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Post by Odin Balfore on Jun 5, 2019 19:28:16 GMT -5
Just posted a new RP on the Evolution 2 boards. Let me know what you think. Roleplay: Slaying Corey Bull Handler: Slayer Overall thoughts: The Philosophical Anarchist Rating Overview Scene Description: 3 Character Development: 4 Shoot: 3 Flow: 5 RATING: 3.5 of 5 ___________________________________ CRITICAL REVIEW So you did the opposite of Bull and decided to break your opponents in 3 rps. Smart. Shows forethought I like that. You give short and simple scene description. Its enough to work with and all you’ll need for 1K You broke down your character while shooting on Bull. You point to your likeness but he’s a monster and you’re this brooding philosophical anarchist. If you look up character alignments, slayers Chaotic Neutral ( seems to me at least. ) You can cause evil but you don’t go out of your way to cause good or evil because doing so betrays your tenants of being a free spirit. But I can see the growth in the character. I like how you brought up me ragging on you about the suit. You have a contempt for society and things like the suit are still your self expression, even if they fit into a mold. You’ve walked yourself around pitfalls, even if you didnt mean to. Lot of good stuff. You addressed the first ever hardcore match and this means something to you and you’ve addesssed that you’re young but hungry and that this is right up your skll set. This match is going to put you firmly in the hardcore division that's always a fun place to be. The shoot was weaved with character development. You did a great little piece. _______________________ SUGGESTIONS Dont forget to keep yourself and the championship front and center. SLAYERS GOING TO WIN. HISTORY belong to the SLAYERS.. Yadda yadda. Gotta keep that goal in sight.
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Post by Shadowlove on Jun 5, 2019 19:34:43 GMT -5
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Post by Wade Moor on Jun 6, 2019 9:29:12 GMT -5
Roleplay: Leviathan Handler: WADE Overall thoughts: All you have to do is let me in Rating Overview Scene Description: 5 Character Development: 5 Shoot: 5 Flow: 5 RATING: 5 of 5 ___________________________________ CRITICAL REVIEW This a cool and unsettling promo. I even read the tatters promo. I suppose I’m mean to take away that its Tatters but it could be Muffins. Either way its cool. You’ve developed a strong narrative voice and word choice. It really adds depth to your promo. The development was jarring as you intended it to be. Its intriguing and I want to read more to figure out what happened to Wade and how to happen to wade. Its a amazingly suspenseful promo. You’re cutting QDT deep and its not even fair. You were striking hot with the lines about him only being lucky with the eliminations and how its not skill - that you’re skilled. The Hydra line was dope too. It was a lot of little things and tatters? IDK Muffins? The Clown has a separate voice from Wade so good on you for that. I wanted to you points off for all that falling line junk because it did get distracting when used in paragraphs but the arc of the story pushed me through. This shit is why I dont vote against you. _______________________ SUGGESTIONS Watch the voices, try to keep them separate. After a while they can start to bleed together if you’re not careful. Everything else is gravy. Keep on your path. Thanks Odin! I’ll try to clarify a little more on the Tatters/Wade situation in my next RP! Also the only reason I went a little overboard with the font hack was to drive that reality was warped and I’ll definitely cut back on it for sure.
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Post by Corey Bull on Jun 6, 2019 17:25:08 GMT -5
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Post by Crimson Blackwell on Jun 6, 2019 23:28:45 GMT -5
Posted a new RP titled Evolution 2 Slaying: Bobby Rage. Let me know what you think.
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Post by Odin Balfore on Jun 7, 2019 10:15:37 GMT -5
Shadowlove
Bull
Slayer
I'll try to get to these later today
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Post by Odin Balfore on Jun 7, 2019 16:03:14 GMT -5
Roleplay: Assholes & Elbows Handler: Shadowlove Overall thoughts: Built for sin LOL Rating Overview Scene Description: 5 Character Development: 5 Shoot: 5 Flow: 5 RATING: 5 of 5 ___________________________________ CRITICAL REVIEW One of my favorite works by you. You get a little better every week and you’re one of the top guys. You came at Jared with history and you put the gas on him. You broke him down and the entire feud. It was a great read. Anyone looking to get better should def. Check you out if they want to play the cocky the rich heel type. You do it so well. You also had a lot of one liners that stuck out and had me laughin. My only question was the shadowlove-san, thing. I know that a japanese term of respect but isnt there one children? Couldnt it be more heelish if she threw on that added disrespect? IDk, just a thought. I normally dont bet against Jared but you’re hittin this hard and that's a good run for his money. You are of the best not to have gotten main event success but that's gonna turn around after Evo 2. You wove CD and shoot effortlessly and this is prolly one of the better Rps of the week. I hope you get more main event shots after this because you clearly deserve it. _______________________ SUGGESTIONS I got nothing for you. You know your character inside and out.
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Post by Odin Balfore on Jun 7, 2019 16:43:35 GMT -5
Roleplay: Lamb chops Handler: Bull Overall thoughts: Better than the first rp Rating Overview Scene Description: 3 Character Development: 3 Shoot: 4 Flow: 5 RATING: 3. 5 of 5 ___________________________________ CRITICAL REVIEW This is right where Bull should be. This is right in your wheel house. You talked about the pain and how this takes a special breed and its a proving ground where guys vant be blowing hot air. You really pumped up the division and your place in. That's an important little detail that can be overlooked. You broad brushed your opponents and it went well. This is a improved promo from the first. I’m here for this trauma tour. I think you have a good shot but its for sure a close match. Keep punching a long and be be ashamed because this promo is right where you need to be. _______________________ SUGGESTIONS Keep working on that voice and stressing the importance of yourself into the division and the championship.
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Post by Shadowlove on Jun 7, 2019 17:27:45 GMT -5
Roleplay: Assholes & Elbows Handler: Shadowlove Overall thoughts: Built for sin LOL Rating Overview Scene Description: 5 Character Development: 5 Shoot: 5 Flow: 5 RATING: 5 of 5 ___________________________________ CRITICAL REVIEW One of my favorite works by you. You get a little better every week and you’re one of the top guys. You came at Jared with history and you put the gas on him. You broke him down and the entire feud. It was a great read. Anyone looking to get better should def. Check you out if they want to play the cocky the rich heel type. You do it so well. You also had a lot of one liners that stuck out and had me laughin. My only question was the shadowlove-san, thing. I know that a japanese term of respect but isnt there one children? Couldnt it be more heelish if she threw on that added disrespect? IDk, just a thought. I normally dont bet against Jared but you’re hittin this hard and that's a good run for his money. You are of the best not to have gotten main event success but that's gonna turn around after Evo 2. You wove CD and shoot effortlessly and this is prolly one of the better Rps of the week. I hope you get more main event shots after this because you clearly deserve it. _______________________ SUGGESTIONS I got nothing for you. You know your character inside and out. As Miss Miyamoto would say, “ Domo arigatou gozaimasu, Mr. Balfore-san.” You’ve humbled me with your compliments, my friend. Seeing people like you, Wade, Jared, Spencer, that Joseph Malignaggi fellow, Roy Speede, DD, Michael X, Sanchez, Steven Singh, FPV, Tort, and GD and facing Ryan, Kemp, Richards, Bonnie, Holliday, Kidsgrove, TFK/Big Kev, Howard Black, and of course ZMAC, just to name a few, has made me want to do better and bring out the best work that I can to entertain the masses. To answer your question, I’ve always tried to write them with a yin and yang dualism philosophy, describing how seemingly opposite that they are, she’s more of a very manipulative face who influences his villainous heelish narcissism, but in the end are complementary, interconnected, and interdependent in the natural world, as they give rise to each other as they interrelate to one another in the world of the sports entertainment business.
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Post by Odin Balfore on Jun 7, 2019 17:37:07 GMT -5
Posted a new RP titled Evolution 2 Slaying: Bobby Rage. Let me know what you think. Roleplay: Slaying Rage Handler: Slayer Overall thoughts: LOL he ripped off his leg Rating Overview Scene Description: 3 Character Development: 3 Shoot: 3 Flow: 5 RATING: 3 of 5 ___________________________________ CRITICAL REVIEW I’m a scott Slayer mark. I think you have good promos and you’re settling into your character. I think you’re 1st rp was better but that's splitting hairs at this point. Scene description was fine. It was as good as it needs to be. Bull had more but for 1k, its on the money The promo was mainly shoot but you spoke about how you’re in this and you’re a smart and manipulative guy. It gives us a bit to work with. The shoot was fun, it was nice that you still respected Rages character while also bagging on him. That no matter how much he rages, he’s going to get taken out You still need to wrap it all up though. This is the first ever haardcore championship. This is important and its important to Slayer. That's a stress point. All you guys in this match deserve that belt but only one of you can take it. Make me believe its gonna be slayer _______________________ SUGGESTIONS Keep working and grinding. You’re on the right path with your guy. I like it. I get a more violent HHH vibe from Slayer. I like it. I dig it Stress match / championship importance. Make everyone believe your going to win. You’re going to be a wonderful midcard champion in a few months - if not this week.
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Post by Crimson Blackwell on Jun 7, 2019 17:46:22 GMT -5
Thanks Odin. Working on my last Evolution 2 role play right now and if you’re not busy, I’m hoping you can grade that one too.
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Post by Crimson Blackwell on Jun 7, 2019 23:06:16 GMT -5
All right. My last RP for Evolution 2 is done. Odin, you know what to do.
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Post by W A L T E R on Jun 8, 2019 0:15:32 GMT -5
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Post by Corey Bull on Jun 8, 2019 0:33:29 GMT -5
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Post by Odin Balfore on Jun 8, 2019 16:49:43 GMT -5
All right. My last RP for Evolution 2 is done. Odin, you know what to do. Roleplay: Slaying Wolf Handler: Slayer Overall thoughts: 2nd best of the series Rating Overview Scene Description: 2 Character Development: 3 Shoot: 3 Flow: 5 RATING: 3 of 5 ___________________________________ CRITICAL REVIEW You’re hitting your beats. You’re hitting marks. Overall, going forward in the division, you’re going to have to learn how to set things up and allocating your 1k so things seem balanced. This is a low card promo and right now, Slain is a low card talent but theres nothing wrong or bad about that. You’re still new and learning and you’re adapting - evolving - fast. I don’t think this was the best promo of your series but its still good. I don’t want to say who I think had the best set of RPs - I havent read all of Wolfs or Rages. But so far, this is skin tight. Win or lose, take no shame in your efforts. Your scene description is a sentence. Its simple for a simple promo. The development was the shine of the promo. You spoke about your time in prious fed and aint got much success but your here, youre hungry and your growing. That's a dangerous thing. Make me believe its a dangerous thing. Shoot. You’re playing the blood and guts and hardwork angle. I dig it. You have this thing where the shoot is also your CD and its a double edge … sword. Geez man, you’re taking big steps in improvement. Your story is easier to tell than the others because you’re so new but I get to see a point A to B in your career with this character. In a year, I havent got anything. In a year I’m still hungry and at Evo 2 I’m going to eat. I feel this is the best effort you could have put forward. _______________________ SUGGESTIONS In the 1k rps. Keep a focus. Try not to waste words. Scott Slayer: I just realized that I haven’t said a word about James Wolf this whole time. He hasn’t said anything about me either. He’s taking about The Anarchist Cookbook and me having more balls than Corey Bull You want to avoid a pondering sentence in a word count that's slim. That could be 3% of the promo but everythings going to count. Its something you’ll learn over time rather than me brow beating it into you. I do like the psychological anarchist that you’re going with. That's a good choice. Dont let your opponent take you off your game and make scott something hes not
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Post by Odin Balfore on Jun 8, 2019 20:56:24 GMT -5
Roleplay: First Depressions Handler: Walter Overall thoughts: kinda silence of the lamb type of feel Rating Overview Scene Description: 5 Character Development: 5 Shoot: 5 Flow: 5 RATING: 5 of 5 ___________________________________ CRITICAL REVIEW You have an interesting take on the wrestler / handler dynamic. Walters got this dampening chip in his to limit his violence but hes super smart and culture. Its a balanced dynamic. Etta is kinda, there - like you said, walking the dog. Walter is well spoken and if we get to see him snap it’ll be fun. Right now, there is nothing in ADUB like this. I think this is uncharted territory. I’m interested to see where this goes. _______________________ SUGGESTIONS none.
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Post by W A L T E R on Jun 8, 2019 21:10:30 GMT -5
Roleplay: First Depressions Handler: Walter Overall thoughts: kinda silence of the lamb type of feel Rating Overview Scene Description: 5 Character Development: 5 Shoot: 5 Flow: 5 RATING: 5 of 5 ___________________________________ CRITICAL REVIEW You have an interesting take on the wrestler / handler dynamic. Walters got this dampening chip in his to limit his violence but hes super smart and culture. Its a balanced dynamic. Etta is kinda, there - like you said, walking the dog. Walter is well spoken and if we get to see him snap it’ll be fun. Right now, there is nothing in ADUB like this. I think this is uncharted territory. I’m interested to see where this goes. _______________________ SUGGESTIONS none. Okay but tell me how to beat an Odin Balfore. Just...hypothetically speaking. (thanks for the feedback oooooodin)
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Post by Shadowlove on Jun 8, 2019 21:20:24 GMT -5
I had almost the same vibe in my feedback on Walter, just used Goosebump Michael Myers kind of scary. lol
Rule 1 to beating Odin. Cancel, your internet. Make sure your doors and windows are locked. And hope he finds the other guy named Walter. LOL
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Post by Odin Balfore on Jun 8, 2019 21:20:39 GMT -5
Roleplay: First Depressions Handler: Walter Overall thoughts: kinda silence of the lamb type of feel Rating Overview Scene Description: 5 Character Development: 5 Shoot: 5 Flow: 5 RATING: 5 of 5 ___________________________________ CRITICAL REVIEW You have an interesting take on the wrestler / handler dynamic. Walters got this dampening chip in his to limit his violence but hes super smart and culture. Its a balanced dynamic. Etta is kinda, there - like you said, walking the dog. Walter is well spoken and if we get to see him snap it’ll be fun. Right now, there is nothing in ADUB like this. I think this is uncharted territory. I’m interested to see where this goes. _______________________ SUGGESTIONS none. Okay but tell me how to beat an Odin Balfore. Just...hypothetically speaking. (thanks for the feedback oooooodin) Ask noble Savage lmao
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Post by Corey Bull on Jun 8, 2019 22:18:55 GMT -5
How to beat Odin in three easy steps
1. Don't face Odin Balfore, face Odin the All Father from that one movie I can't name because I can't afford to name it. 2. Let him get dropped off somewhere on Earth where he fades away. 3. Enter witness protection because you have ducked Balfore up to this point.
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