Post by Magic Maddox on Dec 10, 2021 12:29:54 GMT -5
The scene opens on Magic Maddox floating through a hole in space time while occupying some sort of vehicle. A sphere of some type, perhaps? Who knows. Time travel is a fickle thing that rarely makes any Kevin-damned sense.
As Magic flew through eons and eras, he sang to himself.
“You fall I will catch you! I’ll be waitinggggggg! TIME AFTER TIME!”
An image flashed by the window of the vehicle. As Magic excitedly grabbed a lever and yanked on it (heh heh), the vehicle screeched to a halt as Magic continued to mutter lyrics to himself.
“Time after time…time after time…”
The vehicle settled and Magic moved his hand toward the door before a voice - the almighty, booming voice of Magic’s father, God himself - spoke to warn him against this idea for the final time.
“This isn’t a good idea, son.”
Magic whined in retort.
“Daaaaaaadddddddddd-uh! Leave me aloneeeeeee-uh! I want to see Future Derrick! Silver Foxes... You know, I, uh, have a taste for older men, pops.”
“Gross.”
“Nuh uh.”
“Old dudes are gross.”
“They don’t taste grosssssssssss!”
“FUCKIN’ GROSS!”
“Don’t blame me; you made those sweet, sweet Silver Foxes exactly as they are, pops!”
“I made them in my image, son.”
Magic pauses for a beat.
“So that means, when I look at DV’s Big Derrick, I’m actually looking at…”
Magic trails off as the realization strikes him.
“OH ME NO! I AM TAKING A VOW OF CELIBACY!”
God’s voice reflects a certain amount of expectation.
“This is not the first time we’ve had this conversation, you know?”
Magic shudders with disgust.
“So now I’m stuck in the future and you’ve ruined Derrick’s...uh, thing for me. This is the worst day of my life!”
“Really?”
“Uh, yeahhhhh.”
“So this is worse than the time a handful of Romans wiped THE SHIT out of you, gave you vinegar to drink, nailed you to some wood, and stabbed you until you died, huh?”
“...Ok, fine. Second worst.”
“That’s what I thought.”
Magic examines the levers and buttons inside of his vehicle. He mutters to himself.
“Time travel is so stupid. What kind of plot device even is this? Gah! Hackneyed. Overdone. STUPID!”
Magic keeps mashing buttons on the machine’s operator panel until he looks up and spots someone he recognizes.
“OH. MY. MEEEEEEE!”
“What?”
“That’s Mikayla!”
“Who?”
“MIKAYLA VAYDEN!”
“Who?”
“Aren’t you supposed to be all-knowing?”
“I do know all… of the important stuff.”
“OOOOOOOOO! Sick burn, Pops!”
God’s silence speaks volumes and Magic looks back out at Mikayla.
“Do you think there is anything I could have done in time to change the future and stop her from feeling like she needs to go back in time to fight her own dad?”
“Do you think there is a dumber sentence a person could speak out loud?”
“So the answer is no, huh?”
“Oh, no, son. If you win the 2021 CruiserHavoc, through the butterfly effect, Mikayla will die in a house fire when she’s like 13.”
“That’s dark, Pops.”
“Yeah.”
“BUT IT’S PERFECT! I can protect Derrick from that crotch goblin, and MAYBE in his grief…he might leave that ragamuffin, Geri, and return to me!”
“Uh, yeah, sure. Maybe.”
“Why just maybe?!”
“Uh, no reason.”
“Tell me.”
“Son…I left you high and dry once. You bitched at me from a garden and screamed at the sky ‘father, why have you forsaken me.’ Yet here we are… this…this Wanderer leaves you behind for the greener pastures of Revolution 1, and you’re still pining for his return?! No ‘Agony in the Garden’. No ‘It is finished’. Just uncritical desires of the flesh. Let him go, son. Save him if you must, win that match if you have to, but let the man go.”
Magic deflates as he listens to his dad.
“Trust me, son. I only want what’s best for you.”
Magic stews for a moment.
“Only what’s best.”
Magic has a moment of epiphany and his eyes narrow.
“What’s best for me, huh?”
“Yes, son. Of course.”
“Then why did I have to get nailed to some boards, pop? Huh?!”
God swallows hard.
As Magic flew through eons and eras, he sang to himself.
“You fall I will catch you! I’ll be waitinggggggg! TIME AFTER TIME!”
An image flashed by the window of the vehicle. As Magic excitedly grabbed a lever and yanked on it (heh heh), the vehicle screeched to a halt as Magic continued to mutter lyrics to himself.
“Time after time…time after time…”
The vehicle settled and Magic moved his hand toward the door before a voice - the almighty, booming voice of Magic’s father, God himself - spoke to warn him against this idea for the final time.
“This isn’t a good idea, son.”
Magic whined in retort.
“Daaaaaaadddddddddd-uh! Leave me aloneeeeeee-uh! I want to see Future Derrick! Silver Foxes... You know, I, uh, have a taste for older men, pops.”
“Gross.”
“Nuh uh.”
“Old dudes are gross.”
“They don’t taste grosssssssssss!”
“FUCKIN’ GROSS!”
“Don’t blame me; you made those sweet, sweet Silver Foxes exactly as they are, pops!”
“I made them in my image, son.”
Magic pauses for a beat.
“So that means, when I look at DV’s Big Derrick, I’m actually looking at…”
Magic trails off as the realization strikes him.
“OH ME NO! I AM TAKING A VOW OF CELIBACY!”
God’s voice reflects a certain amount of expectation.
“This is not the first time we’ve had this conversation, you know?”
Magic shudders with disgust.
“So now I’m stuck in the future and you’ve ruined Derrick’s...uh, thing for me. This is the worst day of my life!”
“Really?”
“Uh, yeahhhhh.”
“So this is worse than the time a handful of Romans wiped THE SHIT out of you, gave you vinegar to drink, nailed you to some wood, and stabbed you until you died, huh?”
“...Ok, fine. Second worst.”
“That’s what I thought.”
Magic examines the levers and buttons inside of his vehicle. He mutters to himself.
“Time travel is so stupid. What kind of plot device even is this? Gah! Hackneyed. Overdone. STUPID!”
Magic keeps mashing buttons on the machine’s operator panel until he looks up and spots someone he recognizes.
“OH. MY. MEEEEEEE!”
“What?”
“That’s Mikayla!”
“Who?”
“MIKAYLA VAYDEN!”
“Who?”
“Aren’t you supposed to be all-knowing?”
“I do know all… of the important stuff.”
“OOOOOOOOO! Sick burn, Pops!”
God’s silence speaks volumes and Magic looks back out at Mikayla.
“Do you think there is anything I could have done in time to change the future and stop her from feeling like she needs to go back in time to fight her own dad?”
“Do you think there is a dumber sentence a person could speak out loud?”
“So the answer is no, huh?”
“Oh, no, son. If you win the 2021 CruiserHavoc, through the butterfly effect, Mikayla will die in a house fire when she’s like 13.”
“That’s dark, Pops.”
“Yeah.”
“BUT IT’S PERFECT! I can protect Derrick from that crotch goblin, and MAYBE in his grief…he might leave that ragamuffin, Geri, and return to me!”
“Uh, yeah, sure. Maybe.”
“Why just maybe?!”
“Uh, no reason.”
“Tell me.”
“Son…I left you high and dry once. You bitched at me from a garden and screamed at the sky ‘father, why have you forsaken me.’ Yet here we are… this…this Wanderer leaves you behind for the greener pastures of Revolution 1, and you’re still pining for his return?! No ‘Agony in the Garden’. No ‘It is finished’. Just uncritical desires of the flesh. Let him go, son. Save him if you must, win that match if you have to, but let the man go.”
Magic deflates as he listens to his dad.
“Trust me, son. I only want what’s best for you.”
Magic stews for a moment.
“Only what’s best.”
Magic has a moment of epiphany and his eyes narrow.
“What’s best for me, huh?”
“Yes, son. Of course.”
“Then why did I have to get nailed to some boards, pop? Huh?!”
God swallows hard.