Post by Logan Santa Clause Joker on Dec 11, 2021 23:22:06 GMT -5
“Its been a minute hasn’t it?”
you just hear the voice but you dont see who it is really cause they’re just a shadow but part of the shadow is a sack of presents hanging from a katana. it moves around alot because its heavy but it also looks like it could fall off cause the katana is really sharp actually. its cold cause its winter now and so i turn around.
“miss me?”
i smirk and let out a laugh but its more like a big belly laugh cause im a mcmorris and im santa clause and a big hungry dino too so don’t forget that if you know whats good for you.
“ive been making my list and checking it twice and one of my elves told me that there was a cruiserhavoc coming up and so what did i do? well this belly is actually my costume and i lost 17 pounds so now i can qualify cause a wise man once told me i could cruise or wait and i said im a cruiserweight and im gonna cruise baby.”
id gone away for awhile after my last match and didnt talk to buddy or zmac in a long time cause whenever i tried to call it went to voicemail but it was really just because the north poll has really terrible cell service and i was told to update by the guy at the verizon store but i told him im a dinosaur you know and a dinosaur has to eat and a dinosaur cant be walking around like some new age wahoo.
“Apparently theres another guy they say looks like me named bendersnatch or something but last time i checked the dinosaur king means that im king of the jungle and no one man will ever replace me just like time wont ever replace me and why am I still santa and how do I juggle it all at once? well its really pretty simple you see because inside of this bag might be one pocket knife or hell it might be several pocket knives. maybe its an RC car for JC keeton cause they both start with two letters and i dont really know him or love him enough to look into it more. maybe its a little bit of mistletoe and a nice big dinosaur kiss for regan voorhees cause shes got that mean streak and i like that in a woman and my mom keeps asking for grandkids and im not getting any younger she says and its my responsibility to give her a grandchild because my brother sure isnt gonna do it cause you havent even seen him in one of these promos even and my sister was actually just murdered by a fucking asteroid so its just up to me to keep the bloodline of dinosaur kings going and dont worry regan we wont have a girl cause ive been eating my flinstones vitamins like i SHOULD thank you very much!”
i drop the bag of toys off the end of the katana into the snow and theres snow there even though i didn’t mention it before cause its december so just dont even ask okay? then i open up the bag and inside it is a whole bunch of toys that i wont list right now cause it would probably take up too much of the word count.
“so if you were to sit on my lap and ask me what i want for christmas id tell you that im not askin im tellin! Im tellin all of you people that when that rumble bell rings and my dinosaur theme plays santa is gonna come and hes gonna come hard and when everything is finished and the dust settles there wont be anyone left and then youll have to wait for next christmas rumble havoc and try to win that one if i let you but for now theres a new sheriff in town and his name aint tim allen it is Logan Santa Clause Joker so merry christmas you filthy animals.”
and then santas promo ends but the war is just beginning
you just hear the voice but you dont see who it is really cause they’re just a shadow but part of the shadow is a sack of presents hanging from a katana. it moves around alot because its heavy but it also looks like it could fall off cause the katana is really sharp actually. its cold cause its winter now and so i turn around.
“miss me?”
i smirk and let out a laugh but its more like a big belly laugh cause im a mcmorris and im santa clause and a big hungry dino too so don’t forget that if you know whats good for you.
“ive been making my list and checking it twice and one of my elves told me that there was a cruiserhavoc coming up and so what did i do? well this belly is actually my costume and i lost 17 pounds so now i can qualify cause a wise man once told me i could cruise or wait and i said im a cruiserweight and im gonna cruise baby.”
id gone away for awhile after my last match and didnt talk to buddy or zmac in a long time cause whenever i tried to call it went to voicemail but it was really just because the north poll has really terrible cell service and i was told to update by the guy at the verizon store but i told him im a dinosaur you know and a dinosaur has to eat and a dinosaur cant be walking around like some new age wahoo.
“Apparently theres another guy they say looks like me named bendersnatch or something but last time i checked the dinosaur king means that im king of the jungle and no one man will ever replace me just like time wont ever replace me and why am I still santa and how do I juggle it all at once? well its really pretty simple you see because inside of this bag might be one pocket knife or hell it might be several pocket knives. maybe its an RC car for JC keeton cause they both start with two letters and i dont really know him or love him enough to look into it more. maybe its a little bit of mistletoe and a nice big dinosaur kiss for regan voorhees cause shes got that mean streak and i like that in a woman and my mom keeps asking for grandkids and im not getting any younger she says and its my responsibility to give her a grandchild because my brother sure isnt gonna do it cause you havent even seen him in one of these promos even and my sister was actually just murdered by a fucking asteroid so its just up to me to keep the bloodline of dinosaur kings going and dont worry regan we wont have a girl cause ive been eating my flinstones vitamins like i SHOULD thank you very much!”
i drop the bag of toys off the end of the katana into the snow and theres snow there even though i didn’t mention it before cause its december so just dont even ask okay? then i open up the bag and inside it is a whole bunch of toys that i wont list right now cause it would probably take up too much of the word count.
“so if you were to sit on my lap and ask me what i want for christmas id tell you that im not askin im tellin! Im tellin all of you people that when that rumble bell rings and my dinosaur theme plays santa is gonna come and hes gonna come hard and when everything is finished and the dust settles there wont be anyone left and then youll have to wait for next christmas rumble havoc and try to win that one if i let you but for now theres a new sheriff in town and his name aint tim allen it is Logan Santa Clause Joker so merry christmas you filthy animals.”
and then santas promo ends but the war is just beginning