Post by Torture on Dec 18, 2021 16:40:57 GMT -5
“Hello dweebs, E-listers and friends from across the binary. I know I said I was through with this third-rate show with second-rate shows (shout-out the chump Shadowlove) but the C-Radler Chadler Charity has one last mission to accomplish.
“To baptize the Cruiserweight Title with the touch of the Prince of Poundin’ and the Seer of Seducing.
“So congratulations, because you’re getting the first-hand experience of the latest, greatest, most exquisite, and most tasteful programming that will be added to the AW schedule you already know and love. Welcome to…
“Hot or Not by C-Chadler.
“The premise is simple. A picture of your beloved superstars will appear on screen, and I’ll anoint them with the title of hot, or not. This grading is final and cannot under any circumstances be appealed, unless decided by the senior elite head executive, which is myself.
“Ratings are determined through multiple factors such as: physical looks, marketability, fuck or cuck-factor, mouth work I mean, mic work… and uhh, yeah. That’s about it. Let’s get it.
“Karlie Nash - Not. Cuts the same cheap heat promo every week. Gimmick is smashing women but gets way less pussy than me for obvious reasons. Played a boring sport. Has wrestled like 100x more matches than me but has like the same amount of belts, lmao.
“Theodore Fire - Hot by association, I carried him in BattleBowl one time. He sends me gift cards from time to time with sentiments of his appreciation for me. I love you too, son.
“Andre Jenson - Mega fuckin’ dweeb alert. Looks like he smells. The poster child of what NOT to do when you are born into wealth. For examples of what to do, read my book coming out soon that will definitely not be ghostwritten. Also, Jenson, I’ve been told you like imagining fantasy worlds, so how about imagining a fantasy where you get some bitches, LOL.
“Adelaide Analsworth - 100% smells, I have first hand proof. Would probably bite my cock off if given the chance. An uncouth and unkempt specimen who doesn’t deserve to be sharing the ring with me. I once didn’t press charges on her for assault because I knew she wouldn’t be able to afford it.
“Azurine Vebbins - Paper baggable for sure, but only if you keep your mouth shut. You talk like an absolute fuckin’ freak.
“Keeton - Boring Hot. Like, vanilla, you feel me? He takes you out to a nice dinner, refuses to do anything fun like blow, and then talks about how he spent his whole life working really hard to afford nice things and how the taste of success is what fuels him on a daily basis. Basically, he’s fine, but you can do better.
“Void - No.
“Roddy Zalez - Hot if you like prepubescent boys. Plus points for trying really hard to fill in the shoes of the C-Radler hole that needs to be filled now that I’m dipping. Minus points for being really fuckin’ bad at it. Watch my promos, dude.
“Kitsumi - Uhh… are you of age? No comment on this, but hangs with Zalez which automatically puts you into street thot territory.
“Terra Walker - Not. Way too serious. Looks like the type of girl that’d try and challenge every dude in the party to an arm wrestle. The one who bases her whole personality off being a gym girl or some shit.
“The Heritage - They’re Canadian or something. Instant no. ‘Saw-ree.’
“Regan Vorhees - Step on me mommy?
“Nikki Vaughn - See above but multiply by two. Please stop hanging around Karlie Nash, you’d be so much hotter if you didn’t.
“Rey Riddler - No. I get make-a-wish vibes when I imagine you without the mask.
“Aphriya - My baby girl. I’m so proud of you. Please don’t let me down.
“Whoever’s left - probably not. Let’s be real, this place is a shelter for the unwanted and unprepared, and I am neither of those things. At CW Havoc, I take the belt for funsies just to make you all mad, and then gift it to my depressed sister to remind her who the better twin is. Thanks, all.”
“To baptize the Cruiserweight Title with the touch of the Prince of Poundin’ and the Seer of Seducing.
“So congratulations, because you’re getting the first-hand experience of the latest, greatest, most exquisite, and most tasteful programming that will be added to the AW schedule you already know and love. Welcome to…
“Hot or Not by C-Chadler.
“The premise is simple. A picture of your beloved superstars will appear on screen, and I’ll anoint them with the title of hot, or not. This grading is final and cannot under any circumstances be appealed, unless decided by the senior elite head executive, which is myself.
“Ratings are determined through multiple factors such as: physical looks, marketability, fuck or cuck-factor, mouth work I mean, mic work… and uhh, yeah. That’s about it. Let’s get it.
“Karlie Nash - Not. Cuts the same cheap heat promo every week. Gimmick is smashing women but gets way less pussy than me for obvious reasons. Played a boring sport. Has wrestled like 100x more matches than me but has like the same amount of belts, lmao.
“Theodore Fire - Hot by association, I carried him in BattleBowl one time. He sends me gift cards from time to time with sentiments of his appreciation for me. I love you too, son.
“Andre Jenson - Mega fuckin’ dweeb alert. Looks like he smells. The poster child of what NOT to do when you are born into wealth. For examples of what to do, read my book coming out soon that will definitely not be ghostwritten. Also, Jenson, I’ve been told you like imagining fantasy worlds, so how about imagining a fantasy where you get some bitches, LOL.
“Adelaide Analsworth - 100% smells, I have first hand proof. Would probably bite my cock off if given the chance. An uncouth and unkempt specimen who doesn’t deserve to be sharing the ring with me. I once didn’t press charges on her for assault because I knew she wouldn’t be able to afford it.
“Azurine Vebbins - Paper baggable for sure, but only if you keep your mouth shut. You talk like an absolute fuckin’ freak.
“Keeton - Boring Hot. Like, vanilla, you feel me? He takes you out to a nice dinner, refuses to do anything fun like blow, and then talks about how he spent his whole life working really hard to afford nice things and how the taste of success is what fuels him on a daily basis. Basically, he’s fine, but you can do better.
“Void - No.
“Roddy Zalez - Hot if you like prepubescent boys. Plus points for trying really hard to fill in the shoes of the C-Radler hole that needs to be filled now that I’m dipping. Minus points for being really fuckin’ bad at it. Watch my promos, dude.
“Kitsumi - Uhh… are you of age? No comment on this, but hangs with Zalez which automatically puts you into street thot territory.
“Terra Walker - Not. Way too serious. Looks like the type of girl that’d try and challenge every dude in the party to an arm wrestle. The one who bases her whole personality off being a gym girl or some shit.
“The Heritage - They’re Canadian or something. Instant no. ‘Saw-ree.’
“Regan Vorhees - Step on me mommy?
“Nikki Vaughn - See above but multiply by two. Please stop hanging around Karlie Nash, you’d be so much hotter if you didn’t.
“Rey Riddler - No. I get make-a-wish vibes when I imagine you without the mask.
“Aphriya - My baby girl. I’m so proud of you. Please don’t let me down.
“Whoever’s left - probably not. Let’s be real, this place is a shelter for the unwanted and unprepared, and I am neither of those things. At CW Havoc, I take the belt for funsies just to make you all mad, and then gift it to my depressed sister to remind her who the better twin is. Thanks, all.”