Psychology Is A Pseudo-Science Or Some Shit Dec 15, 2019 11:17:36 GMT -5 Quixote Della Torre and Olivia R. Adler like this
Post by Cassidy Adler on Dec 15, 2019 11:17:36 GMT -5
You’re drawn into a beautiful flashback scene taking place outside of the Staples Centre. Nowadays this would be a big deal since we got LeBron and AD cookin’ and the team has had their best start to a season in like… what? 35 years or some shit? But nah. The year is 2016 and the team from 1 through to 1 3 is filled by tomato cans, so don’t get all hype, aight?
Pulling up into the view of the camera now is Yung Boi Cass. These days, you know him as the hottest (literally and figuratively) prospect on the roster. But back then? He was just that. A Yung Boi. A Come-Up. I hope you don’t mind some exposition, because that’s where we’re about to start diving.
This was meant to be the bois breakout year. Some of you be looking at Walter, Lissie Hope, Derrick Vayden, and you be thinking “woah, breakout year alert!” but nah, this was that real shit. Cass Adler had just left his admittedly not-so-humble beginnings over in Rye. New York, and was looking to break into the film world. Now, listen. We gotta be real with you. Acting wise? The kid wasn’t spectacular. But he had the marketability. The look. You know the one. It’s where like… aight.
It’s a skinny white boy who looks like he eats cigarettes for every meal of the week, you get me? Big dark circles under his eyes, mouth always set in a perpetual smug line that can be turned into a cocky smirk or a condescending frown at any given moment. Dude was basically born for superstardom. He even wears all those flowey hawaiians shirts and shit while rocking dark shaded aviators just to entirely complete the cliche of the young, rich, arrogant douchebag.
With that all out of the way, let’s get to the scene.
You immediately feel your man/womanhood throb at the sight of the yung gawd, CassAdler.
‘Man the Lakers are ass this season. Next game I go to I’mma be like “put me in coach”.’
Jessica, Monique, Kyle, and Chadington, all mumble some incoherent response as they look down at their phones.
‘So uhh… are we hitting the clubs?’
No response, Cassidy raises his voice.
‘Dad said he booked us bottle service at Warwick. Lesgo?’
Suddenly, the group comes alive.
‘Oh hell yeah.’
‘I’m down like Chris Brown.’
‘Me too. Who’s Chris Brown?’
Cassidy smiles, while he feels the soul being sucked out of him.
D O Y O U F E E L S O R R Y F O R H I M ?
The image fades and transitions into a new scene, with Cassidy smoking from an emerald pipe and his shirt unbuttoned to show a lil of his tanned semi-abs that aren’t really there, but if he tenses hard enough, you can make out like 3 of them. If you aren’t getting the image here, he looks like a badass.
Behind him, an older woman, probably somewhere between late 30s and early 40s, is sitting on a swivelling chair behind him that has been made in a disgusting mustard color. This is why Cass isn’t even looking in her general direction. She however has eyes only for him and the notepad in front of her, where she has jotted down neatly written dot points across several lines of what appears to be several pages of the notebook.
‘So, last session you told me you met a girl.’
‘I tell you that every week.’
‘True. How is she?’
‘Uh, yeah. She’s okay. I don’t think it’s gonna work out. She’s nice, though. I guess.’
‘Ah, that’s a shame. It’s good you’re making friends here though, Cassidy. Your parents were worried about you when you decided you wanted to come over to L.A.’
‘Oh, that’s weird. I’m pretty good at making friends. I think.’
‘Hm. Well. You seem to be handling everything as well as can be. Not many people your age would have been independent enough to make such a huge move. I’m sure they’re proud of your for pursuing your dreams.’
No response from Cassidy.
‘How has that been going, by the way? Any news?’
‘Uh, I’ve done a little modelling work here and there. I think I’m lined up to do some advertisements too. Small time shit. I feel like Rafael isn’t really doing much to set me up with some of the big stuff I know I should be doing.’
‘I thought you got offered a role in Spiderman: Homecoming.’
‘I did. They offered me Flash Thompson. I. Would. Rather. Die.’
‘Oh… I see.’
‘I don’t know. We’re fighting right now.’
A look of concern from Dr. Augustine.
‘Her hot friend is here in LA and she won’t give me her number, so I blocked them both on Facebook AND Instagram.’
‘Uhm… couldn’t you have just messaged her friend on one of those?’
‘Yeah, but that’s cuck shit. I have an iPhone. It’d be a fucking joke if I used Facebook Messenger over the Apple one.’
Dr. Augustine sighs, putting her pen and notepad down. Cassidy takes another fat rip from his pipe, and then blows dank smoke into the air.
‘Well, that’s our 45 up, Cassidy. I hope you got something out of this.’
‘Always, Doctor. Feels good to have someone listen. Sometimes, it feels like you’re the only one that understands me.’
FLASHBACK OVER, SCENE FADES OUT TRANSITION INTO…
AIR HORN HIP HOP TRAP BEATS, POST MALONE “CONGRATULATIONS” PLAYING FOR FIVE SECONDS AND THEN SWITCHING INTO “SICKO MODE”.
“YEAH, YEAH, YEAH
GOING ON YOU WITH THE PICK AND ROLL
YOUNG LA FLAME, HE IN SICKO MODE…”
And out pops a wild Cassidy Adler looking fire as fuck with a sweatshirt with the words “Chad For Life” imprinted on it. He also rocks an apple watch on his right wrist that has his own face as the background for it.
He hits a super litty assortment of FoRtNiTe dances in a row, and then grabs the camera with both hands, shaking it wildly as he yells right at you…
‘YO WADDUP YEEEEWWWWTUUUUUUUBE ITS YA BOI CASS “RADLER” ADLER AND WE ARE BACK WIT’ ANOTHER VIDEO HERE TODAY AND LEMME TELL YOU ITS GONNA BE A GOOD ONE BECAUSE ME AND OLIVE ARE ABOUT TO KILL THESE PARTY NERDS’
Cass leans to the side and flexes like that OG Showstopper Shawn Michaels. Your hearts nearly explodes out of your chest at the sight of this.
‘For real though, these dudes were gonna get murked the moment we got put across from them. You know it’s a mismatch for dem boys when you realize that their entire gimmick is something I do on the daily, and that’s PAAAAHTAYYYYYY.
‘The first one hundred people to like this video, be subscribed, and comment in 25 words or less why Olive and I are the best tag-team in A-Dub-Yah will get an invite to my next mansion party. I got a pool, bitches, a movie theater for anyone who wants to get their freak on while the rest of us get our drink on.
‘You think the Party Bros can offer you that? Nah. They’ll just come in with their lil fuccboi looks and tiny peens and hope they get some attention for taking an L to the next in line for the tag team belts. That’s us by the way, if you couldn’t figure it out.
‘Also guys get hype because…”
AIR HORNS START BLASTING AT YOU AGAIN AND YOU FEEL LIKE YOUR EARDRUMS ARE ABOUT TO EXPLOOOOOOODE
‘WE GOT A NEW PART OF THE VIDS CALLED: *BLANK* THE TYPE OF GUY TO. And our first guests for this segment are… the party guys so let’s get this shit rolling.’
Cass whips out a huge parchment that unfolds way beyond the view of the camera.
‘Party Bros the type of guys to manspread and think that’s what makes you a real Chadski.
‘Party Bros the type of guys to ask their girlfriends for a hug.
‘Party Bros the type of guys to ask their boyfriends for a hug. Wait, did I have that written down twice?
‘Party Bros the type of guys to have a PARTY and have no BROS turn up to it.
‘Party Bros the type of guys to just… have no bros in general, lmao.
‘Party Bros the type of guys to legitimately enjoy eating tuna sandwiches.
‘Party Bros the type of guys to get mad at you for not liking tuna sandwiches.
‘Party Bros the type of guys to try and sharpen their elbows with knives.
‘Party Bros the type of guys to get cooked, destroyed, flexed on, embarrassed, bodied, eviscerated, ethered, roasted, and ultimately beaten by the Adler Twins.’
HIP HOP AIR HORNS ARE BACK AHHH FUUUUCCKKKKKK okay cool now they’re over.
‘And that’s about it. So yeah. We back again and after this we gonna be 2-0 and probably just a couple matches out from snagging them tag belts. In other news, we’re near 100K subscribers and I hear that Pewdiepie thinks we’re lit or some shit.’
Disclaimer: No he doesn’t.
‘So guys with Xmas coming up guys I gotta admit the upload schedule is gonna be a little weaker than it is usually. But TRUST me we have some AMAZING content coming up. Our next video? ICE BUCKET CHAAALLEEEENNNNGGEEEE.
‘Don’t forget to like, comment, subscribe, and remember…
‘ADLER SEASON INBOUND BABY, VIBE CHECK ALERT! PEACE.’