Post by Ned the Intern on Jan 21, 2020 18:45:11 GMT -5
Our adventure begins on a long, desolate road. There we see the Raging Dead roaming in search of… something… or someone. His thoughts are scattered as usual… and his hunger is insatiable. Let's see where this leads.
"We lost. It's been over a week… and it's still a hard pill to swallow. That match was months… MONTHS… in the making. All of Madwoman's painstaking work to put MadClan together… was for nothing. Our debut match came and went. Dirt sheets reported "MadKlan loses LOL". They spelled our name wrong AND mocked our loss… as if there's shame in losing to the current and future United States Champions. Losing is part of life… and how you deal with loss matters more. Personally, I am going to absorb this loss and use it as a weapon at Revolution Three."
He stops in the street and his face lights up like a child on Christmas morning. Before him is a Burger King. He stumbles through the parking lot and stands before the drive thru menu. The speaker box crackles and he hears mumbling but he cannot understand what was said.
"Hello, Burger King."
"Welcome to Burger King. You can order when you're ready."
"I would like… a Cool Kids Combo with onion rings. Uuummm. Grilled Love Birds, no lettuce or tomatoes. And… a Red White & Bruised Shake."
There is a long pause filled with static.
"I'm… sorry. None of those… things… are uhh… on the menu…"
"Are you fist fucking me right now?"
"Ummm no? If you would like anything from the menu board-----"
"You said I could have it my way!"
"That's just a-----"
"Get out here and fight me, Burger King!"
"Sir, if you're not going to order off the menu-----"
"FIGHT ME!"
"Sir, I’m going to have to ask you nicely to leave."
"FIGHT ME!"
He lunges forward and headbutts the menu board, busting the plexiglass. There is no response from the Burger King employee, which further infuriates him and he attacks the menu board until he passes out. When he comes to, he is sitting across the room from Carnivore, who is making coffee as he adds cream and sugar before walking over to Raging Dead, handing him a big mug with a smiley face on it.
"Just the way you wanted. "
"As long as the beans are from South America… I’m happy. They sure do know beans. Brazil. Guatemala. Costa Rica. All good beans."
Carnivore sits at the table in front of his microphone. While he’s not looking, Raging Dead takes a hit from what looks like a vape pen. Upon inhalation, his pupils get massive and the entire universe looks different to him.
"Hello, The Cult of Carnivore. Welcome to my radio show, Raw Beef. I’m DJ Carnivore here with Raging Dead. I have to be honest. The last fews weeks were horrible for me as I lost my IBW World Heavyweight Championship. The MadClan lost against KOS and Mr Wright. I had my ass kicked by a guy named Ronan. This week The MadClan are in a Tag Team Battle Royal, you're eliminated when both feet hit the floor. Action Wrestling's tag division rankings is a mountain that I have not yet reached the top of but I have a dream that I will reach the mountain tops. Action Wrestling is a universe that I have not yet conquered. I will conquer and eliminate these three teams. I live my life aggressively and purposefully when climbing mountains. I don't fear falling down because if I never fall down then I can't learn how to get back up. Each time I pick myself up and climb on, I get a little bit stronger. I never, never, never give up."
"I don’t know much about the internet… but my wife keeps me updated on things. As soon as I found out we were in this match… she told me all the nerds on the internet are clamoring for the Cool Kids to win. I didn’t know what that meant. Who are the Cool Kids? By comparison to a grizzled monster like me… everyone in Action Wrestling could be called a “Cook Kid.” She told me it’s Derrick Vayden and Geri Miller. Geri… I am vaguely familiar with… but Derrick… oooooooohhhhh Derrick. He and I go way back, yeah? My first match in Action Wrestling… I ended his incredibly long reign as Cruiserweight Champion. My second match… I aaaaallllssssoooo defeated the kid who now calls himself The Wanderer. I beat him so bad that he wandered to the main roster, where I guess he is now a “Cool Kid” or whatever. No matter how far he wanders… he will always end up at my doorstep… just begging for me to hurt him. He’s a masochist… and he finds some pleasure in being beaten by me. Revolution Three will be no different than our last two encounters. My head is a mess… but I do know one thing with great certainty: Derrick Vayden cannot defeat Raging Dead."
"Now onto Geri. Geri tweets a lot. Geri tweets that she and Vayden are going to put the tag division on notice. If The Cool Kids are going to put the tag division on notice then The MadClan will foreclose the tag division, bulldoze their house, and rebuild it in our image. The tag division will be the house that The MadClan built. When The MadClan comes to your house, YOU’RE the guest."
"Oh, Geri and the Twitter machine. Yes. I was told that she said I will be “yesterday’s news soon enough.” Oh honey. I already AM yesterday’s news. I’ve been making headlines for almost three decades. Longer than you’ve been on this planet. Longer than the majority of Action Wrestling has been on this planet. So yes… I am yesterday’s news already… just as I am today’s news… tomorrow’s news… and next week’s news when MadClan is victorious at Revolution Three. Thanks for the sincere compliment, kiddo."
"I don’t think she meant that as a compliment. It sounded more like a backhanded way of saying you’re washed up."
"She wouldn’t know washed up if it washed her… up… in the ocean…"
"What?"
"What?"
"Are you going to be okay?"
"This coffee is really getting to me, man."
"Are you sure my coffee is getting to you... and nothing... else?"
"It’s making me think crazy things… like maybe we’re in over our heads. I know that’s not true, because we’re MadClan. At least we’re not the Love Birds… whoever they are. I don’t know why Action Wrestling would even sign birds. They couldn’t possibly wrestle with their tiny wings and their beady little eyes. I’ve seen a lot of weird stuff in wrestling… like The Cow… The Box… but never birds. Anything is possible… maybe..."
"I did the impossible, I’ve been a star with longevity. Taking an ass kicking is something I’ve always been extraordinarily good at...then banging my head against the wall. I'm frustrated, no, frustration is not the damn word for it. Angered. That anger LIGHTS A FIRE in me, lights a wick. I speak softly and carry a big stick. It's the same stick with the lit wick. The MadClan are trying to blow the building up. Maybe I'm overcommitting to The MadClan. But I'd rather kill myself than find an out. Raging, you aren’t here for a cup of coffee, you perfected the brewing method. We might be yesterday’s new but that doesn’t means were going to be gone. I’m still here. And I will still be here. Geri tweets that Madwoman abandoned us but the truth is we don’t need the big guns when shooting stars. Raging and I are shooters of the old school, that means we’re going to kill The Cool Kids. The Cool Kids are not like us. When that happens soon enough Estrella and Ariel will bail after they wasted Geri’s star power as a recurring background role in their team. Estrella and Ariel will bail after they wasted the little potential that Geri has. No matter how HIGH that Geri gets, she'll fall short of her potential...and of me. It's not that we refuse to see that Geri is a star but by the time our eyes see a star, they're already FADED! Once we eliminate The Cool Kids, we're rocket strapped to number one in the tag division rankings."
"Who else is in this match? Oh! Number three ranked tag team... Red White and Bruised! Former tag team champions trying to reclaim their lost glory. Karlie Something and Nikki Whatever? These two have done it all here in Action. They've crushed 'em all... except MadClan. In a few days... we're going to give them a megadeath the world will be talking about for years to come. They can bring Whatsherface to the ring with them... and she can get mollywhopped by MadClan, too! Together… we are unstoppable. Sure, last week was a bit of a hiccup in our master plan. Mistakes are opportunities for growth. We are going to learn from our loss and use it to destroy each and every team in this match… and any other team who gets in our way. Are there any other teams entering this match? It doesn’t matter how many times. You line ‘em up and we’ll knock ‘em down!"
"Knock ‘em down and toss them over the top rope. This is DJ Carnivore with Raging Dead signing off."
The scene cuts to late at night as The MadClan approaches the Burger King, entering just as the employees are going to lock up.
"I HEARD SOMEONE HERE DIDN'T GET RAGING HIS COOL KIDS COMBO, GRILLED LOVE BIRDS, AND RED WHITE & BRUISED SHAKE!"
"Oh, this again. Sir, as I told your friend earlier, those are not things that are on the menu."
"I would like to have it MY way! And you can’t stop me! Because America!"
"That’s not how this works. Now please, we are trying to close up. Our operating hours are----"
"I'd also like a Fortnite burger!"
"That’s also not something on the menu. Sir, if you could-----"
Within seconds, Carnivore starts pounding on a much smaller employee before tossing him on the nearest table. Another employee tries to run to the back but Raging Dead tosses a chair at the back of his legs causing him to fall through the back door.
"Bah dah dah, dah dah! I’m lovin’ it!"
"That’s McDonald’s…"
"Where are we?"
"Burger King."
"Damn you, Burger King!"
A third worker comes out from the grill. The guy is close to seven feet tall and looks like his parents were siblings. He grunts at MadClan, and charges at them.
"You wanna dance, Hills Have Eyes?! Let’s dance!"
MadClan unites to battle the giant burger flipper. He pushes Raging Dead off, then back elbows Carnivore off. The two share a common thought and shoot in to make the kill. Raging Dead hits a running European uppercut while Carnivore gets in a leg sweep kick from behind.
"DEAD!"
"MEAT!"
They are now the last men standing in the restaurant, looking around at all the chaos they caused.
"I guess we did have it our way."
"Hey… uhh…"
Carnivore points out the window at the approaching red and blue lights.
"We can’t win at Revolution Three… if we’re locked up…"
"NINJA VANISH!"
He picks up a handful of ketchup packets and slams them on the ground, hoping a cloud of smoke will appear. Nothing spectacular happens. As police officers approach from both entrances, MadClan run through the lobby and dive through windows, shattering glass all over the sidewalk. With broken glass sticking out of their flesh, they race off into the night as the scene fades to black.
"We lost. It's been over a week… and it's still a hard pill to swallow. That match was months… MONTHS… in the making. All of Madwoman's painstaking work to put MadClan together… was for nothing. Our debut match came and went. Dirt sheets reported "MadKlan loses LOL". They spelled our name wrong AND mocked our loss… as if there's shame in losing to the current and future United States Champions. Losing is part of life… and how you deal with loss matters more. Personally, I am going to absorb this loss and use it as a weapon at Revolution Three."
He stops in the street and his face lights up like a child on Christmas morning. Before him is a Burger King. He stumbles through the parking lot and stands before the drive thru menu. The speaker box crackles and he hears mumbling but he cannot understand what was said.
"Hello, Burger King."
"Welcome to Burger King. You can order when you're ready."
"I would like… a Cool Kids Combo with onion rings. Uuummm. Grilled Love Birds, no lettuce or tomatoes. And… a Red White & Bruised Shake."
There is a long pause filled with static.
"I'm… sorry. None of those… things… are uhh… on the menu…"
"Are you fist fucking me right now?"
"Ummm no? If you would like anything from the menu board-----"
"You said I could have it my way!"
"That's just a-----"
"Get out here and fight me, Burger King!"
"Sir, if you're not going to order off the menu-----"
"FIGHT ME!"
"Sir, I’m going to have to ask you nicely to leave."
"FIGHT ME!"
He lunges forward and headbutts the menu board, busting the plexiglass. There is no response from the Burger King employee, which further infuriates him and he attacks the menu board until he passes out. When he comes to, he is sitting across the room from Carnivore, who is making coffee as he adds cream and sugar before walking over to Raging Dead, handing him a big mug with a smiley face on it.
"Just the way you wanted. "
"As long as the beans are from South America… I’m happy. They sure do know beans. Brazil. Guatemala. Costa Rica. All good beans."
Carnivore sits at the table in front of his microphone. While he’s not looking, Raging Dead takes a hit from what looks like a vape pen. Upon inhalation, his pupils get massive and the entire universe looks different to him.
"Hello, The Cult of Carnivore. Welcome to my radio show, Raw Beef. I’m DJ Carnivore here with Raging Dead. I have to be honest. The last fews weeks were horrible for me as I lost my IBW World Heavyweight Championship. The MadClan lost against KOS and Mr Wright. I had my ass kicked by a guy named Ronan. This week The MadClan are in a Tag Team Battle Royal, you're eliminated when both feet hit the floor. Action Wrestling's tag division rankings is a mountain that I have not yet reached the top of but I have a dream that I will reach the mountain tops. Action Wrestling is a universe that I have not yet conquered. I will conquer and eliminate these three teams. I live my life aggressively and purposefully when climbing mountains. I don't fear falling down because if I never fall down then I can't learn how to get back up. Each time I pick myself up and climb on, I get a little bit stronger. I never, never, never give up."
"I don’t know much about the internet… but my wife keeps me updated on things. As soon as I found out we were in this match… she told me all the nerds on the internet are clamoring for the Cool Kids to win. I didn’t know what that meant. Who are the Cool Kids? By comparison to a grizzled monster like me… everyone in Action Wrestling could be called a “Cook Kid.” She told me it’s Derrick Vayden and Geri Miller. Geri… I am vaguely familiar with… but Derrick… oooooooohhhhh Derrick. He and I go way back, yeah? My first match in Action Wrestling… I ended his incredibly long reign as Cruiserweight Champion. My second match… I aaaaallllssssoooo defeated the kid who now calls himself The Wanderer. I beat him so bad that he wandered to the main roster, where I guess he is now a “Cool Kid” or whatever. No matter how far he wanders… he will always end up at my doorstep… just begging for me to hurt him. He’s a masochist… and he finds some pleasure in being beaten by me. Revolution Three will be no different than our last two encounters. My head is a mess… but I do know one thing with great certainty: Derrick Vayden cannot defeat Raging Dead."
"Now onto Geri. Geri tweets a lot. Geri tweets that she and Vayden are going to put the tag division on notice. If The Cool Kids are going to put the tag division on notice then The MadClan will foreclose the tag division, bulldoze their house, and rebuild it in our image. The tag division will be the house that The MadClan built. When The MadClan comes to your house, YOU’RE the guest."
"Oh, Geri and the Twitter machine. Yes. I was told that she said I will be “yesterday’s news soon enough.” Oh honey. I already AM yesterday’s news. I’ve been making headlines for almost three decades. Longer than you’ve been on this planet. Longer than the majority of Action Wrestling has been on this planet. So yes… I am yesterday’s news already… just as I am today’s news… tomorrow’s news… and next week’s news when MadClan is victorious at Revolution Three. Thanks for the sincere compliment, kiddo."
"I don’t think she meant that as a compliment. It sounded more like a backhanded way of saying you’re washed up."
"She wouldn’t know washed up if it washed her… up… in the ocean…"
"What?"
"What?"
"Are you going to be okay?"
"This coffee is really getting to me, man."
"Are you sure my coffee is getting to you... and nothing... else?"
"It’s making me think crazy things… like maybe we’re in over our heads. I know that’s not true, because we’re MadClan. At least we’re not the Love Birds… whoever they are. I don’t know why Action Wrestling would even sign birds. They couldn’t possibly wrestle with their tiny wings and their beady little eyes. I’ve seen a lot of weird stuff in wrestling… like The Cow… The Box… but never birds. Anything is possible… maybe..."
"I did the impossible, I’ve been a star with longevity. Taking an ass kicking is something I’ve always been extraordinarily good at...then banging my head against the wall. I'm frustrated, no, frustration is not the damn word for it. Angered. That anger LIGHTS A FIRE in me, lights a wick. I speak softly and carry a big stick. It's the same stick with the lit wick. The MadClan are trying to blow the building up. Maybe I'm overcommitting to The MadClan. But I'd rather kill myself than find an out. Raging, you aren’t here for a cup of coffee, you perfected the brewing method. We might be yesterday’s new but that doesn’t means were going to be gone. I’m still here. And I will still be here. Geri tweets that Madwoman abandoned us but the truth is we don’t need the big guns when shooting stars. Raging and I are shooters of the old school, that means we’re going to kill The Cool Kids. The Cool Kids are not like us. When that happens soon enough Estrella and Ariel will bail after they wasted Geri’s star power as a recurring background role in their team. Estrella and Ariel will bail after they wasted the little potential that Geri has. No matter how HIGH that Geri gets, she'll fall short of her potential...and of me. It's not that we refuse to see that Geri is a star but by the time our eyes see a star, they're already FADED! Once we eliminate The Cool Kids, we're rocket strapped to number one in the tag division rankings."
"Who else is in this match? Oh! Number three ranked tag team... Red White and Bruised! Former tag team champions trying to reclaim their lost glory. Karlie Something and Nikki Whatever? These two have done it all here in Action. They've crushed 'em all... except MadClan. In a few days... we're going to give them a megadeath the world will be talking about for years to come. They can bring Whatsherface to the ring with them... and she can get mollywhopped by MadClan, too! Together… we are unstoppable. Sure, last week was a bit of a hiccup in our master plan. Mistakes are opportunities for growth. We are going to learn from our loss and use it to destroy each and every team in this match… and any other team who gets in our way. Are there any other teams entering this match? It doesn’t matter how many times. You line ‘em up and we’ll knock ‘em down!"
"Knock ‘em down and toss them over the top rope. This is DJ Carnivore with Raging Dead signing off."
The scene cuts to late at night as The MadClan approaches the Burger King, entering just as the employees are going to lock up.
"I HEARD SOMEONE HERE DIDN'T GET RAGING HIS COOL KIDS COMBO, GRILLED LOVE BIRDS, AND RED WHITE & BRUISED SHAKE!"
"Oh, this again. Sir, as I told your friend earlier, those are not things that are on the menu."
"I would like to have it MY way! And you can’t stop me! Because America!"
"That’s not how this works. Now please, we are trying to close up. Our operating hours are----"
"I'd also like a Fortnite burger!"
"That’s also not something on the menu. Sir, if you could-----"
Within seconds, Carnivore starts pounding on a much smaller employee before tossing him on the nearest table. Another employee tries to run to the back but Raging Dead tosses a chair at the back of his legs causing him to fall through the back door.
"Bah dah dah, dah dah! I’m lovin’ it!"
"That’s McDonald’s…"
"Where are we?"
"Burger King."
"Damn you, Burger King!"
A third worker comes out from the grill. The guy is close to seven feet tall and looks like his parents were siblings. He grunts at MadClan, and charges at them.
"You wanna dance, Hills Have Eyes?! Let’s dance!"
MadClan unites to battle the giant burger flipper. He pushes Raging Dead off, then back elbows Carnivore off. The two share a common thought and shoot in to make the kill. Raging Dead hits a running European uppercut while Carnivore gets in a leg sweep kick from behind.
"DEAD!"
"MEAT!"
They are now the last men standing in the restaurant, looking around at all the chaos they caused.
"I guess we did have it our way."
"Hey… uhh…"
Carnivore points out the window at the approaching red and blue lights.
"We can’t win at Revolution Three… if we’re locked up…"
"NINJA VANISH!"
He picks up a handful of ketchup packets and slams them on the ground, hoping a cloud of smoke will appear. Nothing spectacular happens. As police officers approach from both entrances, MadClan run through the lobby and dive through windows, shattering glass all over the sidewalk. With broken glass sticking out of their flesh, they race off into the night as the scene fades to black.