HOUSE OF 1000 LIGHT TUBES TO DETERMINE THE #1 CONTENDER FOR HARDCORE TITLE
OBLIVION vs MARK MAYHEM vs APOCALYPSE vs SWITCHFEVER
Ding Ding Ding!
The area goes black the crowd lights up via cell phones. A distorted guitar rift begins to play as “If I had a Heart by Fever Ray” starts playing.
This will never end
'Cause I want more
More, give me more
Give me more
This will never end
'Cause I want more
More, give me more
Give me more
If I had a heart I could love you
If I had a voice I would sing
After the night when I wake up
I'll see what tomorrow brings
The entrance from the back lights up and a silhouette is standing in there. Marc Mayhem walks out and makes his way to the ring. He has a long fluorescent light bulb in each hand. Mayhem is standing in front of the ring, he raises both bulbs in the air and smashes them.
Kyle Steel: The following match is scheduled for one fall!! It is a house of a thousand light tubes match and is for the no.1 contender’s spot for the WCF Hardcore Title…Introducing first; from Madison, Wisconsin…weighing in at 220lbs…Marc Mayhem!!
The crowd goes wild and Marc slides into the ring.
Zach Davis: Mayhem looks on fire I don’t think he is going to back down from this test.
Gavedigger: I will tell you who is on fire tonight. Shannon Lerch man she is hot.
Shannon: Thanks Gravedigger…you cute too…call me later.
Zach Davis: Digger I wouldn’t do that unless you want your thickness on fire.
The house lights go out, as lighter colored lights come on. The multiple cameras pan around the jam packed ECW Arena. The fans are holding up various signs. The atmosphere is explosive and some of the crowd is cheering. While, the rest, of the crowd are booing. "Oblivion" by Mastadon begins to play. The blaring guitar begins to play. 13 seconds later the high-hats come through. Seven seconds later the drums are blaring through.
Gravedigger: Alright!! HERE WE GO!! XIII... It's always extra special when Oblivion is involved!!
The house lights go out. The crowd begins to murmur. White pulsating strobe lights begin to flash, as bright white lasers begin to flash. Two bright spotlights hit the entrance stage. The music continues to thump. Some of the fans are thrashing and/or dancing a long with the music...
BOOM!!
Zach Davis: WHAT THE....?!?!? HOLY HELL!! THAT SCARED ME!!
Freddy Whoa: WHOA!!
Explosive fire pyro shoots straight up, on the stage and down the ramp. Freddy Whoa and Gravedigger are laughing hysterically, as Zach Davis is picking himself off the floor.
Freddy Whoa: ZACH GOT SCARED!! ZACH GOT SCARED!! ZACH GOT SCARED!!
Zach Davis: No I didn't! The pyro just caught me off guard.
Gravedigger: No, it didn't! You got scared!!
Then right about that time, Oblivion slowly slinks out to the entrance stage. The Monster is holding a long fluorescent light bulbs in each hand. The music continues the blare out and rattled the arena.
I flew beyond the sun before it was time
Burning all the gold that held me inside my shell
Waiting for you to pull me back in
I almost had the world in my sight
There are twelve HUGE muscular individuals on each side of the entrance ramp. They look like as if they were carved out of stone. They are wearing leather armor and they have their left arm across on their chests. They are holding a long fluorescent bulb. As Oblivion walks down the ramp, The "Monster Troop" roars out...
Monster Troop: AH-WHOO... AH-WHOO... AH-WHOO!!
When they roar out, they slam down the bulbs across their chest. The sounds of exploding bulbs echo throughout the ECW Arena.
Lost love
Bright eyes fading
Faster than stars falling
How can I tell you that I've failed?
Tell you I failed
Freddy Whoa: Whooooooooaa.
Zach Davis: Exactly.
The cameraman gets real close, as Oblivion gives the camera an instant cold hard, but brief stare. Oblivion continues to walk down the ramp. until IT gets to the bottom, of the ramp. The Monster thrusts out IT's massive right arm into the air. Lightning strike fill the ECW Arena. Thunder rolls. Oblivion slams one fluorescent bulb across IT's chest. It explodes and blood proceeds to trickle down IT's chest. Oblivion slams another bulb across IT's chest. The bulb explodes and more blood trickles down IT's chest.
Monster Troop: AH-WHOO... AH-WHOO... AH-WHOO!!
Gravedigger: Oblivion means business!!
Zach Davis: There's a different look in the eyes of The Monster.
Freddy Whoa: From the last pay per view at Timebomb, we have been hearing that The Monster Oblivion has a new edge in attitude. Marc Mayhem, Apocalypse, and Switchfever better watch their asses and backs. Because if they're not careful. Those three could end up either in the hospital or permanently disfigured!!
Gravedigger: God save us all!!
Zach Davis: When Oblivion gets creepy and demonic, there's no stopping The Monster... The God of Insanity!!
Kyle Steel: Weighing in at 305 pounds, from the deepest, darkest part of a sick man's psyche...... O-O-O-OBLI-I-IVI-I-I-I-O-O-O-O-NN-N-NN-N!!!
The Monster slowly comes down to the ring. Strobe lights continue to flash. Then the arena slightly shakes, as the sound of thunder continues to rumble and mock lightning continues to flash. The majority, of the crowd, jump.
Falling from grace cause I've been away too long
Leaving you behind with me lonesome song
Now I'm lost in oblivion
The music continues to thump out of the arena's speakers, as the screeching, but hypnotic sounds of the guitar comes through, the entire crowd seems to be in a trance and continues to sway along with the music, as some bounce their heads along with the music.
Falling from grace cause I've been away too long
Leaving you behind with me lonesome song
Now I'm lost in oblivion, in oblivion, in oblivion
Lightning strikes the four corners, of the ring. The loud sounds makes everyone jump out of their seats, once again. Some, of the people are scared out of their minds. The lights flicker then... POP!! The strobe lights go out!!
Zach Davis: WHAT THE HEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLL!! WHAT'S GOING ON?!?!
Freddy Whoa and Gravedigger are laughing their asses off!
Gravedigger: Get your ass up!! you're embarrassing yourself!!
The house lights come on, then standing in the center of the ring, is Oblivion. Half the crowd is cheering, while the other half of the crowd is booing. The music fades out. A screeching sound echoes throughout the arena, as four lightning bolts strike each corner.
Zach Davis: This match is gonna be awesome!!
Freddy Whoa: HELLZ YEAH!!
Gravedigger: No doubt!!
The arena lights flicker and strobe as a single red balloon descends from the rafters to the ring. Rob Zombie's "Greasepaint and Monkey Brains" suddenly blares through the arena's speakers. The house-lights flicker back to life as Switchfever appears at the entrance ramp. His eyes are wild as he makes his way down the ramp. He runs and jettisons himself into the ring, performing a bit of a pete-rose, headfirst slide onto the mat. He rolls and kips himself up to his feet, before bounding to a slumped-over sitting position atop a the southernmost ringpost
“My Apocalypse” by Metallica plays as the crowd cheer in anticipation of Apocalypse’s arrival. He doesn’t appear on stage however, but instead appears from under the ring.
Kyle Steel: And their oppone-
The four of them immediately go after Apocalypse as he enters the ring as the bell rings. Apocalypse slithers free and immediately exits the ring and over the barrier, disappearing from sight.
Freddy Whoa: Oh. Well, see you later Apoc!
Zach Davis: I don’t think anyone can blame him. I’d have done the same thing.
Gravedigger: That little coward! Hey get back here!!
Marc Mayhem is not so shy though, and runs straight towards SwitchFever who delivers the first smash over the head with a light tube. Marc immediately face plants the mat as the tube is reduced to dust. Oblivion laughs but this is wiped off his face by a left hand from SF. Right hand from Oblivion, followed by a headbutt. SF goes down and gets a stomp to the face for good measure.
Freddy Whoa: Well, unsurprisingly Oblivion is on top.
Zach Davis: He never should have lost the inferno ladder match. He seriously has to prove himself here
Gravedigger: Correct. For once. Let’s see the monster Oblivion!!
SF gets up but receives a blow from a light tube. Oblivion reigns supreme in the ring…for now. He looks around the ring laughing at the many light tubes. He exits the ring and grabs a couple. He returns to the ring and places them across SF’s face, smashing them underfoot on his face. Marc gets up and jumps on Oblivion’s back, he simply sneers, jumps and falls backward on to SwitchFever, who jolts as the two land on him. Oblivion tosses Marc away and covers SF as the ref drops…
Freddy Whoa: Well this was a short match
1…
Zach Davis: Aww man! Is that it? Seriously?
2…
Gravedigger: Are you out of your fucking minds?
Kickout! SF manages to shift Oblivion off his body and immediately reaches for two light tubes, which he smashes together over Oblivion’s head. He shakes it off and walks slowly towards him. He grabs another tube and swings this one into his torso. Oblivion carries on walking, bleeding now from his face and chest.
Freddy Whoa: Oblivion cut open already, and look how completely unaffected he is by SwitchFever’s constant attacks!
Zach Davis: The monster is back. That much is clear.
Gravedigger: Look out Oblivion!!
Marc Mayhem jumps off the turnbuckle, tube in hand but Oblivion turns around at the last second and delivers an absolute bastard punch that smashes the tube into Marc’s face knocking him out in midair. SF jumps up and bulldog’s Oblivion’s head into the mat. He rolls him onto his back and pins his neck down with his knee. He reaches for a tube and stuffs it down his shorts just over his crotch. He gets up and stamps on the tube, crushing it in to his genitals. Oblivion rolls over in absolute agony. He puts a hand down there and takes it out again, his hand is soaked in blood.
Crowd: OOOOOOOOHHHH!!!! HOLY SHIT!! HOLY SHIT!! HOLY SHIT!!
Freddy Whoa: Oh my Go-
Freddy gets up and vomits into a nearby waste basket as Zach Davis faints, his face just flopping forward on to the announce table.
Gravedigger: Ladies and Gentleman our first ever in ring vasectomy!
Oblivion continues to roll in agony and ends up rolling out of the ring straight onto a couple more tubes that smash under his weight. SF lifts Marc up, scoops him and power slams him to the mat. One elbow drop later and he covers…
1…
2…
Kickout! Marc gets a shoulder up and reaches for some kind of salvation from the ring. SF doesn’t grant this however, and lifts him to his feet. He puts his head between his legs and flips him up onto his shoulders. He sits him on the top rope and delivers several punches to Marc’s face that the audience count. He grabs him and manages to flip him upside down into a piledriver position.
Freddy Whoa: Get out of here. A piledriver onto the top turnbuckle!?!
Zach Davis: …
Gravedigger: Shit! Do it! Man this is brutal!
He drops Marc down on to the top turnbuckle but manages to dislodge it at the same time, causing SwitchFever to fall back and Mayhem to land on top of him. The ref drops!
1…
2…
Kickout! Marc, who was saved by the dislodging turnbuckle gets up and grabs a light tube as quickly as possible. He waits for SF to stand up and smashes the tube into his knee. Followed by another, and another, and another. He swings him around and applies the tap or snap!!
Freddy Whoa: Tap or Snap!! Tap or Snap!! Mayhem’s got it locked in and this could be it!!
Zach Davis: …
Gravedigger: Rare moment of ingenuity by Marc, striking that knee several times before locking in the hold!
SF reaches for the ropes, but his pain is numbed as he looks at two feet with blood dripping a couple of inches in front of them. He looks up and sees an absolutely seething Oblivion staring down at him. He motions for Marc to lock it in harder causing him to cry out in pain, Oblivion then grabs a light tube and puts it horizontally in SF’s mouth, before bouncing off the ropes and curbstomping his head to the mat. The tube smashes in his mouth, causing pieces off the glass to get jammed in his gums, lips and inner mouth. He goes to tap but Oblivion grabs his hands again, lifts him and slams him down into the mat.
Freddy Whoa: Holy shit!! SwitchFever just took a mouthful of that tube!! Ouch!!
Zach Davis: …oh…what…what the hell happened?
Gravedigger: Welcome back! Hey you know if this is a bit too violent for you, you can always, you know…fuck off
Marc breaks the hold and grabs a tube, he heads straight for Oblivion who dodges him but receives a low blow with the tube causing him to scream in pain and with biblical rage, clenches his fist so hard his fingernails cut into his hand and sends Marc flying to the turnbuckle with another massive punch. Marc bounces off the turnbuckle and falls forward motionless. Oblivion falls to his knees and tries to gather some strength up. His face as white as a sheet and blood leaking profusely from his shorts.
Freddy Whoa: All men are down now. I don’t know how long Oblivion is going to be able to carry on here. I’m quite worried for his health.
Zach Davis: Fuck that’s a lot of blood. Jesus.
Gravedigger: Look at this way, no little Cell Juniors. No Oblivion Juniors!
The three men lie motionless in the ring when suddenly the lights flicker off until the arena is in darkness.
Freddy Whoa: Oh fuck now what?
Zach Davis: That’s better. Can’t see any blood or ruptured testicle juice anywhere.
Gravedigger: Don’t talk balls. No, really, don’t.
The crowd talk amongst themselves, buzzing in anticipation. We see a spark of electricity on stage and suddenly the ramp is illuminated by hundreds of different coloured, lit up light tubes. One of them is picked up and we see Apocalypse faintly lit up by the tubes. He picks up a blue, yellow and green tube and carries them along with his own red one to the ring. The cables dragging behind him.
Freddy Whoa: Wow! Apocalypse has been busy!!
Zach Davis: Have you seen those cables? This is going to get extremely dangerous
Gravedigger: Good! Let the volts flow!!
The other three competitors slowly get to their feet as Apocalypse waits for them. He tosses them a tube each and suddenly the ring becomes awash with colour as they swing their yellow, blue, green and red tubes around trying to smash them into each other’s flesh.
Freddy Whoa: Haha! Oh my God we finally have a lightsabre match!!
Crowd: THIS IS AWESOME!! CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP!! THIS IS AWESOME!!
This battle of colour carries on for a good five minutes and the crowd absolutely buzz. Eventually the green tube is smashed, followed by the yellow, the blue and lastly the red tube with a spark of electricity. The house lights flicker back on revealing Apocalypse stood on the turnbuckle with a massive smile on his face. He leaps off it and lands on Oblivion. He hooks the leg!
1…
2…
Kickout!!
Oblivion launches Apoc in the air and exits the ring. Apoc goes after him, delivering a couple of lefts and rights as they move towards the tube laden ramp. SF and Marc rise and lock horns in the ring, Marc swings SF towards the ropes who takes a drastic decision by leaping above the ropes and taking Apoc and Oblivion out. All three of them smash tubes as they hit the ground and writhe in a bloody mess of flesh and glass.
Freddy Whoa: Well it was an odd decision in the end by SwitchFever!! My God the whole place is an absolute mess!
Zach Davis: Marc Mayhem is in the driver’s seat! Take your pick Mayhem!
Gravedigger: Knowing him he’ll probably pin himself in the ring and lose
He doesn’t, but instead leaves the ring and grabs a steel chair. He walks over to the three writhing bodies and systematically and repeatedly beats all three of them with the chair. This carries on for a good while until he simply tires out
Freddy Whoa: Good God Marc!! Show some mercy for God sakes!!
Zach Davis: This match has gotta stop. It’s getting ridiculous.
Gravedigger: More of the same please guys!
Marc doubles over in exhaustion and feels his face go pale as Oblivion rises up to his feet like a demon from Hell. Marc swings the chair around again but this time Oblivion catches it and throws it in the ring. Marc tries to kick Oblivion in the crotch but he catches his foot. In one motion, he grabs his foot tightly and simply flips it upwards, causing Marc to somersault and land face first on a light tube which smashes. Apocalypse gets to his feet and trades blows with SwitchFever up the ramp and they end up on the stage. SF knees Apoc in the gut, and his hooked into a DDT position…but Apoc reaches into his pants and takes out a chain which he quickly wraps around his fist. Before SF can drop him Apoc punches him in the knee with the chain wrapped fist. SF releases him and is then floored with an AKO!!
Freddy Whoa: AKO!! AKO!! Out of nowhere!! AKO out of nowhere!!
Zach Davis: That’ll become very popular on the internet one day…
Gravedigger: Don’t be ridiculous. What do you think they are gonna do, super impose a moving image of Apocalypse into a video clip making it look like he’s the one that punches the kid off the slide? Ain’t nobody got time for that!
Oblivion saunters up the ramp towards Apoc but to the absolute shock of everybody in the crowd, officials, Apocalypse, a stirring Marc and even to the knocked out SwitchFever…the power socket all of the coloured tubes are connected to suddenly lets out a very loud and powerful spark, and the generator, which Oblivion is stood next to explodes sending a massive bolt of electricity straight into Oblivion, who flies halfway down the ramp and lands on the tubes which all spark and catch fire. Smoke starts to billow from Oblivion’s body.
Freddy Whoa: HOLY SHIT!! OBLIVION!!! OBLIVION!! OBLIVION!!
Zach Davis: NO!! OH MY GOD!! SOMEONE HELP HIM!!
Gravedigger: Roasted and then fried. Jesus he’s having a bad month.
Officials with extinguishers and medical staff appear on stage…but Apocalypse and Marc start punching each one preventing them from helping Oblivion. Security eventually walk on to the stage but are threatened by Marc, Apocalypse and now SwitchFever who has shakily got to his feet. All three are armed with light tubes and are fending off the security who back away defeated.
Freddy Whoa: What the fuck is happening here?!?! Those three have attacked people who are just…just doing their job here! Just trying to protect and help!!
Zach Davis: This is what it has boiled down to! This is how much these monsters want that hardcore title match!!
Gravedigger: Speaking of boiling…
Apocalypse, SwitchFever and Marc raise their tubes in victory over the security but soon turn their attentions to each other. The next ten minutes is simply taken up by them smashing the tubes over each other . The generator burns away and Oblivion still lies motionless.
Freddy Whoa: Guys I think Oblivion is in serious need of medical help. His life might be in danger here.
Zach Davis: You saw what happened though! Anybody tries to interfere in this match gets a light tube to the face!! They are willing to let Oblivion die if it means they get that hardcore title shot!
Gravedigger: Ahhh see, a mentally challenged guy like Oblivion keeps getting himself into messes like these. Freddy this is Oblivion we are talking about. He’ll be fine!!
Freddy angrily throws his head-mic down and walks around the ring towards Oblivion. He says something to him that we can’t hear. The three men on stage notice him and each pick up a tube as they angrily walk towards him. Freddy stands in front of the fallen monster and holds his hands up, demanding they allow medical staff to tend to him. The three men laugh but their humoured faces soon turn to horror, as they see a tall, charred figure slowly rise up behind Freddy Whoa. In one swiping motion, Freddy is batted out of the way by an absolutely demonic looking Oblivion. The crowd erupt into a mixture of both relief and excitement.
Zach Davis: Freddy!!
Gravedigger: Bahahahahaha! How fucking embarrassing!! Have a go hero Freddy swatted out the way like a fly
Freddy gets to his feet and has a face like thunder as he returns to the announce table and puts his head mic down without a word
Zach Davis: …
Freddy Whoa: …
Gravedigger: So how is he?
How is he indeed? Oblivion wraps his hands around SwitchFever’s and Apoc’s necks and double chokeslams them off the stage. They land on concrete thinly covered with tarpolin. Marc runs at him and receives a tube to the gut, and is then slammed to the steel on the stage by a Falling Doctor gutwrench powerbomb.
Freddy Whoa: And just like that the tables have turned!!!
Zach Davis: Unreal!! How the hell is he still standing!!?
Gravedigger: I told you! NEVER write him off!!
Oblivion picks up the burning generator to the absolute amazement of the fans…
Freddy Whoa: What the- for fuck sake what NOW?!
Zach Davis: Oh…I can’t do this job anymore…
Gravedigger: I love it. WCF Entertainment at its finest everybody!! Hey Obi bring that down here!! Its barbeque time again!!
Oblivion carries the generator to the ring and tips it over the top rope, followed by every light tube and attaching cable. He detaches the cable socket from the machine and goes about detaching the other end of the cable from each tube. He bundles the cable up and walks over to Marc Mayhem who is almost on his feet, but with a big boot to the face is soon down again. Oblivion wraps and ties Marc up in some of the cabling until he is unable to move. SwitchFever and Apocalypse stagger on to the stage and both receive a light tube smashed across their skulls. He drags both men over to Marc, and wraps them up as well so they are all tied up with each other. With great effort he drags them down the ramp to the awe of the crowd.
Freddy Whoa: I’m just gonna shut up and watch this now. It’s almost pointless us attempting to make sense of this
Zach Davis: I hear ya Brother
Gravedigger: I’ve always wanted you to say that!
Gravedigger reaches for a light tube and starts playing with it. However he drops it and it smashes across the announce table
Freddy Whoa: For fuck sake!!
Gravedigger: Sorry
Oblivion grabs a few tubes and just starts smashing one after the other over the wrapped up bodies of Apocalypse, Marc and SwitchFever. He suddenly stops and drops a tube on the ground, clutching his throat he falls to the ground. A piece of glass from a tube has cut into his throat and he is bleeding profusely again. As he falls he takes off the ring apron and quickly wraps it around his throat to stop the bleeding. He spits and carries on beating the men with the tubes until he is exhausted. He staggers back and collapses on the ground. The cabling has come loose and the three men squirm free, all bleeding from several cuts, they too just lie on the ground motionless.
The crowd stand up and applaud the competitors as medical staff head down the ramp and tend to each competitor. This takes a while but the audience show no signs at all of boredom or anger. Instead they tens and thousands of fans start singing in unison “Creep” by Radiohead but very slowly and hauntingly as the camera pans across the fallen fighters. After a while all four are sat upright and refusing to stop. Marc Mayhem bats away an official and runs straight for SwitchFever who also stands up and they exchange blows. Oblivion climbs into the ring followed by Apocalypse and soon all four are in the ring brawling away as the crowd cheer them on.
Marc ducks under a clothesline as Oblivion and Apocalypse take each other out as they collide with clotheslines. SwitchFever swings at him with a tube and Marc ducks it. He drives his shoulder into SF’s gut causing him to drop the tube. He drives him into the corner and stomps him in the gut. He takes the tube and smashes half of it on a raised knee. With the other end he swipes it across SwitchFever’s chest, opening up a massive gash. He does this six more times until he has a bloody “SF” scar on his chest. SF looks down at the blood on the mat below him and angrily storms towards Marc, who dodges, catches some of his blood in his hand and flicks it into SF’s eye. He stops and tries to wipe it out, it mixes with sweat and facepaint and he grimaces in the sting. Oblivion punches Marc in the face but is also slashed with the broken tube. He doesn’t react at first, but Marc drives it straight into his genital area and it gets stuck there. Oblivion screams out in pain and falls backwards onto the mat. Apocalypse surges toward Marc who grabs him and floors him with a belly to back suplex. He rises but slips on the blood. As he falls Marc grabs the chair that was thrown into ring earlier and cracks it around his head. He lifts the chair with one hand and raises the other. He then walks over to Oblivion, looks at the tube sticking out of his genitals and raises the chair high above his head.
Freddy Whoa: Oh…oh….NO!! NO!! DON’T DO IT MARC!! DON’T DO IT!!! YOU’RE BETTER THAN THIS!!!
Zach Davis: I can’t watch…
Gravedigger: Get that bucket ready Freddy!
He slams the chair down onto the other end of the tube and Oblivion passes out. The ref drops as Marc covers him
1…
2…
3!!
Zach Davis: And Mark Mayhem is your new #1 Contender for the WCF Hardcore Title!