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Post by Odin Balfore on Jun 9, 2019 13:40:03 GMT -5
Roleplay: Ham Hock Pie Handler: Bull Overall thoughts: Best of the series Rating Overview Scene Description: 4 Character Development: 2 Shoot: 3 Flow: 5 RATING: 3.5 of 5 ___________________________________ CRITICAL REVIEW I feel this is the best in your series. You got into how the hardcore title is different and that's a price to be paid. You talked about some prior experiences that you’ve had and you spoke to how compared to Bull, everyone else wasnt ready. I think the Trauma tour can carry you home. I still havent gotten around to reading Wolf or Rage. We’ll see. Are you in good standing? Sure. I think this is a close battle. _______________________ SUGGESTIONS Stuff like this with a low word count, like I’ve been saying, stay focused and give everything its place.
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Post by Estrella Luiz ✨ on Jun 10, 2019 0:03:23 GMT -5
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Post by Roger Payton Jr on Jun 10, 2019 0:21:48 GMT -5
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Post by Odin Balfore on Jun 10, 2019 18:50:10 GMT -5
Roleplay: Afuera Handler: Estrella Overall thoughts: I did enjoy the shoot Rating Overview Scene Description: 3 Character Development: 3 Shoot: 4 Flow: 5 RATING: 3.5 of 5 ___________________________________ CRITICAL REVIEW I think this promo is improved from yoiur other one. I did enjoy the shoot. I felt it was catty and fun. You wrapped up Geri and Kennedy into your personal life, explained it a bit and shot on it. There wasnt “ hey heres my CD and my shoot “ You gave it all in one and it felt organic. This really felt like a real person talking and relating things in their life. You didnt have this elaborate promo but it didnt need to be. It was simple and to the point. I like simple and to the point. I think its a pretty sweet spot your in. I enjoyed it _______________________ SUGGESTIONS Keep this up and expand on things when the word cap allows.
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Post by Guillotine (QDT) on Jun 10, 2019 19:25:08 GMT -5
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Post by Odin Balfore on Jun 10, 2019 19:34:05 GMT -5
Roleplay: Sanquine Tears Handler: Roger Payton Overall thoughts: I’m depressed. Psych! Shoot. destroy! Rating Overview Scene Description: 4 Character Development: 4 Shoot: 5 Flow: 5 RATING: 4.5 of 5 ___________________________________ CRITICAL REVIEW I pick up on character things and choices and I tend to leave them alone and I can see that you’re playing up that Roger thinks hes perfect and great and he’s lost a few times and that teaches humility and growth and wonderful things. You present us with Roger as being extremely depressed and he’s back drinking and how that's not a good thing. He hasnt showered, gotten out of bed, nothing. So whats this depress man do? Goes hard in the paint. If you’re going to present Roger in an organic way of: “ Heres this guy whos really skilled and gifted and now he’s going to take a stumble, so simple but its going to ruin him." then present that The shoot undersells what you’ve established because you cant help to shoot that way. You are one of the best shooters, if not the best in the fed but that laser focus shoot undoes the sloppy inner workings that you just showed us in the last scene. Skyip, STAPH. Jus stop. I don’t need to go into the base categories of the promo. You’re beyond that. You’ll score top marks every week. I think me helping you is trying to point out what I see as a mis-step in character presentation. So you sell me on Rogers depression Then you slay in shoot Then you do this 180 again with Alyssa. I don’t find it believable that IF Roger is really THAT depressed that hes going to shoot on Elias like that then just out and tell his sisters that hes a cunt rag and hes sad and he’s sorry - wait, not sorry but still a cunt rag, It doesnt come off as drunk ramblings as much as it does you’re just whining. I feel as though the talk with Alyssa defeats the start of the promo and the middle shoot. Either you’re a man whos going to take off Elias head with confidence or you just don’t know that you’re going to defeat your own demons. Its a duality of a man whos smashed 3 arcs together in one promo and theres no pay off. Great. You win. You saved the plantation. The slaves are yours. Next week Watch Roger take steroids because he has athletic ability that hes proud of yet lacks self confidence so he takes steroids - so he can ignore that in his shoot and shoot regardless of character development, growth or outcome. Its like you’re throwing yourself into character pits. WHy do it like that? What am I missing as the reader? If you want Roger to take the hard fall because he lost a match and you’re driving him to drink and be a smelly mess - sell that. I don’t see how you could turn around and shoot how you did then turn back around and say that you’re not strong enough and you’re sorry and - Is he manipulative? Is that it? Its a technically sound promo but I see holes in character portrayal. _______________________ SUGGESTIONS Dont rush arcs. Let them play out. No point in hyper smashing a 3 week character arc into one RP.
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Post by Odin Balfore on Jun 10, 2019 20:12:46 GMT -5
Roleplay: The Ledge Handler: QDT Overall thoughts: Not sold on the CD Rating Overview Scene Description: 4 Character Development: 3 Shoot: 5 Flow: 5 RATING: 4 of 5 ___________________________________ CRITICAL REVIEW Like Payton, the issues arnt a matter of categories. Its a matter of character. I don’t agree with the relationship with the suicidal girl. Matter of taste, I suppose. At least you didnt go the sex route but her telling you about how Tawny was raped, her getting affectionate just doesnt jive and is disjointed. Furthermore, your shoots in a dream sequence. I mean, that's fine but the entire thing is a dream sequence. The shoot was great and I don’t think you got the Wade that you should have gotten but your shoot was on point. Its a tale of 2 different promos and you tried to link them but it didnt gel well for me. I just think it was a poor choice in scenes. I think that the shoot over powered CD short comings You’ve had better promos but this missed the mark for me but that's a matter of my personal choice. But that happens. Happens to me a lot. But Its a still a technically good promo and shoot was fun to read. _______________________ SUGGESTIONS I dont have anything. I think you have a good handle on QDT and what you want to do with him
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Post by “The RevolutiDaddy” Wesley on Jun 10, 2019 20:15:39 GMT -5
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Post by Odin Balfore on Jun 10, 2019 20:17:19 GMT -5
lol I worked the over night last night and working today. I'm running on Monster Zero Ultra and those little chocolate donuts you get in a bag
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Post by “The RevolutiDaddy” Wesley on Jun 10, 2019 20:18:13 GMT -5
lol I worked the over night last night and working today. I'm running on Monster Zero Ultra and those little chocolate donuts you get in a bag I heard monster zero ultra melt steel beams
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Post by Odin Balfore on Jun 10, 2019 20:19:12 GMT -5
lol I worked the over night last night and working today. I'm running on Monster Zero Ultra and those little chocolate donuts you get in a bag I heard monster zero ultra melt steel beams I drank 2 cans. I'll tell you if my piss melts my toilet later tonight
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Post by Guillotine (QDT) on Jun 10, 2019 20:21:24 GMT -5
Roleplay: The Ledge Handler: QDT Overall thoughts: Not sold on the CD Rating Overview Scene Description: 4 Character Development: 3 Shoot: 5 Flow: 5 RATING: 4 of 5 ___________________________________ CRITICAL REVIEW Like Payton, the issues arnt a matter of categories. Its a matter of character. I don’t agree with the relationship with the suicidal girl. Matter of taste, I suppose. At least you didnt go the sex route but her telling you about how Tawny was raped, her getting affectionate just doesnt jive and is disjointed. Furthermore, your shoots in a dream sequence. I mean, that's fine but the entire thing is a dream sequence. The shoot was great and I don’t think you got the Wade that you should have gotten but your shoot was on point. Its a tale of 2 different promos and you tried to link them but it didnt gel well for me. I just think it was a poor choice in scenes. I think that the shoot over powered CD short comings You’ve had better promos but this missed the mark for me but that's a matter of my personal choice. But that happens. Happens to me a lot. But Its a still a technically good promo and shoot was fun to read. _______________________ SUGGESTIONS I dont have anything. I think you have a good handle on QDT and what you want to do with him
Thanks for this! I think you've crystallised a couple of things I wasn't sure about. I'll give this thought as there's some inconsistency and stuff to address. It's a hard one. QDT was turned face at Havoc which was a great call. In WWE when that sort of crowd swing happens, they normally make the mistake of going uber babyface when their edge was what got them cheered in the first place. I think I need to give QDT's turn more consideration as he had to change but perhaps has morphed too much.
Appreciate the feedback. Funnily enough, I thought my shoot was the weakest part so it's nice to hear positive comments on that.
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Post by Odin Balfore on Jun 10, 2019 20:38:21 GMT -5
Guillotine (QDT)You did kinda go to far white meat babyface after the turn. maybe too much, too fast? I dunno? like i get the intentions but like, you slipped a bit. it happens. if you're face, you need that face shoot. You did OK with that in terms of what heels and face say. still fun
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Lockhart
Professional Wrestler
Playtime is over.
Posts: 743
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Post by Lockhart on Jun 10, 2019 21:16:38 GMT -5
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Post by 𝗖𝗢𝗥𝗘𝗬 𝗕𝗟𝗔𝗖𝗞 on Jun 10, 2019 21:53:20 GMT -5
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Post by Roger Payton Jr on Jun 10, 2019 23:19:59 GMT -5
Roleplay: Sanquine Tears Handler: Roger Payton Overall thoughts: I’m depressed. Psych! Shoot. destroy! Rating Overview Scene Description: 4 Character Development: 4 Shoot: 5 Flow: 5 RATING: 4.5 of 5 ___________________________________ CRITICAL REVIEW I pick up on character things and choices and I tend to leave them alone and I can see that you’re playing up that Roger thinks hes perfect and great and he’s lost a few times and that teaches humility and growth and wonderful things. You present us with Roger as being extremely depressed and he’s back drinking and how that's not a good thing. He hasnt showered, gotten out of bed, nothing. So whats this depress man do? Goes hard in the paint. If you’re going to present Roger in an organic way of: “ Heres this guy whos really skilled and gifted and now he’s going to take a stumble, so simple but its going to ruin him." then present that The shoot undersells what you’ve established because you cant help to shoot that way. You are one of the best shooters, if not the best in the fed but that laser focus shoot undoes the sloppy inner workings that you just showed us in the last scene. Skyip, STAPH. Jus stop. I don’t need to go into the base categories of the promo. You’re beyond that. You’ll score top marks every week. I think me helping you is trying to point out what I see as a mis-step in character presentation. So you sell me on Rogers depression Then you slay in shoot Then you do this 180 again with Alyssa. I don’t find it believable that IF Roger is really THAT depressed that hes going to shoot on Elias like that then just out and tell his sisters that hes a cunt rag and hes sad and he’s sorry - wait, not sorry but still a cunt rag, It doesnt come off as drunk ramblings as much as it does you’re just whining. I feel as though the talk with Alyssa defeats the start of the promo and the middle shoot. Either you’re a man whos going to take off Elias head with confidence or you just don’t know that you’re going to defeat your own demons. Its a duality of a man whos smashed 3 arcs together in one promo and theres no pay off. Great. You win. You saved the plantation. The slaves are yours. Next week Watch Roger take steroids because he has athletic ability that hes proud of yet lacks self confidence so he takes steroids - so he can ignore that in his shoot and shoot regardless of character development, growth or outcome. Its like you’re throwing yourself into character pits. WHy do it like that? What am I missing as the reader? If you want Roger to take the hard fall because he lost a match and you’re driving him to drink and be a smelly mess - sell that. I don’t see how you could turn around and shoot how you did then turn back around and say that you’re not strong enough and you’re sorry and - Is he manipulative? Is that it? Its a technically sound promo but I see holes in character portrayal. _______________________ SUGGESTIONS Dont rush arcs. Let them play out. No point in hyper smashing a 3 week character arc into one RP. Good shit. Noted! This was supposed to be two weeks worth of shit but I done fucced up not having time last week so crammed it into this. Well spotted! X
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Post by Ryan Elias on Jun 10, 2019 23:28:06 GMT -5
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Post by Claire Hawkins on Jun 11, 2019 11:23:13 GMT -5
It's Evolution 2 feedback season and that means I have another one for the Odin Daddy to read should he have the chance. Now with 23% less Scene drscription! (Maybe) Even Dreams End
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Post by Odin Balfore on Jun 11, 2019 14:20:11 GMT -5
Guru
Lockhart
Black
Elias
Hawkins
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Post by Odin Balfore on Jun 11, 2019 15:12:32 GMT -5
Roleplay: Gone, Guru Daddy Handler: Guru Daddy Overall thoughts: Lunch has been cancelled due to a lack of hustle.. Deal with it Rating Overview Scene Description: 4 Character Development: 4 Shoot: 3 Flow: 5 RATING: 3.5 of 5 ___________________________________ CRITICAL REVIEW I’m sorry, I read all the free your mind stuff and that's where my mind went. But boy did I laugh. Reminds me of my old old promos of writing oblivious comedy. “I hate snakes, fuck snakes - Hawkins is a snake - I got snake jerky, snake and rice -” That's the comedy. That's a good shit. You also managed to make wesleythis tweener with the I’m better than you guru thing but also being the everyman - you’re just enlightened. So you have this funny deranged heel that's slowly losing his mind. Like if Dune was on Always Sunny. The shoot was OK. I think you went wrong in the abstract. You spoke about Hawkins and around hawkins' but you didnt attack hawkins. I think that's where the pitfalls happened. _______________________ SUGGESTIONS Keep being funny. Theres too much serious drama up in the LBC and you know its hard being the Wesley D- O - double G. Shoot at your opponent. Shes the wheel, great, I’mma break that wheel. No. You break her fucking face. Damn Snek. Sneaky Snek - also, watch Heavyweights. Or as I call it: Mighty Ducks 2 and a half. I mean, I have a whole plot theory about that movie. Go watch it.
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