Post by Sam Kidsgrove on Oct 9, 2022 4:28:57 GMT -5
Friday.
“Do you think you can beat Angelo?” There it is. There’s the question, thrown out by a member of the crowd like confetti. Kidsgrove, sitting on the stage, smiles and looks at the host, who laughs.
“Asking the real questions, this is what you get at Nakatomi con.” He says. Kidsgrove simply smiles, and laughs along.
“I thought you wanted me up here to talk about Die Hard, that’s what the con’s about right?”
“Well, we dabble in other subjects too. If you don’t want to answer…” The host tries to tease it out of Kidsgrove. Who’s clearly not bothered by the question, despite his faux upset reaction.
“Course. Every guy has his weakness right? Even our “esteemed”” Kidsgrove throws up air quotes here “World champion has his weakness. You just gotta find it, exploit it and go for the kill. So yeah. I can beat the guy, so can anyone else. He’s nothing special, just another loud mouth with a god complex. I’ve dealt with plenty of those in my time.”
“Then how come you haven’t beaten him yet?” Asks the host, drawing a sharp intake of breath from the collective audience. Kidsgrove, though, takes it in his stride.
“You know what? Damn good question. Short answer is, I underestimated him. Nothing more, nothing less. You see, I just didn’t realise how much of an arrogant piece of shit he is.
Don’t get me wrong, arrogance is fine. We all have it in this industry, it’s our defence mechanism, it’s our weapon - it’s a tool to help you at the end of the day. You build yourself up, you tell yourself that nothing can get to you, you try to make your opponent have doubts over how they’re going to beat you. It’s common, some might argue, necessary to succeed in these highly competitive environments.
But man, this guy? Off the charts arrogance. That’s why I underestimated him, he was barely in AW for like a month and he was calling himself the future, the best there has ever been, the Living Legend as he liked to call himself. So naturally, seeing this a thousand times before, mediocre men trying to elevate themselves above their station, I just didn’t take him seriously.
But now I know what he’s all about. Now I know why he’s so arrogant, why he’s so fascinated with being the living legend. Now I know why he insists he’s the best and why, when he lost the US title that he didn’t deserve to. Now I know why he always brags about not winning Havoc.
He builds his brand on being unbeatable, or the best, a man without peer, the guy who can go to every single place on this planet and beat the best. He’s basically doing what Corey Black does, just on a much broader and more annoying scale.
He portrays himself as this all conquering machine who can never truly be beaten and this delusion relies on one thing. Constant winning.
It’s why he portrays not winning Havoc as a win. It’s why he portrays losing the US title as not a loss. It’s all branding, it’s all protection, it’s all to keep the illusion going of him being this man without peer.
Now, there’s nothing inherently wrong with branding, people need to make money. I got a brand, you got a brand, we all have a brand. Just when your brand is built on a fucking lie, that’s when things quickly go wrong for you.
My brand? It’s not built on a lie. I am what I am, I’m confident in my abilities, but I know when I’m beaten I can bounce back. I know exactly what I’m worth to the fans of AW, even if the management doesn’t. I know this opportunity for a World Title should have happened at any point in the last two years and so do the fans, even if the management doesn’t. I know that when I go and win that title on Monday night, the wrestling world will have one of the biggest feel good moments of AW history and people around the world will be excited about it. I know I’m a global name in this industry.
That’s not arrogance, that’s just a fact by the way. I’m lucky to be in this position and I’m grateful for it.
His brand though? Everything he does on the surface mirrors what I have.
Hollywood? Check.
Global recognition? Sure.
World Title? Definitely.
One of the biggest names in the company right now? Has to be when he’s the World Champion right?
So far, so good. When he says he’s this big shot, it checks out. On the surface at least.
But when you look at it, and I mean really look below the shallow veneer of what he offers, one thing is certain.
The guy’s a fucking tourist.
His unbeatable aura is built on the simple fact that he bails as soon as the roster works him out. Man without peer fabrication disappears when he is losing every week. His Hollywood career will go down the pan as soon as he makes one dud movie. The guy’s own fragile ego and arrogance can’t handle even one morsel of defeat. So he runs. Dude has been the Champion of like 10 different feds in as many years. Leads me to think that he’s just a paper champion.
Real champions pick themselves up and fight, they don’t just move to the next thing and rinse and repeat all over again.
Real champions adapt and overcome. Coming back when they lose it all to reclimb the mountain again and again and again.
This is why, I’ve said it before and I will say it again, this is why they count the number of title reigns and not length when they tot up a man’s career.
Each reign symbolises the fight they had to come back from the heartache of losing it the first time. Each reign shows the guts of the champion to pick themselves up again after losing everything they had. Each reign shows the world why they are a Champion. The belt is just a vindication of this.
Why else do you think I’m a multi time Champion? Why else would I go out there and win the US title more times than anyone else in history? Why else would I be one of the most decorated people in this company, who’s only a three count away from winning every title that matters a damn?
This is why I’m a pillar here.
I go out there and pick myself up from disappointment after disappointment for the long haul. I’m not a flash in the pan who’s going to have his 5 minutes in the sun like Ikarus, never to be seen again. I go out there every single week proving that I am a real Champion. Not a coward who disappears as soon as he’s found out for the fraud he actually is.
My brand is my career. It’s built on strong foundations, it’s immovable and will be preserved. His is a lie, no one in his many feds will remember him when it’s time to go to the Hall of Fame. His man without peer arrogance will be long forgotten by the next generation. His name won’t be immortalised, his name won’t be chanted by crowds in years to come and his moment of retirement won’t be a result in an outpouring of grief across crowds worldwide. It’ll be just like the reaction to winning the AW title.
Muted, and a little pissed off that he wasted their time.
No doubt he’ll be in some bar somewhere right now, or some pitch meeting where he’s desperately trying to get into a script that gives him a better box office draw than I had. Yeah good luck with that right?” He says as the Audience collectively chuckles at this idea.
“Maybe he’s telling his step mom as he’s ploughing her like his Dad used to do that he’s the best thing going and he’s beaten me already so there’s absolutely no way I can beat him, right? Because that’s *really* how the world works.” He says sarcastically as the audience gasps.
“Step mom?” Asks the host. Rather puzzled.
“Oh! That’s not hit the magazines yet? OK well let me tell you that story. You see he was in a bar the other day with his brother and some hangers on. You know I got friends all over the place right? Well, they too go to the VIP areas. And well, let’s just say they saw him getting *very* intimate with his own step mom. I assume you’ll see all this in like Hello or US weekly in the next cycle or two. Maybe they’ll wait till his next film cycle. Who knows?
The other issue here is he’s a hypocrite…”
Saturday.
“So, can you beat him?” Comes the question, again. This time from Jimmy Fallon. Kidsgrove is sitting on the sofa, alongside Ben Affleck and Matt Damon. They are on Fallon’s show and as soon as he asks this question, Ben and Matt look at Kidsgrove.
“Yeah, can you beat him?” They both ask, mockingly. Kidsgrove gives all three the stink eye.
“What do you think?” He responds, trying to pass off his annoyance as confidence.
“I think you’re annoyed that you’ve been asked this question”. Says Affleck.
“Again.” Says Damon.
“You’ve been asked this before?” Kimmel asks. It’s a big question!”
“Oh about 100 times in the past 12 hours I think it was. I lost count after the daily newsrounds. I’m sick of answering this, so I ask you. Can I beat him?”
“Not sure” says Affleck and Damon, Kimmel waves his hand as if to say maybe.
“So it’s pointless if I answer this, you guys made up your mind, right?”
“But our audience wants to know.” Says Kimmel.
“Well they’ll see on Monday.” He replies, with a smile.
“A man of few words today! But not so yesterday at, what was it called, Die Hard Con?”
“Nakatomi con.”
“Nakatomi con! Yes. A video was circulated online where you called out Angelo for being a hypocrite but, well, it was cut off before you explained why. There’s been plenty of rumours on social media, but what *did* you actually say?”
“What, you mean only one guy recorded it and his battery ran out before it got to that point?” Kidsgrove asked, bemused. “Usually there’s dozens.”
“I guess security’s tight at Nakatomi con. Think people had to give up their phones at the entrance.”
“Really? I did not know that!”
“You’re stalling now, what did you say?”
“This is a comedy show right? Sure you don’t want me to get into that?”
“You know I do, come on spill. Why is Jerry a hypocrite?”
“Oh it’s Jerry now?” Says Kidsgrove in mock anger. “I see how it is, Kimmel."
“Just tell him man.” Damon says. “I’ll be kidnapped again if you don’t”
“OK, Jimmy, you know my past, right? We’ve talked about a lot of shit together, we’ve spoken at length on this show about addiction, depression and all sorts of stuff that I had to endure in the past right? In fact I think I was sitting right here when I announced I was going to Sierra Tucson like a decade ago or something.”
“Yeah I remember it well.”
“Well I have a personal thing when someone uses a substance abuse problem as their own personal bit of PR - I’ve been sober now for a decade, I remember the days where I was screaming for help inside and none came - only to realise that it was internally and that no one was listening. Until Zooey came along.
Then you got this clown here, clearly high on pills and whatever the fuck else he’s taking, banging his own step mom in a club while telling his dad, seemingly the only person on the planet who’s publicly trying to help him out to get out of his life. Hell, the dude crashed his own dad’s wedding for publicity and his father was still even then reaching out to help him.
Then he has the temerity to say he’s the best of us? That everything should be built in his image, that he overcame adversity and deserved everything he got and all that bullshit, not to mention mocking Lissie Hope for her issues in the past when he’s every bit a hot mess as she’s ever been.
Give me a break.
All he does whenever he opens his stupid mouth, crashes a wedding, or gets so blindly drunk he bangs a relative is remind everyone that he’s unfit to be the Standard Bearer for Action Wrestling.
He claims he carries the company on his back, hell he even claimed that he was the one to wake me up out of my slump. Problem is you can’t carry anything on your back if, when things go bad for you, you hit the bottom of a pill jar or bottle. You damn well sure can’t do it if you just up and leave the company, as per his usual MO.
Dude has never had anyone in his life tell him no for anything. No setbacks in his life whatsoever, nothing. He’s been protected and mollycoddled since he was a kid, just like all the other little kids with rich parents do and when he finally comes up against some resistance he just folds like a fucking paper chair.
People say I hate the guy, mostly because they hear him say it 20 times a week whenever he gets a thought in his head about me.
I don’t.
The guy means nothing to me. I actually feel sorry for him that his life is so empty and meaningless that the only thing that gives him solace is his reputation and pills. The only thing I want from him is the World Title. This isn’t like last time where I was so full of anger and rage I wanted to just hurt Dandy. This isn’t a case of me being jealous of his success or fear of being replaced or any of that absolute bollocks that he’s been spouting for the past 9 months. My aim is simple.
Win that world title, like I promised in February. Fulfil a dream, fulfil my potential and finally put away every little doubt that those fucks in management have over giving me a contract. Shutting up the likes of Angelo, who constantly drivel about me being around here for years and not winning the big one. I don’t care if it’s Angelo in my way, Jill Park, or anyone management wants to throw at me, it’s finally happening. I have my chance and I am damn well going to take advantage of it.”
“That’s all great, but sure there has to be some bad blood right? I mean he’s practically a mirror of you!”
Kidsgrove laughs, a cold, unfunny laugh. The idea of this is preposterous to him.
“Ever since he came to the scene there’s been the whole “Oh he’s just like Kidsgrove” comparisons. Granted some of them were from me at first.
But they are wrong. I was wrong.
He’s nothing like me at all. Sure he’s tried the same career path, he even tried to get some T-Shirts printed of Last Action Hero at one point - I had a fun time with screeching lawyers who ended up sending him a cease and desist on that one because we own the copyright on that after our studio released the new films years ago by the way.
But that’s where our similarities end.
It’s like saying that a marathon race and a sprint race are the same thing because they are both races. I said the other day that Angelo is a tourist. He tries to go through these things as fast as he can, he brags that he’s the fastest to do this, the first to do that, that his 9 months he’s accomplished more than anyone, that everything he does is better and sooner than everyone else and that somehow makes him better than us all, it somehow makes us all inferior to him because being the fastest matters right?
All you have to do to refute that is just ask Zooey and his step mom whether they are satisfied in the bedroom.”
Kimmel laughs “Is she?”
Kidsgrove smiles
“There’s a reason why Zooey hasn’t left my fucked up ass, despite all the shit she’s had to go through since we joined AW and it’s not only because of my charming personality.”
“I don’t think she’ll like that on national TV!”
“Well I don’t think his step mom liked it in a random hotel.”
Everyone laughs as Kidsgrove continues.
“But seriously, there’s a reason why I go home to a loving household every week and not to an empty McMansion in the hills, or drowning my sorrows in a hotel room exclusively catered to Hollywood’s weird fringe. There’s a reason I spend my time away from wrestling in the company of family and love.
Because I don’t sprint through life. I spend my time with things, I like to savour them, life is too short as it is - diabetes taught me that shit. Blitzing through a check list like life is just one big shortcut to an empty existence. It’s why he has nothing in his life. It’s why he holds on to that world title like it’s his family, like it’s his baby, because it is.
He has nothing else, he rejects his father, his brother feeds his addiction and the only other significant person in his life lives on the other side of the world and is always on the move.
So again, this goes all the way back to feeling sorry for him - because when I take that World Title away, and I will. He’ll have nothing. I hope the management at some random hotel in Seattle has a good insurance policy because they’re going to find a lot of emotional damage in that room on Tuesday morning.
In fact, no actually. Jimmy put the show’s number on the screen.”
“Wait, why?”
“Because I’m going to make an offer to any hotel in the Seattle area that has to cope with Angelo’s mess on Monday night.” Kidsgrove looks at Jimmy, who confirms the number is on screen. He looks directly into camera 1.
“Hoteliers in Seattle. I am Sam Kidsgrove. If you have the unfortunate experience of having your hotel trashed by a B movie former world champion on Monday night who trashes your room, vomits everywhere and quite possibly has shit sex with prostitutes before shitting in your bed like Amber Heard, then call this number. They’ll put you in touch with me and I will personally pay for the damage. No need to get your insurance involved. After all, it’ll be my fault he’ll be coming your way in such a state anyway.”
Sunday
“Hi sweetness, I’m home.” Kidsgrove declares as he walks through the door, Zooey looks up from her tablet while lounging on the sofa. Giving him a cold stare with her big blue eyes.
“You went there? Really? Ask me whether or not you can last in bed?”
Kidsgrove laughs as he sees Zooey isn’t really too angry about it and kisses her on the forehead.
“Yeah, sometimes the only thing to do is hit their level.” He sits down and immediately starts rubbing her feet.
“Oh that’s nice.”
“Yeah?”
“Can you do it? I mean really do it?” She asks.
“I’m doing it now ain’t I?”
“No, I mean beat him.”
Kidsgrove stops rubbing her feet immediately.
“Really? You too?”
Of course I can beat him, In fact I’m going to beat him, and you of all people know this.
I mean his first ever match in AW was against me, it was a draw. He came into the match with all the advantage. Out of the two of us, who started training to be a wrestler in his teens? Who had all the experience before joining AW and had the chance to study the tape of his competition? When he was hitting the ropes because his Daddy bought him a private ring and the best coaches money could buy I was headlining billion dollar box office projects.
When he was going through his multitude of wrestling organisations I was doing my own stunts. I started wrestling a year before joining AW - I am much less experienced than he is.
Yet his toughest 1v1 match was against me. The only time in AW he hasn’t managed to win 1v1. The single blemish on his record that eats him up inside. This is why, for him, he can’t stand me. He knows that all being equal I can take him and that scares the living fuck out of him. He knows that whatever he does, I am going to keep going and he doesn’t know how to live with that. He’s scared.
He’s scared that I of all people can beat him, I can take that title off him. He’s scared that when it comes down to it, the person who brings his downfall just so happens to be not only another actor, but a guy who’s faced the same demons he faces, faced the same challenges he faces but came out of them stronger than ever. He’s scared that by being beaten by me he’ll have to face everything as a man for once and not run away because he’ll have no more excuses.
After all - what better advertisement for Sierra Tucson than one of their former residents winning the AW world title and being the pinnacle of two major industries? What better advertisement for him to get the help he’s too scared to get?
The guy is terrified of me, which is why he continues to run his mouth whenever he gets the chance. I’m a permanent fixture in his head, like a worm, burrowing away through his brain.
Not bad for someone who’s washed up with diabetes right?”
“You know winning this would change everything right? Are we ready for that?”
“Change it how?”
“Well you’d be THE guy you know? You’d be a target, everyone will come after you.”
Kidsgrove chuckles.
“You think that things would be any different than they are now?
I’m already THE guy. I already am a target. Have been for years. You think anyone who wants a name in this business doesn’t circle the name Sam Kidsgrove for a match immediately? You think I haven’t been carrying this company on my back for years already without the appreciation from the management?
Ever since I got here and built the US title division I’ve been carrying a large part of this company on my back, hell they built a company using my name. I brought people through the doors and the roster kept them watching.
When I say I’m a cornerstone of this company, it’s true. Regardless of whether or not Angelo wants to tear it down and rebuild it, I’m not just saying it. Not like Lissie, not like Dandy, or anyone he’s beaten who AW considers to be the pantheon.
Just like them, he was given a rocket ship to the main event because he’s the hot new thing. Just like them he’s been given opportunity after opportunity, while I have been overlooked and undermined by management for having the temerity to have built my name outside of this company. They can’t cope with my name, just like Angelo can’t cope with it. The name Sam Kidsgrove means something in this company. It always has.
Tomorrow, when I take that title on the Season Premier of Clash, Angelo and management will finally realise what fans already know.
I am Action Wrestling’s leading man.”
“Do you think you can beat Angelo?” There it is. There’s the question, thrown out by a member of the crowd like confetti. Kidsgrove, sitting on the stage, smiles and looks at the host, who laughs.
“Asking the real questions, this is what you get at Nakatomi con.” He says. Kidsgrove simply smiles, and laughs along.
“I thought you wanted me up here to talk about Die Hard, that’s what the con’s about right?”
“Well, we dabble in other subjects too. If you don’t want to answer…” The host tries to tease it out of Kidsgrove. Who’s clearly not bothered by the question, despite his faux upset reaction.
“Course. Every guy has his weakness right? Even our “esteemed”” Kidsgrove throws up air quotes here “World champion has his weakness. You just gotta find it, exploit it and go for the kill. So yeah. I can beat the guy, so can anyone else. He’s nothing special, just another loud mouth with a god complex. I’ve dealt with plenty of those in my time.”
“Then how come you haven’t beaten him yet?” Asks the host, drawing a sharp intake of breath from the collective audience. Kidsgrove, though, takes it in his stride.
“You know what? Damn good question. Short answer is, I underestimated him. Nothing more, nothing less. You see, I just didn’t realise how much of an arrogant piece of shit he is.
Don’t get me wrong, arrogance is fine. We all have it in this industry, it’s our defence mechanism, it’s our weapon - it’s a tool to help you at the end of the day. You build yourself up, you tell yourself that nothing can get to you, you try to make your opponent have doubts over how they’re going to beat you. It’s common, some might argue, necessary to succeed in these highly competitive environments.
But man, this guy? Off the charts arrogance. That’s why I underestimated him, he was barely in AW for like a month and he was calling himself the future, the best there has ever been, the Living Legend as he liked to call himself. So naturally, seeing this a thousand times before, mediocre men trying to elevate themselves above their station, I just didn’t take him seriously.
But now I know what he’s all about. Now I know why he’s so arrogant, why he’s so fascinated with being the living legend. Now I know why he insists he’s the best and why, when he lost the US title that he didn’t deserve to. Now I know why he always brags about not winning Havoc.
He builds his brand on being unbeatable, or the best, a man without peer, the guy who can go to every single place on this planet and beat the best. He’s basically doing what Corey Black does, just on a much broader and more annoying scale.
He portrays himself as this all conquering machine who can never truly be beaten and this delusion relies on one thing. Constant winning.
It’s why he portrays not winning Havoc as a win. It’s why he portrays losing the US title as not a loss. It’s all branding, it’s all protection, it’s all to keep the illusion going of him being this man without peer.
Now, there’s nothing inherently wrong with branding, people need to make money. I got a brand, you got a brand, we all have a brand. Just when your brand is built on a fucking lie, that’s when things quickly go wrong for you.
My brand? It’s not built on a lie. I am what I am, I’m confident in my abilities, but I know when I’m beaten I can bounce back. I know exactly what I’m worth to the fans of AW, even if the management doesn’t. I know this opportunity for a World Title should have happened at any point in the last two years and so do the fans, even if the management doesn’t. I know that when I go and win that title on Monday night, the wrestling world will have one of the biggest feel good moments of AW history and people around the world will be excited about it. I know I’m a global name in this industry.
That’s not arrogance, that’s just a fact by the way. I’m lucky to be in this position and I’m grateful for it.
His brand though? Everything he does on the surface mirrors what I have.
Hollywood? Check.
Global recognition? Sure.
World Title? Definitely.
One of the biggest names in the company right now? Has to be when he’s the World Champion right?
So far, so good. When he says he’s this big shot, it checks out. On the surface at least.
But when you look at it, and I mean really look below the shallow veneer of what he offers, one thing is certain.
The guy’s a fucking tourist.
His unbeatable aura is built on the simple fact that he bails as soon as the roster works him out. Man without peer fabrication disappears when he is losing every week. His Hollywood career will go down the pan as soon as he makes one dud movie. The guy’s own fragile ego and arrogance can’t handle even one morsel of defeat. So he runs. Dude has been the Champion of like 10 different feds in as many years. Leads me to think that he’s just a paper champion.
Real champions pick themselves up and fight, they don’t just move to the next thing and rinse and repeat all over again.
Real champions adapt and overcome. Coming back when they lose it all to reclimb the mountain again and again and again.
This is why, I’ve said it before and I will say it again, this is why they count the number of title reigns and not length when they tot up a man’s career.
Each reign symbolises the fight they had to come back from the heartache of losing it the first time. Each reign shows the guts of the champion to pick themselves up again after losing everything they had. Each reign shows the world why they are a Champion. The belt is just a vindication of this.
Why else do you think I’m a multi time Champion? Why else would I go out there and win the US title more times than anyone else in history? Why else would I be one of the most decorated people in this company, who’s only a three count away from winning every title that matters a damn?
This is why I’m a pillar here.
I go out there and pick myself up from disappointment after disappointment for the long haul. I’m not a flash in the pan who’s going to have his 5 minutes in the sun like Ikarus, never to be seen again. I go out there every single week proving that I am a real Champion. Not a coward who disappears as soon as he’s found out for the fraud he actually is.
My brand is my career. It’s built on strong foundations, it’s immovable and will be preserved. His is a lie, no one in his many feds will remember him when it’s time to go to the Hall of Fame. His man without peer arrogance will be long forgotten by the next generation. His name won’t be immortalised, his name won’t be chanted by crowds in years to come and his moment of retirement won’t be a result in an outpouring of grief across crowds worldwide. It’ll be just like the reaction to winning the AW title.
Muted, and a little pissed off that he wasted their time.
No doubt he’ll be in some bar somewhere right now, or some pitch meeting where he’s desperately trying to get into a script that gives him a better box office draw than I had. Yeah good luck with that right?” He says as the Audience collectively chuckles at this idea.
“Maybe he’s telling his step mom as he’s ploughing her like his Dad used to do that he’s the best thing going and he’s beaten me already so there’s absolutely no way I can beat him, right? Because that’s *really* how the world works.” He says sarcastically as the audience gasps.
“Step mom?” Asks the host. Rather puzzled.
“Oh! That’s not hit the magazines yet? OK well let me tell you that story. You see he was in a bar the other day with his brother and some hangers on. You know I got friends all over the place right? Well, they too go to the VIP areas. And well, let’s just say they saw him getting *very* intimate with his own step mom. I assume you’ll see all this in like Hello or US weekly in the next cycle or two. Maybe they’ll wait till his next film cycle. Who knows?
The other issue here is he’s a hypocrite…”
Saturday.
“So, can you beat him?” Comes the question, again. This time from Jimmy Fallon. Kidsgrove is sitting on the sofa, alongside Ben Affleck and Matt Damon. They are on Fallon’s show and as soon as he asks this question, Ben and Matt look at Kidsgrove.
“Yeah, can you beat him?” They both ask, mockingly. Kidsgrove gives all three the stink eye.
“What do you think?” He responds, trying to pass off his annoyance as confidence.
“I think you’re annoyed that you’ve been asked this question”. Says Affleck.
“Again.” Says Damon.
“You’ve been asked this before?” Kimmel asks. It’s a big question!”
“Oh about 100 times in the past 12 hours I think it was. I lost count after the daily newsrounds. I’m sick of answering this, so I ask you. Can I beat him?”
“Not sure” says Affleck and Damon, Kimmel waves his hand as if to say maybe.
“So it’s pointless if I answer this, you guys made up your mind, right?”
“But our audience wants to know.” Says Kimmel.
“Well they’ll see on Monday.” He replies, with a smile.
“A man of few words today! But not so yesterday at, what was it called, Die Hard Con?”
“Nakatomi con.”
“Nakatomi con! Yes. A video was circulated online where you called out Angelo for being a hypocrite but, well, it was cut off before you explained why. There’s been plenty of rumours on social media, but what *did* you actually say?”
“What, you mean only one guy recorded it and his battery ran out before it got to that point?” Kidsgrove asked, bemused. “Usually there’s dozens.”
“I guess security’s tight at Nakatomi con. Think people had to give up their phones at the entrance.”
“Really? I did not know that!”
“You’re stalling now, what did you say?”
“This is a comedy show right? Sure you don’t want me to get into that?”
“You know I do, come on spill. Why is Jerry a hypocrite?”
“Oh it’s Jerry now?” Says Kidsgrove in mock anger. “I see how it is, Kimmel."
“Just tell him man.” Damon says. “I’ll be kidnapped again if you don’t”
“OK, Jimmy, you know my past, right? We’ve talked about a lot of shit together, we’ve spoken at length on this show about addiction, depression and all sorts of stuff that I had to endure in the past right? In fact I think I was sitting right here when I announced I was going to Sierra Tucson like a decade ago or something.”
“Yeah I remember it well.”
“Well I have a personal thing when someone uses a substance abuse problem as their own personal bit of PR - I’ve been sober now for a decade, I remember the days where I was screaming for help inside and none came - only to realise that it was internally and that no one was listening. Until Zooey came along.
Then you got this clown here, clearly high on pills and whatever the fuck else he’s taking, banging his own step mom in a club while telling his dad, seemingly the only person on the planet who’s publicly trying to help him out to get out of his life. Hell, the dude crashed his own dad’s wedding for publicity and his father was still even then reaching out to help him.
Then he has the temerity to say he’s the best of us? That everything should be built in his image, that he overcame adversity and deserved everything he got and all that bullshit, not to mention mocking Lissie Hope for her issues in the past when he’s every bit a hot mess as she’s ever been.
Give me a break.
All he does whenever he opens his stupid mouth, crashes a wedding, or gets so blindly drunk he bangs a relative is remind everyone that he’s unfit to be the Standard Bearer for Action Wrestling.
He claims he carries the company on his back, hell he even claimed that he was the one to wake me up out of my slump. Problem is you can’t carry anything on your back if, when things go bad for you, you hit the bottom of a pill jar or bottle. You damn well sure can’t do it if you just up and leave the company, as per his usual MO.
Dude has never had anyone in his life tell him no for anything. No setbacks in his life whatsoever, nothing. He’s been protected and mollycoddled since he was a kid, just like all the other little kids with rich parents do and when he finally comes up against some resistance he just folds like a fucking paper chair.
People say I hate the guy, mostly because they hear him say it 20 times a week whenever he gets a thought in his head about me.
I don’t.
The guy means nothing to me. I actually feel sorry for him that his life is so empty and meaningless that the only thing that gives him solace is his reputation and pills. The only thing I want from him is the World Title. This isn’t like last time where I was so full of anger and rage I wanted to just hurt Dandy. This isn’t a case of me being jealous of his success or fear of being replaced or any of that absolute bollocks that he’s been spouting for the past 9 months. My aim is simple.
Win that world title, like I promised in February. Fulfil a dream, fulfil my potential and finally put away every little doubt that those fucks in management have over giving me a contract. Shutting up the likes of Angelo, who constantly drivel about me being around here for years and not winning the big one. I don’t care if it’s Angelo in my way, Jill Park, or anyone management wants to throw at me, it’s finally happening. I have my chance and I am damn well going to take advantage of it.”
“That’s all great, but sure there has to be some bad blood right? I mean he’s practically a mirror of you!”
Kidsgrove laughs, a cold, unfunny laugh. The idea of this is preposterous to him.
“Ever since he came to the scene there’s been the whole “Oh he’s just like Kidsgrove” comparisons. Granted some of them were from me at first.
But they are wrong. I was wrong.
He’s nothing like me at all. Sure he’s tried the same career path, he even tried to get some T-Shirts printed of Last Action Hero at one point - I had a fun time with screeching lawyers who ended up sending him a cease and desist on that one because we own the copyright on that after our studio released the new films years ago by the way.
But that’s where our similarities end.
It’s like saying that a marathon race and a sprint race are the same thing because they are both races. I said the other day that Angelo is a tourist. He tries to go through these things as fast as he can, he brags that he’s the fastest to do this, the first to do that, that his 9 months he’s accomplished more than anyone, that everything he does is better and sooner than everyone else and that somehow makes him better than us all, it somehow makes us all inferior to him because being the fastest matters right?
All you have to do to refute that is just ask Zooey and his step mom whether they are satisfied in the bedroom.”
Kimmel laughs “Is she?”
Kidsgrove smiles
“There’s a reason why Zooey hasn’t left my fucked up ass, despite all the shit she’s had to go through since we joined AW and it’s not only because of my charming personality.”
“I don’t think she’ll like that on national TV!”
“Well I don’t think his step mom liked it in a random hotel.”
Everyone laughs as Kidsgrove continues.
“But seriously, there’s a reason why I go home to a loving household every week and not to an empty McMansion in the hills, or drowning my sorrows in a hotel room exclusively catered to Hollywood’s weird fringe. There’s a reason I spend my time away from wrestling in the company of family and love.
Because I don’t sprint through life. I spend my time with things, I like to savour them, life is too short as it is - diabetes taught me that shit. Blitzing through a check list like life is just one big shortcut to an empty existence. It’s why he has nothing in his life. It’s why he holds on to that world title like it’s his family, like it’s his baby, because it is.
He has nothing else, he rejects his father, his brother feeds his addiction and the only other significant person in his life lives on the other side of the world and is always on the move.
So again, this goes all the way back to feeling sorry for him - because when I take that World Title away, and I will. He’ll have nothing. I hope the management at some random hotel in Seattle has a good insurance policy because they’re going to find a lot of emotional damage in that room on Tuesday morning.
In fact, no actually. Jimmy put the show’s number on the screen.”
“Wait, why?”
“Because I’m going to make an offer to any hotel in the Seattle area that has to cope with Angelo’s mess on Monday night.” Kidsgrove looks at Jimmy, who confirms the number is on screen. He looks directly into camera 1.
“Hoteliers in Seattle. I am Sam Kidsgrove. If you have the unfortunate experience of having your hotel trashed by a B movie former world champion on Monday night who trashes your room, vomits everywhere and quite possibly has shit sex with prostitutes before shitting in your bed like Amber Heard, then call this number. They’ll put you in touch with me and I will personally pay for the damage. No need to get your insurance involved. After all, it’ll be my fault he’ll be coming your way in such a state anyway.”
Sunday
“Hi sweetness, I’m home.” Kidsgrove declares as he walks through the door, Zooey looks up from her tablet while lounging on the sofa. Giving him a cold stare with her big blue eyes.
“You went there? Really? Ask me whether or not you can last in bed?”
Kidsgrove laughs as he sees Zooey isn’t really too angry about it and kisses her on the forehead.
“Yeah, sometimes the only thing to do is hit their level.” He sits down and immediately starts rubbing her feet.
“Oh that’s nice.”
“Yeah?”
“Can you do it? I mean really do it?” She asks.
“I’m doing it now ain’t I?”
“No, I mean beat him.”
Kidsgrove stops rubbing her feet immediately.
“Really? You too?”
Of course I can beat him, In fact I’m going to beat him, and you of all people know this.
I mean his first ever match in AW was against me, it was a draw. He came into the match with all the advantage. Out of the two of us, who started training to be a wrestler in his teens? Who had all the experience before joining AW and had the chance to study the tape of his competition? When he was hitting the ropes because his Daddy bought him a private ring and the best coaches money could buy I was headlining billion dollar box office projects.
When he was going through his multitude of wrestling organisations I was doing my own stunts. I started wrestling a year before joining AW - I am much less experienced than he is.
Yet his toughest 1v1 match was against me. The only time in AW he hasn’t managed to win 1v1. The single blemish on his record that eats him up inside. This is why, for him, he can’t stand me. He knows that all being equal I can take him and that scares the living fuck out of him. He knows that whatever he does, I am going to keep going and he doesn’t know how to live with that. He’s scared.
He’s scared that I of all people can beat him, I can take that title off him. He’s scared that when it comes down to it, the person who brings his downfall just so happens to be not only another actor, but a guy who’s faced the same demons he faces, faced the same challenges he faces but came out of them stronger than ever. He’s scared that by being beaten by me he’ll have to face everything as a man for once and not run away because he’ll have no more excuses.
After all - what better advertisement for Sierra Tucson than one of their former residents winning the AW world title and being the pinnacle of two major industries? What better advertisement for him to get the help he’s too scared to get?
The guy is terrified of me, which is why he continues to run his mouth whenever he gets the chance. I’m a permanent fixture in his head, like a worm, burrowing away through his brain.
Not bad for someone who’s washed up with diabetes right?”
“You know winning this would change everything right? Are we ready for that?”
“Change it how?”
“Well you’d be THE guy you know? You’d be a target, everyone will come after you.”
Kidsgrove chuckles.
“You think that things would be any different than they are now?
I’m already THE guy. I already am a target. Have been for years. You think anyone who wants a name in this business doesn’t circle the name Sam Kidsgrove for a match immediately? You think I haven’t been carrying this company on my back for years already without the appreciation from the management?
Ever since I got here and built the US title division I’ve been carrying a large part of this company on my back, hell they built a company using my name. I brought people through the doors and the roster kept them watching.
When I say I’m a cornerstone of this company, it’s true. Regardless of whether or not Angelo wants to tear it down and rebuild it, I’m not just saying it. Not like Lissie, not like Dandy, or anyone he’s beaten who AW considers to be the pantheon.
Just like them, he was given a rocket ship to the main event because he’s the hot new thing. Just like them he’s been given opportunity after opportunity, while I have been overlooked and undermined by management for having the temerity to have built my name outside of this company. They can’t cope with my name, just like Angelo can’t cope with it. The name Sam Kidsgrove means something in this company. It always has.
Tomorrow, when I take that title on the Season Premier of Clash, Angelo and management will finally realise what fans already know.
I am Action Wrestling’s leading man.”
