Mental Health Matters chap 1 (TW Suicide)
Jul 19, 2020 18:48:50 GMT -5
Claire Hawkins, Carter Shaw, and 1 more like this
Post by Geri Vayden on Jul 19, 2020 18:48:50 GMT -5
Dong! Dong! Dong!
The church bells ring out as Geri Vayden lies awake in a hospital bed. She huffs and puffs, unsure how she got there. Sweat covers her gown clad body. A nurse looks at her.
”Oh. Honey. You are awake.”
The nurses face morphs to that of Geri’s mother as she cackles.
”Geraldine, you need to come to your senses child. You lost at Glory because you are not cut out for this business. Sam Kidsgrove made you his bitch much like Derrick did.”
The rage building up in Geri like a boiling furnace. She screams back.
”I am no one’s bitch you fucking junkie whore!”
Geri begins ripping at her own flesh as she struggles to figure out within what is going wrong. As of late she has not been herself. The struggles of juggling motherhood plus being a wrestler in a worldwide spotlight has begun to take over her being. She doesn’t know where one ends and the other begins. She wants to keep pushing forward but she can’t from this hospital bed. She shakes her head a bit as she presses against her right temple. Her head pounding from the thinking.
”Wh..where am I?”
The question and headache still coursing through her head. She has come so far but these thoughts were holding her back. She was in need of a chance, an opportunity to show her worth. She finally got it at Glory…
… and she failed. She lost in the first round and was a laughing stock again. Sam Kidsgrove proved again that Geri is far from where she wanted to be. At 22 years old she was still not ready for Action Wrestling…
...or that is what the fans would want you to think. She has come a long way in the last year. She has made a name for herself. She just has to keep it up.
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The Vaydens sit in their living room. Geri couldn’t bring herself to tell Derrick that she was having nightmares again. As Makayla sleeps in her bounce seat Derrick looks at Geri.
”Babe, you got this, ok? Glory is a beast. This time it is one on one. You and Sammy boy.”
Geri lifts her head slightly to look up at her loving husband. She shakes her head as she speaks.
”I know. I have had my doubts but now I am for sure I can win this one. I don’t have a great track record in title matches in Action Wrestling.”
Derrick kisses Geri’s forehead as he speaks in a more sarcastic tone.
”Well, to be fair, two of those were against me.”
Geri playfully slaps Derrick on the chest as she continues.
”Now is not the time for jokes babe. I am serious. I am not worried about this week. It is Chaos I am worried about. And if I look ahead to Chaos, Sam will sneak up on me. I know I deserve it and I know I can do it but when I read the comments on Twitter and on social media in general, I can’t help but get a little negative.”
Derrick stops her.
”You don’t think it happens to all of us? After the All In match last year people were all about how Lissie Hope one upped Derrick Vayden again. Now all I hear is maybe Derrick Vayden should have stayed in the Cruiserweight Division. Babe, fact is, we all have people who criticize us. We just have to take it in stride and run with it. You need to get to that point where you don’t give a fuck about what the people say. Hell, I put down my own hometown and didn’t give two shits!.”
Geri nods. She is beginning to realize that all that matters is what she and Derrick have to say. She needs to clear her head.
”Babe, I am going to go for a walk. I will be back in a bit.”
Derrick kisses her as she goes and changes into a pair of shorts and a tank top. She puts her GoPro on her head as the scene fades to black.
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The scene opens with Geri Vayden’s voice and a forest of trees in front of her.
”There is an old saying. “You can’t see the forest for the trees.” Basically that is where we are at, Sam. You see me as a non factor. Someone you can look past. I am not that easily gotten rid of. You say I attached myself to Derrick. I love Derrick. You attach yourself to whatever you can. Maybe your insecurities are showing. Did you not attach yourself to Shadowlove and TFK when they got hot? What happened to the Hollywood not so Elite? They sunk.
Upon your return, you attached yourself to Zooey Deschanel. A has been wrestler using a mediocre actress to regain notoriety reeks of desperation. You both wanted the limelight back so you formed this social justice alliance and what happened? You got smacked around by James Nightingale.”
Geri sits on a rock and lays her GoPro down beside her so her face is seen.
”What happened to the killer instinct you used to have? Did Dandy slap it the fuck out of you? When I first came into this company I marveled at your dedication and your fighting spirit. Now you seem rather broken and beaten. You seem like someone who can’t seem to figure out what you are fighting for. You can’t seem to figure out which side of the fence you are on so you just sit there with the post up your ass and your finger on your chin as you ponder your next move.
Let me help you, Sam. Your next move is going to be off the fence and into the cow shit below. You are a nothing, a glorified jobber, in this company anymore. Nothing I say will ever be able to get it through your skull but you are no longer elite.
What happens when the Elite fall from grace, Sam? They move on to shitty reality television. I can’t wait to see you on Big Brother or the Amazing Race.”
Geri just laughs a bit as she speaks again.
”Which Sam Kidsgrove is going to show up at Clash? Will it be the hard nosed, no bull shit former United States Champion… or will it, and I think it will be, the soft little bitch you have been as of late?
I can already hear you now, I beat you at Glory I can do it again. No motherfucker. You got lucky against me. I took my eye off the ball. Not again. This time when I go to the top rope I will hit the Miller’s Tale. I will pin you to the ground and I will go on to face Baker at Chaos.
Meanwhile, you will go back to your shitty Netflix shows and straight to DVD movies. I will even buy one of the DVDs just so you can get your small paycheck. I need some good family movies to watch with Makayla anyway. Saw you on Hallmark yesterday in “It’s a Corona Christmas” Not a bad movie… for Hallmark.”
Geri winks at the camera as she continues again.
”But enough about you Sam. It is time we focus on what matters and that is your future United States Champion, Geri Vayden.
For so long I have always focused on Derrick or my opponents that I have forgotten how much I matter. I need to give myself the love I deserve. Sam, you should be honored to be stepping into the ring with the future of this business. The future face of this company.
The future begins now. My future begins right in this moment. In this forest, on this rock. I am laying it all on the line. I am going to keep bettering myself and leaving mangled bodies in my path. I am me and I am amazing. I am better than you and better than most people here in this company. I want to prove it.
I want to beat Graham Baker for the United States Title and then I want to go ALL IN!”
Geri smirks as she puts the GoPro back on her head and begins running again.
”I am running five miles a day. I am bettering myself. I have lost weight. I have done everything I can to prepare for my future in Action Wrestling.
I hear people saying I need to leave wrestling and go be a mother. I say, why not both? Why not be the best wrestler in the world and the best mother in the world. I want to be the positive role model Makayla needs. The ones trying to push me to be one or the other are just scared of how great I am about to become.
I am strapping a rocket to my back and shooting for the stars. If I miss, I will reload and shoot again. Not everyone shoots blanks like my opponent this week. Not everyone runs at the first sign of adversity. You see, I strive on being the underdog. Keep underestimating me. I love that shit. To the management of Action Wrestling, keep pushing me to the moon because I will learn to fly that way.”
The GoPro stops moving as Geri is heard breathing hard. She laughs a bit, in a kind of airy way.
”Pushing yourself PAST your limits is the only way to get better. Running is good for your physical and mental health and Lord knows I need help with both. I am working on myself and that should scare everyone in this damn company. The better I get the harder I will be to beat.
What is going to happen when I begin actually living up to my potential and stop fucking around? The four ropes of Action won’t be able to contain the rage within me. The United States Title is only the beginning. I will begin to take anything and everything I want, when I want it. I will make sure you never forget the name of Geri Vayden. You will remember me and you will like it.”
Geri cackles again as she shuts the GoPro off and the scene fades to black.
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The nurse looks at Geri as she clicks her tongue.
”Child, do you not remember? Your husband had you put in here because you are not ok. You shouldn’t even be alive with how bad you did it.”
Geri looks at the nurse in a quizzical manner. The nurse grabs Geri by the arm. The pain makes Geri wince as the nurse turns her hand. Her arm stained red, some fresh blood still running. Geri has done a lot of things in her life but suicidal attempts have NEVER been one of them. She shakes her head in disbelief.
”I...I did this?”
The nurse nods as she looks down at the vial in her hand. Her face morphs into Geri’s mother again.
”Of course you did this, Geraldine. You have always been a disgrace and a mistake. You should just die and make everyone happier. Derrick, Makayla, Action Wrestling, XWF, they would all be better off without you. I have been better off without you.”
Geri shakes her head, her eyes closed in disbelief.
”If you are better off, why are you haunting me?”
Jackie, Geri’s mother, just looks her daughter in the eyes. She squats down beside Geri’s bedside. She looks right into Geri’s eyes.
”You may have failed in ridding this world of your pathetic existence. We are all tired of you, Geraldine. This is all because of you not to spite you.”
Her mother places a syringe into a vial. She pulls the liquid from the vial and lays the vial on the table. The vial reads “secobarbital” a well known assisted suicide drug. As she stabs the needle into Geri’s arm. Geri screams in pain as her mother puts a pillow over her face to muffle the scream. Geri feels her body going limp. Her mother removes the pillow to look at the already paralyzing face of Geri. Geri looks at the ceiling as she gets lost in her own head, her thoughts narrating her feelings.
”So, this is what it comes to? This is the end of me. We all have to die sometime. We are all told by our parents at one point or another in our lives, “I brought you into this world, and I can take you out of it” but none of us expect our parents to turn out to be the new Andrea Yates. We never expect to go out by the hands that have been entrusted with our lives.
My mother was never really a mother though, so I guess this should have been foreseeable. She has to be the death of me…
… or death of the woman I have been.”
The bed below her disappears as she begins falling into what seems like a bottomless abyss. She shoots up in a cold sweat in bed with her husband. Derrick awakes quickly as Geri attempts to catch her breath. Derrick pats her back.
”Babe, what’s wrong?”
Geri looks around and realizes she is still at home. She is alive and well. Her mom, just a figment of her imagination.
”It is the nightmares babe. They have me to where nothing seems right and well in the world.”
Derrick grabs Geri’s hand and points her ring out.
”Is our marriage not right and well? Is our daughter not perfect and beautiful? Babe, you are alive and well. Makayla and I need our future United States Champion.”
Geri has almost forgotten about the match. Her mental health was weaker than an old man on life support. She breathes a bit more.
”I mean, of course we are all perfect together but it is my mother STILL haunting me. I think I need to go see her to put this at rest.”
Derrick looks at her even more concerned.
”Geri, I don’t think that is smart.”
Geri stops Derrick.
”Babe, I have to. I have to make sure she knows how much I hate her. How much WE hate her. How she will never see her Grand daughter. How she has ruined my GOD DAMNED LIFE!”
Geri is practically screaming at this point as Derrick pulls her close and the scene fades to black.
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A female voice is heard.
”Thank you for calling Crystal Clear Rehabilitation and Physical Therapy Center. This is Andrea. How may I help you?”
The camera shows Geri Miller with the center on speaker phone.
”My name is Geraldine Vayden, born Geraldine Miller. My mother, Jacqueline Davis, is a patient there. Am I allowed to come see her?”
The woman on the phone pauses momentarily.
”Let me look into something. Please hold.”
The phone goes to some hold music as Geri begins wondering if she is doing the right thing. She is doing this even though her husband advised against it. She zones out a bit as the woman returns.
”Mrs. Vayden, are you still with me?”
Geri snaps back to reality.
”Yes ma’am. I am here.”
There is a bit of silence for a moment.
”Ms. Davis is not accepting visitors at this time.”
It is as if time has stopped as Geri lets out a sigh that is a bit disappointment mixed with relief.
”She is however open to a phone conversation. Does this interest you?”
Geri nods before speaking.
”Yes ma’am. It does.”
The woman is smiling, it can be heard in her voice.
”We here at Crystal Clear love when our patients are reunited with their family. Mind if I do a screening before patching you through? It is merely policy. You may refuse to answer, however, some questions left unanswered will result in you not being able to speak with Ms. Davis, is this ok?”
”Yes ma’am.”
The woman can be heard shuffling papers. She speaks more matter of factly.
”Do you hold any ill will toward Ms. Davis or her addiction?”
Geri is stuck with a conundrum. Of course she did but this has to be one of those disqualifying questions.
”No ma’am.”
Geri decides to lie in order to get what she wants. What is the worst that could happen?
”Great. We remind you that our addictions make us do things we wouldn’t normally do like alienate our families and sometimes even push them away in anger or sadness. We are glad you are trying to rekindle your relationship with your mother. Are you mentally stable enough to conduct yourself with professionalism during this call?”
Of course Geri isn’t but she decides to lie again.
”Of course. I am just anxious to get my relationship back.”
”So great. I will patch you through right now.”
There is a small pause and then another voice is heard on the other end.
”Hello Geraldine…”
Geri freezes unsure of what to say as the scene fades to black.