Post by The Sitcom on May 19, 2023 22:08:54 GMT -5
“It’s a real shame what you’re doing with the big man.”
“Just take you’re hush payment and bon voyage.”
(ICE Beckman looks at his vacation itinerary; then back up to Johnny.)
“The one thing I can’t figure out is your end game.”
“You just need to focus on your vacation; 195 countries in 195 days with 195 different drugs or alcohol.”
“And how does Sitcom’s father come into play?”
“I believe I’ve paid for no questions.”
“Oh, and I know you’ll miss me...so I invited two friends from Foam Lake to take my place.”
“Please God No.”
(PJ and Dee walk into Johnny’s office.)
“What am I supposed to do with a skinny nerd and a fat moron?
“Ha! He called you a skinny nerd!”
“Which makes you?”
“Um, PJ?”
“Have them help the big guy prepare for Aoi and Niobe; I’m sure they have lots of ideas.”
“That idea is just bad enough to work.”
“Speaking of future bad ideas, my vacation starts now!”
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
IDEA #1: Aoi’s Lawyer’s Office
“Well Sitcom, I figured I’d reach out to Aoi directly, to find out how she ticked.”
“How’d that go, Dee?”
“Not so hot, apparently I was a little too forward.”
“How so?”
“She put a restraining order on me.”
“And let me guess, Niobe Martin has a restraining order on you, too.”
“No...she has one on PJ.”
“We have to go to Niobe’s lawyer next.”
“Not a lot of ladies where you're both from, huh?”
IDEA #2: Makeover
“What’s wrong with how I look?”
“You need more flare; how do you feel about skinny jeans and wigs?”
“No.”
“You need a fat suit and a chef’s hat, then you could be 8 feet, 500 pounds!"
“I’m already bigger than half the roster combined.”
“We also need to toughen up your image.”
“Your new name is The Living Nightmare Empress!”
“Copyright infringement aside, I am not a woman.”
“How about doing a shirtless Diet Coke commercial to get the female fans?”
“He seems more like the kid who wore a t-shirt at the pool.”
“PJ, you were that kid.”
“I like my gimmick as “the gigantic jester”.
“You sure about that?”
“Yeah...now that I hear it out loud it isn’t so good.”
“He needs a t-shirt cannon but replace the t-shirts with puppies!”
IDEA #3: Schoolyard
“You got your ass kicked at the rumble.”
“Hey! It took both the tag champs to get me out.”
“Okay, you’re tough, but your offensive needs confidence.”
“And nothing makes you feel like more than a man than hitting someone weaker than you...see?”
“Ow!”
“You want me to beat up all these kids?”
“You probably won’t beat them all up before the cops arrive.”
“You called the cops?”
(Sirens)
“And we gave them your exact description.”
“And...LET’S GO!!!”
(The Sitcom runs.)
“Hey! You’re going the wrong way!!”
IDEA #4: Karaoke Bar
“I’m assuming where not here to sing with these drunk businessmen.”
“Where here to learn about Aoi’s Japanese lifestyle.”
“And Dee, is that you’re wearing all that Hello Kitty gear?”
“That, and because it makes my smile pop.”
“Japanese people have a long-storied history, you know.”
“Okay, how about we visit Hiroshima, then Nagasaki?”
“And we can bring a papier-mâché A-bomb!”
IDEA #5: Theatre
“The sign says they’re closed.”
“Yep, it’s a no show.”
“.......”
“We thought it prepare you for facing Aoi.”
IDEA #6: Fan Club
“Wherever we are, there’s plenty of seating.”
“This is a Niobe Martin fan club meeting.”
“Note how many fans are currently cutting themselves.”
“I’m actually surprised there is this many people.”
“Most people here are seeking refunds.”
“What’s with the perverts?”
“Like moths to a flame, the girl’s low confidence attracts them.”
IDEA #7: Lesbian Bar
“I get it, I’m here because I wrestle a lot of chicks.”
“Why do you fight so many women?”
“Pasternak has it all wrong; I’m not a momma’s boy...I have daddy issues.”
(PJ joins them.)
“We should probably go now.”
“Why?”
“No reason, also do any other those lawyers from before specialize in sexual harassment?”
IDEA #8: Unemployment Office
“Welcome to the future for Aoi and Niobe.”
“Everyone is wearing sweatpants.”
“Because they’ve all given up on life.”
“Is that also the reason for the unwashed hair and foul odor?”
“Hey, these people look just like me.”
“And do you have a job?”
“Good point.”
“Wait, is that actually Aoi over there!?”
“Oh shit! CUT! We get in trouble when we break the 4th wall!”
IDEA #9: Tape Study
“Here is where I splash Niobe a second time, right before the 1...2...3.”
“She looks paralyzed.”
“Honestly, she might have been, haven’t seen her move much since.”
“Ha, paralyzed people are the worst.”
“Now put in the tape where Aoi refuses to appear at Havoc after seeing my promo.”
IDEA #10: Roleplay
“Why are you two dressed like women?”
“I’m no woman, I’m Aoi Takahashi!”
“And I am Niobe Martin!”
“Alright, I’m done, thanks for the help this week, it’s been a complete waste of time.”
“Just like your match will be!”
“And that, is your final lesson.”
“That’s actually pretty on point.”
“And that was our plan all along.”
“No, it wasn’t; these were all ICE’s ideas.”
“They were?”
“That’s why he bet me $100 he could trick you both in dressing like women.”
“Ha, ICE rules, now who's going to help me out of this bra?”
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Sitcom’s father stumbles out of sleazy strip club; Johnny suddenly grabs him by the collar.)
“I didn’t bring you back into Sitcom’s life for this.”
“I love boobs.”
“You need to start loving your son!!”
“Why?”
“Because he’s about to carve a big spot in AW.”
“He is?”
“And I’m going to take that spot for myself.”
“You are?”
“So, make nice, be a dad, and when I say...take Sitcom back home.”