The Odyssey of Baby Yoda (Dinner Party I/II)
Dec 12, 2019 6:36:25 GMT -5
“The RevolutiDaddy” Wesley and Quixote Della Torre like this
Post by Reece Stapleton-Shaw on Dec 12, 2019 6:36:25 GMT -5
“Reece honey, the bread knife goes on the outside remember?”
“I got ya pook.”
“...and can we make sure every guest is going to have both a wine glass and a tumbler for water?”
“Yes Felix. Three bags full Felix.”
“Pardon snookums?”
“Nothing lovesome. So-”
“Reece. That’s a champagne flute.”
“What?”
“I asked for wine glasses, you know Frederick likes Merlot don’t you? So why does he have a champagne flute rather than a red wine glass?”
“Who cares? Booze is booze ain’t it?”
“Booze is booze….booze is-”
“Deep breaths Felix. Look, I’m just fucking with you; you need to stop getting so stressed every time we have friends over.”
“I know. But it’s the pre-Christmas party party - it’s like a test run. Everything must run smoothly.”
“Chill. Okay.”
“This is the first time we are hosting as a married couple Reece, this is important”
“I know. Damn mate you need a stiff drink.”
“No. No I don’t, why do you keep asking? I’ve been six months clean and every dang night you’re asking if we can “get fucked up like we used to on the road fam”.”
“I mean, those were the good old days right?”
“Yes, having no money. Bus hopping from town to town while breaking up the monotony of staying in the cheapest, most run down motels in said town before taking years off of our life being punched in the face for the privilege. No...thank...you.”
“You still look just as pretty as you did back then, I think maybe getting your nose broken helped you some.”
“Thanks. I think. Look, I’m doing you a huge favour aren’t I? I swore to you that we would never wrestle for that awful human being Torture again and just for you, just because you asked me so nicely I reneged and here we are doing this again. Just once. Just for you. This is a Christmas present because I love you. So I’m sorry that we aren’t getting drunk or doing lines of blow in urine flavoured settings but we are going to be Power Word: Kill again.”
“You’re a good egg. I was thinking, you know - seeing as I don’t really want to hurt anyone or like...be nasty or anything how about we rename ourselves.”
“What to? Mass Heal?”
“True Resurrection”
“Detect Traps”
“...I don’t think you’re getting this. True Resurrection might work. We have to actually like, win this match though for this whole thing to have any significance mate .”
“Have you done any research on our opponents?”
“Nope. You?”
“So yet again I have to do everything, I sort the match, I booked our hotel and travel and now here we are with you once more having no idea what is even going on. Wonderful. What a start. I mean, I’ve seen them a couple of times. By seen, I mean, had on in the background while doing housework and preparing my famous Cranberry Sauce. They are weird ones.
“Weird?”
“Yeah. So,It’s not that I think these two guys are bad wrestlers. Illumignarly - cute name by the way! On the contrary, I enjoyed what I saw it was fun and uplifting and uhhh..nice? I guess. I dunno ... what’s the word I’m looking for, Reece?”
“Originality, uniqueness and allure for the discerning seasoned fan?”
“That’s nine words Reece, but the sentiment is exactly what I was looking for! But semantics aside, pumpkin you have it exactly right. These gentlemen are lacking here. If you want to be champion – if they want an unprecedented streak of dominance only interrupted by the realization that your tag partner is your life partner and domesticity sounds better than spending your time thanklessly holding up a dead division– they sure as heck are going to need some coaching.”
“Ooo! A pep talk, I’m always down for a pep talk sesh.”
“You’re doing for anything if it involves the word “sesh.”
“True fam. So who are these chaps like?”
“We have a gentleman called Wesley.”
“Wesley what?”
“Wesley Redacted”
“His surname is redacted?”
“No, it’s just a cute little thing where he’s trying to be coy and a little bit cheeky with his history and things, I appreciate it.”
“Sure.”
“...aaaand the other one is a lady by the name of Ariel Shadows.”
“Is it Ariel like the mermaid or Ariel like the war criminal?”
“I would imagine a little girl’s parents would much more likely use Ariel the mermaid rather than an Israeli prime minister - not war criminal Reece.”
“So we are going with it being pronounced Ariel then?”
“Correct, Ariel.”
“Aight I got ya, so are we going to do this coaching session or not?”
“Yes, of course - just let me portion the Cranberry Sauce. Oh they are going to die when they taste it!.”
“I got ya pook.”
“...and can we make sure every guest is going to have both a wine glass and a tumbler for water?”
“Yes Felix. Three bags full Felix.”
“Pardon snookums?”
“Nothing lovesome. So-”
“Reece. That’s a champagne flute.”
“What?”
“I asked for wine glasses, you know Frederick likes Merlot don’t you? So why does he have a champagne flute rather than a red wine glass?”
“Who cares? Booze is booze ain’t it?”
“Booze is booze….booze is-”
“Deep breaths Felix. Look, I’m just fucking with you; you need to stop getting so stressed every time we have friends over.”
“I know. But it’s the pre-Christmas party party - it’s like a test run. Everything must run smoothly.”
“Chill. Okay.”
“This is the first time we are hosting as a married couple Reece, this is important”
“I know. Damn mate you need a stiff drink.”
“No. No I don’t, why do you keep asking? I’ve been six months clean and every dang night you’re asking if we can “get fucked up like we used to on the road fam”.”
“I mean, those were the good old days right?”
“Yes, having no money. Bus hopping from town to town while breaking up the monotony of staying in the cheapest, most run down motels in said town before taking years off of our life being punched in the face for the privilege. No...thank...you.”
“You still look just as pretty as you did back then, I think maybe getting your nose broken helped you some.”
“Thanks. I think. Look, I’m doing you a huge favour aren’t I? I swore to you that we would never wrestle for that awful human being Torture again and just for you, just because you asked me so nicely I reneged and here we are doing this again. Just once. Just for you. This is a Christmas present because I love you. So I’m sorry that we aren’t getting drunk or doing lines of blow in urine flavoured settings but we are going to be Power Word: Kill again.”
“You’re a good egg. I was thinking, you know - seeing as I don’t really want to hurt anyone or like...be nasty or anything how about we rename ourselves.”
“What to? Mass Heal?”
“True Resurrection”
“Detect Traps”
“...I don’t think you’re getting this. True Resurrection might work. We have to actually like, win this match though for this whole thing to have any significance mate .”
“Have you done any research on our opponents?”
“Nope. You?”
“So yet again I have to do everything, I sort the match, I booked our hotel and travel and now here we are with you once more having no idea what is even going on. Wonderful. What a start. I mean, I’ve seen them a couple of times. By seen, I mean, had on in the background while doing housework and preparing my famous Cranberry Sauce. They are weird ones.
“Weird?”
“Yeah. So,It’s not that I think these two guys are bad wrestlers. Illumignarly - cute name by the way! On the contrary, I enjoyed what I saw it was fun and uplifting and uhhh..nice? I guess. I dunno ... what’s the word I’m looking for, Reece?”
“Originality, uniqueness and allure for the discerning seasoned fan?”
“That’s nine words Reece, but the sentiment is exactly what I was looking for! But semantics aside, pumpkin you have it exactly right. These gentlemen are lacking here. If you want to be champion – if they want an unprecedented streak of dominance only interrupted by the realization that your tag partner is your life partner and domesticity sounds better than spending your time thanklessly holding up a dead division– they sure as heck are going to need some coaching.”
“Ooo! A pep talk, I’m always down for a pep talk sesh.”
“You’re doing for anything if it involves the word “sesh.”
“True fam. So who are these chaps like?”
“We have a gentleman called Wesley.”
“Wesley what?”
“Wesley Redacted”
“His surname is redacted?”
“No, it’s just a cute little thing where he’s trying to be coy and a little bit cheeky with his history and things, I appreciate it.”
“Sure.”
“...aaaand the other one is a lady by the name of Ariel Shadows.”
“Is it Ariel like the mermaid or Ariel like the war criminal?”
“I would imagine a little girl’s parents would much more likely use Ariel the mermaid rather than an Israeli prime minister - not war criminal Reece.”
“So we are going with it being pronounced Ariel then?”
“Correct, Ariel.”
“Aight I got ya, so are we going to do this coaching session or not?”
“Yes, of course - just let me portion the Cranberry Sauce. Oh they are going to die when they taste it!.”