Post by CJ Phoenix on Oct 17, 2021 4:07:32 GMT -5
It wasn't easy, but it was a win. He stayed focused, took every opponent seriously, and emerged victorious. It was a match he needed to win in order to avoid slipping down the mountain. However, it was just one match. He had not landed himself a World Title shot. He didn't beat any former World Champions in the match. He still had a ways to go, and he knew that. It was one match, but it was one that kept his hopes of redemption alive. His next match would provide another test. An opportunity to get a big PPV win against three quality opponents and whatever John Black victimizes himself into thinking that he is. A chance to take another big step towards the top. Also, it was an opportunity to answer a question that he wasn't expecting to have to ask.
Inside of the mental realm of CJ Phoenix, There's a World Series of Poker tournament playing on the TV inside of a hotel suite. Inside the suite are CJ, Celeste, and Aiba, who are sitting on a bed, also playing poker while the TV plays in the background. Aiba is learning the game, while CJ is refreshing his skills, and Celeste plays because Ultimate Gambler things.
Phoenix: I don't know, but it sounds mysterious.
Celeste: Is it because you're walking into that match with a chance at winning a chance?
Phoenix: Yeah.
Aiba: Huh? Wouldn't that be bad? What if he wins something he doesn't want like having to pay a tax to the government for winning the lottery?
Celeste: I do not know where to begin to answer that with words. Instead, I shall show you an example and hope that you understand it. Pay attention.
First, she takes three cards from the deck. Then, she places two of them in front of Aiba. The third one gets placed in front of Celeste herself. Finally, she flips over one of the cards, an 8 of diamonds, by Aiba.
Celeste: Say you had to guess whether the facedown card next to you is higher or lower than that one. If you get it right, you win this card in front of me. All that you know about it is that it's either something you've wanted, or it isn't. What do you think your odds are of getting what you wanted?
Aiba: One in three. Either I get it wrong, and I don't get what I wanted; I get it right, but the prize is not what I wanted; or I get it right, and the prize IS what I wanted. That doesn't sound very favorable.
Celeste: Correct, but now we factor in CJ's match, and there's actually a way to bump those odds from one in three to guaranteed.
Aiba: Trap everyone so that you're the only one left in the match when it starts?
CJ and Celestia look at each other in confusion before looking back at Aiba and shaking their heads.
Celeste: That....would not work.
Phoenix: What good is the win if I have no opponents?
Aiba: But...Execution. That's the name of the event, so executions are a part of it, right?
Phoenix: Not literally, Jigsaw.
Aiba: Oh. Well they're gonna have to be more specific about these Pay-per-view things..
Celeste: Can I get back to my explanation, or are we going to derail even further?
Phoenix: It's possible that both could happen.
Celeste: ....very well. You know what it's going to take to turn the odds in your favor, right?
Aiba: Perception?
Celeste: Correct. Remember how I said this card is either something you want, or it isn't?
Aiba nods.
Celeste: If you changed your perception of the unknown prize....
Aiba: Then I won't have to worry about what it could be, and I can focus more on getting there!
Celeste: Now you understand.
The Ultimate Gambler turns her attention towards the Luminary of Despair.
Celeste: And you. Do you also understand your situation?
CJ nods as well.
Phoenix: Yeah. I understand why I needed to change my perspective, and I get why this match is so important for me to win. Action Wrestling's been in despair for most of the year. It was everything that I thought I wanted when I first came back. There was an endless supply of despair to take in. However, while the quantity of despair increased, the quality did not. THAT was my mistake. I let myself get sidetracked for nearly five months, and it left the despair in the atmosphere stagnant. Not because of my successes, but because of my failures. I didn't win Havoc, so Philidor's stranglehold on the World Title continued. I didn't win at Uprising, so now Kyle Kemp is snaking around with the briefcase. Though doubtful, there's a possibility that Execution ends with three Philidor members holding titles on Clash, four if you count Adler by association with Lissie. I could feel the despair of the fans through the Television screen. I almost hate to say it, but in order to make the aura of despair from the fans stronger and truly connect with them, I have to become their hope. Someone that they can give their despair to in exchange for a better future.
Celeste: Is causing despair not enough for you anymore?
Phoenix: No. It can't be. Not after I've seen what that's led to. I have to do more. Considering the context, the United States Lottery likely has something to do with the US Title. If I have to hold it hostage and turn Action Wrestling into Despairica, then so be it. I can't just look at this opportunity as something I don't want just because it hasn't been fully explained. In fact, I need it more because of that. I'd rather have the prize already when I find out what it's about.
Aiba: That makes sense. Oh, speaking of people giving you their despair, how's that spirit bomb thing going for you?
Phoenix: I'm making progress, but I'm not there yet. I'm starting to feel a connection with the fans, but I wasn't able to tap into that despair during my last match.
Aiba: Maybe you have to reach out to them some more.
Phoenix: That's what I'm thinking.
Celestia picks up the cards and begins to shuffle them.
Celeste: Do not forget to listen to how they feel. Some people speak louder with their emotions than they do with their words. It's like reading someone in poker. Sometimes, you can know exactly how they feel in a moment without either of you saying a word. If you can read people well enough, you can react to them in the most optimal way, even if you're facing them in wrestling matches.
Phoenix: That's true. Guess wrestling's more like poker than I thought.
Celeste: About time you figured it out.
She laughs as she starts dealing the cards.
It's the final night of CJ Phoenix's home trip. With Execution just a couple of days away, he sits on his bed in his room. All of the lights are off, and he is armed with a flashlight.
Phoenix: Fear. It keeps one cautious because it's the perception of the unknown. That fear will be on display Sunday, when five of us go into the Executioner's ring to fight for an unknown light, hoping it will lead the victor away from the purgatory awaiting the other four participants. Their fears cannot hide from me, and neither can their despair.
CJ leaves the room in darkness as he chuckles to himself.
Phoenix: I would turn on my flashlight, but any kind of light source would just scare John Black away. The spotlight. The pressure. The effort. He's afraid of everything. He's the type that never reaches out for anything. He'd rather wait until a scrap manages to drop near him for him to nibble on like some mouse that Action Wrestling feels too much pity for to kill with a trap. The only sounds he makes are screams of agony when he's getting his ass kicked. If not for that, no one would even know he's here, and that's how he likes it. Even after miraculously going consecutive weeks without counting the lights, he's still terrified. He knows that he'll be slaughtered, taking the fall into the fissure of darkness. He just wants to get it over as quickly as possible so can go back to hiding in the shadows.
A click sounds before the flashlight illuminates a small part of one of the walls. The light reveals an arch wizard by the name of Megumin.
Phoenix: See Megumin here? She's VERY good at blowing shit up, but pretty useless at everything else. She's exactly what Claire Hawkins is afraid that she herself is. Someone that's well-known for one thing and absolutely nothing else. I know you're feeling disappointed after falling to me in our last encounter. You went home in tears, begging for the voices in your head to stop calling you a one-trick pony. The pull of the TV Title scene is trying to yank you back, but you're desperately attempting to claw away from it. Away from the thing that you're so proud to claim that you made. The thing that ultimately made YOU. As disappointed as you are in yourself, I'm even more disappointed in you.
I told you that if anyone in our last match could understand me, it was you. I thought that, despite you becoming your worst enemy, there was at least a shred of you still there that could at least relate to how I felt. I was wrong. You just clung to the lowest hanging fruit like so many others. You wanna tell ME that despair is just a catchphrase that I shoehorn into whatever I'm talking about? YOU wanna talk about that!? After all the weeks and months and years of you circling the drain with your "outwork, but underprepare" cycle of speeches? Fine. Allow me to explain why I'll walk out of Execution victorious again while you continue to trip over yourself.
Despair isn't just a word to me. It's my motivation. It's relentless. It doesn't quit because someone had a good day. It faces every challenge and doesn't believe in ANYTHING being too great for it to reach. There's no limit to what I can achieve because there's no limit to what despair can do. That's why I'll never give up on myself because if I do, then I don't DESERVE to be the Luminary of Despair.
I used to think that we were alike, Claire, but we're not. I believe in what I can do while you coast on what you've already done. This isn't about filling my room with titles so that I can keep telling everybody about how I won them. It isn't about challenging everyone else's work ethic, but not my own. It's about redemption and fixing the mistakes that I made despite what anyone may think about me.
CJ turns the flashlight to a mirror and stares at his reflection.
I can look in the mirror and see exactly who I am. How long has it been since you could do that? You don't remember, do you? You've been so worried about other people's opinions that you don't even know who you are. You're not the Metal Witch anymore. You're just a soulless marionette, and I'm gonna use your despair to cut your strings.
The beam of light is moved to a clock on the wall. However, none of the hands are on it.
I'll give you your props, Bryan. Coming back strong from an injury like you did is admirable. I even like the "hit the ground running" approach of yours. You already have your goals in mind, and you're chasing them as fast as...wait...perhaps it's not you doing the chasing. Instead, YOU'RE the one that's being chased! Why else would you go so far as to try and act like it's all too easy for you? You want BETTER competition, and you want it NOW! Hmmmmmm...could that be because you're afraid of running out of time? I mean, a LOT of people have signed contracts here. Big names. No names. All that good stuff. Many of them leave faster than they walked, never to be heard from again. We can almost set our watches to how often someone like you comes in. Confident. Dominant early on. Then, they hit a brick wall and run away. Hi, I'm CJ Phoenix, Luminary of Despair, and I'm your brick wall.
I like that you do your homework on people. Go ahead, look at what I've done. Tell me about my failures and whatnot. Sure, I hear it all the time, but I do love the classics. They make great exercise music. Just know that I did my homework too. You know what I see when I look at you, Bryan? Chip Kelly, Philly, and the fastest offense in the league. It's memorable because it was hard to keep up with. It was entertaining, fun to watch, and successful. However, once people figured them out, things started going downhill. You're scared of being figured out and losing that edge of mystery before you can leave a mark here. With all of the focus that you put on trying to be noticed, you put your weaknesses on display as well.
The spirit in you may be strong, but there's only so much more that you can put your body through before it shuts down. In your mind, you believe that if you stumble at any point and lose that initial wave of momentum, you might not be able to get back up. I don't think you're ready to hang 'em up yet, Bryan, but there is something I noticed by the tone of your words. You've already accepted that it's only a matter of time before you run out of bullets and your horse dies, cowboy. So you're trying to go all-out before you go under. I respect that, but I'm not stopping my progress to let you ride off into the sunset one last time. I can't afford to do that. Not with what I've been through, what Action Wrestling has been through, these last few months. I'm on a mission, Bryan, and NO ONE'S gonna stop me from completing it. If it's any solace, it won't be Father Time that beats you Sunday. It'll be me.
The light travels along the walls until it stops at a picture of Junko Enoshima.
I see beyond that. It's okay. I won't ask you to take your mask off. I already know what's under it. Bloodshot eyes and streams of dried tears that may as well be tattooed onto your face. You're supposed to be the scariest one in the match, but you're actually the one who fear has the tightest grip on. An outcast that just wanted to fit into a society that exiled you. Couldn't quite do that though, could you? So you put on the mask, escaping to a completely different persona per se. Eventually, you found pro wrestling, where you can be as violent and unhinged as you want, and people will probably love you. Best of all, you can HIDE there. You don't have to face the world when all they see is a bat-toting looney in a mask, right? Perhaps, but you do still have to face yourself when the show's over, and that frightens you.
We both know you don't care about winning this match, which is good because you're not gonna. All that matters to you is hurting people the same way that you feel they hurt you. Instead of trying to reach out for help to pull yourself out of your own misery, you're trying to see how many people you can bring down with you. It's a shame, really. You don't even LIKE wearing that mask. You even admitted to it when you told us how you wanna run down AW until it's TIRED and WEAK before comparing that to yourself. That's the REAL Lethe. Tired of faking smiles that bring her no joy. Weakened by the fact that as much as she wants to show her true face to the world again, she's too afraid that she'll be cast away like before. That's why you're so energetic and chaotic. With that mask on, you feel like you can be the opposite of what you are.
CJ moves the flashlight once more. This time, the light lands on a Monokuma mask on his bed.
I know what it's like to wear a mask. I get what it's like to not want to be seen. I understand the feeling of wanting to hurt people. To the real Lethe, that mask won't save you from despair, especially not Sunday. I encourage you to wear it, though. So you can see what I mean when I leave you lying on the ground. Tired. Weak. And defeated. Maybe then you'll finally see the truth.
Aiba: What's a "United States Lottery"?
Phoenix: I don't know, but it sounds mysterious.
Celeste: Is it because you're walking into that match with a chance at winning a chance?
Phoenix: Yeah.
Aiba: Huh? Wouldn't that be bad? What if he wins something he doesn't want like having to pay a tax to the government for winning the lottery?
Celeste: I do not know where to begin to answer that with words. Instead, I shall show you an example and hope that you understand it. Pay attention.
First, she takes three cards from the deck. Then, she places two of them in front of Aiba. The third one gets placed in front of Celeste herself. Finally, she flips over one of the cards, an 8 of diamonds, by Aiba.
Celeste: Say you had to guess whether the facedown card next to you is higher or lower than that one. If you get it right, you win this card in front of me. All that you know about it is that it's either something you've wanted, or it isn't. What do you think your odds are of getting what you wanted?
Aiba: One in three. Either I get it wrong, and I don't get what I wanted; I get it right, but the prize is not what I wanted; or I get it right, and the prize IS what I wanted. That doesn't sound very favorable.
Celeste: Correct, but now we factor in CJ's match, and there's actually a way to bump those odds from one in three to guaranteed.
Aiba: Trap everyone so that you're the only one left in the match when it starts?
CJ and Celestia look at each other in confusion before looking back at Aiba and shaking their heads.
Celeste: That....would not work.
Phoenix: What good is the win if I have no opponents?
Aiba: But...Execution. That's the name of the event, so executions are a part of it, right?
Phoenix: Not literally, Jigsaw.
Aiba: Oh. Well they're gonna have to be more specific about these Pay-per-view things..
Celeste: Can I get back to my explanation, or are we going to derail even further?
Phoenix: It's possible that both could happen.
Celeste: ....very well. You know what it's going to take to turn the odds in your favor, right?
Aiba: Perception?
Celeste: Correct. Remember how I said this card is either something you want, or it isn't?
Aiba nods.
Celeste: If you changed your perception of the unknown prize....
Aiba: Then I won't have to worry about what it could be, and I can focus more on getting there!
Celeste: Now you understand.
The Ultimate Gambler turns her attention towards the Luminary of Despair.
Celeste: And you. Do you also understand your situation?
CJ nods as well.
Phoenix: Yeah. I understand why I needed to change my perspective, and I get why this match is so important for me to win. Action Wrestling's been in despair for most of the year. It was everything that I thought I wanted when I first came back. There was an endless supply of despair to take in. However, while the quantity of despair increased, the quality did not. THAT was my mistake. I let myself get sidetracked for nearly five months, and it left the despair in the atmosphere stagnant. Not because of my successes, but because of my failures. I didn't win Havoc, so Philidor's stranglehold on the World Title continued. I didn't win at Uprising, so now Kyle Kemp is snaking around with the briefcase. Though doubtful, there's a possibility that Execution ends with three Philidor members holding titles on Clash, four if you count Adler by association with Lissie. I could feel the despair of the fans through the Television screen. I almost hate to say it, but in order to make the aura of despair from the fans stronger and truly connect with them, I have to become their hope. Someone that they can give their despair to in exchange for a better future.
Celeste: Is causing despair not enough for you anymore?
Phoenix: No. It can't be. Not after I've seen what that's led to. I have to do more. Considering the context, the United States Lottery likely has something to do with the US Title. If I have to hold it hostage and turn Action Wrestling into Despairica, then so be it. I can't just look at this opportunity as something I don't want just because it hasn't been fully explained. In fact, I need it more because of that. I'd rather have the prize already when I find out what it's about.
Aiba: That makes sense. Oh, speaking of people giving you their despair, how's that spirit bomb thing going for you?
Phoenix: I'm making progress, but I'm not there yet. I'm starting to feel a connection with the fans, but I wasn't able to tap into that despair during my last match.
Aiba: Maybe you have to reach out to them some more.
Phoenix: That's what I'm thinking.
Celestia picks up the cards and begins to shuffle them.
Celeste: Do not forget to listen to how they feel. Some people speak louder with their emotions than they do with their words. It's like reading someone in poker. Sometimes, you can know exactly how they feel in a moment without either of you saying a word. If you can read people well enough, you can react to them in the most optimal way, even if you're facing them in wrestling matches.
Phoenix: That's true. Guess wrestling's more like poker than I thought.
Celeste: About time you figured it out.
She laughs as she starts dealing the cards.
It's the final night of CJ Phoenix's home trip. With Execution just a couple of days away, he sits on his bed in his room. All of the lights are off, and he is armed with a flashlight.
Phoenix: Fear. It keeps one cautious because it's the perception of the unknown. That fear will be on display Sunday, when five of us go into the Executioner's ring to fight for an unknown light, hoping it will lead the victor away from the purgatory awaiting the other four participants. Their fears cannot hide from me, and neither can their despair.
CJ leaves the room in darkness as he chuckles to himself.
Phoenix: I would turn on my flashlight, but any kind of light source would just scare John Black away. The spotlight. The pressure. The effort. He's afraid of everything. He's the type that never reaches out for anything. He'd rather wait until a scrap manages to drop near him for him to nibble on like some mouse that Action Wrestling feels too much pity for to kill with a trap. The only sounds he makes are screams of agony when he's getting his ass kicked. If not for that, no one would even know he's here, and that's how he likes it. Even after miraculously going consecutive weeks without counting the lights, he's still terrified. He knows that he'll be slaughtered, taking the fall into the fissure of darkness. He just wants to get it over as quickly as possible so can go back to hiding in the shadows.
A click sounds before the flashlight illuminates a small part of one of the walls. The light reveals an arch wizard by the name of Megumin.
Phoenix: See Megumin here? She's VERY good at blowing shit up, but pretty useless at everything else. She's exactly what Claire Hawkins is afraid that she herself is. Someone that's well-known for one thing and absolutely nothing else. I know you're feeling disappointed after falling to me in our last encounter. You went home in tears, begging for the voices in your head to stop calling you a one-trick pony. The pull of the TV Title scene is trying to yank you back, but you're desperately attempting to claw away from it. Away from the thing that you're so proud to claim that you made. The thing that ultimately made YOU. As disappointed as you are in yourself, I'm even more disappointed in you.
I told you that if anyone in our last match could understand me, it was you. I thought that, despite you becoming your worst enemy, there was at least a shred of you still there that could at least relate to how I felt. I was wrong. You just clung to the lowest hanging fruit like so many others. You wanna tell ME that despair is just a catchphrase that I shoehorn into whatever I'm talking about? YOU wanna talk about that!? After all the weeks and months and years of you circling the drain with your "outwork, but underprepare" cycle of speeches? Fine. Allow me to explain why I'll walk out of Execution victorious again while you continue to trip over yourself.
Despair isn't just a word to me. It's my motivation. It's relentless. It doesn't quit because someone had a good day. It faces every challenge and doesn't believe in ANYTHING being too great for it to reach. There's no limit to what I can achieve because there's no limit to what despair can do. That's why I'll never give up on myself because if I do, then I don't DESERVE to be the Luminary of Despair.
I used to think that we were alike, Claire, but we're not. I believe in what I can do while you coast on what you've already done. This isn't about filling my room with titles so that I can keep telling everybody about how I won them. It isn't about challenging everyone else's work ethic, but not my own. It's about redemption and fixing the mistakes that I made despite what anyone may think about me.
CJ turns the flashlight to a mirror and stares at his reflection.
I can look in the mirror and see exactly who I am. How long has it been since you could do that? You don't remember, do you? You've been so worried about other people's opinions that you don't even know who you are. You're not the Metal Witch anymore. You're just a soulless marionette, and I'm gonna use your despair to cut your strings.
The beam of light is moved to a clock on the wall. However, none of the hands are on it.
I'll give you your props, Bryan. Coming back strong from an injury like you did is admirable. I even like the "hit the ground running" approach of yours. You already have your goals in mind, and you're chasing them as fast as...wait...perhaps it's not you doing the chasing. Instead, YOU'RE the one that's being chased! Why else would you go so far as to try and act like it's all too easy for you? You want BETTER competition, and you want it NOW! Hmmmmmm...could that be because you're afraid of running out of time? I mean, a LOT of people have signed contracts here. Big names. No names. All that good stuff. Many of them leave faster than they walked, never to be heard from again. We can almost set our watches to how often someone like you comes in. Confident. Dominant early on. Then, they hit a brick wall and run away. Hi, I'm CJ Phoenix, Luminary of Despair, and I'm your brick wall.
I like that you do your homework on people. Go ahead, look at what I've done. Tell me about my failures and whatnot. Sure, I hear it all the time, but I do love the classics. They make great exercise music. Just know that I did my homework too. You know what I see when I look at you, Bryan? Chip Kelly, Philly, and the fastest offense in the league. It's memorable because it was hard to keep up with. It was entertaining, fun to watch, and successful. However, once people figured them out, things started going downhill. You're scared of being figured out and losing that edge of mystery before you can leave a mark here. With all of the focus that you put on trying to be noticed, you put your weaknesses on display as well.
The spirit in you may be strong, but there's only so much more that you can put your body through before it shuts down. In your mind, you believe that if you stumble at any point and lose that initial wave of momentum, you might not be able to get back up. I don't think you're ready to hang 'em up yet, Bryan, but there is something I noticed by the tone of your words. You've already accepted that it's only a matter of time before you run out of bullets and your horse dies, cowboy. So you're trying to go all-out before you go under. I respect that, but I'm not stopping my progress to let you ride off into the sunset one last time. I can't afford to do that. Not with what I've been through, what Action Wrestling has been through, these last few months. I'm on a mission, Bryan, and NO ONE'S gonna stop me from completing it. If it's any solace, it won't be Father Time that beats you Sunday. It'll be me.
The light travels along the walls until it stops at a picture of Junko Enoshima.
Phoenix: You reminded me a lot of Junko at first, Lethe, but then I realized how far of a step down you are. It's no secret that you're unstable with a thirst for violence. It's no surprise that you're a wildcard with an unstable mind. You're a dangerous one. At least that's what you want us to see. A bloodthirsty psychopath with no regard for human life. A killer that stalks her prey and takes her time with the murder. One could say that you're far more primal than a normal person. More beast than human.
I see beyond that. It's okay. I won't ask you to take your mask off. I already know what's under it. Bloodshot eyes and streams of dried tears that may as well be tattooed onto your face. You're supposed to be the scariest one in the match, but you're actually the one who fear has the tightest grip on. An outcast that just wanted to fit into a society that exiled you. Couldn't quite do that though, could you? So you put on the mask, escaping to a completely different persona per se. Eventually, you found pro wrestling, where you can be as violent and unhinged as you want, and people will probably love you. Best of all, you can HIDE there. You don't have to face the world when all they see is a bat-toting looney in a mask, right? Perhaps, but you do still have to face yourself when the show's over, and that frightens you.
We both know you don't care about winning this match, which is good because you're not gonna. All that matters to you is hurting people the same way that you feel they hurt you. Instead of trying to reach out for help to pull yourself out of your own misery, you're trying to see how many people you can bring down with you. It's a shame, really. You don't even LIKE wearing that mask. You even admitted to it when you told us how you wanna run down AW until it's TIRED and WEAK before comparing that to yourself. That's the REAL Lethe. Tired of faking smiles that bring her no joy. Weakened by the fact that as much as she wants to show her true face to the world again, she's too afraid that she'll be cast away like before. That's why you're so energetic and chaotic. With that mask on, you feel like you can be the opposite of what you are.
CJ moves the flashlight once more. This time, the light lands on a Monokuma mask on his bed.
I know what it's like to wear a mask. I get what it's like to not want to be seen. I understand the feeling of wanting to hurt people. To the real Lethe, that mask won't save you from despair, especially not Sunday. I encourage you to wear it, though. So you can see what I mean when I leave you lying on the ground. Tired. Weak. And defeated. Maybe then you'll finally see the truth.