemis and Harris rush them from behind.
Sebastian Reid: Verez and Wellings with some dual elbows to the side of the head, great double counter there!
Harris and Artemis stumble back a bit, grabbing at their respective jaws as the other two spin around, nailing a pair of dropkicks before rising to their feet in excitement and showing one another grins of mutual respect.
Jimmy Garcia: Crowd cheering here, but unions don’t last long in matches like this!
Verez and Wellings step to each other as the crowd continues to war. After staring down for a few moments, chops are traded and impact echoes throughout the arena.
Gravedigger: Leaping knee to the face from Verez, Wellings off balance after that one.
Sebastian Reid: Verez leaping up, legs wrapped around Derek Wellings’ head.
Jimmy Garcia: Powerbomb from Wellings!
Gravedigger: Quick pinfall attempt from Derek Wellings.
Sebastian Reid: Broken up by both Harris and St. Cloud!
As the pin is broken, both Harris and St. Cloud begin wailing on their opponents with forearms before turning to one another, trading strong rights and lefts.
Jimmy Garcia: Fighting back up to their feet now, neither wanting to let the other gain any momentum!
Artemis tries to whip Calvin towards the ropes head first, but the champion swings around and reverses the momentum, driving Art’s back into the ropes.
Gravedigger: Sick collision there as St. Cloud’s flesh is the first to meet barbed wire!
St. Cloud screams out as he rolls under the bottom rope. Harris turns towards Wellings, lifting his challenger up in suplex position and carrying him to towards the ropes as well.
Sebastian Reid: Not a good position to be in if you’re Derek Wellings!
Jimmy Garcia: Harris trying to prove why he selected this match type in the first place it seems!
As Harris lifts Wellings over the rope, Wellings is able to land on his feet, still holding onto the champion’s head.
Gravedigger: NO WAY!
Crowd: HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!
Sebastian Reid: Harris being dragged face first into that barbed wire!
Jimmy Garcia: It’s a good thing this wasn’t a first blood match, because the champion’s face is pure red right now!
Gravedigger: Harris squirming on the mat after that!
With Wellings and St. Cloud on the outside, L Verez pushes to her feet and notices the champion on the mat alone.
Sebastian Reid: Verez scrambling for the pin on Harris!
Jimmy Garcia: Harris managing to get the shoulder up!
Gravedigger: I don’t think being busted open is enough to stop a champ like Harris tonight!
L pushes to her feet, but is cut off by Artemis who slides in and hits Verez with a kitchen sink.
Sebastian Reid: St. Cloud back in it, barbed wire kendo stick in his hand as well!
Art lifts the weapon above his head, but Verez swings her legs up and forward for a desparate kick to the midsection.
Jimmy Garcia: Stopping Artemis a bit, but Art lifting to swing again!
Gravedigger: Verez hooking Art for the roll up!
Sebastian Reid: Wellings in to break it up, stomping at the back of Verez.
Wellings goes to lift Verez to her feet, but hesitates before dipping back down to search under the ring. He leans up and smirks a bit before sliding in with an equalizer in hand.
Jimmy Garcia: Verez not in a good spot here!
Wellings wields his weapon of choice for all to see, a barbed wire wrapped light tube. He lifts it up as the crowd gasps.
Gravedigger: MY GOD!
Crowd: HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!
Glass shatters and we see red spouting, but not from L Verez who manages to roll out of the way just in time. Instead, it’s St. Cloud who takes all of the damage from the blow.
Sebastian Reid: Major impact, Wellings looking to take St. Cloud out of the equation tonight!
Rather than going for a pin on Artemis, Wellings shoves the now limp superstar out under the bottom rope where he collapses to the outside.
Gravedigger: Wellings standing strong right now.
Wellings lifts his hand to the sky before turning around into Verez who shoves the star back first into the ropes behind him.
Jimmy Garcia: Wellings hurt, but firing right back!
Sebastian Reid: Roundhouse kick from Wellings, could be going for a second!
Gravedigger: Verez catches under the leg, grabbing hold now.
Jimmy Garcia: Celestial Descent!
Sebastian Reid: Pin attempt from Verez, this could be it!
Verez is dragged out by a delirious Artemis St. Cloud who has managed to regain balance on the outside. Verez falls to the outside as St. Cloud slides in after a pin attempt of his own.
Gravedigger: The champ is back in it! Sickening chair shot against the back of St. Cloud!
Jimmy Garcia: Another big shot from Harris with the barbed wire chair!
Blood drips from the face of the champion, a wild expression on his face as he lays into Artemis with a series of follow up chair shots before throwing the weapon down and rolling the challenger onto his back for the cover.
DING DING DING!!
Taylor Lorde: The winner of this match and stiiiilll the UCI Rising Stars Champion, Calvin Harris!
Sebastian Reid: Blood continuing to pour out of the champion’s face, but after that sickening display, he’s managed to retain!
Gravedigger: Somebody might wanna take a look at Artemis right now.
Harris stumbles a bit before snatching the belt from the ref, lifting it to the ceiling to a chorus of boos. He drops to the mat and rolls out, using the rail for extra balance as he uses it to make his way to the ramp where he lifts the belt.
Fatal Four Way Match
Winner gets a non-world title shot of their choosing
Nightshade vs Joe Smarts vs Bolas de Arana vs Doc Henry
Jimmy Garcia: Welcome Back to Election Day, and there's still a phenomenal rest-of-the-card waiting.
Sebastian Reid: Yeah, Casey Holliday vs Kevin Bishop vs Shadowlove vs Bonnie Blue for the World Championship. Can't wait.
'He gives no f***' plays across the arena as a light boo comes from the crowd.
Taylor Lorde: The following match is one-fall for a non-World title match of their choosing... Introducing first, from Parts Unknown, Nightshade!
Nightshade just walks down to the ring ready to give the clown show a wrestling clinic.
The opening beats of 'Catgroove' plays throughout the arena as the crowd goes silent. As the music continues, a faint voice echoes around the arena. The only words that are understandable are
'Dams it, the mic is toos quiet.'
Then a deafening voice can be heard over the arena saying
'HERE COME... OH FUCKS, IT TOOS LOUD!!!'
Finally, as the final part of the opening beats of Catgroove plays, a reasonably loud microphone can be heard throughout the arena.
'Here come the World Smartsest Man, Captain Bruddahhood, JOE SMAAAAAARTS!!!!
Then the crowd realises that Joe fiddled with the mic volume, and they cheer out loud when he struts out on stage, doing a Scotty 2 Hotty dance down, I suppose, as the main part of Catgroove plays.
Jimmy Garcia: It's your favourite wrestler, Digger!
Gravedigger: I will happily piledrive you through the table.
Jimmy Garcia: Okay.
Joe climbs up the steps, and falls over the ropes into the ring. He then taps his head, as he fails to try and display his 'intelligence'.
The guitar rifts of "Feel Invincible" by Skillet and the lights go out and a blue spread light aims at the entrance. Bolas de Arana walks out to the roar of the crowd. He strikes a Michael Jackson pose, pointing out to the crowd as blue flames erupt behind him.
Taylor Lorde: And their opponent, from Asbury Park, New Jersey, Bolas de Arana
Bolas stands straight, his focus becoming much more serious as he walks to the ring. His smile grows and that tongue sneaks out as Bolas slides into the ring, posing in the middle of the ring, the "Sexy Bear Skin Rug" Pose. Bolas stands and walks to the corner, pacing like a caged animal.
As The Devil In I begins, the arena goes dark and small flames appear on the stage. With the first drum hit, the small fires turn to pillars of flame and Doc emerges from under the stage through a circle of fire.
Taylor Lorde: And also their opponent, from The Depths of Hell, Doc Henry!
Stepping through the flames, Doc slowly stalks towards the ring and his opponents. He doesn't even acknowledge the crowd, and climbs into the ring and simply stares and waits...
DING! DING! DING!
Bolas, Joe, Doc and Nightshade all walk around, thinking of some ape of strategy, then everyone stares at Joe.
Jimmy Garcia: Not a great start for Joe...
Joe goes for a Jumping Side Kick but misses, and Doc, Nightshade and Bolas perform a triple powerbomb, sending Joe flying out of the ring.
Gravedigger: It must be Garbage Day!
Jimmy Garcia: ?
Gravedigger: Because they're taking out the trash...
Jimmy Garcia: Wow. I have no words.
Sebastian Reid: Now it's just 3 greats in the ring.
Jimmy Garcia: Ooh... Doc goes for a clothesline, dodged by Bolas, and Doc gets a dropkick to the back!
Sebastian Reid: Now Nightshade heading for Bolas, Nightshade goes for a clothesline, dodged by Bolas, Bolas goes for a German Suplex, but Nightshade breaks out of it, now Nightshade throws Bolas in the air, and he manages to reverse it into a DDT!
Gravedigger: Now Doc heads back to Bolas, Doc with another clothesline, and it's dodged again! Bolas with a superkick, and it's dodged! Now Doc goes for a neckbreaker, and it's reversed into a Fisherman's Suplex Pin!
Now all three men are back standing up.
Jimmy Garcia: Wow, what a sequence.
Sebastian Reid: Speechless. Great work by Bolas.
Joe Smarts enters into the ring again, only to get clotheslined by Doc. Joe almost did a full flip because of the impact, and he instantly rolls out of the ring.
Gravedigger: Yeah! Go Doc!
Doc then heads towards Nightshade and swiftly Irish whips him into the corner. Doc then puts Nightshade in a Tree of Woe position
Gravedigger: You're pretty much defenceless in this position, clever stuff from Doc.
Jimmy Garcia: Doc is now on the top rope, I think he may do some form of Coup de Grace... Hang on, here's Bolas!
Bolas uppercuts Doc, so now Doc is groggy on the top rope and Nightshade still in the Tree of Woe.
Jimmy Garcia: What's Bolas doing? Hang on, he jumps on to the top rope, I think he's going for a superplex!
But just as Bolas goes for a superplex on Doc,
Sebastian Reid: Nightshade! Still on that Tree of Woe, sort of sits up, and grabs Bolas into a backwards powerbomb position!
Gravedigger: This is gonna be fun...
Jimmy Garcia: Nightshade lifts Bolas up... And he hits the backwards powerbomb!
Nightshade hit a backwards powerbomb on Bolas de Arana who hit a superplex on Doc who has just landed on the other side of the ring.
Crowd: Holy Sh*t! This is awe-some, Holy Sh*t! This is awe-some, Holy Sh*t! This is awe-some!
Now all three men on the ground except Nightshade, who just escaped the Tree of Woe position.
Jimmy Garcia: Nightshade goes for the pin on the damaged Doc Henry...
The crowd goes crazy!
Jimmy Garcia: Joe comes back in!
Gravedigger: Only for Nightshade to hit a Tombstone Piledriver. Heh.
Sebastian Reid: Here we go, every man standing up, and Bolas goes straight for Nightshade!
Jimmy Garcia: Doc is just watching along as Bolas and Nightshade are brawling...
Sebastian Reid: This has just been great, whoever wins this obviously deserves it.
Gravedigger: Except Joe Smarts.
Sebastian Reid: Nope. Going through a beating like this and still winning... Even Smarts sorta deserves a win like this.
Gravedigger: Fucking hell.
Jimmy Garcia: A lot on the line here... An automatic non-World title shot whenever you please.
Sebastian Reid: Bolas, getting the upper hand, now Nightshade is up against the ropes...
Jimmy Garcia: Look at this! Bolas performs an Absolute Resolution and Nightshade goes flying over the ropes!
Gravedigger: Doc Henry, leaning back on the ropes, getting a well-deserved rest.
Sebastian Reid: Well-deserved? Really?
Jimmy Garcia: Look at this, Bolas on the top rope, he's probably about to do some extreme flippy thing to the outside...
But Doc Henry realises that the time is now, and before Bolas can do some extreme flippy thing to the outside, Doc jumps onto the second rope and performs a Jackhammer on Bolas
Gravedigger: Straight. To. Hell.
Jimmy Garcia: Hang on, Smarts leaps off the ropes and goes for a flying headbutt to Doc!
Sebastian Reid: He misses! Hahaha!
Gravedigger: That just made my day! Can we get a replay?
The replay shows Smarts missing Doc and face planting the mat.
Doc finds this funny too, and laughs so hard, he has to hold onto the ropes to continue standing.
Gravedigger: That's going on YouTube!
Jimmy Garcia: Hang on... Look! Look where Joe's landed!
Sebastian Reid: No fucking way...
Jimmy Garcia: Nightshade is still out from that Absolute Resolution
Jimmy Garcia: Doc Henry still hasn't noticed that Smarts is pinning Bolas
The crowd is speechless
Gravedigger: No... Way...
Sebastian Reid: That... What...
Jimmy Garcia: JOE SMARTS WON!!
The crowd goes wild.
Gravedigger: Ha! Instant Karma! Just uploaded a YouTube video of 'Faceplant Joe'
Jimmy Garcia: What's that? I can't hear you over the sound of the crowd!
Nova-Kaine’s Underdog Open Challenge
Nova-Kaine vs Defenestration Jones
Jimmy Garcia: Our next matchup is Nova-Kaine's Underdog Challenge! Defenestration Jones was the one to accept this challenge, and they will be going head to head in a ladder match!
Gravedigger: I hope Jones smashes Nova with a ladder.
Sebastian Reid: Will there ever be a day when you're not a horrible person?
Gravedigger: Probably not.
The house lights briefly flicker as the vocal intro to Ciara's version of "Paint It, Black" begins. Multicolored lasers play across the darkened stage when the music kicks in.
I see a red door, and....
A figure appears on the stage, silhouetted against the InfiniTron as it comes to life with the image of a thick pane of glass.
....I want it painted black.
On screen, the glass is struck by some unseen force as the drumbeat joins in, shattering in slow motion. The stage lights brighten progressively as the 'Tron shuts off again, until Defenestration Jones is fully illuminated, the light reflecting off her gold-and-black singlet. Her lip curls in a sneer of disdain for the fans as she slowly raises a fist into the air. Boos rain down from the crowd, fueling her as she stalks down the aisle with an arrogant swagger. She climbs the steps, crosses the ring, and perches on the turnbuckles. Jones lifts her chin proudly, and winglike spreads her arms to receive the crowd's malediction, a cocky smirk on her lips.
Taylor Lorde: Currently in the ring, from Chicago, Illinois. Weighing in at 132 lbs. Defenestration Jones!!!
Gravedigger: I don't understand these people. This gal is a former cop, but with a fierce mean streak, and she knows Kung Fu, AND Judo! What's not to love?
Jimmy Garcia: Fuck the police, amirite?
Gravedigger: That was probably the most cringe worthy response you could've come up with.
"Paper Cut" by Linkin Park starts blaring across the arena and red beams of light aim at the entrance of the ramp. Nova walks out with the beat of music controlling his movements and he bows to the fans in attendance. Nova throws up a salute and he runs down the ramp full speed.
Taylor Lorde: And her opponent! From Columbus, Ohio. Weighing in at 205 lbs. His is the Hero of the Underdogs, Nova-Kaine!!!
At the end of the runway, Nova slides into the ring and pops up in the middle of the ring. He moves to the music a bit more before ascending the far right ring corner, where he bows to the fans. Nova leaps off the top rope and rests against the corner.
Gravedigger: And then I don't get why people like this guy. He's so careless, doing all this flippy shit without warning.
Sebastian Reid: He's a risk taker. People like that he doesn't play it safe.
Gravedigger: That's just fucking stupid.
*DING DING DING!*
Jimmy Garcia: There goes Nova going straight for a ladder, but Jones is going right after him with a basement dropkick, spilling him onto the outside of the ring. She wants to make sure she has full advantage right off the bat, as she's the one going for a ladder.
Gravedigger: But as soon as she grabs hold of one, that bastard Nova-Kaine grabs the end of it, and pulls it down, making Jones lose balance, dropping her along with the ladder. Shouldn't this count as domestic violence?
Sebastian Reid: SHE accepted the match, Digger. It's all fair game here.
Defenestration Jones: You son of a bitch!
Nova-Kaine: Beach? I don't even like the beach. Especially not the krew.
Sebastian Reid: Jones elbows Nova in the gut as she rises. Then a massive hammerfist to the back of the neck that brings him down!
Defenestration Jones: Clean your ears, you pot head!
Jimmy Garcia: She does know he sells *medical* marijuana, right?
Gravedigger: Pot head, pot seller, same difference.
Sebastian Reid: Nova with a drop toe hold though, dropping Jones onto the ladder!
Nova-Kaine grabs the ladder after Jones slowly rolls away from it. Afterwards, he enters the ring with the ladder.
Jimmy Garcia: He sets up the ladder. A perfect opportunity to go for the win, but instead, he decides to gesture a slowly rising Defenestration Jones to the ring.
Sebastian Reid: She's in the ring now. Is… is he motivating her to climb the ladder?
Gravedigger: Yeah, all for her to kick him in the family jewels. See, this is exactly the type of thing that makes me hate this guy.
Sebastian Reid: She's climbing the ladder now! This is her opportunity to win it all! But no! Just before she can grab the duffel, she crash lands to the top rope, thanks to a push of the ladder by Nova-Kaine!
Nova-Kaine falls back to his knees, still recovering from the low blow, while Jones falls back onto the mat. They both begin to recover on opposite corners, Jones wielding the ladder.
Sebastian Reid: Jones has some evil intentions as she sets the ladder up in the corner. She runs to the Nova and hits him with a big boot to the corner!
Gravedigger: But the martial artist isn't done. She hits some big open palm strikes, and then a huge chop to the chest! She finishes off the combo with a nasty spinning back fist!
Sebastian Reid: You'd think Jones would have his number at this point, now going for the Irish whip, but Nova is holding on to the rope, making sure he doesn't hit the ladder. He pulls her to him so he can land a major back elbow to gain some momentum back his way!
Jimmy Garcia: He runs up top, and WOW! Hits a Whisper in the Wind, almost from nowhere!
Gravedigger: Going for a risky move when you're already fighting for momentum back. He better be lucky he didn't miss that move, else it'd be over for him.
Both competitors are on their backs now, attempting to recover from the Whisper in the Wind. They get back to their feet at about the same time.
Gravedigger: This idiot is trying to gesture a Test of Strength mid-match. Jones doing the smart thing by shoving him into the ropes and following up with a release judo throw. She runs the ropes in front of him to land a strong kick to the chest, laying him flat on the ground.
Jimmy Garcia: She's got the ladder from the corner now, and she's disrespecting Nova now by putting the ladder right over him!
Gravedigger: I'm conflicted. I love the statement she's sending, but it's also not smart to climb a ladder with the opponent right under you.
Sebastian Reid: Defenestration Jones climbs the ladder for the second time. She's halfway up, as Nova slithers his way under the ladder, and he's able to push it down with some impressive leg strength!
Defenestration Jones lands on her feet. She picks the ladder up in frustration, getting tired of being pushed down after almost winning the match twice now.
Sebastian Reid: Here comes Jones with the ladder, but Nova reacts quickly and slides underneath her. He runs the rope as she turns back towards him, and BANG! Big dropkick to the ladder, and Jones falls under it!
Jimmy Garcia: Nova-Kaine heading up top again. I don't know how smart of an idea this is.
Gravedigger: Jones doesn't plan to get smushed though, as she moves the ladder out of her way, and hits an elbow to the gut before climbing to the top herself.
Jimmy Garcia: That ladder is still in dangerous territory though! This might not end well! But these two don't seem to care, as they're hitting each other with some major forearms now!
Gravedigger: Jones gains the advantage though, hitting multiple forearms to the jaw, the next one harder than the last! Taking advantage of her martial arts experience with some rapid punches, and a tiger claw, all while they're still on the top rope! She's got the suplex hold now….
Jimmy Garcia: OH MY GOD! Nova's back hits the ladder hard after Defenestration Jones was able to land that Superplex! Nova-Kaine is deadweight now!
“HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!”
Gravedigger: Jones is being smart though. Instead of trying to his corpse off the ladder, she's going outside of the ring to grab another one.
While Defenestration Jones grabs a ladder from under the ring, Nova-Kaine attempts to get up, but is only able to flip over to his stomach.
Sebastian Reid: Guys, I don't know if Nova-Kaine is able to continue. He can't even get up right now!
Gravedigger: Good! He should just stay down and let Jones take the win.
Sebastian Reid: Speaking of, here she comes heading back to the ring with the second ladder. She's setting it up now, looking very confident.
Jimmy Garcia: Wait, she can't climb up the ladder! Nova's grabbing onto her ankles!
Gravedigger: This idiot is going to get himself killed, pulling off a desperate move like that! I'm surprised he's still even alive after that landing.
Jimmy Garcia: He's slowly gaining some life back, as the crowd have his back! Jones trying to kick him off, but his grip is too tight!
Sebastian Reid: He's on his knees now. He lets go of her ankles, but not without quickly grabbing her arm, and picking her up for a fireman's carry right to the fallen ladder!
Jimmy Garcia: A bit of payback there for Nova-Kaine. He goes over to the other side of the standing ladder and slowly makes his way up.
Gravedigger: What is he doing? Now's his chance to win, but he's doing that stupid gesture again. Trying to get her to climb the ladder. Did he get a concussion, because he doesn't seem to remember how well that worked last time.
Jimmy Garcia: Jones climbing, an-- OH MY GOD!!!!
Sebastian Reid: Nova-Kaine is absolutely insane! The gesture was a ploy! As Jones was making her way up, he quickly got to the top of the ladder and scored huge with a downward missile dropkick to her shoulders, trapping her in a tree of woe position!
“HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!”
Gravedigger: Again though, very reckless. He landed on his knees pretty hard after that. He was lucky he got to grab the rope on his way down, else he'd have lost his legs.
Sebastian Reid: The crowd is on fire now! Nova turning towards his helpless opponent, but wait! I spoke too soon! Jones was able to grab his head in some sort of submission hold! But she's not trying to make him tap, she's using him as leverage to get her off the tree of woe!
Jimmy Garcia: Using the steps to maybe go for Sliced Bread Number 2, but caught by Nova! Slingshots her on the top rope, AND A MASSIVE FALL FROM GRACE ON THE FALLEN LADDER!
Sebastian Reid: He’s climbing the ladder! Heading up to the top now. He's got hold of the duffel now, this match seems to be his!
*DING DING DING*
Jimmy Garcia: He unhooks it! What a match by these two warriors!
Gravedigger: He should be sued for attempted murder.
Sebastian Reid: Yes, because she definitely didn't Superplex him onto the exact same ladder.
Taylor Lorde: Here is your winner! NOVA-KAAAAINE!
No Holds Barred Match
Cordelia Malice vs El Payaso Loco
“Freak Like Me” by Halestorm plays as Cordelia Malice makes her way ringside.
Taylor Lorde: The following match is scheduled for one fall and will be NO HOLDS BARRED! Introducing first, from Helltown Ohio… CORDELIA MALICE!
Jimmy Garcia: This match has been a long time coming for these two competitors. Cordelia Malice attacked Payaso at Lazarus and then again last week. She admitted that at first he didn’t deserve it but Payaso, rightfully and justifiably upset had some choice words for Cordelia Malice a few weeks later.
*Flash to a week earlier during a Payaso Loco Promo*
Payaso Loco: For those keeping score at home, Cordelia Malice and the Brothers Mustache managed to pull one over on me at Lazarus. Biff and Buff would have you believe that they put on an epic battle and grabbed a clean win. However, anyone who possesses more than one dysfunctional eye could see Malice take a cheap shot and give the match to the Super Stache Bros. Right before she gave them matching skin blankets over their micro penises. Go figure.
Jimmy Garcia: Needless to say Cordelia didn’t take kindly to this and issued a challenge to Payaso which he gladly accepted. And now with no holds barred these two finally get to take their aggression out on each other.
Sebastian Reid: I also want to take note of our special referee for matches like this, Refbot 9000 is capable of counting the falls without putting unnecessary human life at harm.
With Malice in the ring Taylor Lorde raises her microphone.
Taylor Lorde: And her opponent… PAYASO LOCO!
“Let’s Go” plays over the loudspeaker. But no one emerges from the curtain.
The music then stops.
Taylor Lorde: PAYASO LOCO!
Sebastian Reid: Here we go. He must have just missed his cue. This is a live show after all.
“Let’s Go” plays again and the crowd is abuzz. Cordelia Malice shouts at Taylor Lorde as if she has anything to do with it. Malice ten grabs the microphone.
Cordelia Malice: Not like this, Payaso. Get your high flying ass out here and face me like a man!
Sebastian Reid: This isn’t like Payaso Loco. Something must have happened to him. I think it’s those filthy Stache Brothers.
Gravedigger: Lets not jump to any conclusions here. Maybe Payaso is busy drinking tequila and Corona and forgot he was supposed to wrestle?
Cordelia Malice: This is fucking Bullshit. I’ve got all this pent up rage and aggression. I need to fucking unleash.
Taylor Lorde leaves the ring. Cordelia looks at Refbot 9000 and superkicks it knocking it over.
Cordelia: Not fucking satisfying. Payaso Loco… UCI… I’m not fucking done with you yet…
Malice drops the mic and leaves the ring.
Jimmy Garcia: I guess technically this is a no contest. I personally am concerned about Payaso Loco. Hopefully we have an explanation soon.
Sebastian Reid: I’m with ya, Jimmy. But I wouldn’t take what Cordelia Malice said lightly. She’s a bad bitch and I wouldn’t want to get in her way while she’s like this…
UCI Television Championship
Zombie McMorris © vs Karlie Nash
Jimmy Garcia: We are rounding and bounding quickly towards our huge main event where Bonnie Blue will be fighting Casey Holliday, Kevin Bishop and Shadowlove for the UCI world championship.
Sebastian Reid: That’s right; as voted on by our fans.
Wavedigger: The Waveverse has spoken; that’s whats great about it.
Jimmy: And that spoke up our next contest as well. Karlie Nash received an amazing amount of votes, such tremendous support for her by the fans as she takes on Zombie McMorris for the Television championship.
Reid: It’s a great thing, it has to be a great feeling when the fans get to choose who they want to see go for gold in UCI. I am sure Karlie Nash is very proud of herself that her fans helped her gain this opportunity.
Taylor Lorde: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one falls and is for the UCI Television Championship!
“War Machine” By AC/DC hits the PA system.
Making her way to the ring first… from St. Paul Minnisota, she weighs in tonight at one hundred and seventy-two pounds… the COUGAR HUNTER… KAARRRLIEEE…. NNAAASSHHH!!!
War Machine by AC/DC plays in the arena, Tracy steps on the stage and moves to the side, Karlie steps on the stage, Tracy and Karlie walks to the ring showing disdain for the crowd, Tracy walks up the steps and enters the ring, Karlie climbs the ropes from outside and flashes the loser sign to the crowd, she then climbs down ans stretches in her corner
Jimmy: Karlie Nash looking determined as always. She looks like shes in the zone and ready for a fight.
Wavedigger: Well against ZMAC that’s what you’re going to get.
Reid: Digger, this isn’t Evil Paul Rudd. Karlie isn’t just some cheat, shes a rule breaker. Shes a ankle breaker. She’s fierce.
Wavedigger: Oh, I know that. That’s why this is going to be a hell of a fight.
"Killed By Death" hits the PA system as the arena begins to fill with smoke. The Guitar and drums kick in and play up as the crowd search for ZMAC. Them vocals smash the speakers as the spot light is shows ZMAC whose stand out in the middle section of the area.
Fans: If you squeeze me lizard, I’ll put my snake in you. I’m a romantic adventure and a reptile too.
He stands there with his back turned to the ring with his arms out in a ‘T’ pose. He turns to face the crowd as he takes a few steps down the aisle way.
Fans: Easy! Easy!
He pumps the crowd up as they go rabid for the Coked UP Mad Man who reaches into his pulls out a vial of cocaine and snorts it.
Fans: The only time I’m gone be easy is when I’m.. KILED BY DEATH! KILLED BY DEATH!
Taylor Lorde: Making his way to the ring.. from the Big Easy.. He stands six feet, six inches tall and weighs in at two hundred and twenty pounds… He is the Coked Up Mad Man.. ZZZOOMMMBIE… MCMORRR-IISSS!
Fans: I’m a lone wolf ligger but I ain’t no pretty boy!
Fans swarm him as he takes beer after beer and chugs them; getting some all over his face and chest. ZMAC is in a sea of “Dove Killah Certified OG’s” as the fans lift him up and body surf him down to the crowd barrier.
Fans: KILLED BY DEATH! KILLED BY DEATH! KILLED BY DEATH!
He jumps the barrier and slides into the ring. ZMAC takes to the adjacent turnbuckle and taunts the crowd before taking off his jacket and throwing it to the towards the time keeper. The Honey Badger has arrived.
Nash wastes no time as she clubs ZMAC from behind while he’s still on the turnbuckle. She pulls ZMAC and starts beating on hockey style with the shirt of the face while unloading uppercuts. Nash books ZMAC down into the turnbuckle and starts to stomp away at him before the ref can separate her long enough to star the match.
Reid: See, this is what I was saying. Nash is going to take the fight to ZMAC and maybe one of the few that actually can.
Wavedigger: Well she sure is going to town with those stomps and a foot choke.
Nash picks up ZMAC and elbows him in the side of the head. She sets him up in a seated position but ZMAC fights his way back and knocks Nash to the mat. ZMAC tries for an axe handle but Nash side steps it and connects with a belly to belly suplex. ZMAC rolls out of the ring and onto the aprin but Nash picks him up by the hair and elbow smashes him in the face before suplexing him over the rope and back into the ring.
Jimmy: Karlie Nash is a rule breaker but she is very gifted athletically and is a tremendous all around wrestler. She is an adept striker and grappler; something ZMAC will struggle to contain.
Nash stays locked into the suplex as she is able to get back up and suplex ZMAC again.
Reid: Karlie Nash with a hat trick of suplexes before grapping a waist lock and connecting with a bridging German.
Wavedigger: ZMAC kicks out!
Jimmy: Nash being smart. She’s staying on ZMAC. Shes ring savvy enough to know that she needs to stay on ZMAC and not let him move.
Nash gets ZMAC In a seated sleeper, even cranking down on some illegal pressure that the ref doesn’t notice. ZMAC struggles but is fading.
The ref checks the arm
ZMAC keeps the hand up as he begins to find life somewhere deep down. ZMAC is able to get to his feet using his weight and height advantage as Karlie Nash hangs on. ZMAC runs towards the turnbuckle and springboards off of it, landing on his back and pancaking Karlie Nash. ZMAC rolls backwards and stomps Karlie in the face before leaping over her and onto the middle rope..
Wavedigger: ZMAC with a falling fist drop into stomp to the face.
ZMAC heads towards the other side of the ring as Nash tries to get her bearings.
ZMAC: BOOT PARTY!!!
ZMAC runs for the punt kick but Nash slides out of the ring, quickly turning and pulling ZMAC by the leg with her. She hits another elbow smash before slaming ZMACs head backwards into the steel post again and again.
Karlie Nash: COME ON!
Jimmy: Karlie Nash starting to feel it.
Crowd: Kar-lie ! KAR-LIE!
Reid: Big boot to ZMAC against that steel post and ZMAC slumps to the ground.
Jimmy: And you can see, ZMAC cracked the back of his head open. Small streaks of blood trailing down that post.
Karlie slides in and out of the ring to break the refs count. She picks up ZMAC and tries for a powerbomb but ZMAC blocks it.
Jimmy: ZMAC blocking the second attempt and sending Karlie crashing with a back body drop.
ZMAC to his feet. He touches the back of his head and feels the blood. He looks at his bloody hand for a moment before standing over Nash and slapping her repeatedly with that bloody hand. He picks Nash up and rolls her into the ring before pulling her back out. He smashes her head against the apron before throwing her into the guard rail.
Reid: The fight in Karlie Nash. She comes back swinging, hitting ZMAC with a right hook.
Jimmy: Nash setting up ZMAC now..
Jimmy: Powerbomb into the steel steps!
Nash rolls ZMAC into the ring and goes for the pin.
ZMAC kicks out.
Karlie stays on ZMAC, picking him up for an Olympic slam into boston crab.
Wavedigger: ZMAC crawling towards the ropes.
Reid: Nash trying to keep him centered.
Jimmy: But ZMAC with those long limbs… at six foot six, ZMAC has a reach advantage.
Reid: But can he reach the ropes?
Jimmy: ZMAC struggling… he’s clawing… can he.. will he… YES!! ZMAC gets the rope break.
Nash keeps the crab locked in.
the ref counts.. 1.2..3..4…
Nash breaks the hold but quickly flips ZMAC around and sling shots his prone body neck first into the bottom rope. She pulls ZMAC up and whips him into the ropes before powering him down with a sidewalk slam!
Wavedigger: ZMAC not going down easy but Nash is just dishing out the punishment.
Jimmy: Nash wants this TV title bad. She wants it more than anything.
Nash picks up ZMAC again as she whips him into the ropes a second time and charges but ZMAC holds the rope as Nash goes over the top but lands on her feet. ZMAC is quick to counter trying to suplex her back in the ring but Nash floats over and they are both locked in a suplex position.
Reid: ZMAC with a low knee to the groin of Nash.
ZMAC lifts Nash up and connects with a sling shot suplex…
ZMAC: Boot party!!
The punt kick connects.
ZMAC brings Nash to the middle of the ring and sets up for the Axe Wound but Nash counters with a small package..
Nash picks up ZMAC and sets him up a double underhook.
Reid: Karlie going for the Upper Body Injury..
ZMAC tips the scales and winds up on his feet behind Karlie Nash..
Wavedigger: Super kick!
ZMAC gets Karlie and sets her up… CORKSCREW TOMBSTONE..
Reid: Karlie Nash kicks out!
Crowd: Lets go Karlie! / lets go ZMAC / lets go Karlie! / Lets go ZMAC!
ZMAC picks up Karlie and whips her into the turnbuckle..running splash…
Nobody home. Nash ducks out of the way! They both turn to face each other, Nash returning the favor from before with a low blow that the ref doesn’t see. ZMAC staggers away as Nash takes to the top turn buckle for a cross body but ZMAC stumbles back towards the ropes, landing on them and causing Nash to crotch herself on the turn buckle. ZMACS eyes go wide as he gets an idea.. ZMAC takes to the adjacent corner and runs full steam ahead!
Jimmy: OH MY GOD! ZMAC with that running, leaping snapmare, catching Karlie Nash off the seated top rope and they both crash to the floor.
Reid: And ZMAC cracked his back off the lip of those steel steps.
both wrestlers are slow to get to their feet but they both do at the same time. ZMAC charges Nash but she counters with a fall away slam. Nash waits for ZMAC to get up…
Jimmy: Clothesline from hell!
Nash picks up ZMAC and rolls him into the ring..
Reid: I think Nash is setting up for another clothesline…
Wavedigger: FALCON PUNCH BY ZMAC!
both wrestlers are down again.
the ref counts..
ZMAC gets to his feet first. He picks Nash up…
Red: Karlie Nash kicks out.
ZMAC with a clear choke. The ref counts ZMAC to break.
ZMAC breaks the hold.
ZMAC picks up Nash but she punches him in the throat and ZMAC drops to his knees. Nash sets him up once again..
Reid: Upper Body Injury…
Wavedigger: ZMAC kicks out!
Jimmy: Karlie Nash picks up ZMAC again and tries for the underhook piledriver again..
Reid: What? ZMAC breaks free!
ZMAC shoves Nash away. Nash charges back..
ZMAC waits for Karlie to get to her deet.
Wavedigger: ZMAC stalking. ZMAC waiting…
Wavedigger: DOVE KILLER!
Taylor Lorde: The winner of this match AND STILLLL…. UCI TELEVISION CHAMPION… ZOMBIE.. MCMORRIS!!
Wavedigger: ZMAC retains!
Jimmy: But Karlie Nash but up one hell of a fight. She probably put up the best fight of anyone so far in UCI!
Reid: I think with some more experience and training, Nash could go very far but with a veteran like ZMAC in the ring, it’s a hard hill to climb.
Wavedigger: ZMAC hits the Dove Killer and retains his TV title! Another week rolls by and ZMAC is still champion.
Jimmy: Lets give it to Nash though. She gave it her all and has nothing to be ashamed of on her part.
ZMAC grabs his title and rolls out of the ring and disappears back into the crowd as the crowd gives Karlie Nash a standing ovation for her efforts..
Crowd: THANK YOU KARLIE… THANK YOU KARLIE…
David Sanchez vs “Evil” Paul Rudd
Jimmy Garcia: In our next match we have the return of “The Mayor” David Sanchez who was quite vocal about receiving a match here on Election Day.
Gravedigger: He's the former mayor of Chicago, and in my opinion the greatest mayor in the history of Chicago. He deserves to be allowed to compete at every Election Day ever simply as a courtesy.
Sebastian Reid: Sanchez has been competing in the WCF with a lot of success recently. Winning the king of trios tournament, earning two world title shots, losing in a hard fought effort to UCI world champion Bonnie Blue. David is a true main eventer. I don't know if Evil Paul Rudd is going to be able to handle someone as good as him tonight.
Gravedigger: Everyone counted out Rudd against Zombie McMorris last week.
Jimmy Garcia: Yourself included.
Gravedigger: Shut up. I did no such thing. But he took Z Mac to the limit, winning a fall and nearly winning that Hypermedia title until Z Mac's pet referee made the save. Point being, if he can almost defeat future hall of famer Z Mac, he's more dangerous than people think.
Taylor Lorde: The following special attraction match is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first weighing in at 215 pounds, currently residing in Printer's Row, Chicago... The Mayor David Sanchez!
The arena falls into a tepid silence as the opening guitar riff to Royal Blood’s “Out of the Black” begins to trickle out of the PA system, starting quiet and building to a thunderous din as the words kick into action. The crowd are perplexed at first until the titantron does the legwork in identifying who is coming to the ring by showing highlights from the career of David Sanchez’ various matches in other companies mixed in with what little vignettes and matches he has had here in UCI.
You made a fool outta me,
You took the skin right off my back honey.
So don’t breathe when I talk,
‘Cause you haven’t been spoken to.
The song plays on as the audience erupts into a sea of distasteful chants and a rapture of hissing, gesturing and miscellaneous disapproving noises. David Sanchez appears center stage, his eyes unblinking as he soaks in the loathing. Dressed in his simple wrestling gear of purple cage-fighting shorts, taped wrists, Black and purple boots, capped with cut-off, black gloves he appears a much different man than he does behind the curtain. In contrast to his drug-addled antics of promos both past and present, as well as the everyday struggles and politics of being the mayor, this impressive specimen wears only one additional item to approach the ring, a T-shirt he had launched through his wives’ online fashion outlet. The slogan branded on this simple black garment reads “[FEAR] Fuck Empathy” in purple font.
David’s emotionless stare at the crowd turns into a grimace at hearing their hatred towards him, even as he rebuilds their city, he was still always known as the bad guy. He begins a slow pace to the ring. No pyrotechnics are launched, nor do the lights flicker. He believed simplicity was more intimidating than flashing strobes, smoke and fireworks. As he walks he removes the aforementioned T-shirt, an action which draws a slight stirring from the fans closest to the ramp who believe they may be given this item of clothing. Instead, upon acknowledging this optimism, Sanchez simply hangs the T-shirt over the optical lens of the cameraman who had been documenting his walk to the ring, causing a momentary fault in focus which is quickly dealt with as the low hissing turns into a tidal wave of boos by those disheartened by his inability to share.
I’ve got a gun for a mouth,
‘Got a bullet with your name on it.
As the music shifts back to a heavy guitar solo, David Sanchez slides under the bottom ropes and leaps back to his feet, staring down the ring announcer without so much as batting an eyelid at the audience. With this final blatant disregard for showmanship he turns back to the stage, awaiting his opponent whilst stretching out his limbs in a warm-up. He acts as though the arena is empty, as if this was simply a practice run. A slightly troubling smile appears on his previously void of emotion complexion as the music ceases and the crowd’s obvious resentment for his presence surrounds him like a warm blanket of hate.
Sebastian Reid: I'll take you what this guy looks ready for war.
Taylor Lorde: And his opponent, weighing in at 225 pounds, and hailing from Passaic, New Jersey, he is the self professed King of Cannes, he is “Evil” Paul Rudd!
The Greatest Man Who Ever Lived by Weezer starts to play and the crowd instantly begins to boo.
Jimmy Garcia: The fans might be torn on who to cheer tonight because they hate both of these men.
Gravedigger: Fans don't know nothing. These guys play to win no matter what it takes. To me men like that are the real heroes.
Sebastian Reid: Hey, just win.
Jimmy Garcia: Not you too.
Sebastian Reid: Well Jimmy, you don't make the big money, you don't get the main events by losing.
Gravedigger: Here, here!
Jimmy Garcia: Where the hell is “Evil” Paul Rudd?
The crowd begins to get restless as no one emerges from the curtain. David Sanchez looks disgusted from the ring.
Sebastian Reid: I don't know. He did say earlier in the week he didn't have to follow the rules everyone else does. Maybe Paul Rudd decided he didn't want to compete tonight and didn't bother showing up.
The referee seems ready to award the decision to David Sanchez when “Evil” Paul Rudd creeps out from underneath the ring black doctor's bag in hand. He rolls into the ring.. sneaks up on Sanchez and drills him in the knee with a socket wrench he pulled from the bag. The crowd erupts into booing as Rudd taunts the fans before placing the bag in the corner and demanding the official ring the bell.
Gravedigger: What a brilliant move from “Evil” Paul Rudd! He's probably been hiding under the ring the whole night waiting to do that!
Jimmy Garcia: Brilliant move? That was a dirty cheap shot! I can't believe the referee Angus McBain just called for the opening bell! David can barely put any weight on that knee. And Paul Rudd clips it out from under him again! He hooks the good leg and makes a cover.
kick out anyway!
Sebastian Reid: Look at Rudd kick away at that bad knee. David Sanchez has been in a lot of wars. But I don't think he expected this. Look at that.. Paul Rudd has locked in a figure four leglock around the ring post! He might get the submission here.
Gravedigger: No, he might get counted out as the referee is counting. At the count of eight Rudd releases the hold and rolls back in at the count of nine. Paul Rudd going up to the top rope now. David Sanchez trying to pull himself to his feet. He looks shaky.. and eats a top rope dropkick to the knee! Rudd is going to pin him.
Jimmy Garcia: No, David Sanchez rolled the shoulder just before the pin! This guy is a tough, veteran wrestler. But Evil Paul Rudd, who has quickly proven he is a much better wrestler then he has any right to be has locked in a half boston crab.
Sebastian Reid: The advantage of the half boston crab here as opposed to the full one is that Rudd can put all the torque on that injured right knee of Sanchez.
Gravedigger: Nope you're wrong. The real advantage is that he can grab the top rope with a his free and really bring the pain!
Jimmy Garcia: You approve of that?
Gravedigger: You see the grimace of pain on Sanchez's face? I approve of anything that works! Referee looks up and Paul Rudd releases the ropes just in time. Angus is asking why the ropes are shaking and Paul Rudd is blaming the wind! It's an indoor arena I can't believe that worked.
Sebastian Reid: Now he's got the ropes again. Referee is checking on Sanchez.. He just might tap. He could.. no.. he kicks Rudd in the skull with his free leg booting him off of the hold! David Sanchez hobbling to his feet now. He's exchanging punches with Paul Rudd and seemingly getting the better of this exchange! He drops Paul with a palm strike to the solar plexus!
Jimmy Garcia: David grabs Paul by the throat and immediately Rudd thumbed him right in the eye! Now look at this.. He's dragging Sanchez's face along the top rope further demaging the eyes! David trying to clear his vision now.. only to get caught from behind with a ruke awakening style neckbreaker. Paul makes the cover.. and for fuck's sake. He's got his feet on the ropes for extra leverage.
Gravedigger: Of course he does. Referee makes the count.
Sebastian Reid: Evil Paul Rudd arguing with the referee now, making the point that of all things he put his feet on the ropes AFTER the pinfall. Obviously this isn't working very well. David meanwhile is getting up and Paul turns around connecting with a leg whip to further damage that knee.
Gravedigger: Paul Rudd might have him finished here, but look at this. He's playing to the crowd by stomping the canvas.. he's walking the red carpet.. he's about to give David Sanchez his Tribute To The Oscars! I love it! Superkick to the groin! David caught the leg.. spins Rudd around and accidently on purpose! He nailed that lariat to the back of the head! David Sanchez is an artist with those vicious strikes of his! Now both men are down trying to recover. Referee is putting a count on them.
Sebastian Reid: And Rudd rises to his feet. He grabs Sanchez from behind.. german suplex coming in.. it's blocked.. go behind by David Sanchez and he nails a German Suplex of his own! Now Sanchez mounts Rudd and unloads on him with some powerful forearms and palm strikes to the head. This is a smart move. He doesn't have to put any pressure on that knee and still gets to bring the pain to Rudd. Paul's dirty tactics gained him the advantage but it looks like Sanchez's wrestling experience is winning out.
Gravedigger: It ain't over yet. Referee imploring David to get off of him. Fucking refs, always think they are above the law. This is a legal move stupid. David graciously obeys the referee like the great mayor he is.
Jimmy Garcia: Was. He is no longer the mayor of Chicago, thankfully.
Gravedigger: You had to bring that up didn't you Jimmy? Paul getting up.. and the tramadol nights snap brainbuster knocks him down.. and possibly out! Sanchez makes a cover.
Sebastian Reid: Paul Rudd crawling towards the corner now, trying to get himself a break. He might be worn out here. No.. he tried to sucker Sanchez and cheap shot him with a chain out of his singlet but Sanchez knocks the weapon aside boots him hard in the chest then executes the cornerstone blues planting Rudd on the bottom turnbuckle with a hard DDT! He makes another cover.
No.. foot on the ropes for Rudd.
Jimmy Garcia: At least Rudd finally used the ropes in a legal way. David Sanchez with a knee drop on the downed Rudd. Then he does it again! Then a third one! Paul Rudd dragging himself back to his feet and he eats the central nervous shutdown! That single underhook spike DDT just took all the wind out of Rudd's sails. He isn't moving. David Sanchez is waiting for him to get up.
Gravedigger: We've seen this before. The Medusa's Touch yakuza kick has finished off many an opponent! Paul finally gets to his feet. The Medusa's Touch.. hits the referee a glancing shot! What a horrible referee! Getting in the way of that move. He should be fired!
Jimmy Garcia: What are you talking about? Paul Rudd pushed the referee in the path of that move! And now he just tossed powder right in the eyes of David Sanchez!
Sebastian Reid: David trying to clear his eyes.. But he's about to be in more trouble. Paul Rudd has that doctor's bag with the wrench inside. He opens it up and pulls out.. a full bottle of Zim-Quila! Paul Rudd looks shocked. How did that happen?
Jimmy Garcia: Paul Rudd did steal that bag from the late Alex Richards. Maybe it's haunted! David Sanchez grabs Paul Rudd from behind by the throat. Headbutt to the back of the head! Second heabutt. Right into the tiger suplex. Ohh.. Rudd blasted Sanchez in the face with that bottle in mid move! David lands hard all his weight on the back of his neck.
Gravedigger: That's what I call bottle service! Rudd hits the still unbroken bottle out of the ring. Referee is starting to stir. Paul drags Sanchez back to his feet, I think he's already out.. back stabber into the rear naked choke.. Evil Accolades!
Sebastian Reid: Referee is over. I don't think Sanchez is conscious. He checks the arm.. then check it again. He raises the arm a third time
Taylor Lorde: Your winner of the match as the result of a technical submission, “Evil” Paul Rudd!
Gravedigger: Did you see that coming Jimmy? I'll bet you didn't! Don't you ever say “Evil” Paul Rudd is a not a wrestler again Jimmy! He just beat the former Intercontinental and Rising Stars champion!
Jimmy Garcia: By using a wrench and a bottle of alcohol as weapons to do it!
Sebastian Reid: Jimmy, that's why you aren't a wrestler. No matter how you do it. The result is the only thing anyone remembers.
“Evil” Paul Rudd stands in the ring hands raised, celebrating his victory. Enjoying the boos. It looks like he's about to make a speech as he demands the microphone from Taylor Lorde. Just then the bottle of Zim-Quila that was discarded floats it's way into the ring. The crowd cheers massively.
Gravedigger: Oh.. fuck no.
Evil Paul Rudd: About time you idiots realized real talent! I'm your better.. I deserve your appalause! All of your appalause! Could any of you idiots have beaten the greatest thing to ever happen to Chicago? Fuck no! But Evil Paul Rudd could! Hell Evil Paul Rudd destroys all the heroes of Chicago! Maybe I should run for mayor.. no governor!
The top of the bottle pops off.. the liquid inside seems to be disappearing. Then some of it dumps out.. and Alex Richards appears out of nowhere to a monsterous, blow the roof off type of pop from the fans.
Paul Rudd: Former world champion Alex Richards! That's Alex Richards! He's back!
Alex taps Paul on the shoulder. He spins around and turns white as a sheet.
Evil Paul Rudd: It can't be... I fucking killed you. I watched you suffer.. I watched you die! You can't fucking be here.
Alex Richards: You can't fucking kill the king of mass confusion! And you know what they say.. you come at the king you best not miss. That's right I actually read! I prefer reading when I'm drunk so I can read multiple blurry boots at once though. More fun that way.
Tribute to the Oscars! Evil Paul Rudd boots Alex in the junk! He goes behind Alex, only to get nailed in the skull with the steel mauy thai cup Alex had down his pants.
Alex Richards: I knew you were going to do that. You're fucking mine now Rudd.
Big Boot drops Rudd hard! He throws him into the corner and blasts Rudd with a running knee to the head causing him to collapse in the corner. When he then nails the corner crush flattening Rudd's face with his backside. Paul rolls out under the bottom rope.. staggers over the railing and escapes through the crowd.
Alex Richards: I ain't done with you Rudd! You can bet on that. But I didn't come back from the dead. Come back to wrestling just for Evil Paul Rudd. I would have remained dead to the world. I would have been content never wrestling again. But I had to come back. I'm here on Guardian business!
The crowd gives a mixed reaction. Some still cheering Alex, some booing the direction of the Guardians.
Alex Richards: I know. That's why I'm back. I'm here to make things right with the Guardians. But right now I'm here to drink Zim-Quila and watch my tag team partner Bonnie Blue defend the world title. After that.. well you all know things have a way of working out for the King of Mass Confusion now don't ya? Now.. are you gonna play my music or what?
I'm Not Like Everybody Else by the Kinks plays and the crowd erupts agaion as Alex Richards picks up his doctor's bag and walks out basking in the cheers.
Gravedigger: Motherfucker. I can't fucking believe HE is back.
Jimmy Garcia: Alex Richards.. back from the dead apparently.. here to fix the Guardians! Things just got interesting!
UCI Tag Team Championships
Tag Team Triple Threat Match
The Two Gents © vs Super Stache Brothers vs Damian Kaine/Kaz Mazy
The scene returns from the promotional video for the Tag Team Championship match and the camera pans across the tron as A.D.I.D.A.S. by Korn plays throughout the arena and The Mustache Bros walk out onto the stage to a chorus of boos from the Election Day crowd. The soak in – in their minds – the adulation from the thousands of adoring fans.
Taylor Lorde: On their way to the ring...from Mustache Manor...at a combined weight of 455 pounds...THE HOTTEST THING YOU'LL EVER SEE, THE SUPER STACHE BROS!!!
Biff and Buff taunt chauvinistically towards the crowd as they walk down the ramp, sliding into the ring.
Jimmy Garcia: The Super Stache Bros have been very vocal on Twitter, absolutely disgusted with the fact that they have to share their number one contendership with Damian Kaine, and that hatred extends to his chosen partner, Kaz Mazy.
Gravedigger: As well he should be, they're both vanilla midgets, and in my day I would have taken them both out behind the wood shed.
Sebastian Reid: Now you need assistant to get out of your chair.
Gravedigger: Fuck you. I can't wait to see the look on both of your faces when The Super Stache Bros win the Tag Team Championships tonight.
Sebastian Reid: I never disagreed with your opinion; the Stache Bros are a very cohesive unit and though they may joke around in their promos, are very vicious animals in the squared circle.
They hit the middle and do some fucky weird taunt that gets the crowd riled up again before stretching out and awaiting their opponents. They stare out at the stage as gold lights begin to blast on the stage and “Holy Diver” by Killswitch Engage blasts throughout the arena and the crowd explodes. Damian Kaine and Kaz Mazy walk out on to the stage to more thunderous cheers.
Taylor Lorde: On their way to the ring...at a combined weight of 410 pounds...they are the “Dolphin King” and “The Godson of Professional Wrestling”...DAMIAN KAINE AND KAZ MAAAAZY!!!
Jimmy Garcia: These two have an advantage tonight; nobodies seen how they work together in tandem. We could be looking at the new Tag Team Champions right now!
Gravedigger: I wouldn't count on it Jimmy! These guys will be lucky to make it out with their necks in tact.
Sebastian Reid: We'll have to wait and see! Other than that, it's good to have some star power in the UCI like Kaz Mazy; he has a bevy and wealth of knowledge to pass down to a guy like Damian Kaine.
Jimmy Garcia: You're absolutely right he does!
Gravedigger: Like, fantastic failures and how to commit them?
Kaine and Mazy run down the ramp and slide into the ring, each of them going to opposite turnbuckles. They pose towards the crowd, then point towards each other as they both hit a backflip off their respective turnbuckles and meet in the middle, hitting that dap as they turn around! The crowd reignites for this throwback entrance before Kaz and Kaine stare out towards the Stache Bros, who taunt them from the ring apron. Before things get too heated, a deep voice booms from the PA system "In the world of the fantasy land of Kem begot a new type of warrior, one which was created from the fires of the star Elume and forged in the great battles of the third age. A warrior so daring and so brave that King Dennis the maker himself would try to destroy him and fail. This man is more than man, he is legend"
The Crowd explodes as a twanging bass riff from “I Need A Hero” by Bonnie Tyler cuts through the stadium. All eyes converge on the entrance ramp as spotlights swirl through the audience. Finally, with a burst of pyro and a screaming trumpet blast, Teddy Sol flies through the curtain, hands in the air, Andre Jenson following just behind, Tag Team Championship belts around their waists. With a deep bow and a flourish from Teo, the two begin making their way to the ring. They lean over to high five the front row, posing with a few lucky fans for photos as they does so. The crowd offers appreciative applause and chants before the Gents rolls under the ropes into the ring.
Jimmy Garcia: The Tag Team Champions look in prime form tonight!
Gravedigger: Prime form to lose to my Stache boys!
Sebastian Reid: I don't normally agree with Digger, but I'm three for three here. My money is on The Two Gents losing their belts tonight.
Gravedigger: Smart money, Sebastian.
Jimmy Garcia: Don't count your chips before you cash out! First rule in gambling! The Two Gents may just prove you wrong!
They turn towards a couple of turnbuckles and hop to the top, raising their hands before Teo backflips into the ring. They runs across to the opposite and Teo once again backflips onto his his feet. Finally, the chaps turn towards a ring corner and give a couple of thumbs up to the front row as they await the opening bell.
Taylor Lorde: The following tag team contest is scheduled for...
Crowd: ONE FALL!
Taylor Lorde: AND IS FOR THE UCI TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIPS!!!
The referee holds the belts high into the air for another crowd POP and calls for the bell.
DING DING DING!
Kaine starts off for his team, Biff for the Stache Bros, and Teo for the Two Gents! As the other three take their spots on the apron, Biff walks towards the middle of the ring and starts circling back and forth between Kaine and Teo. He licks his fingers and waxes his stache as he taunts both of them to bring it on...his face barely registers into an “OH SHIT!” look before Kaine and Teo both hit him with a kick to the gut and drop him with a double suplex as the crowd starts to cheer.
Jimmy Garcia: And here we go! Kaine and Teo starting it off with a strong message to the Stache Bros.
Jenson claps at Teo from the corner...before quickly pointing at Kaine, who closes in on Teo and drives him to the mat with a quick lariat.
Gravedigger: No allies in the ring!
Kaine taunts high as Biff starts to get back to his feet, using the ropes and a hand up from his brother Buff. Buff psyches Biff up and pushes him back to the fight. Kaine and Biff lock up, before Biff breaks the clutch and locks Kaine in a headlock, knocking his knee out from under him and lowering them down to the mat. Kaine attempts to break the hold, but Biff's technical prowess shine here as he switches the hold into a armbar, locking his leg around Kaine's face. Kaine barely manages to slip out, but Biff runs his boot down Kaine's face which causes the crowd to jeer at the Stache Bros.
Gravedigger: You can't teach greatness like that! You're only born that way!
Sebastian Reid: Great technical showing from the talented Biff Mustache! Probably learned that from his brother Buff!
Biff rubs his hands through his air...just as Teo comes flying in with a hurricanrana that sends Biff flying to the mat, but Biff quickly rolls to his feet. Teo comes back with a flying forearm, dropping Biff again, but another quick roll to the feet. Teo bounces off the ropes again...but Biff ducks underneath Teo's forearm and comes back with a knee to the gut. He goes to flip Teo over with a hip toss, but Kaine comes bounding off the ropes with a double dropkick that drops both men to the mat. Biff rolls to his corner and tags in Buff, who climbs into the ring to a round of boos.
Jimmy Garcia: The UCI faithful showing no love for the eldest Mustache Brother!
Gravedigger: They don't know skill, they don't know raw talent!
Sebastian Reid: They don't know dick jokes.
Buff moves towards Kaine, but before Kaine can go for a lockup, Buff hits him with an underhand punch and gut kick that bounds Damian forward. He locks up his head, gyrates his hips, and drops Kaine to the mat with that sexual DDT. Buff does five quick pushups before jumping to his feet and taunting out towards the crowd. Teo climbs to his feet as Buff cracks a smile. He quaffs his hair and walks sinisterly towards Teo, but Teo nails him in the gut with an elbow, before leaping on Buff's shoulders and crossing him up with a headscissors...but Buff powers out and flings Teo around into a samoan drop that rocks the ring and commands another set of boos from the crowd.
Gravedigger: Buff Mustache owning the ring right now!
Kaine climbs groggily to his feet as Buff attempts to run his knee into Kaine's face...but Kaine dips out of the way and rolls Buff up for the count.
Jimmy Garcia: Kick out by Buff!
Buff rolls through and Kaine gets to his feet. Kaine launches his foot into the gut of Buff, but Buff catches his leg, drives his elbow into Kaine's knee, and flips him over for a single leg crab hold, stretching Kaine's leg to it's limit. Kaine shouts in agony, reaching his hand out towards Kaz, whose hand is outstretched to catch his tag. As Kaine nears ever close to Kaz, Buff stands up and walks back towards the middle of the ring, dropping back down on Kaine's leg. Kaz motions for Kaine to hold on.
Gravedigger: We could have new champions!
But Teo approaches Buff to break the hold. Buff lets go of Kaine's leg as he goes for a lock up on Teo, but Teo ducks underneath his lunge and drives his boot into Buff's thigh, and with each strike, the crowd counts along.
Jimmy Garcia: Wait!...
Buff whips around and catches Teo's next kick, whipping him around, and goes for an elevated back suplex...but Teo rolls over, bounces off the ropes, and dropkicks Buff's feet out from under him!
Jimmy Garcia: Teo chops him down!
Teo kips up and goes for a springboard off the ropes, but Biff pulls the ropes down, sending Teo sprawling to the outside of the ring!
Jimmy Garcia: Disgusting!
Sebastian Reid: Absolutely smart thinking by the youngest Stache Bro!
Jenson motions towards Biff as Buff laughs at Teo. But Kaine, who had been nursing his leg, finally reaches his corner and tags in his partner to an enormous POP the UCI thickful!
Jimmy Garcia: Kaz Mazy in the ring now!
Buff turns around and goes for a lariat, but Kaz ducks underneath and bounces off the ropes. Buff drops to the mat and Kaz springs over him. Buff gets back to his feet and hits the leap frog and goes after Kaz...but Kaz jumps to the top rope and springs off with a backflip, landing behind Buff. Buff turns around as Kaz goes for an enziguiri...
Jimmy Garcia: Buff ducks and Kaz wiffs it!
Buff grabs Kaz around the waist and goes for a german suplex, but Kaz rolls through and lands on his feet in the corner. He leaps up to the middle turnbuckle as Buff turns around, flying off with a shooting star DDT that drives Buff's head into the mat to raucous applause from the crowd.
Crowd: YOU STILL GOT IT! YOU STILL GOT IT! YOU STILL GOT IT!
Teo rolls back into the ring, recuperating from the fall to the outside, stumbling in to his corner to tag in Andre Jenson, who climbs into the ring to cheers from the crowd. He moves towards Kaz and they lock up, A J goes for the armbar, but Kaz rolls forward and climbs to his feet, spinning the standing armbar around on Jenson. Kaz stretches him out, pushing his knee down to the mat, but Jenson reaches up and whips Kaz forward with a snapmare, locking him up in a headlock.
Crowd: LETS GO JENSON! LETS GO KAZ! LETS GO JENSON! LETS GO KAZ! LETS GO JENSON! LETS GO KAZ!
Kaz rolls up through the leg lock, pinning Jenson's shoulders to the mat for the count.
Jimmy Garcia: Jenson swiftly kicks out, but Kaz effectively broke the lock!
They both kip up to their feet and stare each other down as the crowd starts to heat up a little bit. They circle around before locking up again, as Kaz whips behind him and locks his arms around Jenson's waist, Buff mustache comes up from behind both of them and grabs them both around the waist. He does a small humping gesture before lifting them both up and dropping them simultaneously with one german suplex! Kaz takes the brunt of the maneuver and rolls towards the apron, near Kaine who is still nursing his knee as Buff lifts Jenson off the ground. He drives him face first into his turnbuckle and tags in Biff. Biff climbs in as Buff drives his shoulder into Teo's gut and the referee motions for Buff to leave.
Jimmy Garcia: The Tag Team Champions are in trouble right now as the Stache Bros absolutely dominate this match up!
While the referee is distracted with getting Buff out of the ring, Biff drives his boot into the throat of Jenson, and then rams him right in the face with his knee to a massive chorus of BOOS from the crowd. Buff climbs out of th ering just as Jenson rolls out of the corner and Biff drops down for the pinfall.
Jimmy Garcia: Broken up by Mazy right in the nick of time!
Biff slaps the mat as he gets to his feet and turns towards Kaz. Biff hits an overhand right, a quick gut jab, goes for a spinning backfist...but Mazy ducks it and Biff whips around...
Jimmy Garcia: RKAZROOO!!!...
But Biff pushes Kaz away and backs up. Kaz bounces off the ropes as Biff goes for his patented scissor kick...but Kaz ducks underneath it and bounds off the ropes and comes back into a hip toss from Biff, but rolls through and lands on his feet...but Biff anticipates it, turning around with a hard elbow that drops Kaz to the mat and the crowd emits a low rumbling jeer towards Biff.
Gravedigger: Mama AssStache is rollin' in her grave.
Sebastian Reid: Mama Stache is alive, Digger.
Gravedigger: Sebastian, show some respect, their mother is dead for fucks sake.
Jimmy Garcia: But she's not d...
Biff laughs and soaks in the boos, strutting around the ring like some sexual peacock before dropping down on Kaz, rolling over his back, and locking him up in a north south choke. He goes for a gator roll...but eats a dropkick to the face from a rebounding Jenson. The crowd starts to heat up as Jenson starts feelin' his oats. He storms around the ring as Kaz climbs to his feet and Jenson lifts him off his feet.
Jimmy Garcia: THE NATURAL 20!
The move connects and Jenson climbs back to his feet as Biff stumbles to his feet.
Jimmy Garcia: THE NATURAL 20 TO BIFF MUSTACHE!
Jenson drops down and goes for the pinfall on Biff.
Jimmy Garcia: BUFF STORMS THE RING AND BREAKS UP THE PINFALL!
But Buff starts letting loose with powerful stomps to Jenson's back and neck. Teo's had enough and he storms in the ring and hits Buff with a flying forearm...but Buff lariats him out of the air and Teo eats the mat. Buff pulls Biff to his feet and points at Kaz, who is starting to get to his feet, but Kaine storms the ring and the referee has lost all control. Kaine turns Biff around...
Jimmy Garcia: Superkick!...but Biff ducks it!
Buff grabs Kaine, but Teo and Jenson come flying in on the Stache Bros with a pair of double dropkicks, knocking them back into the ropes as Kaine falls towards Kaz. Teo and Jenson rush them again, go for a lariat a piece, but Biff and Buff reverse them both and throw them over the top rope towards the entrance ramp with a back suplex that rocks the entire arena. The Stache Bros high five, but their celebration is early as Kaine and Kaz come barreling towards them, sending them both up and over the top rope down towards the floor with the Two Gents. Kaz and Kaine look towards each other with a smile brimming across both their faces. The crowd starts to heat up as the point at each other and then towards the turnbuckles. Kaz and Kaine both start pumping themselves up, shouting towards the crowd as they ascend the top turnbuckle and take aim at their opponents on the floor.
Sebastian Reid: It's not worth it! This looks stupid. Stupid doesn't win matches.
Gravedigger: Then they should do it Sebastian!
Jimmy Garcia: What are they setting up here!
As the four men outside the ring start to climb to their feet, Kaz and Kaine point at each other before leaping off the turnbuckles.
Jimmy Garcia: DOUBLE 450 SPLASH! MAMMA STACHE PAPA STACHE!
Crowd: HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!
All six men are now out of commission on the arena floor as the crowd continues to chant.
Crowd: THIS IS AWESOME! THIS IS AWESOME! THIS IS AWESOME! THIS IS AWESOME!
Jimmy Garcia: WHAT A MOVE! WHAT A MATCH!
The men on the ground start to stir, starting with Kaz and Kaine. Kaz climbs to his feet and tosses Biff into the ring as Buff starts to stir. Kaz goes for the pinfall on Biff.
Jimmy Garcia: Shoulder up from Biff and the match continues I cant believe it!
Gravedigger: Believe it! It's going to take a lot more than that to take the Stache Bros down!
Kaz shakes off his own stars as he pulls Biff to his feet but the moment Kaz positions himself to finish the match, Biff spins around and nails him with a Rolling Elbow knocking him back! Out of nowhere, Buff appears behind Kaz locking both arms around his from behind before lifting him up in a Double Chickenwing!
Gravedigger: Oh my God! They’re going for it! Here it is!
Biff runs to the ropes behind him then rebounds for a better chance at gaining velocity. He leaps up in front of Kaz is thrown down into Biff locking his hands around his head before falling down with his knees up. A Codebreaker uproots severe pain into the chin of Kaz knocking him onto his back!
Jimmy Garcia: MUSTACHE DRIVER! THE MUSTACHE DRIVER! BUFF MUSTACHE TO HIS FEET WHILE BIFF IS HOLDING DAMIAN KAINE BACK!
Teo gets up on the apron, a look of desperation in his eyes as he leaps in the air.
Sebastian Reid: ANOTHER CODEBREAKER FROM BUFF! HE COVERS TEO!
Ding Ding Ding!
“A.D.I.D.A.S” by Korn replays around the arena interior leaving the entire audience in awe of what happened. Jenson at ringside shaking his head while Damian is tending to his partner. Both of the stache brothers get back on their feet hugging each other, receiving the UCI Tag Team Championship belts and getting their arms raised!
Taylor Lorde: Here are your winners and the NEW UCI Tag Team Champions, The Super Stache Brothers!
Sebastian Reid:Oh my God! They did it, they actually did it!
Jimmy Garcia: The Super Stache Brothers have achieved the impossible! They are the new UCI Tag Team Champions and also the top of the tag team division! Congratulations and now we move onto our main event after these messages!
UCI World Heavyweight Championship
Fatal Four Way Match
Bonnie Blue © vs Casey Holliday vs Kevin Bishop vs Shadowlove
"Event Horizon" by Stiched Up Heart officially begins as the drums start picking up along the song. A single spotlight emerges center stage exposing Kevin Bishop's back to the crowd, the design of his jacket the only thing seen to the audience's eyes. With the hoodie over his head, he slowly turns around to look at the disloyal fools booing him, slandering his name in their sheer ignorance. The chorus of the song begins which he expands his arms out to the side and a flash of golden fireworks explodes on each side of the stage. After that sequence has finished, he removes the hoodie from on top of his head then marches down the entrance path assuming that glorious posture in his walk. Ignoring the fans' arms as they stretch out in a futile attempt to touch the King, Kevin Bishop looks dead ahead, focused only on the ring.
He takes a few moments to walk around the ring, eyeing down the crazy booing fans behind the barricades. When he climbs up the steel steps, he also takes his place on the middle turnbuckle outside of the ropes. Kevin Bishop raises his arms above his head, posing for the crowd, a bitter expression on his face as he glares out over the crowd. The lights instantly come back to life, lighting every detail of the interior of the stadium. Kevin drops over the top rope down into his corner as he removes his hoodie then tosses it at ringside.
Sebastian Reid: There is the man who just one month ago at Lazarus fell from grace when he was defeated by Bonnie Blue for the World Championship. Tonight, he looks to not only get his title back, but to get his revenge as well.
The chorus of "Fashion" by Lady Gaga hits the PA system and Casey Holliday steps through the curtains, the Intercontinental title slung over one shoulder, instantly drawing boos from the crowd. She scoffs at this and completely ignores them, as she starts to walk down the ramp, obviously confident in her self-proclaimed, prodigious abilities. She has a smirk on her face as she gets to the ring, obviously enjoying the hate she's getting from the fans. When she enters the ring, she finally acknowledges them with a 'hush' signal, which only serves to incite them to boo her louder. Casey has a laugh to herself at this, as she starts to focus on her match and the song fades.
Sebastian Reid: The Intercontinental Champion could become a double champion tonight. If she gets pinned, she won’t lose her title, but she certainly won’t win Bonnie Blue’s, which is what it’s all about tonight.
"PERSONAL JESUS” by Depeche Mode begins to play throughout the darkened Arena. A mixture of multicolored laser lights and strobe lights illuminate the Arena along with theatrical smoke and fog sets the scene like a Four Season Fashion Show. The Audience throughout the Arena stand in anticipation for what is about to be the "New and Improved" wrestling trend in the UCI.
Coming through the theatrical smoke and fog and appearing under the fashion show lighting is the one and only, "The First Couple of Professional Wrestling" in all of sports entertainment, "The Handsome Half-breed" Shadowlove, along with his personal bodyguard/valet, "The Fashionista Sensei" Ms. Miyamoto, stopping for a second, taking in the aura of the Arena, pose like fashion models on a catwalk.
The Audience throughout the Arena begin clicking away with their cameras like the paparazzi during a "Hollywood" premiere. Ms. Miyamoto leads the way down the aisle with "flirty" confidence as Shadowlove, a few steps behind her, enjoying the view. "The First Couple of Professional Wrestling" make their way to the squared circle. Shadowlove slides into the ring like a snake. Ms. Miyamoto, with catlike precision, walks up the ringside steps and seductively enters the ring through the second rope.
Sebastian Reid: He’s got the looks. He’s got the woman. But can he win the richest prize in our sport? And if he can’t, will the woman and the looks be enough for him?
The slow beat of Rihanna's "Same Ol' Mistakes" rolls through the arena as blue and white spotlights, synchronized to the music, flare on and off against a darkened stage. Bonnie Blue appears, the UCI World Championship slung over her shoulder, peering at the audience over the rims of a pair of teal shutter shades. A mixture of boos and cheers pours forth from all directions as she surveys her domain, a defiant smirk on pink-glossed lips.
I can just hear them now
"How could you let us down?"
They don't know what I felt
Or see it from this way round
Sliding the shades back up, Bonnie makes her way along the aisle with a confident swagger, posing for a few selfies with fans as she reaches ringside. Bonnie's steady pace takes her midway around the ring. Without hesitation, she leaps up onto the ring apron and kneels to strike a cocky pose, back leaning against the middle rope. She gazes out across the audience for a moment before slipping through the ropes.
Feeling it overtake
All that I used to hate
Wonder what if we trade
I tried but it's way too late...
Haughtily, she saunters around the ring until she reaches her corner, where she hands off her vest, shades, and the strap resting on her shoulder.
Sebastian Reid: There she is. The Queen. The UCI World Champion. She turned her back on the fans, but she did it to win the title, and when you put it in that context, would we have done any differently. Regardless, she has to defend that title now, not the #Beachkrew, not anybody else, just her, and she’s got her hands full with the three challengers standing in that ring. Let’s go to Taylor Lorder for the introductions.
Taylor Lorde: Ladies and gentlemen, this contest is a Fatal Fourway Match scheduled for one fall with no time limit and it is for the UCI World Championship! In this contest, there are no disqualifications and no count outs. The first person to score a pinfall or a submission will be declared the winner and the champion. Introducing the challengers that YOU the fans voted for; first, from from New York City, New York, weighing in at 245 pounds, he is “The Creeping Plague” -- KEVIIINN BISHOP!!!
The crowd cheers and boos.
Taylor Lorde: From Bellevue, Washington, weighing in at 125 pounds, your UCI Intercontinental Champion -- CAAASEEYY HOLLIDAAAAYYY!!!
The crowd cheers and boos.
Taylor Lorde: From our nation’s capital, Washington, D.C….
The crowd pops.
Taylor Lorder: Accompanied by Ms. Miyamoto and her body guards Kyodai and Shatei, weighing in at 235 pounds, SHADOWLOOOOOVE!!!
The crowd cheers.
Taylor Lorde: And now introducing…
The crowd boos loudly.
Jimmy Garcia: She could care less.
Taylor Lorde: From parts unknown, weighing in at 136 pounds, the reigning and defending YOU-SEA-EYE World Champion -- BONNIIEEE BLUE!!!
The crowd overwhelmingly boo her.
The ref goes to take the title. Bonnie holds it out but doesn’t release it right away when the ref grabs it.
Sebastian Reid: She’s so cocky.
Gravedigger: Wouldn’t you be?
Finally, she lets go of the belt. The ref shows it to the challengers and the crowd, but all of a sudden, “Turbo Lover” by Judas Priest plays over the loudspeakers. Mama Mustache walks down the aisle. The smarks in the crowd pop.
Sebastian Reid: What the hell is this?! She’s not scheduled to be out here!
Gravedigger: Jimmy, get your barf bag ready this time, pal.
She enters the ring and screams “Gimme a fuckin’ mic” at Taylor Lorde.
Mama Mustache: I don’t care what no rigged gawd damn poll says. I shoulda been on that gawd damn fuckin’ ballot. I know it, the fuckin’ fans know it, shit, my husband knows it and he doesn’t even know what year it fuckin is!
The smarks cheer.
Mama Mustache: So I’m not waitin’ on that gawd damn cocksucka Spencah Adams ta give me my World Gawd Damn Title shawt! I’m officially enterin’ myself into this gawd damn match right now!!!
The smarks cheer as Mama pulls off her moo-moo dress and reveals a purple wrestling leotard that reveals...let’s just say a lot.
Gravedigger: Look away, Jimmy!
Mama Mustache: You think I can’t take the four of you on?! Just ask Led Zepplin! We were doin’ the Stairway to Heaven before any uh youse were an itch an ya daddy’s ballsacks!
Sebastian Reid: What the hell is she talking about?
Jimmy Garcia: I don’t know, I don’t care, I’m trying not to listen.
Mama Mustache: Ya think ya some kind of ladies’ man, Shadowlove? Why don’t you try eatin’ my spring rolls and forget about this rice paddy slut?!
Shadowlove and the bodyguards have to hold Miyamoto back.
Mama Mustache: So you’re the Intacontinental Champion, huh, Casey? Well, I’m the Intercoursinental Champion, and trust me, I will fuck you if you get in my gawd damn face!
Casey holds her title up and makes a “bring it” gesture.
Mama Mustache: Kevin Bishop, you wanna call yaself a plague? Well look unda my thawng and you’ll see some real fuckin’ plagues, my friend! They’re called herpes, chlamydia, and crabs, and trust me, these plagues can do more damage than you could eva do, ya bearded fuck!
Bishop just shakes his head.
Mama Mustache: And you, Bawnie Bitchface. You don’t think this “grandma” can take you awn? How about we clear this fuckin’ ring and settle this right here, right now, just you and me, you Marty McFly wannabe cunt!
Bonnie gives Mama the middle finger.
Spencer Adams and security come down to the ring.
Mama Mustahce: Oh, what the fuck is this shit?!
Sebastian Reid: Finally! We’re trying to have a World Title match here, and this woman, this NON-WRESTLER is trying to spoil it! She needs to be put in her place.
Spencer tries to ask politely for her to leave.
Mama Mustache: Oh, what, Spencer? You couldn’t get rid of me on ya own? Ya had to send the Keystone fuckin’ Cops to get me outta here? First ya screw me out of a title shot that ya own gawd damn talent thawt I should be considered for, and now ya kickin’ me out and ya don’t even have the bawlls to do it ya gawd damn self. Well, ya know what, fuck UTI and fuck you!
Security tries to grab her.
Mama Mustache: Don’t you fuckin’ touch me! I can walk outta here on my gawd damn own, ya fuckin’ hear me, you mawll cawp muthafuckas!
Before she leaves the ring, she stops in front of Spencer Adams.
Sebastian Reid: Now what’s she doing?
She stares at him for a second. Then, she grabs Spencer’s face, kisses him on the lips, and kicks him right in the balls.
The crowd pops.
Sebastian Reid: WHAT?!?!?!
Security grabs her arms and legs and gets her out of the ring. Cops come running from the back and slap handcuffs on her. The Super Stache Brothers run down to save her but police and security keep them away.
Sebastian Reid: GOOD, PUT HER IN JAIL, RIGHT WHERE SHE BELONGS! AND THROW AWAY THE KEY!
Before Mama goes through the curtain, she bends down and throws both middle fingers up.
Jimmy Garcia: Oh god, I did not need to see that.
Bonnie Blue walks to the side of the ring nearest the aisle, waves goodbye, and starts trash talking to Mama as she goes through the curtain.
Gravedigger: Um, Bonnie, you might want to turn around.
Bonnie turns around and realizes that all three challengers are surrounding her. She charges at Bishop, who hits her with a rolling elbow.
The bell rings to start the match.
Sebastian Reid: And finally, after that unwanted interruption, our World Title match gets underway!
All three challengers begin stomping away at Bonnie. Bishop tells Holliday and Shadowlove to pick her up. Holliday and Shadowlove send Bonnie off the ropes. Bishop makes contact with Bonnie using a running clothesline. Bonnie is turned inside out.
Sebastian Reid: What a clothesline!
Gravedigger: This is smart thinking by the challengers. The champ is the biggest threat, so go after her right away.
All three get Bonnie into the corner and take turns at chopping her chest like raw meat. They Irish whip her into the opposite corner. Holliday charges first with a spear but keeps her shoulder dug into Bonnie’s gut to hold her there. Shadowlove charges next with a running European uppercut. Finally, Bishop runs at her and hits her with a corner enzuigiri. Holliday lets up. Bonnie falls to the mat and Kevin kicks her out of the ring under the bottom rope.
Now the three challengers spread out and size each other up.
Gravedigger: Smart idea. After Bonnie, who’s the next biggest threat? The guy she took the title from Holliday and Shadowlove both go after Bishop, raining down punches on his back. They both Irish whip him into the corner. Holliday charges but gets a boot to the face. Shadowlove charges next but is met with a running clothesline.
Bishop sends Shadowlove off the ropes but Shadowlove reverses. He attempts a clothesline of his own but Bishop reverses and quickly goes for Black Death.
Shadowlove, however, catches Bishop and traps him in the figure four leglock. Bishop cries out in pain, trying to reach for the ropes but can’t quite make it.
Holliday hits a low dropkick on Shadowlove and takes advantage of Bishop’s weak position by locking in the Boston Crab. This time, Bishop is able to pull the weight of the light young woman and makes it to the ropes.
Holliday sends Bishop off the ropes but he reverses and bends down, telegraphing a monkey flip. Holliday scouts the move and hits a single knee facebuster, which sends Bishop hobbling back into the ropes. Shadowlove clotheslines him over the top rope.
Jimmy Garcia: This could be a good thing for Bishop. Now that he’s on the outside, he can try to ease the burden on the bad wheel that was just targeted by two submission moves.
Holliday attacks Shadowlove and sends him off the ropes. She attempts a clothesline but Shadowlove ducks, comes off the ropes, and hits a crossbody. He covers.
Holliday kicks out.
Sebastian Reid: Crossbodies don’t win a lot of matches these days, but in a match like this, you need to get the quick pin, so whatever you have to do to win, do it and do it quick.
Shadowlove grabs Holliday by the hair and gets her to her feet, but Holliday sweeps the legs and locks in a Boston Crab.
While Shadowlove struggles to get to the ropes, Bishop climbs back onto the apron, but Bonnie pulls him down and hits a stunner on the much bigger man. She runs into the ring and hits Holliday in the back of the head with a running forearm strike.
Bonnie mounts Holliday and hits a series of elbow strikes. She covers.
Holliday kicks out.
Bonnie locks in a double chickenwing on Holliday. Holliday screams out in pain but she gets to her feet and pushes off the top corner turnbuckle with her feet. Both women fall backwards and Holliday falls on top of Bonnie in a pin that is similar to Bret Hart’s pin on Roddy Piper from WrestleMania VIII.
The ref begins his three counts.
Bonnie kicks out.
Sebastian Reid:What a unique pin that was. That’s why she’s the Intercontinental Champ.
Gravedigger: But you said it yourself Sebastian. This is for the World Championship. If it wasn’t a three count, it doesn’t matter how unique the pin was.
Sebastian Reid: Good point.
Bonnie and Holliday get to their feet. Bonnie can be heard yelling “Little bitch” before attempting a clothesline. Holliday ducks and goes for a springboard tornado DDT, but Bonnie catches Holliday and throws her over the top rope and down to the floor.
Shadowlove rolls up Bonnie from behind.
Bonnie kicks out. Both opponents get to their feet but Bonnie hits Shadowlove with a superkick, which sends him out of the ring.
Shadowlove and Holliday get to their feet. Bonnie planchas over the top rope and falls right down on both challengers. She poses arrogantly for the fans but when she turns around, Bishop flies out of the ring with a heat seeking missile.
Jimmy Garcia: That’s a big man flying like that!
Bishop throws Holliday into the barricade. He goes after Shadowlove but Ms. Miyamoto rakes his back to no effect.
Sebastian Reid: Bad idea.
Bishop starts walking after her but Kyodai and Shatei attack him. Kyodai hooks Bishop’s arms. Shatei goes for a superkick but Bishop ducks and Kyodai gets the full effect of his partner’s foot. Bishop then grabs Shatei and gives him an apron powerbomb. Shadowlove tries to take advantage of the situation by charging at Bishop, but Bishop grabs Shadowlove and hits him with a uranage backbreaker.
UCI officials come down to the ring and help the two bodyguards to the back.
Sebastian Reid:Good, get them out of here, too!
Meanwhile, Bishop looks under the ring for weapons. He finds a table, pulls it out, and sets it up. The crowd pops.
Sebastian Reid: Uh-oh. What’s he thinking?
Gravedigger: One word: destruction.
He turns around and is met with a forearm smash by Bonnie. Bonnie goes to ram his face into the ring post but Bishop blocks it with his foot and rams Bonnie’s face into the steel steps.
Bishop gets Bonnie back into the ring. He sends her off the ropes and hits a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. He covers.
Bonnie kicks out but Bishop immediately goes into an armbar. Bonnie yells in pain but somehow gets her foot out far enough to touch the ropes with it.
Bishop goes to pick Bonnie up but she rakes his eyes and hits him with an STO.
Sebastian Reid: I don’t know if old Bonnie would have done that.
Gravedigger: Old Bonnie wasn’t the champion.
Bonnie goes to the top rope.
Sebastian Reid: What’s she thinking about here?
Before Bonnie can make it up all the way, Holliday gets back in the ring and runs up the turnbuckles. Her and Bonnie take turns striking each other but Holliday gets the better of the exchange. She tries to superplex Bonnie but Bonnie blocks it. Bishop makes it to his feet and gets under Holliday.
Sebastian: Oh God! TOWER OF DOOM!!!
Bishop powerbombs Holliday, which allows Holliday to superplex Bonnie.
The crowd pops.
As soon as Bonnie hits the mat, Shadowlove comes off the top rope with a diving headbutt.
Crowd: THIS IS AWESOME :clap clap clap clap clap:
Jimmy Garcia: Reminds me of the Korn song “Dead Bodies Everywhere.”
Shadowlove holds his head in pain, which allows Bishop to execute a package piledriver on him.
Holliday breaks up the pin. She gets Bishop to her feet and hits a forward Russian leg sweep. She covers.
Bishop kicks out. Holliday gets to her feet and comes down on Bishop with a somersault leg drop. Another cover.
Bishop kicks out. Holliday gets Bishop into the corner and chops him. She Irish whips him but Bishop reverses. He charges at Holliday but she gets her knees up and hits Bishop right in his chest. He stumbles back.
Sebastian Reid: Holliday gets to the second rope and hits a Tornado DDT!
Jimmy Garcia: And now she’s motioning for the Stock Plunge!
While this is happening, Bonnie is slowly crawling towards Shadowlove.
Holliday sets up for the Stock Plunge.
Sebastian Reid: Here it comes!
Holliday goes for the move but Bishop gets out of it and hits Holliday with a Tiger Bomb. He goes for the cover.
Gravedigger: Wait! Bonnie’s got her arm draped over Shadowlove.
The ref notices Bonnie’s pin first and starts to count. Bishop notices what’s happening.
Bishop breaks up the pin at the last second.
Bishop goes for a belly to back suplex on Bonnie, but Bonnie falls back on her feet and locks in a crossface chickenwing. She’s able to wrestle the big man down to the ground.
Jimmy Garcia: Bishop looks like he’s almost about out!
Sebastian Reid: Can she do it?!
Before anyone can find out, Shadowlove breaks up the submission hold by stomping on Bonnie. He gets her to her feet and hits her with a series of European uppercuts before hitting her with a Bionic Elbow.
Gravedigger: Shadowlove is gettin’ funky like a monkey!
Gravedigger: Come one, Shadowlove, don't get cocky now!
While Shadowlove distracts himself, Holliday comes off the ropes and hits a handspring back elbow smash. She covers.
Bishop breaks up the pin by deadlift German release suplexing Holliday. Bonnie follows up by clipping Bishop’s legs. He falls to his butt and Bonnie immediately hits him with a basement dropkick.
Bonnie starts to climb to the top.
Sebastian Reid: I think she’s going to go for some type of moonsault here. We know she’s got a lot of variations of it!
Bonnie takes to the air and hits a perfect 450 moonsault on Bishop.
She covers Bishop with her back to his torso, which is how she landed.
Gravedigger: She should hook the leg!
Holliday recovers and gets Bonnie in a jackknife pin.
Shadowlove breaks it up. He picks up Holliday and executes a slingshot gourdbuster.
Jimmy Garcia: But here comes Bonnie from behind!
Sebastian Reid: INFINITE PARADOX!
Jimmy Garcia: FOLLOWED BY TIMELOCK!
Shadowlove screams out in pain. Ms. Miyamoto hits the mat, trying to encourage her man on.
Gravedigger: Oh God, just think of his shoulder blades colliding in that hold! And he’s not going anywhere.
Shadowlove is on the verge of tapping when Bishop gets to his feet and hits a running shooting star press on Bonnie.
Jimmy Garcia: Saved by The Plague!
Bishop picks Bonnie up.
Sebastian Reid: I think he’s going for a brain buster!
Bonnie hits Bishop in the head with her knee on the way up. Bishop releases and Bonnie falls to her feet. Bonnie comes at Bishop but he catches her.
Sebastian Reid: THE CAST OUT!
Bonnie screams in pain.
Gravedigger: Kevin outweighs her by over 100 pounds. She’s ain’t going nowhere!
Bonnie has her face to the mat, trying to block out thoughts of tapping. However, she’s saved by Holliday, who hits Bishop with a rolling neck snap.
Jimmy Garcia: Holliday’s going for the Stock Plunge again on Bishop!
Sebastian Reid: But he gets out of it again.
Bishop pushes Holliday into Shadowlove, who greets her with one of his own moves.
Sebastian Reid: THE SEDUCTIVE HANDSOMENESS!
Bishop comes charging at Shadowlove.
Jimmy Garcia: And Bishop gets some Seductive Handsomeness for HIS troubles!
Sebastian Reid: Bonnie comes charging at Shadowlove, but he hits her with an IRIMI-KOKYUNAGE!
Gravedigger: Steven Seagal would be proud!
Shadowlove looks at the crowd.
Crowd: DDT! DDT!
Shadowlove looks at Ms. Miyamoto, who makes a slicing motion across her throat.
Sebastian Reid: He’s going to go for the DARK GIFT!
Jimmy Garcia: He’s setting it up!
Sebastian Reid: Oh my God! Bonnie just hit a jumping stunner OUT OF NOWHERE!
The crowd loses their minds.
Shadowlove flies out of the ring.
Holliday struggles to get to her feet. Bonnie stalks her. When Holliday makes it up, Bonnie attacks.
Sebastian Reid: TIME’S UP!
Jimmy Garcia: She’s signaling for the WEEPING ANGEL!
Gravedigger: She hits this, it’s all over!
Sebastian Reid: She’s got her up! And she hits it! It’s over! It’s all over!
Bishop breaks it up and grabs Bonnie from behind.
Sebastian Reid: IRON MAIDEN!!!
Gravedigger: How is Bonnie going to get out of this?!
Bishop wrenches back on Bonnie’s neck. She looks close to passing out, but Shadowlove arrives just in time to superkick Bishop. Bishop falls out of the ring. Shadowlove grabs Bonnie.
Jimmy Garcia: He’s going to go for SEDUCTIVE HANDSOMENESS on Bonnie! If he hits this, he can win the whole thing!
Shadowlove hooks the arms but Bonnie breaks free.
Sebastian Reid: TIMESTOPPER!
In a last ditch effort to save her man, Ms. Miyamoto gets on the apron and distracts the ref with her seductive ways. The ref tries to get her off the apron but to no avail. Bonnie releases the hold, comes off the ropes, and hits Miyamoto right in the face with a running knee lift. Miyamoto goes flying off the apron and through the table that Bishop had set up earlier in the match. The crowd goes nuts.
Crowd: HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!
EMTs immediately come out to ringside to help Miyamoto to the back. Shadowlove comes to and follows his woman and the EMTs to the back.
Gravedigger: What are you doing, man?! Forget her! Win the title!
Bonnie is very pleased with herself.
Gravedigger: She better pay attention to what’s going on in the ring and not what’s going on in the aisle. She already made that mistake once!
When she turns around, Bishop greets her with a kick to the gut.
Sebastian Reid: He locks the arms! THE INEVITABLE DEATH NAIL!
Bishop hits the three butterfly suplexes and the stalling sit out double arm DDT. He goes for the cover.
Jimmy Garcia: This is it!
Holliday breaks up the pin.
Jimmy Garcia: Oh man. Look at Bishop’s face. He is PISSED.
Sebastian Reid: Wouldn’t you? He had the match won!
Holliday sees the wrath in Bishop’s eyes. The both get to their feet. Holliday tries punching Bishop but to no avail. She tries to punch him again, but this time he catches her hand, grabs her hair, and pulls her out to the apron, where he kicks her in the gut and sets her up for a piledriver.
Sebastian Reid: Oh God, Bishop, don’t do this! Don’t do this! She’s a young kid!
Gravedigger: She should have just let him win.
Bishop lifts her up and drops her right on her head.
Jimmy Garcia: My God, that’s the hardest part of the ring! She could be paralyzed!
Gravedigger: That’s the risk in being in this match! She wants the glory, then she’s got to take the pain, too!
The crowd loves it regardless.
Crowd: HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!
Sebastian Reid: Wait, what’s this?!
Shadowlove comes running out from the back with a steel chair in his hands.
Bishop gets back in the ring. He picks up Bonnie but Bonnie chops him in the throat and spits the Blue Asian mist in his face.
Sebastian Reid: Bishop is blinded!
Shadowlove gets in the ring and swings at Bonnie but she ducks and Bishop gets hit instead.
Sebastian Reid: Bishop is out!
Shadowlove tries to swing at Bonnie again but Bonnie superkicks the chair right in his face. Shadowlove is knocked out of the ring.
Bonnie picks up the chair and lays it on top of Bishop. She goes out to the apron and springboards off the top rope.
Sebastian Reid: SONIC SCREWDRIVER!!!
She lands on Bishop and the chair. She holds her back for a second and writhes in pain before pushing the chair off of Bishop and covering him.
The bell rings.
Taylor Lorder: The winner of this contest and STILL UCI WORLD CHAMPION, BONNIE BLUE!!!
Sebastian Reid: She did it! Bonnie Blue is still the the champ!
Gravedigger: She outlasted three tough opponents and she did it without #Beachkrew getting involved. Haters better stop hatin’.
Jimmy Garcia: Yeah, but here they come now.
Bonnie Blue stands on the turnbuckles holding her belt in the air. The #Beachkrew grab her and hold her on their shoulders as marine themed confetti falls from the rafters.
Sebastian Reid: Well, I guess this is our reality until a challenger can find a way to get the belt off of this new Bonnie Blue, if that’s even possible. Regardless, ladies and gentlemen, tonight was about what YOU wanted to see and I think you got your money and your votes’ worth. From all of us here in UCI, this is Sebastian Reid saying goodnight from Washington, D.C.!
The camera fades as we get one last shot of the champ and her mates.