Post by Lockhart on Nov 11, 2018 20:26:31 GMT -5
There’s one part of me that can look at you and feel nothing but the utmost respect and admiration for who you are, and the competitor and rival you’ve proven to be since I began to earn my place around here.
That part of me is the honest, good-natured man within me. The person you would’ve seen when I first arrived here at Action Wrestling and tried to make a name for myself. Just a humble kid from Boston who had grown up poor and with very little going for him. Not the greatest story in the world, nothing unique or out of the ordinary - not like you, Wade.
I was just a kid who had a dream of making something for himself, which at the time I didn’t even know would be wrestling. Sure, I thought it looked cool, but there was nothing about it that stuck out to me as being my desired career path. But you? You seemed bred for this. Wrestling, beating the living shit out of people, leaving destruction in your wake - it all seemed natural to you.
I remember watching #BeachKrew arrive at WCF, I wasn’t a diehard wrestling fan, but news made its way around soon enough. Viral videos, all that shit. It became pretty clear that you and Jared were the future of the industry, and you guys both proved that pretty damn quick. Within a few months, you had already claimed your first World Title, and while like all things that reign came down to an end, you were still one of the most dominant forces wrestling had ever seen, something that would continue as you eventually made your way to Action Wrestling.
You were the first person to open my eyes to the sheer difference in levels here in Action Wrestling. Throughout my first couple of months in the company, I hadn’t been matched up against anyone even close to my ability. I had gone on a tear and went 5-0 prior to the Havoc Rumble, where I got my first taste of what it was like going up against the best of the best.
You had the presence of a demon in that ring, and with the pressure of the match being for a shot at the World Title, plus being face to face with one of the greatest of the modern era? It almost broke me, but I hid that. I held it in, and I managed to hold my own although I couldn’t come out on top. That gave me the confidence, the spark, the little inkling that told me… I can fuckin’ do this, if I keep honing my craft and developing my skills, soon I will be the man in your position.
I thought that time would come at Pandemic, I really did. That was when I had just started to embrace The Curse, the monster that I have within me - not too different from the one you have as well, Wade. I thought it would will me to victory, but you were the more experienced, the more capable, the more knowledgeable. You had the mentality of a killer and the skills to match, and I just wasn’t good enough to come away with the World Title.
I guess in everyone’s career, there needs to be someone that’s just one step ahead of them in order to keep them honest, to keep them working and to ensure that they don’t grow complacent. Someone that can bring them to greater heights.The respect I have for you as a competitor, athlete, and friendly rival? That is what has pushed me to this point, and I only plan on going upwards from here.
Now that I can call you a true friend and brother? I’m sure that will only help me continue to develop to a point where I’m leaps and bounds better than what I am today, even after all the work I’ve put in.
But, you know what this means to me. We both know that neither of us are going to hold back, even with our newly-formed alliance. I will not shy away from the challenge and hide behind the fact that we’re on the same team now - nothing has changed in that regard.
Because for all you have shown me and indirectly taught me, Wade? One thing has remained the same. We’re still the same guys, the same top two wrestlers in the entire industry. But at this moment? I’m only the second best, and that’s something that I’m not sure I can really live with.
Progressing through this tournament and winning it entirely? That’s what’s important to me right now, and that’s what I’ve returned to do. I know you feel the same way, and I understand that. This will be a good, honest fight, and win or lose, I will still call you a friend, no hard feelings.
But, I know that I will be disappointed in myself if I don’t come away with this victory. It would show that I still haven’t fully grown out from that young stage of my career, and that there’s still plenty of work to be done before I can call myself the best.
Just know Wade… that if that happens? I’ll come back again, and again, and again, until I can finally call myself the best.
Like I said - everyone needs someone to bring them to greater heights.
Good luck, Wade.
The selfish, cruel, monster within me just can’t seem to shake this feeling though… this feeling of hatred and envy towards you. It’s the small, irrational part of me, it’s The Curse. I’ve learned how to control it for the most part but sometimes… it leaks out. A fiery passion, a blaze of anger brewed by disappointment, failure, and insecurity.
I don’t hate you, Wade. Not really. This little devil inside of me thought I did at one point, immediately after you pinned me for the World Title at Pandemic. When I looked at you, emotions flooded in and caused me to see red, I wanted to get that one back as soon as possible, and now I have the chance.
I feel like you know the feeling, my friend. When you feel the darkness closing in, when you’ve come up just an inch short of where you wanted to be, when something has gone horribly wrong and you begin to feel sick in the stomach… until that sickness turns into a burning loathing and apathy toward everything and everyone around you.
It’s nothing personal, Wade. At least, I don’t think it is. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have teamed up with you, there would have been no honour in that. To join your side only to stab you in the back and leave you for dead. That’s not the type of person I am.
Or is it?
The lines between good and evil get blurred more by the day. It gnaws at me that while I am the one fighting corruption, that people seem to believe that I am the root of it. That we are. #BeachKrew.
I’ve never been truly concerned with whether strangers believe I am doing the right thing, my conviction and goals have always been good and honest. But at what point do I take a step back and realize all the pain I’ve caused, and all the wrong I have done?
But maybe, just maybe it’s for a good cause. This is a new world that we’re bringing in Wade, and it starts here. One of us will be winning this tournament, and one of us will soon be World Champion. It’s only a matter of time before we achieve what we set out to do.
I guess the only question is… would I be able to handle it if that person wasn’t me? If again I looked up and saw that you were the one with all the glory, with the World secured fastly in your hands with an iron grip. I’m not sure I could, for one part of me would feel that respect and admiration creeping in again… and the other would be a festering abomination, breeding jealousy and resentment once more.
Only time will tell, but I’d rather not find out. That’s what I have to win this match, Wade. That’s why I’m coming at you with my all. Not only for me, but for you and for the entirety of #BeachKrew. I don’t want to see what would happen if I suffered defeat again… what kind of man I would become if I had to deal with that again.
There are some truths that you can never hide from, Wade. But at least with this victory? It will help me delay it just a little longer… so it doesn’t eat me alive.
I’m sure you understand.
When I arrived back at the apartment a little after midnight, Mark wouldn’t even look at me. I could almost feel his disgust at my actions, at joining the #BeachKrew, seeping from his pores and filling the air around me. It almost rendered me unable to breathe.
I retreated to my room and lay there restless, unable to sleep. Why? Why could I do something that seemed right, yet feel guilty about it? The New World that #BeachKrew could be ushering in… could be better for everyone. But somehow, someway, this doesn’t seem like something that Ryan Lockhart of the old would do.
Maybe that Ryan was a careless, indifferent individual who wouldn’t worry either way who won between these two forces, the forces of corruption that appear to be plaguing the wrestling industry and the world as a whole, and the forces that I now find myself apart of - men who want their freedom and liberty, with no restrictions.
I guess I always was a free spirit, but sometimes things just don’t feel right. I can’t tell yet if this is one of them, but I assume I’ll find out soon.
Mother hasn’t called in a while and Mark grows more distant as the days go by and he witnesses the new man that I am becoming. Perhaps I am a snake who has finally shed my skin and revealed what truly lies beneath, or a lone wolf who is selfish and does only what benefits himself.
Or perhaps I’m none of these, and I’m still just the scared child, backed into a corner and desperate to succeed and not continue the terrible legacy of this Cursed family.
A hit would’ve done nicely right about now, but there’s no time for that. Everything I have worked towards, all the progress I have made, and all the setbacks I have endured… have all been for this. For one trophy, one prize that will validate everything I have been striving for - even if I haven’t exactly done it in the right way at times.
It’s all coming down to this.
I’ve risked it all. At this point, I may have alienated myself from the few people who truly cared about my wellbeing. Or, I may have just made the greatest decision of my life, and will soon find that prosperity and enjoyment will be easy to come by from now on.
Either way, this is something I felt I needed to do, and there should be no shame in that. I walk into this match against my friend as a proud man, and as a loyal teammate. But at the same time, I know what needs to be done.
The only question is… which side should I allow to take control in order to see me through to the promised land; to being one step away from being crowned Wrestler of the Year? The honorable one? Or the monster?
For this seemingly insurmountable task? It may very well have to be the latter.
That part of me is the honest, good-natured man within me. The person you would’ve seen when I first arrived here at Action Wrestling and tried to make a name for myself. Just a humble kid from Boston who had grown up poor and with very little going for him. Not the greatest story in the world, nothing unique or out of the ordinary - not like you, Wade.
I was just a kid who had a dream of making something for himself, which at the time I didn’t even know would be wrestling. Sure, I thought it looked cool, but there was nothing about it that stuck out to me as being my desired career path. But you? You seemed bred for this. Wrestling, beating the living shit out of people, leaving destruction in your wake - it all seemed natural to you.
I remember watching #BeachKrew arrive at WCF, I wasn’t a diehard wrestling fan, but news made its way around soon enough. Viral videos, all that shit. It became pretty clear that you and Jared were the future of the industry, and you guys both proved that pretty damn quick. Within a few months, you had already claimed your first World Title, and while like all things that reign came down to an end, you were still one of the most dominant forces wrestling had ever seen, something that would continue as you eventually made your way to Action Wrestling.
You were the first person to open my eyes to the sheer difference in levels here in Action Wrestling. Throughout my first couple of months in the company, I hadn’t been matched up against anyone even close to my ability. I had gone on a tear and went 5-0 prior to the Havoc Rumble, where I got my first taste of what it was like going up against the best of the best.
You had the presence of a demon in that ring, and with the pressure of the match being for a shot at the World Title, plus being face to face with one of the greatest of the modern era? It almost broke me, but I hid that. I held it in, and I managed to hold my own although I couldn’t come out on top. That gave me the confidence, the spark, the little inkling that told me… I can fuckin’ do this, if I keep honing my craft and developing my skills, soon I will be the man in your position.
I thought that time would come at Pandemic, I really did. That was when I had just started to embrace The Curse, the monster that I have within me - not too different from the one you have as well, Wade. I thought it would will me to victory, but you were the more experienced, the more capable, the more knowledgeable. You had the mentality of a killer and the skills to match, and I just wasn’t good enough to come away with the World Title.
I guess in everyone’s career, there needs to be someone that’s just one step ahead of them in order to keep them honest, to keep them working and to ensure that they don’t grow complacent. Someone that can bring them to greater heights.The respect I have for you as a competitor, athlete, and friendly rival? That is what has pushed me to this point, and I only plan on going upwards from here.
Now that I can call you a true friend and brother? I’m sure that will only help me continue to develop to a point where I’m leaps and bounds better than what I am today, even after all the work I’ve put in.
But, you know what this means to me. We both know that neither of us are going to hold back, even with our newly-formed alliance. I will not shy away from the challenge and hide behind the fact that we’re on the same team now - nothing has changed in that regard.
Because for all you have shown me and indirectly taught me, Wade? One thing has remained the same. We’re still the same guys, the same top two wrestlers in the entire industry. But at this moment? I’m only the second best, and that’s something that I’m not sure I can really live with.
Progressing through this tournament and winning it entirely? That’s what’s important to me right now, and that’s what I’ve returned to do. I know you feel the same way, and I understand that. This will be a good, honest fight, and win or lose, I will still call you a friend, no hard feelings.
But, I know that I will be disappointed in myself if I don’t come away with this victory. It would show that I still haven’t fully grown out from that young stage of my career, and that there’s still plenty of work to be done before I can call myself the best.
Just know Wade… that if that happens? I’ll come back again, and again, and again, until I can finally call myself the best.
Like I said - everyone needs someone to bring them to greater heights.
Good luck, Wade.
The selfish, cruel, monster within me just can’t seem to shake this feeling though… this feeling of hatred and envy towards you. It’s the small, irrational part of me, it’s The Curse. I’ve learned how to control it for the most part but sometimes… it leaks out. A fiery passion, a blaze of anger brewed by disappointment, failure, and insecurity.
I don’t hate you, Wade. Not really. This little devil inside of me thought I did at one point, immediately after you pinned me for the World Title at Pandemic. When I looked at you, emotions flooded in and caused me to see red, I wanted to get that one back as soon as possible, and now I have the chance.
I feel like you know the feeling, my friend. When you feel the darkness closing in, when you’ve come up just an inch short of where you wanted to be, when something has gone horribly wrong and you begin to feel sick in the stomach… until that sickness turns into a burning loathing and apathy toward everything and everyone around you.
It’s nothing personal, Wade. At least, I don’t think it is. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have teamed up with you, there would have been no honour in that. To join your side only to stab you in the back and leave you for dead. That’s not the type of person I am.
Or is it?
The lines between good and evil get blurred more by the day. It gnaws at me that while I am the one fighting corruption, that people seem to believe that I am the root of it. That we are. #BeachKrew.
I’ve never been truly concerned with whether strangers believe I am doing the right thing, my conviction and goals have always been good and honest. But at what point do I take a step back and realize all the pain I’ve caused, and all the wrong I have done?
But maybe, just maybe it’s for a good cause. This is a new world that we’re bringing in Wade, and it starts here. One of us will be winning this tournament, and one of us will soon be World Champion. It’s only a matter of time before we achieve what we set out to do.
I guess the only question is… would I be able to handle it if that person wasn’t me? If again I looked up and saw that you were the one with all the glory, with the World secured fastly in your hands with an iron grip. I’m not sure I could, for one part of me would feel that respect and admiration creeping in again… and the other would be a festering abomination, breeding jealousy and resentment once more.
Only time will tell, but I’d rather not find out. That’s what I have to win this match, Wade. That’s why I’m coming at you with my all. Not only for me, but for you and for the entirety of #BeachKrew. I don’t want to see what would happen if I suffered defeat again… what kind of man I would become if I had to deal with that again.
There are some truths that you can never hide from, Wade. But at least with this victory? It will help me delay it just a little longer… so it doesn’t eat me alive.
I’m sure you understand.
When I arrived back at the apartment a little after midnight, Mark wouldn’t even look at me. I could almost feel his disgust at my actions, at joining the #BeachKrew, seeping from his pores and filling the air around me. It almost rendered me unable to breathe.
I retreated to my room and lay there restless, unable to sleep. Why? Why could I do something that seemed right, yet feel guilty about it? The New World that #BeachKrew could be ushering in… could be better for everyone. But somehow, someway, this doesn’t seem like something that Ryan Lockhart of the old would do.
Maybe that Ryan was a careless, indifferent individual who wouldn’t worry either way who won between these two forces, the forces of corruption that appear to be plaguing the wrestling industry and the world as a whole, and the forces that I now find myself apart of - men who want their freedom and liberty, with no restrictions.
I guess I always was a free spirit, but sometimes things just don’t feel right. I can’t tell yet if this is one of them, but I assume I’ll find out soon.
Mother hasn’t called in a while and Mark grows more distant as the days go by and he witnesses the new man that I am becoming. Perhaps I am a snake who has finally shed my skin and revealed what truly lies beneath, or a lone wolf who is selfish and does only what benefits himself.
Or perhaps I’m none of these, and I’m still just the scared child, backed into a corner and desperate to succeed and not continue the terrible legacy of this Cursed family.
A hit would’ve done nicely right about now, but there’s no time for that. Everything I have worked towards, all the progress I have made, and all the setbacks I have endured… have all been for this. For one trophy, one prize that will validate everything I have been striving for - even if I haven’t exactly done it in the right way at times.
It’s all coming down to this.
I’ve risked it all. At this point, I may have alienated myself from the few people who truly cared about my wellbeing. Or, I may have just made the greatest decision of my life, and will soon find that prosperity and enjoyment will be easy to come by from now on.
Either way, this is something I felt I needed to do, and there should be no shame in that. I walk into this match against my friend as a proud man, and as a loyal teammate. But at the same time, I know what needs to be done.
The only question is… which side should I allow to take control in order to see me through to the promised land; to being one step away from being crowned Wrestler of the Year? The honorable one? Or the monster?
For this seemingly insurmountable task? It may very well have to be the latter.