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Post by Lissie Hope on Mar 26, 2019 23:44:49 GMT -5
Haven't written much of anything in six years, and this is my first one back. It's pretty nice to get my creative juices flowing again. Would love any and all feedback. I'll reciprocate if you ask, and even if you don't (given if I have the time). I'm really enjoying AW. Thanks for the warm welcome, and a thanks in advance if anyone has something to say. Awakening I - 11:11
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Sam Kidsgrove
Professional Wrestler
International Champion
Posts: 476
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Post by Sam Kidsgrove on Apr 24, 2019 17:47:14 GMT -5
OK, sorry that I haven't been keeping up lately. I'm going to endeavour to do some feedback stuff by this weekend. I have a free day on Friday so remind me on chat or something to pick this up.
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Post by Lissie Hope on Apr 24, 2019 20:36:14 GMT -5
Thanks duder! By the way, I absolutely LOVE the playwrite style you use. I tried it once yers ago and was totally unsuccessful but you’ve mastered it. Love reading your stuff.
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Sam Kidsgrove
Professional Wrestler
International Champion
Posts: 476
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Post by Sam Kidsgrove on Apr 26, 2019 8:35:38 GMT -5
Alright! Thanks for the kind words, I muddle through and sometimes it works, sometimes it don't. Hopefully it works more often than not. So 2 caveats here, I've not taken into account the one against me, because by your own comment you rushed it and it's not fair to speak about it. Also not taken into account Havoc because that's basically a 1 off and never really indicative of regular RPs quite frankly. So I've got this based off of 1 and 2. I like the character relationship between Lissie and her bro, there is a clear bond there which can be explored, tested and stretched at any point as well as a mutual respect for each other. It's so far good establishment, which is all you can really do when first starting out and learning about your character yourself. Once you have a better handle on your direction with her it will improve immeasurably and will naturally find out her motivations and desires more than the current "Want to be a famous and great wrestler" - which is a fine motivation to start with, and could morph or double down so Lissie does much more proactive things to meet these desires. I like that her internal monologue is a poem or song to herself. It works when everything in the background is musical - so being a jazz club, listening to music on headphones etc. Clearly Lissie loves her music and we have an impression of a normal girl who is basically doing what she can to reach her goals. I like this. Overall - it's all solid, there can be small gains to be made when you explore more about the character and what makes her tick, styling and pacing is nice for me and it's a good read. The only observation I have is the response RP. Which is fine in and by itself, it's helpful to do it sometimes. However (I know I said I won't use the one against me but I'll have to mention it in this context) if you are going to response RP against someone, in my opinion at least - some will disagree with me I'm sure (and I don't know if Tort or Digger even take it into account) - you need to make sure that what you're saying makes sense in context of what your character knows about the other guy. You see, Kidsgrove doesn't say certain things in public. He never bashes the USA in public for example, he's super face and is a clean cut guy. In the public eye. When he says all the bad shit, he's saying it around people who keep his true nature a secret and doesn't say things like that in public or when strangers are about - his public and private persona are completely different basically, so Lissie wouldn't even know his private thoughts. Unless she has someone tell her, or some evidence. This may not even be a you thing, it may well be something that I'm not making clear in my promos, because others do it. It may not even be a thing though and I might be the only one in the whole game who has this idea of private and public, it may well be that everything that's written down is fair game, I don't know and I'm not an expert on this. Just an observation I picked up on. Hell it might have just been because you were in a rush that particular day Either way it might be something to maybe think about, or not. Other than that one small observation though, you are clearly good, you can only get better from your already solid base once you get back into the habit properly after your 6 years away and I can't see any reason why you're not going to go far in this place.
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Post by Lissie Hope on May 3, 2019 0:00:03 GMT -5
Thanks for the hearty feed, Sam! I truly appreciate it. Thanks for noticing that musicality is an integral part of my RP's. Sometimes I'll hear a chorus of a song (sometimes it's a song I haven't listened to in years) and it naturally becomes the theme of the whole piece. I think I've used lyrics to incorporate her thought process in 3 of the 5 RP's I've posted with Lissie thus far; it's something I certainly rely upon, and I hope I've been successful in weaving it throughout the story and shoot part of the RP's.
I was actually pretty proud of the way I used the lyrics in my Havoc RP to group certain wrestlers together and I hope it was as successful as I intended it to be. I never want the lyric stanzas to feel extraneous or random so I know I need to be careful about relying on it too much.
It was a genuine unforced error and pure ignorance how I went in on Sam's off-camera behavior. Consider it a completely lack of understanding of the character and how you intend for his actions to be processed. My sincere apologies. I totally agree that public vs. private life deserves to be kept separate unless otherwise noted. For example, I think it would be strange for someone who is not privy to Lissie and Robbie's conversations to comment on them.
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Post by Lissie Hope on May 3, 2019 0:10:23 GMT -5
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Post by Lissie Hope on May 3, 2019 0:18:48 GMT -5
I know people don't like to feed the Havoc roleplays since they're so one-off, but considering how debatable the subject of shoot versus story in this match became, I'd really appreciate some commentary on how that piece was received. I took a gamble framing it the way I did and didn't expect it to be somewhat controversial (based on Odin's comments in the other thread and the comments in the podcast) so I would really like to be enlightened! Again, I haven't written in six years so I'm still getting back in the thick of things and seeing what works and what doesn't, so it would be really beneficial to me to understand how this match was judged and how my piece stacked up. Thanks in advance! Will feed for feed.
I also would like to hear any thoughts on my latest piece. Haven't been involved in a tag match in a long time so it was definitely a challenge transitioning my shoot to include a partner. Also would like to see if anyone was humored by the dream sequence and if my dialogue seems natural/if my scene setting needs work/if the actual story content is too melodramatic (that was a criticism some had of me in my last fed).
Thanks in advance! Once again, will feed for feed. Or just ask me personally; I enjoy giving feedback but am hesitant if the post is asking for feed from anyone, because I don't wanna overstep and offer opinions if I'm not someone who's opinion you even want, if that makes sense. Heh.
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Post by Lissie Hope on May 13, 2019 20:27:49 GMT -5
Would be really cool if I could get something on this last one. I used to do a lot of time jumps and cliffhangers with my old character so this was the first time I’ve really attempted it here. It’s kind of hard to implement it with 1 RP matches so I’m just curious if it was successful. Any words are appreciated, thanks.
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Post by Wade Moor on May 24, 2019 9:06:28 GMT -5
Would be really cool if I could get something on this last one. I used to do a lot of time jumps and cliffhangers with my old character so this was the first time I’ve really attempted it here. It’s kind of hard to implement it with 1 RP matches so I’m just curious if it was successful. Any words are appreciated, thanks. There’s a lot to unload in this promo. I really like the stylistic set up of TODAY/MONDAY/TUESDAY, but it starts to fall apart a little bit. I was expecting a MON-FRI glimpse into Lissie’s life. A “good gets bad” but “bad gets better” scenario. Just how much can change for this girl within five days would have been an interesting concept for this promo but it starts to skip around a lot and get a little confusing for the average reader. I’m not saying it was bad or anything, the total opposite actually! You obviously know your character very well or are good at discovering pieces of her as you go so that’s A+! The biggest gripe I have with this RP is the lack of match focused content. You had some good stuff on Harry Diderot but you did an absolute 180 and started blasting Kennedy. I get that it’s your feud but if anything you want to maintain focus on Diderot even if you’re talking to Kennedy, if that makes sense? It could have been easily rectified with a “i have a ton of respect for Diderot but I’m still going to destroy him this week. What does that mean for you Kennedy? I loathe you. Despise you. What do you think I’m going to do to you?” Just little things like that can make or break shoot in a promo.
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Post by Lissie Hope on May 24, 2019 17:17:02 GMT -5
Thanks, Will! Appreciate the feed.
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