Cerealliance
Jan 5, 2020 11:26:14 GMT -5
via mobile
Bonnie Blue, Quixote Della Torre, and 1 more like this
Post by The Papa John's Pizza Man on Jan 5, 2020 11:26:14 GMT -5
An eerily clean table is lit up only by the flashlight of a shoddy IPhone4 with bits of Fruity pebbles attached, like what a guy in his mid-30's would own if he needed a phone and was obsessed physically, mentally and sexually with Cereal.
A man fitting that description perfectly comes into frame, The Cereal Man switches the camera around and starts fiddling with it. Murmuring in annoyance, little "crap"s and the occasional cursing of the current Papa John CEO.
He hides the camera underneath the table, so his dirty, scruffy beard with bits of cereal inside takes up 90% of the space in the frame. In a nicer, more fair world, The Cereal Man imagines his beard filling up 90% of the space in the known universe. But he's in a rough state, and he needs to bounce back from the previous losses to begin his cerealtacular omniabsorbtion of life.
Before he can fully start to rant a little bit of blood falls out of his mouth, joining the droplets of sweat falling from his brow.
"Thy's cerelrevolution, whilst going through unexpected dirt routes, is riding through them like a hot cereal knife through butter.
Your meager, planetary world, as well as the meager, not-as-planetary cruiserweight division, shudder to think of the chaos and destruction The VERY ANGRY Cereal Man shall bring upon thou.
Thou is at a fork in the road, aimed straight thoust black heart. My heart, filled with glorious cholesterol, is immune to all such petty metals. Cereal grants me the ability to live eternal, but the same cannot be wordspoken in regards to you.
At this quantum point, your human race is getting quantum fucked. Your lack of Cereal leading into problems all around the world, as punishment for disobeying cereal's win. You big human collection are darned if you do and darned if you don't, and at the mercy of one who only wants to see you all festering in darnation."
The Cereal Man reaches into his cereal pocket and pulls put some paper. Bringing it so close to his eye that the microscopic cereal particles resting inside his body can see. He soon realises that tuition fee's are getting a lot higher and the spiritual Cereal particles probably couldn't afford to get a proper education.
The Cereal Man begins to read, as a The Inculsive Cereal Man.
"Ah yes, here it is before my vision orbs. My opponents, or should thu say..
STUPID-FUCKS!
The Yokai? Yokai is Japanese for "cerealess-goat". As everyone knows, goats fully eat Cereal without suffering the eternal vibe check. Hence why they're not recognised as animals by the 7 ancient Cereal Snakes, who can. Mineself shall simply feed him Cereal and watch him die a slow, but deserved, death via cereal.
Which better work or I'll look stupid, and I actually have a zoologist degree so-"
A sound is heard from off camera. Faint cries for help muffled by a door.
"Moving forward! Eleanora Adares! LatinAmerica had never been fully supportive of Cereal! As I learned when I tried to force feed exactly one LatinAmerica cereal. He ran off, so I then automatically assumed everyone that was LatinAmerican felt the exact same way and therefore this Cereal Man shall win using it's meat fists of Rage and LackofCulturalSensitivityDueToTheWayTheCerealMan'sParentsRaisedHimAndAUnderlyingFearThatThoseAroundTheCerealManThatHaveThoseViewsWillThinkLessOfHimIfHeChangesHisWays!!
The CereAlly Hobo shall help with this Cerealcide. He has been both a Cereal-Hater and a Cereal-Not-Hater, but the 8 Cereal spirits of yore have faith he'll stay loyal because that'what it says on the match card."
The camera is forced down as a door is kicked open and a man an argument quickly flares up. The man's voice is too far away to make out but The Cereal Man's isn't.
"Yeah but-! Se already have influence in Iran and the U.S and WW3 is gonna probably start soon! We've done enough! Your plan worked!
...
...
But if I take out John Schnatter people'll realise he's telling the truth.
...
...
I- I AM THE DAY OF FUCKING RECKONING! GET OUT OF MY FUCKING FACE! GET OUT!!"
The Cereal Man is hit with a pizza box and the phone drops out of his hand to the floor and the feed cuts.
A man fitting that description perfectly comes into frame, The Cereal Man switches the camera around and starts fiddling with it. Murmuring in annoyance, little "crap"s and the occasional cursing of the current Papa John CEO.
He hides the camera underneath the table, so his dirty, scruffy beard with bits of cereal inside takes up 90% of the space in the frame. In a nicer, more fair world, The Cereal Man imagines his beard filling up 90% of the space in the known universe. But he's in a rough state, and he needs to bounce back from the previous losses to begin his cerealtacular omniabsorbtion of life.
Before he can fully start to rant a little bit of blood falls out of his mouth, joining the droplets of sweat falling from his brow.
"Thy's cerelrevolution, whilst going through unexpected dirt routes, is riding through them like a hot cereal knife through butter.
Your meager, planetary world, as well as the meager, not-as-planetary cruiserweight division, shudder to think of the chaos and destruction The VERY ANGRY Cereal Man shall bring upon thou.
Thou is at a fork in the road, aimed straight thoust black heart. My heart, filled with glorious cholesterol, is immune to all such petty metals. Cereal grants me the ability to live eternal, but the same cannot be wordspoken in regards to you.
At this quantum point, your human race is getting quantum fucked. Your lack of Cereal leading into problems all around the world, as punishment for disobeying cereal's win. You big human collection are darned if you do and darned if you don't, and at the mercy of one who only wants to see you all festering in darnation."
The Cereal Man reaches into his cereal pocket and pulls put some paper. Bringing it so close to his eye that the microscopic cereal particles resting inside his body can see. He soon realises that tuition fee's are getting a lot higher and the spiritual Cereal particles probably couldn't afford to get a proper education.
The Cereal Man begins to read, as a The Inculsive Cereal Man.
"Ah yes, here it is before my vision orbs. My opponents, or should thu say..
STUPID-FUCKS!
The Yokai? Yokai is Japanese for "cerealess-goat". As everyone knows, goats fully eat Cereal without suffering the eternal vibe check. Hence why they're not recognised as animals by the 7 ancient Cereal Snakes, who can. Mineself shall simply feed him Cereal and watch him die a slow, but deserved, death via cereal.
Which better work or I'll look stupid, and I actually have a zoologist degree so-"
A sound is heard from off camera. Faint cries for help muffled by a door.
"Moving forward! Eleanora Adares! LatinAmerica had never been fully supportive of Cereal! As I learned when I tried to force feed exactly one LatinAmerica cereal. He ran off, so I then automatically assumed everyone that was LatinAmerican felt the exact same way and therefore this Cereal Man shall win using it's meat fists of Rage and LackofCulturalSensitivityDueToTheWayTheCerealMan'sParentsRaisedHimAndAUnderlyingFearThatThoseAroundTheCerealManThatHaveThoseViewsWillThinkLessOfHimIfHeChangesHisWays!!
The CereAlly Hobo shall help with this Cerealcide. He has been both a Cereal-Hater and a Cereal-Not-Hater, but the 8 Cereal spirits of yore have faith he'll stay loyal because that'what it says on the match card."
The camera is forced down as a door is kicked open and a man an argument quickly flares up. The man's voice is too far away to make out but The Cereal Man's isn't.
"Yeah but-! Se already have influence in Iran and the U.S and WW3 is gonna probably start soon! We've done enough! Your plan worked!
...
...
But if I take out John Schnatter people'll realise he's telling the truth.
...
...
I- I AM THE DAY OF FUCKING RECKONING! GET OUT OF MY FUCKING FACE! GET OUT!!"
The Cereal Man is hit with a pizza box and the phone drops out of his hand to the floor and the feed cuts.