Post by Vanessa Rivers on Dec 18, 2021 17:53:58 GMT -5
I'm scared.
Vanessa ventures through the Golden Nugget casino floor, just a short drive away from her home in Biloxi, Mississippi. She comes across a roulette table. It reminds her of part of the conversation she had with CJ Phoenix in the same place the previous day. He spoke about chances and how even if the odds are against her statistically, they're the same as any one person's odds of winning. Kinda like betting on a single number in a game of roulette. It made sense to her, but she was still a bit spooked about the match itself.
So many people in this match have been waiting and working their whole lives for a chance like this. Wrestlers that are willing to cross every line imaginable to get what they want. I....I don't have that killer instinct. I never wrestled a day in my life. I don't know HOW to be violent. They'd rip me to shreds if I stepped up to any of them. So I begged Torture to change his mind. No luck. I considered no-showing, but then I'd be letting everyone that wanted to see me down. I even tried giving my spot away to other people lacking history in the ring. Still nothing. It came down to my last plan.....giving my spot to one of my closest friends....and that failed too.
Phoenix: I'm not taking your spot.
Vanessa: Pleeeeaaaaaaaaase!
Phoenix: No.
Vanessa: Why not?
Phoenix: If I took your spot, I'd be robbing you of an opportunity to show how far you've progressed.
Vanessa: Progressed from where? I never wrestled.
Phoenix: Not as a wrestler. As a person.
Vanessa: I don't think that applies here.
Phoenix: Sure it does. I get that you're scared, but remember how nervous you were last year when you first became a part of the staff?
Vanessa: I do.
Phoenix: You didn't even want to be in front of a camera back then, but look at what you've done since. You stood up to Jim Mud, took over the end of a match as a backup referee to make sure it got a proper ending, made your own pre-show for CruiserClash, AND you hosted Execution. I'm sure you were scared during those times as well, but you conquered those fears.
Vanessa: ......but...what if I do poorly and let everyone down? What if they all hate me?
Phoenix: Not possible.
Vanessa: Not possible? How come?
Phoenix: You don't give anyone a reason to hate you. Besides, between you and me, you're too likeable to fully hate and too persistent to be kept down.
That last sentence was the same one I said to him after Havoc back in May. I never thought it could apply to me. He was right though. I've gotten support from Claire Hawkins, Karlie Nash, and even Miss Mae, last year's winner. They believe in me...the same way I believe in them. I look up to them. I look up to a lot of people here. They have treated me so nicely despite how hostile they are in the ring. It really feels like I'm a part of the crew here. If for no other reason, I have to do this for them. For everyone that shares that same belief in me. I'm scared. Terrified even, but I'm not backing down. I refuse to throw away the happiness of my friends and the fans of Action Wrestling because of a little fear.
Claire's right. I AM stronger than I thought. Little by little, she and many others helped me overcome my own shyness. Their confidence and determination inspire me every day. That's why I owe it to everyone that's supported me to give it my best shot. I may be far from the strongest, the toughest, or the favorite to win this thing, but for one night...even if it's just for a few moments....I will be the most courageous by facing those fears head on! No matter how far I may or may not get, I'm gonna leave CruiserHavoc knowing that I had the guts to show up....