Post by The Sitcom on May 25, 2023 21:43:43 GMT -5
“Hot Shot 3000, you might be my only friend.”
“What?”
(Sitcom is sitting next to his “friend” in Johnny’s Hollywood mansion.)
“I know you’re just a robot here to help me defeat Wayne Austin.”
“What?”
“It’s true, I had you programmed with Wayne Austin’s exact personality.”
“What?”
“Don’t worry Hot Shot 3000, it’s not Wayne’s personality that makes him a loser, it’s his record in the ring.”
“What!”
“Okay, you got me, it’s his personality too.”
“What.”
“But don’t worry, I used to be a loser too, just ask my dad.”
“What?”
“He reminds me of that every time he looks at me.”
“What.”
“Exactly, and Johnny wants me to reconnect with him.”
“What?”
“Guess he figures I just use comedy to ignore my past.”
“What?”
“Cuz, it’s easier to laugh, than cry.”
“What?”
“As a robot; you must find emotions very confusing.”
“What?”
“You’re like Data from Star Trek.”
“What!”
“Oh, Hot Shot 3000, you always know how to make me laugh.”
“What.”
“I guess just like the real Wayne Austin, people like to laugh at you.”
“What!”
“Don’t worry, I didn’t mean that as an insult...to you.”
“What.”
“But come on, these days Wayne Austin is a living joke.”
“What?”
“Haven’t you heard the latest joke about Wayne?”
“What?”
“What do you call Wayne Austin before a match?”
“What?”
“A jobber. Now what do you call him after a match?”
“What?”
“An ambulance.”
“What!”
“Okay, maybe I am running away from something with my jokes.”
“What?”
"I don’t know...respect, pride...confidence.”
“What.”
“Those weren’t exactly given to me when I was a kid.”
“What?”
“I actually started out as a momma’s boy.”
“What?”
“Until I grew my first chest hair in second grade.”
“What!”
“By middle school, my nickname was Sasquatch.”
“What!”
“Yep, that’s what my mom called me.”
“What!”
“But that’s nothing compared to what my dad called me.”
“What?”
“I don’t even want to say it.”
“What?”
“Fine...he called me...Adopted.”
“What!”
“Yep, at least that’s what he called me before the DNA test results came back.”
“What?”
“Well, the DNA test was mandated by the courts.”
“What!”
“I know, how is that the taxpayer’s responsibility?”
“What?”
“Like Johnny says, ‘if you only knew, you wouldn’t vote blue’.”
“What!”
“Johnny actually knows a lot about politics.”
“What?”
“He’s a ruthless businessman after all.”
“What?”
“Yep, everything he knows he learned from his daddy.”
“What!”
“Yeah, good point, he does have daddy issues of his own,”
“What.”
“Love in the Beckman family is shown through the number of zeros on the check.”
“What.”
“Not to mention what they did to ICE.”
“What?”
“Yeah, ICE and Johnny are only half-brothers.”
“What?”
“ICE is the product of an affair between his dad, and his dad’s secretary.”
“What!”
“And his dad tried to hide it from Johnny’s mom.”
“What!”
“So, his dad secretly had baby ICE shipped to a long-lost Beckman family member.”
“What!”
“Yeah, to some place in northern Wisconsin, called Foam Lake.”
“What!”
“That’s what I am saying, Johnny doesn’t know anything about family values?”
“What.”
“You’re right, I need to be focusing on Action Wrestling.”
“What?”
“Well first off, I guess, I should focus on you.”
“What!”
“Well not you...but the actual Wayne Austin.”
“What.”
“Then there is my campaign to recall President Freedom.”
“What?”
“But after last week, the guy seems to be ready to recall himself.”
“What.”
“Guy was running around the back pretending he’s George Floyd.”
“What?”
“He just kept saying, “I can’t breathe! I can’t breathe!”
“What!”
“Oh, come on, that joke isn’t that conversational.”
“What.”
“You’re right, there I go again, hiding behind my real problems with humor.”
“What.”
“Thanks for keeping it real, Hot Shot 3000.”
“What?”
“Well, there is also Dionysus and Jonny Cedrone.”
“What?”
“It’s all about the United States title scene.”
“What!”
“I am focusing on the title I already own.”
“What.”
“Give me a break, this whole U.S. title grab was Johnny’s idea anyhow.”
“What?”
“Yeah, that is suspicious.”
“What.”
“I mean Johnny is the most selfish asshole I’ve ever met.”
“What!”
“Well, besides Torture.”
“What.”
“But I still wonder about Johnny’s motives.”
“What?”
“You hit the nail on the hammer with that question Hot Shot 3000, what does Johnny want?”
“What.”
“I’d ask ICE about Johnny, but Johnny sent him on a vacation.”
“What!”
“You're right, that's suspicious too!"
“What?”
“I don’t know what to do next.”
“What?”
“Well, I guess I could confront Johnny.”
“What?”
“Or I could keep trusting Johnny’s path for me.”
“What!”
“I know, but you should have met me before I started in AW.”
“What?”
"I was so sad that the only thing I lacked more than money, was human interactions.”
“What!”
“Haha, I know you’re a robot, Hot Shot 3000!”
“What.”
“This conversation is almost making feel bad about destroying Hot Shot at Clash.”
“What!”
“No, not you, I mean the human Hot Shot.”
“What.”
“Exactly. Maybe you should talk to Pasternak.”
“What?”
“You could replace the human Wayne Austin on the roster.”
“What?”
“Think about it, you’ve already mastered his mic skills.”
“What.”
“Exactly. And a robot in the hardcore division would be tough to beat.”
“What.”
“As long as no one presses this button, right?”
“What?”
“This flashing red button is your off button, right?”
“What!”
“Wait, that’s not your off button, it’s your dead battery light!”
“What!”
“No, Hot Shot 3000, don’t leave me!!!”
“What? What? What! What!!! WHAT!!!!...Wha...Wha...Whaaaaaaaa...”
“NOOOOOO!!!!”
(Johnny walks into the room and sees his 7-foot, 400-pound pet project, hugging and crying over a Roomba with a speaker fixed on top.)
“Hot Shot 3000 is dead!!”
“What?”
“Thanks for trying, but no one could say it like him.”
(The Sitcom walks out of the room, holding his dead robot friend.)
“Stick to the plan Johnny...stick to the plan.”