Ash Blake vs. Johnny Bacchus(c)
The arena lights go dark as the opening piano lick of Will Wood's "Greetings from Mary Bell Township!" hits the speakers, the ActionTron flickering to life with a collection of letters and shapes converging until they meet in the center of the screen. The letters and shapes form into the Philidor Holdings logo as the sound of the doorbell hits, and the boos almost drown out the doo-wop riff. As the first verse comes in, Ash Blake emerges from behind the curtain. All smiles despite the jeering, she saunters down the ramp, beaming, singing along to her theme song.
"White picket fences. Barbed wire and trenches
Trick or treat. Merry Christmas. Howdy neighbor. Thank you Jesus
What is he building in that painted lady?
A participation trophy wife or blonde, blue-eyed baby?"
Adilene Floyd: The following contest is a no disqualifications match for the Action Wrestling Hardcore Championship. Making her way to the ring, from Cottonwood Falls, Kansas, and weighing in at 125 pounds… ASH BLAKE!As she makes her way towards the ring, Ash takes a moment to go for a photo op with a fan at ringside, though she's harshly rebuffed. A glib smile on her face, she ascends the ring steps and enters under the middle rope. She wastes no further time with pleasantries, taking to her corner.
Billy: This is gonna be a fight.Chris Avery: You can say that again, Billy. Two decorated, unbeaten competitors are walking into the ring. One will leave with a streak broken. And Ash Blake is one of the most dangerous women on the roster.The lights in the arena go black. Choirs swell as “Smile” by Jimmy Durante begins to play, and on the tron a silent, grainy-filtered clip as though from an old movie plays of Johnny Bacchus backstage after winning the Pure Championship talking to the camera with Trey Bouchet at his side. As Mae enters the frame, he turns and plants his lips on her in dramatic slow motion. It lingers on the look on her face.
♫ “Smile though your heart is achin’...
Smile even though it’s breakin’...♫
It cuts to a new clip, this one clearly taken by phone. Mae and Johnny sprawl out on a couch, his arm around her shoulders and their fingers intertwined. He’s talking to one of his roommates, and when someone makes an unheard joke, the room bursts into laughter.
♫ “When there are clouds in the sky, you’ll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile, and maybe tomorrow…”♫
A new clip: Johnny’s walking down the ring to defend the Pure Title against Dionysus. Mae is joining him as a valet for the first time. After walking down the ramp to the ring, she gives him a kiss of good luck.
♫“You’ll see the sun come shining through for you…”♫
The video crackles and clips. The music seems to glitch, though it continues. The next clip is Johnny desperately confronting Lissie Hope backstage on May 3rd. As she stonewalls him, his face turns from panic to quiet rage.
♫“Light up your face with gladness…”♫
It’s the show before Havoc. Johnny is brawling with the HR Department as the show has devolved into a melee.
♫“Hide every trace of sadness…”♫
Johnny’s been dumped from Havoc by Lissie Hope, who cackles wildly about it. The music is getting progressively more distorted.
♫“Although a tear…”♫
The inside of Pasternak’s office. This time the camera swivels to reveal Ash Blake as the person he’s talking to.
♫“May be ever so near…”♫
Johnny has Lissie Hope dead to rights. He can’t finish the job. Addy takes a bullet for him.
♫“That’s the time, you must keep on tryin’...”♫
Johnny lays Lissie out with the Queen’s Dead.
♫“Smile! What’s the use of cryin’?”♫
The music distorts further. A spotlight hits a figure entering from the curtains, though he’s completely silouhetted. Johnny is pinning Lissie for the win.
♫ “You’ll find that life is still worthwhile…”♫
The HR Department has entered the ring and is beating Johnny Bacchus down in the clip. Ash stands over him. On the stage, the figure has crossed to the center.
♫“If you just smile…”♫
The lights go dark as the audience goes WILD! Suddenly, “Flagpole Sitta” by Harvey Danger hits, and the lights go up to reveal the figure on the stage to be Johnny Bacchus. The Hardcore Championship is in his hand, raised triumphantly. He wears a brick red blazer with matching pants, a tank-top printed like a dress shirt and vest, and wears clown paint on his face.
Chris Avery: #CHAMPMODE IS JOKERIFIED!In his other hand, Johnny drags his trusty bat, Casual Encounters, with him. He shoulders it along with the belt and starts down the ramp.
Adilene Floyd: And her opponent, weighing in at 195 pounds…. The Action Wrestling Hardcore Champion: “OBNOXIOUS” JOHNNY BACCHUS!Johnny continues down the ramp, not stopping to take pictures or shake hands if by nature of both of his being occupied. At the base, he stops and turns to the crowd, raising the belt again to a roar from the audience!
Chris Avery: You gotta hand it to him, Billy: even in Arkansas, the people love Johnny Bacchus.Billy: This is a college town, and you know their types.After rolling into the ring, Johnny takes a moment to stalk back and forth, regarding his opponent. He eventually turns to Adilene and offers her the belt before retreating to his corner and propping the belt against the turnbuckle. After removing the jacket, he throws it into the audience. Then he turns to Ash to begin.
DING DING DING
The two competitors approach one another, their feet dancing as they cautiously circle the ring and converge in on one another.
Chris Avery: The look of intensity on the faces of these two competitors! And we’re just getting started!Johnny takes a couple hops back, and Ash cautiously advances. When he plants his feet and pivots around her, she rolls her wrists and flexes her fingers. He gives a gesture, encouraging her advance.
Chris Avery: The Champ starting this slow, seemingly finding his placement here in the ring before engaging.Billy: Just like a Commie to play it defensive and lure ‘em in.Ash steps forward, her arms coming out and around for the tie-up. Johnny also steps forward, but instead he throws a forward kick that connects directly with Ash’s sternum and knocks the woman down to the mat as the crowd lets out a loud gasp!
Billy: NOT PLAYIN’ AROUND!Chris Avery: Eff around and find out - that’s the motto of a guy like Johnny Bacchus.Ash rolls back to her feet, her mouth now curling down into an angry frown before an amused smirk retakes her face. Bacchus gives a comedic shrug before once again taunting her to come at him. The two circle once more, and as Ash advances in, Johnny throws a stiff kick to her thigh. She grits her teeth and continues her pursuit, eating another kick to the thigh as the audience lets out another “Ooo”. The Hardcore Champion switches directions and throws a third to the other side, but Ash is able to take the hit and catch the leg under her arm.
Chris Avery: The Challenger ready to strike!Ash brings him to the ground with a Dragon Screw and transitions to a knee bar. With his free leg, Bacchus drags the red bottom of his Louboutin sneaker up and across Ash’s chin, nose, and eyes to weaken the hold. Once free, he returns to his feet and stomps his leg on the mat a few times to shake the pain out, as Ash nurses her face.
Billy: A cheap tactic there.Chris Avery: This is the Hardcore Division, Billy, and Johnny’s the Champion. There’s no cheap tactics here.As Ash gets to a seated position, Johnny runs at the ropes and bounces off. An attempt at a basement dropkick is dodged as Ash literally falls back and allows Johnny to fly directly past her. With the Hardcore Champion now on his back, Ash kips-up into a double foot stomp to his chest.
Chris Avery: YIKES!She takes a step off his chest, allowing the Champion to get a hard cough and catch his breath. She regards him stoically as he rolls onto his stomach and pushes up to his base. Once back on his feet, he takes a step back to lean on the ropes and gives a slap to his abdomen before looking back at her.
Johnny Bacchus: Good one.The Hardcore Champ pushes forward, a smirk back on his face. They enter into a proper tie-up, and Bacchus immediately stomps on Ash’s foot. As she recoils and turns, he grabs her from behind and lifts for a backdrop suplex! Ash rolls through and lands on her feet, immediately applying a waistlock. Johnny responds by throwing a stiff back elbow directly into her face!
Chris Avery: Ugly match so far!As Ash once more turns away, Johnny cinches her waist and snaps back for a release German Suplex!
Billy: SHITFIRE!Chris Avery: ASH BLAKE JUST FLIPPED THROUGH!Landing on her feet, Ash takes a few steps back to allow the ropes to cancel her momentum and send her forward. She charges and delivers a running knee to the back of the head of the now-seated Champion!
Chris Avery: Ash immediately with the pin!ONE!
TW-
Bacchus kicks out! The crowd goes wild!
Chris Avery: If there’s one thing we know about Johnny Bacchus, Billy - he doesn’t know when to quit.Billy: Just like every Bernie Sanders supporter.Ash gets to her knees, the scowl now turning to a faint sneer. She grabs Bacchus by a handful of hair and guides him up before walking him across the ring to bash his head against a turnbuckle pad.
Crowd: BOOOO!She walks him to an adjacent pad and repeats the action.
Crowd: BOOOO!As she walks him to the next, she notices Casual Encounter, Johnny’s trusty baseball bat, propped up against the turnbuckle. A rare smile crosses Ash’s face.
Chris Avery: What’s she thinking?!Ash grips Johnny by the belt and steps forward, throwing him face-first into the knob of the bat in the corner! The crowd lets out a gasp as #ChampMode goes limp, supported by the ropes.
Billy: SHITFIRE!Chris Avery: Is he still conscious?!?Ash stalks forward, as though ready for the kill. As she reaches out to grab a handful of hair once more, Johnny reaches up to grip the bat and send the endcap into her stomach!
Chris Avery: He’s alive!Billy: DAMN COMMIE PLAYIN POSSUM!The shot doubles Ash over and sends her reeling back and against the ropes. Johnny runs to the ropes, rebounds, and takes them both over the top to the outside with a lariat!
Crowd: LET’S GO JOH-NNY! *CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP* LET’S GO JOH-NNY! *CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP* LET’S GO JOH-NNY! *CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP*As he rolls over the top rope, Johnny grabs the middle rope with his free hand and uses it to land himself on his feet. With Ash on the ground, the Champ immediately begins to rain boots down on her. She puts her arms up for a defense, but the ceaseless onslaught soon breaks her line and drives her down into submission. Satisfied, Johnny flips his hairs out of his face and looks out at the crowd to an appreciative roar.
Bacchus wipes sweated paint from his eyes. He turns to the apron, flips up the ring cloth, and reaches underneath.
Chris Avery: We’re about to get Hardcore!Johnny returns with a trash can in his hands. As Ash crawls to a base, he lifts it overhead and chucks it at her like Donkey Kong. The impact sends Ash back to the ground as Johnny turns to once more look under the ring.
Billy: WHAT NEXT?!Johnny withdraws a chair, tapping it along the apron as he stalks Ash and whistling the Twisted Nerve theme. He swings it down, but Ash rolls out of the way! He cocks back and swings again, but this time Ash lashes up with a boot and sends the chair back into his face. Johnny drops the weapon and recoils back.
Ash gets to her feet and picks up the chair. She regards it for a moment – a rare smile coming to her face. As Bacchus turns around, she cocks it back and swings it full force upside his head!
Billy: SHITFIRE!Chris Avery: That’ll ring your bell!Bacchus crashes to the mat, and before he can get up, Ash begins to rain the chair down on him. crumples to the floor, hand reflexively pressed against the spot of impact. Ash's attention snaps from her fallen opponent towards the apron, eyes widening.
Chris Avery: I don't like where this is going…Chair still in hand, she climbs up onto the apron, cocking her head as she lines up the shot. Taking a running start, she leaps off the apron, positioning the chair under her feet as she crashes down atop Bacchus with another double foot stomp!
Billy: THAT’LL PUT HAIR ON YOUR CHEST!Ash pulls him to his feet and rolls him inside. She goes for the pin.
ONE!
TWO!
Bacchus gives a solid kick out at two! The anger and frustration becomes palpable in Ash’s face.
Chris Avery: He’s not staying down!Ash gets to her feet and bounces off the middle rope to the top! From there, she hits an imploding 450 Splash!
Billy: CONFERENCE CALL!Ash goes for the pin!
ONE!
TWO!
Bacchus kicks out at two again! Ash looks furious as the crowd explodes!
Crowd: YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAH BOOOOOOIIIIIIIIIIIII!Ash grabs a handful of Bacchus’s hair and wrenches him to his feet. Holding him to look her in the face, she looks down at her left fist.
Chris Avery: Oh, come on!Ash cocks back for the Sweet Sixteen! Johnny responds with a headbutt to her mouth before she can connect, knocking the Usurper to the mat! As Ash staggers to her feet, the Hardcore Champion rebounds off the ropes.
Billy: FETCH THE GUILLOTINE!Johnny drags Ash to the ground, cinching in the sleeper hold! He wrenches back violently.
Chris Avery: He looks ready to rip her head off!Ash’s face turns red. As Johnny applies a grapevine to her midsection, she flails for a rope and to losen the hold on her.
Billy: It’s locked in tight! There’s nowhere to go!Getting more and more desperate, Ash reaches back and digs her fingernails into Johnny’s eyes, raking down! He lets go, clutching his face in pain.
Chris Avery: Now THAT is a cheap move!Ash rolls over and delivers a forearm to Johnny’s face! After a second and third arm, he goes limp. She pushes herself up, the rage now palpable, and uses her foot to roll him over onto is back. She cinches in a chickenwing and applies a crossface.
Chris Avery: NO! ICARUS WING! SHE’S LOCKED IT IN!Johnny yells out in pain and reaches out in vain for a rope. Ash lays down on top of him, placing all of her weight on his body to prevent any escape.
Billy: NOWHERE TO GO! SHE’S GOT HIM!Ash tightens the hold as Johnny attempts to push himself in vain, He attempts to throw an elbow, but his tied up arm prevents him from getting the motion and momentum to do so. He reaches back and grasps a handful of her hair, but it doesn’t seem to have much effect beyond making Ash cinch the hold in tighter.
Chris Avery: IT’S OVER! HE’S GOT NOWHERE TO GO!Finally, Johnny reaches back and JAMS his hand into her eyes. He rakes down HARD, eliciting a scream of pain from the Challenger as she releases the hold and lets go. On her hands and knees and clutching her face, she barely notices Johnny get to his feet and charge her.
Chris Avery: CURB STOMP!Billy: HE JUST BOUNCED HER HEAD LIKE A BASKETBALL!Johnny does not go for the pin. Instead, his eyes go to Casual Encounters leaned against the turnbuckle. He crosses the ring, taking a moment to check the blood leaking from his busted mouth. Dipping two fingers in, he smears the blood up and out from the corners of his mouth like a painted smile as the audience goes wild. Then he grabs the bat.
Billy: Oh my god.Chris Avery: No!Johnny twirls it in his hand, whistling the Twisted Nerve theme as he does so. Ash pushes herself up to a sitting position as he grips the bat with both hands and cocks it back.
Johnny Bacchus: Welcome to Toon World, bitch.Billy: SHITFIRE!The bat connects flush with the side of Ash’s head. She goes down.
Chris Avery: That was a clear and direct shot! That has to be the end!On the ground, Ash rolls away by instinct. Blood seeps out her right ear as she coughs and gags. Johnny watches as she struggles to pull herself up with the ropes, her legs shaky beneath her.
Chris Avery: That may be a split eardrum. This is baaad news for Ash Blake.Billy: Not for long!As if on cue, three unmistakable figures jump the barricade: Neo, Peter Garvey, and Samson Saltair. The three circle the ring like a pack of hungry wolves.
Billy: This just became a four-on-one.Chris Avery: And it’s legal under No Disqualification rules…They all mount the apron as the Champion’s attention darts wildly between the three men and Ash Blake. For a moment, he closes his eyes and flexes his grip on the bat, ready to go to war.
Chris Avery: THEY’RE HERE!From the top of the stage, Trey Bouchet and CVO burst from behind the curtain and charge to the ring!
Billy: The cavalry! Bacchus has back-up!And as if an unseen signal was given, Johnny charges forward with his bat while Trey and CVO enter the fight.
Billy: SHITFIRE! THIS IS PANDEMONIUM!The HR Department — Neo and Garvey — trade blows with the duo of CVO and Trey Bouchet. With Casual Encounters in hand, Johnny Bacchus makes his way around the chaos, stalking the third HR member: Samson Saltair. Saltair turns to face him, immediately catching a homerun swing right to the knee.
Chris Avery: I think Bacchus might have a deathwish!Bacchus doesn't wait to check the damage of his swing before he connects with another. And then a third, as the seemingly implacable Saltair finally goes down. Johnny whips his head back to get hair out of his wide eyes as he raises the bat above his head and rains down across Saltair's ribcage. Again. And again. And again and again and again and again and again and again and ag—
The bat cracks. Splinters. And then, shatters, the snapped barrel bouncing off the Dark Man and skidding along the ground. Johnny doesn't seem to realize it for a moment, swinging nothing a couple of times, his face contorted into an expression of blind rage.
Then, as his eyes narrow and realizes what he's just done, a cold grin creeps across his face.
Only for that grin to be washed away by shock as Samson pushes himself up to his feet, seemingly no worse for wear.
Chris Avery: No goddamn way.Billy: What the FUCK is this thing?Johnny's eyes widen as raises up the sharp edge of the shattered bat handle, but Samson grabs him by the back of the head, closing his fist around a chunk of his hair, and slams his head down atop the apron before rolling him into the ring. Brushing himself off, Samson follows closely behind.
Billy: SHITFIRE! Garvey just powerbombed Trey onto the ringsteps!Her head still spinning from the blow and with one hand pressed to her bleeding ear, Ash's eyes widen at the sight of Bacchus, rolling onto his stomach and with all the grace of a newborn foal, she crosses the ring and kicks the inching Champion in the head, sending him prone.
Gritting her teeth and steadying herself, Ash cocks back and unloads with another kick to the side of Bacchus' head. Then a stomp right on his occipital bone. A kick. A stomp. A kick. A stomp. Each blow heavier than the last, her own body thrashing wildly as she struggles to keep her jelly legs from giving out on her.
Then, she sees it: the broken handle of Casual Encounters, laying on the canvas. A manic grin sets in the corners of her mouth as she wipes sweat from her brow, unwittingly smearing blood from her busted ear across her face.
Chris Avery: This is grotesque!Billy: And I think it's about to get a whole lot worse!Ash makes her way over to the handle and picks it up, her gaze returning to Bacchus. She rolls him onto his back, the sharp, shattered edge of the handle hovering above his head, as she drops to her knees. She drives the edge down hard, twisting it by curling her wrist as she pounds on the knob with a closed fist.
Billy: Eye for an eye, I guess.Chris Avery: In that case, the Champ may be lucky she didn't take that phrase literally.Billy: Ugh, I think I'm gonna be sick.Johnny reaches up and with the heel pad of his hand, swings a looping strike right to Ash's injured ear!
Billy: SHITFIRE! He's still got something left in the tank!Ash screams in pain as she drops the handle and stumbles back, falling on her ass before awkwardly shoving herself to her feet. Samson lays the boots into the grounded Bacchus, blood leaking down the champion's face from the carving.
Samson drags Bacchus closer to the corner as Ash attempts to scale the turnbuckle.
Billy: She's thinkin' Chapter 11!Chris Avery: Yeah, but she seems to be having a little trouble finding her balance.Her wobbly legs almost give out on her on the first attempt. On the second, she manages to lift herself off the ground for a moment, but almost returns to the mat. On the third, her foot slips, forcing her tumbling to the ground, stumbling back into the large frame of the Dark Man, her hand once again pressed to her ear.
The pair speak in whispers, not loud enough for the ring mics to pick up.
Chris Avery: I think she's telling him she can't do it!Billy: That ear injury must really be messin' with her equilibrium!Chris Avery: Somehow I don't think that bodes well for the champ, however!Samson's attention turns to Bacchus, struggling back to his feet. Reaching down, the Dark Man pulls him up the rest of the way; the pair making eye contact for one brief, yet agonizingly long second.
Bacchus spits in Saltair's face. Samson's hand wraps around Bacchus' throat.
Billy: SHITFIRE! CHOKESLAM!But Samson's hand doesn't leave Bacchus' throat. Ushering Ash out of the way, he forces Bacchus to his feet, shoving him into the corner. Backing away towards the center of the ring, Saltair gets a running start and SPEARS Bacchus into the turnbuckles, folding him up before the Champion collapses to the mat.
Wiping the spit from his face, Saltair's attention turns back to Ash.
Samson Saltair: Pin him.Outside the ring, Trey's up, but the HR Department have effectively cut him and CVO off from the ring, dragging the fight up the ramp.
Ash drags Bacchus out of the corner and collapses atop him.
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
"Greetings from Mary Bell Township!" hits the speakers as Ash stumbles up to her feet, the timekeeper handing the belt to the official.
Adeline Floyd: Your winner and NEW Action Wrestling Hardcore Champion: ASH BLAKE!The ref hands her the belt, which she takes, knees buckling as she attempts to raise it up before the raucous, booing crowd.
Chris Avery speaks in a numb, bitter tone.
Chris Avery: She's done it. By hook or by crook, Ash Blake has beaten Johnny Bacchus tonight. The first to do so in his career.Billy: Yeah, with a little help from her friends!Chris Avery: Bacchus said going into this that he wasn't gonna stop until he'd destroyed Philidor—Billy: And for once I hope that commie keeps his word!Chris Avery: The war's not over yet, but Philidor won this battle.
