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Post by Hazel Overton on Mar 11, 2019 23:11:51 GMT -5
Hey guys. I'm looking to get feedback on Hazel's first two rps thus far
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Post by Hazel Overton on Mar 25, 2019 23:50:06 GMT -5
Id love some feedback.
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Post by Hazel Overton on Apr 24, 2019 20:52:29 GMT -5
I suck at giving feedback but I'd like to know what were the good things and the bad in "Say My Name"
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Sam Kidsgrove
Professional Wrestler
International Champion
Posts: 476
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Post by Sam Kidsgrove on Apr 25, 2019 16:55:23 GMT -5
I'm on a feedback day tomorrow. I'll add this to my list.
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Post by Hazel Overton on Apr 28, 2019 0:00:25 GMT -5
Anyone else want to give me feedback. Apparently no one likes Hazel
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Post by Dandy DiVito on Apr 28, 2019 6:52:50 GMT -5
No, it’s not that “no one likes Hazel”. Buckle up, here comes bluntness: You turned in a sub-500 word RP in a match against a quality opponent for a title. I get that you had two RPs to submit this week here (and who knows what else where), but you can’t assume this is a situation where other folks are bagging on you or hating your character when the product in a side by side comparison just isn’t as good. Give us motivations, give us an overarching story, give us something that is essentially Hazel, and maximize the value of your word count limits by taking the time to build something larger. IMO, you’re not doing that right now, and that’s why Claire is the predictions favorite.
In a 1000 word RP, here’s what I would have laid out for myself (take this for what it’s worth): ~500-600 character development ~100-200 setting up the importance of the match and frustrations that it’s disadvataging you for Havoc ~200-400 shooting on Claire
It’s not that people don’t like Hazel. IMO, it’s that you didn’t do enough.
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Post by Lissie Hope on May 4, 2019 23:55:45 GMT -5
Replying to your most recent one, "The Bitch Comes For Blood". Hazel, I know you've been a little down lately and I hope I don't come across patronizing here, but I have to say that I think this was real quality stuff. I really felt how much losing the belt hurt her and the angle you took, where it appeared she was coming unglued, was done extremely, extremely well. The dream sequence seemed a little out of nowhere but it was nice to see something lighthearted and cute to break up the seriousness of the rest of it. I really enjoyed the sister being the one to snap her back into reality; there's something I truly enjoy about a support character that is unquestionably on the main character's side, even if he/she has to demonstrate a little tough love to show it. I thought the pacing of the scenes was really well done and you led into the promo seamlessly. The narrative writing was really good. Had some good descriptive and it was technically sound. I thought your promo was really solid as well. You had some great points against Claire and though I think you hit her stronger than your opponents, I know personally how hard it is to find some subject matter against characters you don't know much, if anything, about. All in all though, I think you truly made a compelling case for a rematch and I hope you get one, because this was truly the best one I've read from you since I've been here. I'm proud of you, girlie. If this is any indication of where you're headed in the future, maybe the loss wasn't such a bad thing. I think it gave you a lot of ammunition to really start coming around to being a force very soon. Keep this shit up, Hazel. This was really compelling stuff.
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Post by Dandy DiVito on May 5, 2019 0:47:46 GMT -5
Yesssssssssssssssss, Hazel! This most recent RP is EXACTLY what you’ve been missing. Keep that up.
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Post by Hazel Overton on May 12, 2019 23:19:40 GMT -5
I feel my rp against Hawkins this week suffered somehow. Can I get someone else's opinion on it?
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