Post by Zombie McMorris on Nov 7, 2018 20:26:32 GMT -5
Chapter I: The Champagne of Beers
* Open scene to a trailer park. Burn out grass, mud pit spots. A 67 oldsmobile that you cant seem to fix the drive shaft on. A charcoal grill from three summers ago that still has a bit of snow on it but still hasnt melted despite summer ending. Theres ZMAC, walking onto the scene with a Pabst Blue Ribbon in hand. *
ZMAC: This is Pabst Blue Ribbon. You used to come home to this. Every night after a hard day of red blooded american work, this would always be there in your fridge, nice and cold to greet you. For years, this was the refreshment of the hard working middle class. But now -
* ZMAC pulls some hipster millennial into frame. *
ZMAC: Now this asshole ruined it. Now the asshole yuppies drink YOUR cold refreshment out of a participation trophy as he plays Call of Duty in YOUR basement. You came home once from a 16 hour work day, went into the fridge and found that old reliable wasnt so reliable. As it turns out you may want your beer but your beer doesnt want you. Pabst is no longer your beer and you know what, it doesnt want to be. So now theres a whole in the heart of you fine American champions.
* ZMAC throws the Pabst behind him as a Miller High Life is tossed to him from out of frame. He catches it and holds it up. *
ZMAC: But theres a new champion in town. Miller Highlife, because after a hard days work, you have a hard days thirst and its your damn house, damn it, you pay the bills, you deserve the champagne of beers and nothing less. You’ve been abandoned by the former champion of America, Pabst blue ribbon and what are you gonna go do, buy Coors? Bah, I rather the drink the sweat from Oprahs thunderous brontosaurus thighs. Coors are for ugly chicks who case out the Applebees tryin to pick up a drunk young man or a questionable nieve woman like herself. They hunt Cougars up in Colorado but you, You work hard for a living. That's why you deserve Miller Highlife, the champagne of beers.
Miller Highlife is all about treating yourself. And there aint nuttin wrong with that. When you get home from that 6 to 6, you crack open that 6-6-6 pack and you put that liver right back to work. Miller Highlife wants you to have a good time. Try it now in our limited of time champagne bottle and have a good night. Order the spice channel. Use the good Vaseline and use the guest towel -
* ZMAC grabs the millennial by the back of neck and shakes him. *
ZMAC: We all know this basement dweller aint know what water is. He only knows Mountain Dew and cheetos. But you, you know how to have a good night and Miller highlife knows how to make that good night into a great night.
Buy specially marked cases of Miller Highlife and enter for a chance to win two free tickets to Action Wrestling next Pay Per View event: Turmoil! Live from Wimbly stadium. Second place gets an all expense paid trip to Engle-land to watch cha boi, Ol’Z trounce Casey Holliday for the UCI championship. First place gets a sky lounge VIP party with me and you can watch Action Wrestling with the Champagne of wrestlers while enjoying the champagne of beers.
Miller Highlife, cuz aint nobody gone treat you better.
__________________________
Chapter II: The Champagne of Wrestlers
Oh shit! Its ya boi -> ol’ Z and I’m k-k-kummin at chu LIVE for the sake of cummin at chu live. And men alive, men alive, none of you are gonna make it outta here alive this week. Lets talk about this week, TFK makes his return after losing wrestler of the year tournament and Karlie Nash is trying to breath life into her own career and take a step-> LOL -> in the right direction.
More like the wrong direction, amirite? LOL I’m right.
This week the three of us do battle for the UCI contendership and fight Casey Holliday at Turmoil. It’s be an interesting proposition if’n you could be interested in the yawn fest that is Karlie Nashs career and TFK. Now, like, it aint no secret that I wanted to fight TFK for the US Championship, then he went and lost his smile or some shit and floated away into Oblivion for a quick hawt minute but now he’s back and we -> you fans are supposed to rejoice ->when ya boi ol’ Z -> who aint nevah left -> has been stip-stompin fools from dawn till dusk -> forever. So let that swirl on ya tongue for a minute like the Champagne of beers. Where is this a match?
Forget about Karlie Nash for a second; I could beat her with an IMB punch card and a piece of bazooka joe bubble gum.
That TFK though, make no bones about it -> I wanted you. I wanted you the same was I wanted Link. I wanted to take from you the one thing that made you, so anti-charismatically
YOU.
Frankley, the only thing I know about you is that you’re a ‘record setting’ US Champion.
INSERT 'RECORD' HERE LOL
201
TV
UCI
Opps, spoilers. Although, not really because half the fed knows I’m the longest reigning UCI champion from when Spencer Adams had a set and booked smart rather than fought smart LOL.
Notable feuds; you got any? Nope.
Notable wins? Nah, you just lost wrestler of the year.
What about a finishing move? I mean, even Karlie Nash has one of them. You have some running knee and a diving elbow. Man, yous a basic ass bitch. All this showmanship you claim you got and your entire career involves you diving for an elbow. At least put a lil stank on that. LOL but you cant. Now ADUB is just a snuff film for your life. Way to go, son of a director.
Maybe you if -> like shadowlove spent more time wrestling then being a complete autizmo knob, you could amount to something more than a five defense champion. BT-dubs, no one cares, I set the record at ten defenses. Come at me scrub, I’m waitin.
Waitin for the excuses. Waitin to hear how you almost, shoulda coulda had it but in the end you ate a superkick.
Now you gone eat this super dick because the story of ADUB has been and always will be the rise of ZMAC against the backdrop of angst, hatred and autizmo FGTs like yourself who cant see the greatness through the grease and sleeze. Ya’ll still cought up on how a champion even looks like me to begin with.
I’m not clean, I’m filthy.
I’m not pure, I’m corrupt.
I’m not good, I’m great.
I’m the Champagne of Wrestlers livin this Miller High LIFE.
That's what ya’ll fail to understand. I undermind the system. I don’t play to it. I work myself through the gears and the gizmos and I make the machine work for me. As I have since I started in this industry. That's what none of you can figure out -> how can old Z succeed in this industry when I aint got the look, the sound, I’m not as skilled as everyone else but I got 2 things going for me and they are the only two things that matter.
I got the gift of gab and the gift of jab and that aint nothin that neither of you two dim witted bozos can take away from me. I’m here to verbally eviserate you and physically under-take-you. So Paul Levesque, let me borrow your shovel cuz I’m about to put some white chalk around these chumps.
Lets take that chalk. Show of hands, who among us is a former UCI champion, no? Only me? Yah, only me. Don’t call this a contenders match, call it for what it really is: a corrination. Its a welcome home as I body you two chumps and go on to Termoil and fight Casey Holliday. Funny, she wanted a challenger and yet shes going to fight a real champion.
Monday night, you two get to see that. TFK -> the franchise killah, you gone see that as hard as you want and try -> You cant kill this immortal coked up madman or my chances at becoming the soon to be new (and 2 time) UCI champion.
Karlie Nash, I don’t even feel bad for you. Go down to 201, you’ll have a good time but right now you’re just out of your league and that's OK. Some people just arnt destined for this. I was the king of the Internet Division because it fit who I was. The UCI Championship, it is not who you are. You cannot carry yourself now, let alone if you were to someday become UCI champion.
Monday night, I’m going to continue showing the world and ADUB the stark constrast between Nash and TFK to myself. I may not have the prettiest face but I’m the face of this company. All the weeks I’ve gone undefeated. The dismantling of Fight Smart, the championship histories that I’ve created- and the nobody that is Karlie Nash and the man who cant even get out of his own shadow, TFK is going to stop me from climbing up the ranks and sinking ADUB beneath them waves.
This is a triple threat. No rules, Horror Kore is king and I’m the king of horror kore. The things I’m prepared to do to the both of you is greater than what either of you are willing to endure just for the opportunity to lose to Casey Holliday.
You saw what I did last week to Link in a tables match. I can do that all over again and its all legal. I’m going to ruin the both of you with a flury of Falcon punches, curb stomps and the only one that's going to stop this match is the ref because I won’t stop till you’re both dead and I’m UCI world Champion.
___________________________
Chapter III: The Champagne of Championships
The PAN-AM flight from New York to England. After four layovers, ZMAC and Ruby are finally on their way to England for Clash and Turmoil. However *ding* there is turmoil in the lovers cabin. We encounter the couple mid argument as Ruby is still self conscience about ZMACS feelings for her sister.
Ruby: Do you think my sister has better tits than me?
ZMAC: Again? Serious? Bitch, we’ve been on a plane for nearly a day. And you wana hit me with this shit now?
Ruby: I’ve had a lot of time to think.
ZMAC: You’re a clone. You have the same tits, ass and slick - I’d imagine.
Ruby: Then do you think she likes being fisted like me?
ZMAC: Jam Willy, hope not. My fingers are like the devils piano up in here. Cant imagine her liking some dude playing rock, papers, cervix in her cunt.
Ruby: You think she squirts like me?
ZMAC: IDK, prolly?
* Bonnie Blue confirmation needed *
* ZMAC tries to change the subject as the drink cart rolls past. He sneaks off two Miller Highlifes and hands one to Ruby. *
ZMAC: Here. You know I love you. You know why I love you. Lets just enjoy our plane ride with the champagne of beers and the champagne of women before my contenders match on Monday.
* ZMACS smooth talking melts Rubys heart as she ‘awws’ and snuggles up to him. *
Ruby: I’m sorry. I love you, southpaw.
ZMAC: Love you too.
Ruby: So how does it feel to get the opportunity to compete for the UCI Championship again?
ZMAC: Its great to be put into the division considering that Holliday is getting stale. All I gotta go is go through TFK whose hurting from a sour return and Karlie Nash whose never amounted to anything. This week I’m going all out to secure that win and continue on to take back the belt that's always been mine. TFK hinges on the success that the US Championship gave him and like Karlie Nash, Casey just hopes that the UCI will make her mean something to someone. Without some sort of gold, these people are absolutely nothing. Me, I make the belt mean something. I turn whatever belt I hold into the champagne of belts because I’m the champagne of wrestlers. Now here I am, a guy like me with a girl like you and a beer this good, it cant be beat. We’re thirty thousand feet up and I’m gettin ready to go make more ACTION WRESTLING history as I win the UCI contendership, then the championship at Turmoil.
Monday night, Ruby, I’m going to give those two the beating they both deserve for thinking that they can match skill against me and prove why once again I am the face that runs the place. When I clobber them both with a boot party and a curb stomp. Because on the inside their ugly. Ugly like me. I can see through them. See their true colors
And they’ll all float down here.
As I’m riding high. The champagne of wrestlers. With the champagne of beers and the champagne of Championships.
Conquer. The. HIGH LIFE.