Hey Team Frienship, Fuck you, Buddy Dec 27, 2018 18:40:07 GMT -5
Post by Zombie McMorris on Dec 27, 2018 18:40:07 GMT -5
The Prince Jimmy Dean Home for Friendship.
Newark, New Jersey.
* White Room. White walls. Blue Ceiling. Puffy clouds. Relaxing MU-SAX of ocean sounds. Calming thoughts. Streams. Meddows. Meeting room 7C in the Prince Jimmy Dean Home for Friendship. Enter the Cocaine Cowboys. Beau sits to ZMACs right, about six to seven feet away. ZMAC sits on a green plastic chair meant for a child. The floor is stained under him just by his presence. Dr. Monica Treyer sits across from them in her burnett hair and heaving breasts. 34 FF. ZMACS already ‘scouted out the territory,’ so to speak. Her white doctors coat does nothing to hide that which cannot be contained. *
Dr. Treyer: So I understand that you two are here because you arnt friends.
Blaze: Well, no. Just that we have to fight for the ADUB Tag Team Championships against team friendship and I want to make sure that we can do that.
Dr. Treyer: Right, you want to make sure that you can co-exist and complete the task. Work together.
Blaze: Right and I mean, sitting here and talking it out isnt my style. Winning is. Kicking ass, is. Laying down pipe right between those melons, che-eck.
Dr. Treyer: Right. So why don’t you explain to me the trouble and the animosity between you two. ZMAC, you’ve been quiet, you should start.
ZMAC: Where do you want me to start, the guys a goon. I hate him. If he was roasted alive and his dick was given the business end of the wrong side of a porcupine, it would not be enough.
Blaze: He’s just mad because I beat him for the TV Championship.
* ZMAC shoots a sideways glare. *
Blaze: See, he’s all moody.
ZMAC: I’ll end you.
Blaze: Hey! Listen. We are going for the WCF Tag Team Championship. We need to be on the same page.
ZMAC: You do what you do best, hang out on that apron and I’ll hit the Dove Killah and the pin. I’ll carry this team.
Dr. Treyer: ZMAC, why do you think you carry the team?
ZMAC: I got Kay-risma. I got the gift of gab and the gift of jab and I’m puttin that catch phrase right back to work. Look at this goon that sits next to be with his vest and his cowboy hat. All he knows is riding bulls and riding dick and he’s been riding mine for weeks and now and he wants to ride me all the way to the tag team titles. I’m not Bonnie Blue. I’m not a Guardian, I don’t live to carry dead weight on my back.
Dr. Treyer: You’re both here so that means you want to work together because you have a common goal.
Blaze: We want to be champions, its a common drive. We’re both stubborn but that's why it’ll work out. We’re here because Team Friendship, that means something. OK? I don’t want them to have any advantage over us.
ZMAC: You mean over you because they aint got nuttin but the breeze ovah ya boi. Real quick, you and me are going to walk into Ohio and take those belts away from team friendship. Cuz you right that you and mean we’re tougher than two day-ollah steaks. We’re angrier than hornets. We’re crazier than pet raccoons and let me tell you something, right now, brother jack, we’re just two different kinds of Honey Badgers and that's OK cuz a Honey Badger by any other name still dont give a shit! Now that's important, its not whether or not I like you. Fuck you, I cant stand you. You’re like the country Honey Badger and I’m the dumpster diving city badger. That's how that works out. Do you know what makes them special, buddy; its that they are fucking retarded. Full stop. Trigger the libs. They have complete and total mental defections that earned them a very long throw off a very tall cliff. What are we even doing here; we don’t have anything in common aside from the fact that we are hard nosed fighters,that's it and truthfully, that's all we need in common. We fought each other for weeks and we know each other very well inside the ring. That combined with our shared goals and these belts will be coming home to -
Blaze: The Cocaine Cowboys. My 8 Seconds and your Booty Party-
ZMAC: Boot Party.
Blaze: We can take them out in a flash. Then finish them off with the 8 seconds to hell.
ZMAC: The fuck is that?
Blaze: You scoop the guy up for a electric chair drop, I come off the top rope with a stomp, bury his skull into the mat.
ZMAC: I like it. We can hit them with a good ol fashion heart attack and just divide and conquer. Prolly the best way to the tag belts.
Blaze: Toby entirely truthful on the matter, I don’t even care how long they’ve all been friends or champions because that ends on Monday night. They wont live to see the New Year together because we’ll be riding high and standing tall with the tag titles around our waist-tah-ses. We’ll hit our grove, we’ll hit our stride and then there wont be anyone to beat us. We’re the next step in ADUBS tag team wrestling. Two tough as nails mother fuckers who don’t give a damn.
ZMAC: Hence the Honey Badger thing, yes.
Blaze: Its like you’re the city badger and I’m the country badger.
ZMAC: Did you eat toxic waste as a kid?
Blaze: No, why?
ZMAC: Just a question. You seem to be a little behind on the joke but that's OK, aint no joking about you and I walking into Ohio with the goal of becoming tag team champions and putting team friendship that their friendship has been … terminated. Fuck those buddies, cuz we aint buddies but we about to be champions.
Blaze: I couldnt have said it any better myself, when we get done with them, there wont be anything left of them. Haha, Doc, you lookin at the new ADUB tag team champions right here, right now, in the flesh. We’re going to smash team friendship and their ugly faces. Fuck Petrov, Fuck Hajeet. We’re going to take over. Hell, they are both prolly illegals, anyway. That's how it starts. They overstay the work visas. Well now we’re here to kick them out of our division and send them back to where ever the hell it is they are from.
Dr. Treyer: Welp, I’m glad that we had this breakthrough.
ZMAC: What breakthrough?
Dr. Treyer: The one where you two become friends.
ZMAC: I will slap the shit out of him.
Blaze: Best friends. If you don’t want to kill your best friend and bury him in a small, shallow unmarked grave in the middle of nowhere, space, why are you even friends.
ZMAC: Extactly. We want to kill each other but that's what makes us deadly, we turn that on our opponents. We gonna run through them and give some shine to the tag belts that never get their fair share of hype. But after monday -
Blaze: Hype train city!We gone hit up everything. The Sears, the Pigglywiggly, Suzies Q’s ice cream. We gonna tour clear across america and make the Action Wrestling Tag Team Championships great again.
ZMAC: cuz Honey Badger, we don’t give a shit!
Conquer. Dem. Boiz