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Post by Kennedy Matthews on Mar 1, 2019 13:48:24 GMT -5
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Post by Beau Del Sol on Mar 26, 2019 22:15:19 GMT -5
Ok I am by no means a top writer here... these are my opinions lol. Most of everything I’ll say I’m guilty of myself.
I feel like you need to make your character or any character you’re using in your RP defined by a voice, through dialect(This is an option.)and dialogue. I think if you could tweak that and flesh things out better it add a lot of value to your story.
Your dialogue needed to be broken up more with actions in between and not just one liners paragraphs. Maybe Kennedy scoffed at Nanny walking over to the window looking out at the blah blah then continue the dialogue. It will add more to the interaction helping the readers immerse into your story, world, and characters.
I would have like to seen more paragraphs of the setting and what the characters were doing in that particular situation. It makes me wonder, how would they be acting during this verbal exchange. You get my drift.
Your shoot was firm. I would’ve like to seen Kennedy talk more aggressively going straight for the jugular, atleast that’s the vibe I get from here. Other than that I liked it.
I enjoyed your story. 75% of this me nitpicking. I think your doing great and I like the way you drive the story and push it in multiple aspects. I hope this makes since lol and again I am by no means an expert.
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