Post by Teo Blaze on Dec 13, 2020 19:55:13 GMT -5
“Put the money in the bag!”
“You know that glass is bullet-proof, right Einstein?”
“Who said that? You want a belly full of lead!?”
“A belly full of- oh boy, I hope you’re planning to use that money to hire a new writer!”
“Why I oughta- Who’s there?”
“Alright, I’m coming out with my hands up. If I say sorry, are you going to shoot me?”
“Let’s find out, tough guy!”
“Well lookee here. I think I’ve seen you on TV once or twice.”
“Oh, you watch a lot of TV, I’m shocked.”
“Shut up! Now I want you to give me one good reason why I shouldn’t pull this trigger and blow you the hell away.”
“I mean, besides that officer behind you?”
“What officer behind-”
“Coins ho!”
“One more?”
“Wow, that took a lot more effort than a table! I’d say that thing was at least twice as thick. Broke nicely, though!”
“Teo, he can’t hear you, he’s unconscious.”
“And now we find out who this robber really is!”
“Scooby doo?”
“It's a police movie!”
“I knew it!”
“Jenson, we have no idea who this is.”
“It's not Dandy?”
“Come on, Dandy’s uglier than that.”
“You’re right. Dandy’s ugly enough to turn us to stone by looking at him. Darn, and here I was hoping for an appropriate denouement to our story.”
“We’re going to have a word about intervening in armed robberies later, but now that you mention it…”
“Why do bad guys always think they’re smarter than everyone else?
I mean, it’s one thing to be immoral, crass, or to treat showers like a vampire treats garlic, but what really gets me is the constant arrogance.
You know what the following is? They’re just like our friend here. They can’t possibly imagine anything going wrong for them. They’ve got it all figured out, and they’re not going to fail where everyone else has before them.
You know, short of Spencer Adams, I probably know Kyle Kemp better than anyone on the planet. We’ve beaten each other to bloody pulps, we’ve won tag championships, hell, we were two thirds of the inaugural Trios champions.”
“I remember, I was there. Wait, why didn’t you compete again this year?”
“Why indeed? Like I said, I know Kyle Kemp. Remember this time last year when he was trying to convince the world that he’d gone straight? Put all the ego crap behind him and turned over a new leaf? Won the United States title on a wave of grassroots support for his new, good guy identity.
Everyone bought it except for me. I knew that deep down inside him, just below the surface, laid that same egomaniac who assumed the rules didn’t apply to him and lost his baseball career in the process. Because Kyle Kemp, just like our little friend here, thinks that his actions don’t have consequences. He thinks he’s smarter than everyone else, because he thinks he’s better than you.
Take away the smoke and mirrors and the matrix jackets, the coldness and the sudden but inevitable betrayals of his teammates, and what are you left with? A man who uses people for his own ends, and who chucks away friends the moment it doesn’t suit him.
You think Kyle Kemp would have run in here after you? You think that Kemp would be willing to take a bullet for Dandy if it came to it? I’m not just talking metaphorically here.”
“I’m pretty sure that Kyle Kemp wouldn’t be willing to take a nap for Dandy, much less a bullet, Teo.”
“That’s the thing that Kyle never understood about….me, about life, about this whole world, really. If you’re going to call someone your ally, you gotta go all in. You know why Kyle Kemp and I stopped teaming? Because he attacked me after we lost the titles.
Odin, if you can hear this, I know that feel, man. He did it to me, and he’s gonna do it again.
Kyle Kemp is unable to keep a friendship, unable to maintain an ally. Look at all the partner’s he’s had throughout the years, not just as a champion, but all the people who he managed to build an actual team with.
And look at how quick he is to trade up to a newer model. Hell, who knows? Maybe this time he’ll finally get it right. But I wouldn’t put my money on it.
You and me, Andre? Say what you want about our methods, but nobody can deny that our team is based on trust. That’s why we were able to win tag team championships after a four-year separation. That’s why you bought my old gym when I couldn’t afford it.”
“Well shoot, Teo, what are friends for?”
“Exactly. That is exactly what I’m talking about. The following? They’re not friends. They’re barely allies. They boil everything down to results. If they weren’t currently carrying around ten pounds of gold each, then Kyle would just find another patsy.”
“There’s nobody named Patsy on the roster, Teo.”
“You know, it’s funny you say that, because Dandy and Patsy share most of the same letters. What is there to say about Dandy that won’t just sound like backhanded pity?
I mean, the guy is a braying jackass who has built an entire career out of contempt, like that kid who thinks he’s popular because people give him quarters to eat bugs on the playground. But at least he was winning! Who gave a damn if people respected him, he had the World Championship and an undefeated streak to go along with it. He actually got a main event payday at Evolution just because he was Dandy effin’ Divito.
And look at him now. Look at how far he has fallen once those wins dried up. He turned to the following, a group whose asses he would have gladly kicked last year...because he had no choice. Because after losing match after match, people just kind of stopped caring about Dandy Divito. What happens to the kid who eats bugs once people get bored with him?
Dandy’s not in the following because he wants to be. He’s in the following because he has no other choice. He needs people to be interested in him again. He needs to be the winner, he needs to be a champion. Hell, he went on strike last year because he thought he deserved a title match at Evolution!
Dandy joined the following because it was worth letting Kyle Kemp use him if it meant one more shortcut to the spotlight.
I honestly want to pity Dandy, because I think he’s smart enough to know that Kyle Kemp is only his friend so long as he keeps Kyle happy. It’s fucked up.
And the only thing that keeps me from feeling sorry for Dandy Divito is the fact that he’s doing it to himself.”
“Andre, when we first met, way back then, you beat me for the TV title. Right before I took the People’s title from Kemp. Since then we’ve become best friends. You ever thought about that?”
“We make better friends than rivals Teo, anyone would tell you that.”
“Damn straight. People are going to look at this match and they’re going to call us underdogs. They’re going to say that we’re up against two guys who are icons in this company, who have defined Action Wrestling.
But you know what we have that they never will?”
“A personal yacht with both of our faces painted on the side?”
“A what, now?”
“Oh shoot, I spoiled Christmas.”
“We’re champions because we’re friends. We’re not friends because we’re champions.
For all of the arrogance, for all the grandstanding, for all the intimidation tactics, what Kyle Kemp will never realize is that he is the reason why he keeps ending up alone. That no number of tag belts will ever give him what we have. And Dandy? Dandy’s just another pawn that thinks he’s a king.”
“You okay, love? The actual police should be here soon, so we’re going to head out. We have a match to win.”
“Sorry about the desk, if there’s anything we can-”
“It’s- it’s okay, sir...thank you.”
“Just doing our job, ma’am.”
“That’s right.” he said, reaching in to pull out his own lenses. “Don’t worry about it, it’s a gent thing.”
That was the first thing Teo heard as he tried delicately to follow his tag team partner into what could only be described as the third dumbest thing they’d done this month. Trying to stop the bank robber from part one could be actually dangerous!
I mean, like a third to half of their coworkers were literal serial killers, but still!
The scene that Teo saw was exactly what he expected, a lone robber, tall gentleman with a sock over his head, holding an empty bag...it was so cliche that Teo was surprised the bag didn’t have a dollar sign. Sizing up the situation, he dodged behind a decorative pillar and took a deep breath.
“You know that glass is bullet-proof, right Einstein?”
“Who said that? You want a belly full of lead!?”
“A belly full of- oh boy, I hope you’re planning to use that money to hire a new writer!”
“Why I oughta- Who’s there?”
Teo waited as the room fell deathly silent. Then, after a few moments, he heard footsteps approaching him, and growing louder with every beat. Within a couple of seconds, he could hear the robber’s breathing on the other side of the pillar.
A chuckle on the other side.
With an even deeper breath than before, Teo slowly walks out from behind the pillar, his hands raised above his head.
“Oh, you watch a lot of TV, I’m shocked.”
“Shut up! Now I want you to give me one good reason why I shouldn’t pull this trigger and blow you the hell away.”
“I mean, besides that officer behind you?”
“What officer behind-”
“Coins ho!”
The sound that came next was something roughly like a dishwasher full of nickels slamming into a ripe watermelon, as Teo’s ever faithful tag team partner sends the roll of gold kemkoins directly into the back of the robber’s head like a missile.
The man almost immediately goes limp, and Teo without hesitation turns and grabs a solid wood chair in front of one of the banking desks. His mouth breaks into a grin as he swings it like Babe Ruth trying to impress a pretty girl, and the sound that follows this time is kind of like a bookshelf being dropped into a car crusher.
The guys eyes roll back in his head, and he drops both the empty sack and the weapon, stumbling limply towards Jenson. For a second, Teo could swear he saw birds circling the man’s head. Teo looked at his partner, then over to the banking desk where he had removed the chair.
“One more?”
Jenson only replies with a smile, as he grabs the guy under the arm and picks him up with the start of a back suplex. Teo runs, grabbing the robber with a jumping bulldog as they slam him right through the solid oak desk! It snaps in half as Teo manages to land awkwardly on his feet.
“Teo, he can’t hear you, he’s unconscious.”
The robber is indeed, very unconscious.
“Scooby doo?”
“It's a police movie!”
With a deliberate motion, Jenson peels away the ski-mask, to reveal...some guy.
“Jenson, we have no idea who this is.”
“It's not Dandy?”
Teo looks at the man, who is very clearly not Dandy Divito.
Jenson looks at the fallen robber, then shrugs his shoulders.
“We’re going to have a word about intervening in armed robberies later, but now that you mention it…”
Teo turns, sitting down on the ribcage of his assailant, resulting in a sharp exhalation of air.
I mean, it’s one thing to be immoral, crass, or to treat showers like a vampire treats garlic, but what really gets me is the constant arrogance.
You know what the following is? They’re just like our friend here. They can’t possibly imagine anything going wrong for them. They’ve got it all figured out, and they’re not going to fail where everyone else has before them.
You know, short of Spencer Adams, I probably know Kyle Kemp better than anyone on the planet. We’ve beaten each other to bloody pulps, we’ve won tag championships, hell, we were two thirds of the inaugural Trios champions.”
“I remember, I was there. Wait, why didn’t you compete again this year?”
“Why indeed? Like I said, I know Kyle Kemp. Remember this time last year when he was trying to convince the world that he’d gone straight? Put all the ego crap behind him and turned over a new leaf? Won the United States title on a wave of grassroots support for his new, good guy identity.
Everyone bought it except for me. I knew that deep down inside him, just below the surface, laid that same egomaniac who assumed the rules didn’t apply to him and lost his baseball career in the process. Because Kyle Kemp, just like our little friend here, thinks that his actions don’t have consequences. He thinks he’s smarter than everyone else, because he thinks he’s better than you.
Take away the smoke and mirrors and the matrix jackets, the coldness and the sudden but inevitable betrayals of his teammates, and what are you left with? A man who uses people for his own ends, and who chucks away friends the moment it doesn’t suit him.
You think Kyle Kemp would have run in here after you? You think that Kemp would be willing to take a bullet for Dandy if it came to it? I’m not just talking metaphorically here.”
“I’m pretty sure that Kyle Kemp wouldn’t be willing to take a nap for Dandy, much less a bullet, Teo.”
Teo let out a chuckle at his friend’s comment, reaching into his pocket to retrieve a stash of candy he’d stored earlier, he holds out the bag to Jenson, who takes one as Teo continues.
Odin, if you can hear this, I know that feel, man. He did it to me, and he’s gonna do it again.
Kyle Kemp is unable to keep a friendship, unable to maintain an ally. Look at all the partner’s he’s had throughout the years, not just as a champion, but all the people who he managed to build an actual team with.
And look at how quick he is to trade up to a newer model. Hell, who knows? Maybe this time he’ll finally get it right. But I wouldn’t put my money on it.
You and me, Andre? Say what you want about our methods, but nobody can deny that our team is based on trust. That’s why we were able to win tag team championships after a four-year separation. That’s why you bought my old gym when I couldn’t afford it.”
“Well shoot, Teo, what are friends for?”
“Exactly. That is exactly what I’m talking about. The following? They’re not friends. They’re barely allies. They boil everything down to results. If they weren’t currently carrying around ten pounds of gold each, then Kyle would just find another patsy.”
“There’s nobody named Patsy on the roster, Teo.”
Teo stood up and smiled, tossing a couple of bits of candy in his mouth as he nodded his head, occupied with a stray thought.
I mean, the guy is a braying jackass who has built an entire career out of contempt, like that kid who thinks he’s popular because people give him quarters to eat bugs on the playground. But at least he was winning! Who gave a damn if people respected him, he had the World Championship and an undefeated streak to go along with it. He actually got a main event payday at Evolution just because he was Dandy effin’ Divito.
And look at him now. Look at how far he has fallen once those wins dried up. He turned to the following, a group whose asses he would have gladly kicked last year...because he had no choice. Because after losing match after match, people just kind of stopped caring about Dandy Divito. What happens to the kid who eats bugs once people get bored with him?
Dandy’s not in the following because he wants to be. He’s in the following because he has no other choice. He needs people to be interested in him again. He needs to be the winner, he needs to be a champion. Hell, he went on strike last year because he thought he deserved a title match at Evolution!
Dandy joined the following because it was worth letting Kyle Kemp use him if it meant one more shortcut to the spotlight.
I honestly want to pity Dandy, because I think he’s smart enough to know that Kyle Kemp is only his friend so long as he keeps Kyle happy. It’s fucked up.
And the only thing that keeps me from feeling sorry for Dandy Divito is the fact that he’s doing it to himself.”
Teo looks up at a security camera, waving absentmindedly.
“We make better friends than rivals Teo, anyone would tell you that.”
“Damn straight. People are going to look at this match and they’re going to call us underdogs. They’re going to say that we’re up against two guys who are icons in this company, who have defined Action Wrestling.
But you know what we have that they never will?”
“A personal yacht with both of our faces painted on the side?”
“A what, now?”
“Oh shoot, I spoiled Christmas.”
Teo couldn’t help himself, he let out another chuckle, rolling his eyes at his friend with a genuine smile.
For all of the arrogance, for all the grandstanding, for all the intimidation tactics, what Kyle Kemp will never realize is that he is the reason why he keeps ending up alone. That no number of tag belts will ever give him what we have. And Dandy? Dandy’s just another pawn that thinks he’s a king.”
Teo turns and looks over the counter, where a small, mousy-haired woman is slowly peeking her head out from behind the bank counter.
The woman nods her head as Teo gestures to Jenson, who shrugs his shoulders, kicking the gun into the corner of the room.
“It’s- it’s okay, sir...thank you.”
“Just doing our job, ma’am.”
Teo turns to his partner, who was now wearing a pair of dark sunglasses.