Lockhart
Professional Wrestler
Playtime is over.
Posts: 743
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Post by Lockhart on Mar 19, 2019 5:32:06 GMT -5
actionwrestling.freeforums.net/thread/2653/prideI know I'm the one meant to be giving out the feedback through my thread right now (which I will be getting back to shortly!) but it would be cool to get some opinions of my work, if possible. I'm still working on things and developing my game just like everybody else, and I no doubt have strengths and weaknesses just like everybody else. So yeah, hit me with that scathing shoot and make me never want to RP again!
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Post by Estrella Luiz ✨ on Mar 19, 2019 12:32:26 GMT -5
I will read and try my best to give feedback after work! ✨
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Post by Dandy DiVito on Mar 19, 2019 14:13:40 GMT -5
It’s the least any of us to whom you have provided such great feedback can do! I’ll check this out ASAP. Currently sitting in a tattoo shop waiting to add some TBD piece to my body.
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Post by Dandy DiVito on Mar 19, 2019 23:29:47 GMT -5
What I Read: (The) Pride What I Liked: I really dig the unresolved plot threads through your work that ties them together, but goddamn... that shoot tho What I Want To See: I’m forced into nitpicky teacher shit here, but you occasionally have trouble maintaining tense consistency. Some events are described in the present while the overwhelming majority of it is written in past tense. Suggestions: Take everything you’re doing and keep doing it forever.
I feel like a much less helpful commenter than you were for everyone else. That is possibly a challenge created by me not being as reflective on the process of writing as I’m doing it as you VERY CLEARLY are. It’s also possibly a challenge of my shit honestly just not being where your shit is. 🤷♂️
Regardless, your story is clear, dialogue is believable, descriptions are just *kisses fingers like an Italian chef*, and your shoot... my sweet Jeebus... your shoot! It helps that you’ve been in AW a long while and that you’ve tangled with folks in the past, sure. It helps that you have a obviously deep well of knowledge and understanding of angles, characters, and histories. It you take all of the moving parts and you create something beautifully surgical from them. Reading you here will honestly help me better understand what I’ve been told I lack, so thanks for pulling double duty and helping me improve with your comments and your example. You’re a goddamn boss. Keep it up![/b]
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Lockhart
Professional Wrestler
Playtime is over.
Posts: 743
|
Post by Lockhart on Mar 20, 2019 4:56:03 GMT -5
Thanks for all the praise man! And for mentioning the tense stuff... that's been a bad habit for AGES that I still struggle with and nearly always forget about unless I'm actively thinking about it, so thanks for reminding me.
As for the shoot... you may struggle with it from time to time, yes. But believe me, one day that shit will click and when people see you across from them on the card they be like "fuuuck" (if they aren't already, lol).
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