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Post by Ultimate Destroyer on Nov 18, 2018 18:07:44 GMT -5
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Post by Luke Force on Nov 19, 2018 11:51:08 GMT -5
First off, I think it is brave to put yourself out there an ask for advice. Please remember, I am just one cat, with one opinion. I could be wrong in everything I say, it is only my opinion.
- nice job of creating drama. you developed a good reason for UD to have anger toward AW ownership - proper puncuation and capitalization would make it easier to read. - it is pretty short, about 500 words. You have nice scene set, but describe it more. What is UD wearing, what does the inside of the box look like, or the baggage area?Put us right in the scene with UD. Not that you have to write a 4000 word novel everytime, but there is room in this RP for some more description. Give the reader a reason to feel something for your character. Be that feeling, love, hate, sympathy, empathy, any feeling works. Generally those emotions are harder to reach during the "shoot" portion of the RP. A lot of guys/gals do a great job of flashbacks to show the full rounded nature of thier character. - I hope this constructive criticism is useful to you. You have a great character and seems like a desire to do well, so I hope this helps.
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