Post by “The RevolutiDaddy” Wesley on Nov 23, 2019 11:44:40 GMT -5
“I know hate. I know pain. One thing I’ll never know is fear.”
“The Guru Daddy” Wesley’s smokey voice hits them airwaves - comin’ to you live from underneath The Guru Canopy - like a barbecue snake saaaayndwich from them southern states, cause northerners don’t know barbecue from dog shit, for real. Straight fuggin facts, son.
“For the last month, Red, White, and Bruised has attempted to instill fear into The IllumiGnarly. For weeks, we’ve walked around with eyes in the back of our heads and slept with one eye open. They’ve unleashed everything in their arsenals. Sneaks attacks and ambushes. Fists, feet, and weapons alike. They’ve tried everything they can to put us on the shelf...but let me tell ya, that empty shelf is collecting dust right now and Red, White, & Bruised has one helluva receipt on the way.
“Here comes Turmoil. The reason you’ve tried so desperately to break us is very simple; you’re afraid. You saw ‘The Dreamcatcher’ Ariel Shadows, you saw ‘ The Guru Daddy’ Wesley, two of the most polarizing wrestlers, not just in Action Wrestling, but in the all encompassing industry of professional wrestling. You were afraid you would never reach the same insurmountable height we’ve attained...and that fear is not unfounded.”
Wesley chuckles, straight up hardy-har in your face.
“Red, White, & Bruised has had their fifteen minutes, their time in the sun. They’ve had their chance to make a mark in the tag team division and Action Wrestling as a whole, but we did more in a month with an alien dancing the Charleston then they’ve done in their entire career. Yeah, ya gots fans. That’s cool, I guess, though I don’t understand since Karlie has all the personality of a dead eyed serial killer, Nikki even less than that, and Hilda is basically a tree branch.”
Wesley drops his head in his hands, then lifts it up with a big smile plastered on his face.
“Shit, my bad. That’s offensive to trees and I do apologize.”
He laughs. Red, White, & Bruised silently weep. The existential cycle, my duders.
“Listen up ladies because I’m only fixin’ to say this once; Red, White, & Bruised could never beat IllumiGnarly on the up and up. You need your clandestine tactics because in a square fight, Red, White, & Bruised are caught out. You become hens in the fox hole real fuckin’ fast. You’re all brute strength, without a clue between the three of you, without a brain to find a clue either. Now you have to stand toe to toe with IllumiGnarly and you’re gonna fall like others far greater then yourselves have.
“You probably believe otherwise. I’m sure you think you have the dime dropped already - but that just ain’t the case. This thought process is folly as fuck. It’s going to take a lot more than backstage chair shots and powerbombs on the steps to keep iGnarly down. If there’s one thing we’ve proved in Action Wrestling - above all else - is that we’re as tough as they come. We’ve struggled through oversight, we’ve fought tooth and nail against a system that fought even harder to keep us down. Trust me when I say it’s going to take a lot more than a couple of bullheaded wenches to put us under the dirt.
“Nikki Vaughn, I understand why you would follow Karlie around like you do. You’re just another lost soul that craves validation. I get it. I could easily be in the same position as you, but I did a thing called ‘using my Guru Given brain cells’ and lifted myself from that posit. I knew exactly what I wanted from this business and it wasn’t clinging on to somebodies coattails - though frayed - as hard as I could. Even if I did, it wouldn’t be somebody without as much of a hope as Karlie fuckin’ Nash. If I was going to be somebodies glorified babysitter, I’d choose somebody like Dandy DiVito. Somebody with moxie. This is why you’re just as hopeless as Nash. You’re a carbon copy of somebody who ain’t worth the skin she’s fitted in.”
Wesley shakes that noggin of his backwerdz and forwerdz af.
“Karlie Nash, I know you’re the ringleader of these other two dopes, so believe me when I say I’m gonna crack your damn face in half for everything you’ve put us through this last month. It takes a special kind of stupid to mess with iGnarly, and a big brain level of stupidity to step into the ring with us. Your track record hasn’t been worth a shit since your hockey days. We’re not ice skating, baby. This is OUR professional wrestling ring you’re getting into and you’re about to find out just how hard Ariel Shadows and I hit back.
“In your mind, nobody sits on a higher throne than Karlie Nash, but reality tells a different story. In the real world, you’re nothing but a one note undercarder that ain’t fit to lace our boots. Look at the teams we beat to acquire the tag team championship belts.
“Odin Balfore & Noble Savage, two former World Champions.
“Corey Black & Frank Patrick Venable, two of the toughest bastards in Action Wrestling, the current Hardcore and World Champion.
“The Hollywood Elite, a team slimier than you could ever hope to be.
“Now we’re putting Red, White, & Bruised on notice. The Tag Team Championships aren’t going anywhere. They’re staying right where they belong and that’s firmly clasped around the waists of The IllumiGnarly. You’ve had week after week, opportunities to break us, and now it’s our turn to break you.
“And if you want to try and play the numbers game...well, let’s just say we have a little contingency plan in place.
“You’re coming to Turmoil expecting a fight, but what you’re gonna get is a massacre and a new meaning to Red, White, & Bruised.”
____________________________________________
“I’m not sure this is a good idea.”
Wesley’s word hung in the hotel room. Their suitcases sat packed in the corner, as they had since that day in Roswell when they busted into Area 51 like the freedom fighters they were and rescued S L I M B O I from a life of inhumane torture and experimentation. He sat chittering happily in the corner, snacking on a box of oatmeal cream cookies and Dr. Pepper like a true red blooded American citizen.
“You know me better than that”, Ariel replies, “If I say we can trust it, then we can trust it.”
“He’s already been through enough”, Wesley says and looks across the room at S L I M B O I, “What if it spooks him and he runs off...again?”
“To be fair, the deep dish Pepperoni he came back with was worth it”, Ariel replies in jest.
They share a laugh, S L I M B O I echoing like a parrot, swinging his little legs in that chair.
“I just worry about him”, Wesley says, “I don’t want him to get hurt.”
“He’s got to experience life at some point, Wesley”, she remarks, “We can’t just shelter him from everything all the time. He got to be in that Weezer vid and look how happy that made him. Think about how far this can go to create human-alien relations. We’re on the cusp of something greater than ourselves and that...that’s enlightenment.”
Wesley’s spiritual jaw hits the floor. The student has surpassed the teacher on that Third Eye Zen Den shiz.
“You’re right, Ariel”, Wesley replies, “I let my own emotions get in the way of his journey.”
“You care about him, nothing wrong with that”, she states.
S L I M B O I pulls a blunt out of his fanny pack smooth as butter and sparks that shit up. Climb, S L I M baby, climb.
“I just know what we’ve been through personally lately with Red, White, & Bruised”, he said, “That’s probably been getting to me a little bit, too. All I can think about is jamming my fist so hard into Karlie’s face.”
“Thats absolutely her fault that it’s so punchable”, Ariel replies, “She’s a bitch.”
They laugh again.
“There’s something else on my mind”, Wesley continues, “It has been since the desert.”
“What we saw?” Ariel asks rhetorically, “Yeah, I’ve been thinking about it too.”
“I want to believe that we’re in control of our own destiny, but that was just spooky dooky. I don’t play that shit.”
Ariel puts her hand on Wesley’s shoulder.
“We’re traveling around with a literal alien, I think it’s time to accept that life’s about do a little funky chicken on our nuts.”
S L I M B O I slams the last of his cold, crispy DOC, jumps up on the table, and hits the swim like Michael Phelps.
“Does it get any fucking weirder than this?”, Ariel ask with her hand held out towards S L I M M Y.
KNOCK
KNOCK
KNOCK
S L I M B O I dives under the bed with the quickness as Wesley and Ariel turn towards the door.
“You ready?” Ariel asks.
“As ready as I’ll ever be, I guess”, Wesley replies.
Ariel turns the knob as the scene fades to black.
____________________________________________
The future is kind of funny. You never REALLY think about it until you’re face to face with it. I mean like actually smacked right up side the dome piece with it, then it’s like “what the fuck did I do with my time?”
I wouldn’t call it wasted time.
Wasted potential is more like it.
Not anymore.
It’s time for “The Dreamcatcher” to get hers.
It’s time for “The Guru Daddy” to get his.
Red, White, & Bruised: we’re not looking past you. We’re looking through you. We’d be total fools to think this isn’t going to be a challenge, but what we do best is overcome.
We’ll stop at absolutely nothing to be the best Tag Team Champions in Action Wrestling, past, present, and future. There isn’t a single team on this roster that can match us. Not because they’re bad, but because we’re simply better.
The best around, you could say. Joe Esposito eat your ass out, brother.
We can’t wait to get our hands on you just so we can prove why even thinking about stepping up to us is a mistake.
The future of Action Wrestling is bright.
The future of Action Wrestling is The IllumiGnarly.
“The Guru Daddy” Wesley’s smokey voice hits them airwaves - comin’ to you live from underneath The Guru Canopy - like a barbecue snake saaaayndwich from them southern states, cause northerners don’t know barbecue from dog shit, for real. Straight fuggin facts, son.
“For the last month, Red, White, and Bruised has attempted to instill fear into The IllumiGnarly. For weeks, we’ve walked around with eyes in the back of our heads and slept with one eye open. They’ve unleashed everything in their arsenals. Sneaks attacks and ambushes. Fists, feet, and weapons alike. They’ve tried everything they can to put us on the shelf...but let me tell ya, that empty shelf is collecting dust right now and Red, White, & Bruised has one helluva receipt on the way.
“Here comes Turmoil. The reason you’ve tried so desperately to break us is very simple; you’re afraid. You saw ‘The Dreamcatcher’ Ariel Shadows, you saw ‘ The Guru Daddy’ Wesley, two of the most polarizing wrestlers, not just in Action Wrestling, but in the all encompassing industry of professional wrestling. You were afraid you would never reach the same insurmountable height we’ve attained...and that fear is not unfounded.”
Wesley chuckles, straight up hardy-har in your face.
“Red, White, & Bruised has had their fifteen minutes, their time in the sun. They’ve had their chance to make a mark in the tag team division and Action Wrestling as a whole, but we did more in a month with an alien dancing the Charleston then they’ve done in their entire career. Yeah, ya gots fans. That’s cool, I guess, though I don’t understand since Karlie has all the personality of a dead eyed serial killer, Nikki even less than that, and Hilda is basically a tree branch.”
Wesley drops his head in his hands, then lifts it up with a big smile plastered on his face.
“Shit, my bad. That’s offensive to trees and I do apologize.”
He laughs. Red, White, & Bruised silently weep. The existential cycle, my duders.
“Listen up ladies because I’m only fixin’ to say this once; Red, White, & Bruised could never beat IllumiGnarly on the up and up. You need your clandestine tactics because in a square fight, Red, White, & Bruised are caught out. You become hens in the fox hole real fuckin’ fast. You’re all brute strength, without a clue between the three of you, without a brain to find a clue either. Now you have to stand toe to toe with IllumiGnarly and you’re gonna fall like others far greater then yourselves have.
“You probably believe otherwise. I’m sure you think you have the dime dropped already - but that just ain’t the case. This thought process is folly as fuck. It’s going to take a lot more than backstage chair shots and powerbombs on the steps to keep iGnarly down. If there’s one thing we’ve proved in Action Wrestling - above all else - is that we’re as tough as they come. We’ve struggled through oversight, we’ve fought tooth and nail against a system that fought even harder to keep us down. Trust me when I say it’s going to take a lot more than a couple of bullheaded wenches to put us under the dirt.
“Nikki Vaughn, I understand why you would follow Karlie around like you do. You’re just another lost soul that craves validation. I get it. I could easily be in the same position as you, but I did a thing called ‘using my Guru Given brain cells’ and lifted myself from that posit. I knew exactly what I wanted from this business and it wasn’t clinging on to somebodies coattails - though frayed - as hard as I could. Even if I did, it wouldn’t be somebody without as much of a hope as Karlie fuckin’ Nash. If I was going to be somebodies glorified babysitter, I’d choose somebody like Dandy DiVito. Somebody with moxie. This is why you’re just as hopeless as Nash. You’re a carbon copy of somebody who ain’t worth the skin she’s fitted in.”
Wesley shakes that noggin of his backwerdz and forwerdz af.
“Karlie Nash, I know you’re the ringleader of these other two dopes, so believe me when I say I’m gonna crack your damn face in half for everything you’ve put us through this last month. It takes a special kind of stupid to mess with iGnarly, and a big brain level of stupidity to step into the ring with us. Your track record hasn’t been worth a shit since your hockey days. We’re not ice skating, baby. This is OUR professional wrestling ring you’re getting into and you’re about to find out just how hard Ariel Shadows and I hit back.
“In your mind, nobody sits on a higher throne than Karlie Nash, but reality tells a different story. In the real world, you’re nothing but a one note undercarder that ain’t fit to lace our boots. Look at the teams we beat to acquire the tag team championship belts.
“Odin Balfore & Noble Savage, two former World Champions.
“Corey Black & Frank Patrick Venable, two of the toughest bastards in Action Wrestling, the current Hardcore and World Champion.
“The Hollywood Elite, a team slimier than you could ever hope to be.
“Now we’re putting Red, White, & Bruised on notice. The Tag Team Championships aren’t going anywhere. They’re staying right where they belong and that’s firmly clasped around the waists of The IllumiGnarly. You’ve had week after week, opportunities to break us, and now it’s our turn to break you.
“And if you want to try and play the numbers game...well, let’s just say we have a little contingency plan in place.
“You’re coming to Turmoil expecting a fight, but what you’re gonna get is a massacre and a new meaning to Red, White, & Bruised.”
____________________________________________
“I’m not sure this is a good idea.”
Wesley’s word hung in the hotel room. Their suitcases sat packed in the corner, as they had since that day in Roswell when they busted into Area 51 like the freedom fighters they were and rescued S L I M B O I from a life of inhumane torture and experimentation. He sat chittering happily in the corner, snacking on a box of oatmeal cream cookies and Dr. Pepper like a true red blooded American citizen.
“You know me better than that”, Ariel replies, “If I say we can trust it, then we can trust it.”
“He’s already been through enough”, Wesley says and looks across the room at S L I M B O I, “What if it spooks him and he runs off...again?”
“To be fair, the deep dish Pepperoni he came back with was worth it”, Ariel replies in jest.
They share a laugh, S L I M B O I echoing like a parrot, swinging his little legs in that chair.
“I just worry about him”, Wesley says, “I don’t want him to get hurt.”
“He’s got to experience life at some point, Wesley”, she remarks, “We can’t just shelter him from everything all the time. He got to be in that Weezer vid and look how happy that made him. Think about how far this can go to create human-alien relations. We’re on the cusp of something greater than ourselves and that...that’s enlightenment.”
Wesley’s spiritual jaw hits the floor. The student has surpassed the teacher on that Third Eye Zen Den shiz.
“You’re right, Ariel”, Wesley replies, “I let my own emotions get in the way of his journey.”
“You care about him, nothing wrong with that”, she states.
S L I M B O I pulls a blunt out of his fanny pack smooth as butter and sparks that shit up. Climb, S L I M baby, climb.
“I just know what we’ve been through personally lately with Red, White, & Bruised”, he said, “That’s probably been getting to me a little bit, too. All I can think about is jamming my fist so hard into Karlie’s face.”
“Thats absolutely her fault that it’s so punchable”, Ariel replies, “She’s a bitch.”
They laugh again.
“There’s something else on my mind”, Wesley continues, “It has been since the desert.”
“What we saw?” Ariel asks rhetorically, “Yeah, I’ve been thinking about it too.”
“I want to believe that we’re in control of our own destiny, but that was just spooky dooky. I don’t play that shit.”
Ariel puts her hand on Wesley’s shoulder.
“We’re traveling around with a literal alien, I think it’s time to accept that life’s about do a little funky chicken on our nuts.”
S L I M B O I slams the last of his cold, crispy DOC, jumps up on the table, and hits the swim like Michael Phelps.
“Does it get any fucking weirder than this?”, Ariel ask with her hand held out towards S L I M M Y.
KNOCK
KNOCK
KNOCK
S L I M B O I dives under the bed with the quickness as Wesley and Ariel turn towards the door.
“You ready?” Ariel asks.
“As ready as I’ll ever be, I guess”, Wesley replies.
Ariel turns the knob as the scene fades to black.
____________________________________________
The future is kind of funny. You never REALLY think about it until you’re face to face with it. I mean like actually smacked right up side the dome piece with it, then it’s like “what the fuck did I do with my time?”
I wouldn’t call it wasted time.
Wasted potential is more like it.
Not anymore.
It’s time for “The Dreamcatcher” to get hers.
It’s time for “The Guru Daddy” to get his.
Red, White, & Bruised: we’re not looking past you. We’re looking through you. We’d be total fools to think this isn’t going to be a challenge, but what we do best is overcome.
We’ll stop at absolutely nothing to be the best Tag Team Champions in Action Wrestling, past, present, and future. There isn’t a single team on this roster that can match us. Not because they’re bad, but because we’re simply better.
The best around, you could say. Joe Esposito eat your ass out, brother.
We can’t wait to get our hands on you just so we can prove why even thinking about stepping up to us is a mistake.
The future of Action Wrestling is bright.
The future of Action Wrestling is The IllumiGnarly.