(11/13/15) #Beachma XIII Oct 16, 2019 13:53:27 GMT -5
Post by Action Reel on Oct 16, 2019 13:53:27 GMT -5
#Beachma XIII Intro
The show opens to a sweeping view of the interior of the Target Center in Minneapolis. Plastic palm trees and tiki torches line the edges of the ramp and stage as wild parrots flock about in the rafters; the speakers throb with bass as “Boys of Paradise” by Unicorn Kid blares, the lights flashing in blues, yellows, and pastel pinks. While the camera displays these wondrous decorations, it is keen to avoid displaying the mass of empty seats in the arena – a stray WSeaF fan here or there but largely a wasteland. At the announcer table, Los Tiburones sits beside Hacksaw Jim Thuggin and an empty chair.
Los Tiburones: Welcome, folks, to #Beachmania! I’m your host and announcer, Jared Holmes. Tonight I’m accompanied by #BeachKrew manager “Hacksaw” Jim Thuggin and the epitome of commentary: Wavedigger!
An intern quickly runs to Jared’s side, bending down to hand him a note and whisper in his ear. Jared frowns.
Los Tiburones: Never mind that, ladies and gentlemen, it appears Wavedigger is out with food poisoning tonight. Nonetheless, the show we’ve booked for you tonight is clutch, isn’t it Jim?
Hacksaw Jim Thuggin: Indeed Earth Child Jared. One may say it shall be metaphorically killer. I am speaking poetically – no one shall be killed on tonight’s show. This is the precise reason why XIII was canceled; #Beachmania shall be wholesome fun.
Visual tearing slices the bottom of the feed as Jared turns back to the camera, headset positioned over his shark mask.
Los Tiburones: With that being said, let’s begin with our first match: the Seth Lerch Memorial Clusterfuck!
The audience does not react much – perhaps not enough people are in attendance to matter. The music hits as a long stream of jobbers begin down the ramp.
Los Tiburones: Let’s see here. Biohazard, Tyler Walker, Big Train, D’Angelo Hall. Um… anyone know where like, Night Rider or Hatcher are? They’re in this, right?
Hacksaw Jim Thuggin: I’m sure they shall arrive soon, Earth Child. Soon.
The jobber parade continues as the screen cuts abruptly, static running through the monitor of any televisions tuned in. A graphic appears: “WE ARE EXPERIENCING TECHNICAL ERRORS. ONE MOMENT PLEASE.” The camera cuts and jumps a few more times before opening to the inside of the Myth. It is literally jam-packed inside The Myth. A capacity crowd going nuts looking at the blacked out ring chanting “THIIIIRTEEEEEN! THIIIIIIRTEEEEEEN!” The camera cuts to the backstage area, a view through a webcam where Corey Black stands next to a man typing away on a computer.
Corey Black: We got it? We’re on?
The guy typing away pauses for a moment for a simple thumbs up and a smile, Corey slaps the guy on the back and looks into the webcam attached to the computer.
Corey Black: Well then, now that we have that mess sorted out … WELCOME TO XIII! LET’S FUCK SOME SHIT UP!