(1/15/18) NBW Presents: Monday Bloody Monday May 5, 2020 15:47:15 GMT -5
Post by Action Reel on May 5, 2020 15:47:15 GMT -5
Bum Fight Battle Royal
Bum Fight Battle Royal
Walkways begin to fill expectant of what New Blood Wrestling has in store this week. Several people – all men except for a large woman nearing 20 stones – occupy the ring. Some have brought weapons in what appears to be on the precipice of an all-out brawl. Before anything can break loose, the sound system blares “We the People” by A Tribe Called Quest. This fanfare brings Commish Lamarche in his ringmaster’s gear and microphone at his thigh.
Commish: Cut the music!
His tune cuts bringing hundreds of eyes upon him.
Commish: All right… Now tonight is a #1 Contendership battle royal. We bring you signees from all across this great city. Introducing as they stand: Eagle eye the blind… The Great Stevo… Alexander that damned Canuck. And he brought a hockey stick, how ‘bout that! The "Biographer" Vincent Walker… Fat Lucy the thigh crusher… a conundrum named Sphinx, all right – all right, man, keep ya pants on! The OG of New Blood… Grampa Mayhem! Yeah, that’s our boy! Your hero – and you didn’t even know it til now – Jobber Dave! Rounding this match are Hugo Brightside and Ninja Bob… and now he’s kung-fu fighting. Will you look at that...
Fans jeer and seem at the verge of throwing trash, when the Commissioner brings them back to attention.
Commish: Before we ding that bell. I have the privilege of introducing the new banner of the Bum Fights. Miss UCI, I know many of you here today do. Well I have a special surprise. A familiar face and a rising star cut short. Give it up for Allen… Walker!
The lights bleed blood red as "Enchanted by the Moon" by Amorphis hits the PA system. Allen Walker bursts onto the stage as the lead riff pumps up the crowd. He marches past Lamarche and down to the ramp, sneering the whole way. A kid at the corner goes for a high five – he returns a middle finger without looking in that family’s direction.
Fans applaud his entrance into the fray of angry stares. The Commissioner meanwhile heads to the commentary table – when an oncoming train, in the form of Fat Lucy, tackles Allen Walker to the floor. Larmarche has to rush over to his seat and make a hasty recovery, fighting that messy fro to strap on his headset.
Conway: Well, here we go again. Bum Fights are off before the bell.
Commish: Can’t wait one minute. Son of a—
Conway: Ninja Bob taking names with his usual technique… Allen Walker slithering out from that pachyderm, Now working onto her back for only reasons God knows why.
Commish: She won’t mind a bit… Eagle Eye feeling out this matchup… Oh damn!
Conway: Doesn’t seem sporting to cold cock a blind man.
Commish: He’s tougher than you might think, Sara.
Allen Walker claims the first victim by shoving the morbidly obese night walker whom flips over the top rope.
Conway: Gravity does its work, eliminating Lucy.
Commish: Ninja Bob looking good tonight – and there’s that damn Canuck!
Conway: My god, he bashed Bob’s brains in with that Hockey Stick! Hugo Brightside helping Alexander throw Ninja Bob over the ropes. Hugo points to one side—
Commish: He fell for the oldest trick in the book! Bright pushes his momentary friend through the ropes, but ya gotta toss them over the top to get the elimination. Guess his bacon wasn't cooked yet.
Conway: Wow… a Canadian bacon joke?
Commish: All right, my bad. How about John Candy?
Conway: OMG stop...
Eagle Eye slowly gains to his feet with the neighborly hand of Jobber Dave, the Bum Fights masked dogooder. Fans patronize their sportsmanship with wild, forced cheers. Allen Walker goes behind the tall and wiry man in Sphinx. Trapped in a back clutch, the big freak starts shaking his booty and body bumping his aggressor. Laughter ensues as the match’s bully takes charge again – driving Sphinx all-wrong on a spiked German suplex. His limp body gets tossed over with the help of advantageous presence of Hugo Brightside. Walker then clotheslines him in the back the head, taking two out in under five seconds. Vincent was hiding in the corner, but now has the attention of Alexander Kanuck who begins chasing him around the ring with his duckedtaped stick raised high. On a wide turn he collides with sudden surge from Grampa Mayhem. Their weights collide with the septuagenerian getting the better of Alexander.
Conway: That one took his head off!
Mayhem! Mayhem! Mayhem!
Commish: You can never beat the classic… He’s picking up the young Canuck by his beard – and another clothesline! Granddaddy going wild here tonight!
Conway: Mayhem grabs his throat, pushing Alexander to the east side ropes... What a struggle!
Commish: Look out Sara!
At full speed, Vincent runs into this wrestling group, making both topple over the top. He looks equally terrified and surprised at the fruit of his efforts. Allen Walker has since turned his attention to the Great Stevo. Both have a bit of tug-and-go until Allen takes control. His chain wrestling trips Stevo, transitioning then into a single leg crab stretched beyond normal limits. Stevo grips the ring in the vain hope of a way out.
Conway: Allen Walker in pressing his foot on the neck of this match.
Commish: He’s a world-class athlete, Sara. There’s no stopping such ability.
Conway: Doesn’t that seem unsporting?
Commish: Gotta toughen these soft bellies somehow. Allen’s my spurs.
Conway: And what of rumors naming Corey Bull as their new trainer.
Commish: He’s on company payroll. There’s nothing more to it. He has nothing to do with us.
Stevo slapping the floor but Walker refuses to let go. Instead, he wrenches back the more his victim wails. Eagle Eye feels out the ring with Jobber Dave not wanting to take advantage of this blind man. He stops himself several times, much to the chagrin of New Blood’s faithful.
Commish: Hit him, goddammit!
Conway: Fans seem torn at the indecision. Will he break his own code of valor?
Commish: (without headset) Hey! Punch him or you’re fired!
He shouts back, signaling his presence to the only unengaged fighter. With Daredevil awareness, Eagle Eye begins swinging like a wild man. Punch after punch crack up side his face. He bludgeons Jobber Dave into the far turnbuckle and just keeps wailing.
Commish: And Eagle Eye just came alive folks!
Conway: I can’t watch this…
Commish: (without headset) Allen! Break that Bitch!
Walker sneers his direction before taking his game back from the ground. Hobbled to one leg, the Great Stevo goes up into a lifted sit-out pedigree driver. Everyone goes wild as Allen Walker drags his motionless corpse and belly-to-belly suplexes him over the third rope. A weak punch pinches him on the thickest part of his neck. Allen turns to see his brother’s determined stance, readied to battle.
Commish: This blood just got thicker.
Conway: Vincent meets his overbearing brother chest-to-chest. Allen is the Walker's standard, but you can bet every cent you have that Vincent will do what he can to change that.
Commish: Sounds like my brother…
Conway: Oh yeah?
Commish: But hey - look at Eagle Eye! He’s still wailing, even though Jobber Dave slipped away.
Conway: Do you think he knows that’s corner padding?
Commish: Eh, it’s funny. Dave got lit up though. His eye is all swollen to hell and back.
EMTs check on Sphinx at the top of the ring for seems to be a stinger, as the tall man is dazed but walking about. One calls Jobber Dave over – when Allen Walker grabs his waistline and tosses the taller fighter over like garbage. Vincent, not to be ignored, grabs his throat and tries for something like a chokeslam. Allen rolls back and reverses this attempt into a Russian legsweep.
Commish: Nice move there. Gotta love that kid’s ingenuity.
Conway: Eagle Eye finally realizing what’s happened, but he has no idea where the Walker feud continues. He can hear them, no doubt. But he’ll need to do better if he has a chance at winning.
Commish: You’re actually rooting for the blind man?
Conway: Definitely the dark horse tonight.
Commish: I guess... Allen putting his brother into an abdominal stretch. See how he’s applying an extra grip there.
Conway: Yeah, is it for added pressure?
Commish: That’s right, Sara, and it’ll tear ya up bad. He won’t have any range of motion there. Don’t even think about your deuces either… shit’s painful.
Conway: That’s enlightening... Eagle Eye's found them! And he’s taking to Vincent like a heavy bag. Each of those have to be the worst.
Commish: I bet the ole’ boy’s out of breath. Doubt he takes much more before throwing in the towel.
Conway: You know, I think he might have a chance still.
Commish: Go ahead and think that. I'll hedge my bets on something better.
Allen smirks as he lets his brother drop into a heap. He then coaches Eagle Eye into following him. These small clues have the blind man on a rage. Both near the west side ropes. Allen sidesteps, taking a skillful hold of both the knees and shoulders of Eagle Eye – flipping and releasing him over the ropes with an Olympic Slam. And then there were two.
Conway: And so this family feud will end with #1 Contendership for the Bum Fights Title.
Commish: Vincent is barely standing… (without headset) Oh no f-- you don’t!
Conway: Secruity! Captain Pelican has just emerged from the briny deep!
Despite his suspension, Capt. Pelican emerges from under the ring carrying his now infamous fishing spear. He rolls into the ring – somehow unnoticed by both Walkers – and takes aim. Commissioner Lamarche grabs his ankles from the apron. His efforts are not in time though, as his harpoon sails through the air and into the hand of Allen Walker. He rolls out of the ring into the immediate attention of paramedics. The Commish has to be restrained from kicking the downed Capt. Pelican by thick necked security guards. Among them are the Snake Pit, dressed in jeans and New Blood Wrestling T’s, whom are the first to wrench the suspended wrestler into the back kicking and screaming incoherent things. The Commissioner brushes himself off as he and security follow Rattlesnake and Viper. Vincent stands up to find himself all alone. “We the People” sounds as Lamarche can be overheard yelling to “get this goddamn show” started.
Conway: Well folks, it seems this match has not officially ended. However, Commissioner Lamarche has called for a stoppage. With two fighters left and no contender yet decided, it seems the outcome will have to come at a later date. Captain Pelican who interfered tonight was not sanctioned for competition after last week’s debacle. Check New Blood Wrestling online, or find follow us on Twitter for more. This has been Bum Fights, brought to you by Arby’s… letting you know: “We Have The Meats.” Stay tuned for a episode of New Blood Wrestling - live from Madison Square Garden!