Survive the Interview, Survive the Match, Survive Everything
Sept 26, 2021 9:56:25 GMT -5
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Post by Teo Blaze on Sept 26, 2021 9:56:25 GMT -5
Hi there folks, Narrator here! Back once again with the shenanigans and general happenings of your heroes, the men with the merch, the Two Gents. Today, the gents are, as part of the cross promotional deal with AW and CBS, attending the pre launch party and media scrum. Teo and Jenson are currently talking to some of the press.
“So Gents, you’re here at the launch party for Survivor. Could you see yourselves doing this?” Asks one of the reporters, flashbulbs going off everywhere.
“Yeah, easily” Answers Jenson, “I mean we’re doing it right now, it’s easy.”
“Wha…? Oh, I see! You thought I meant the interview. No, I mean could you see yourselves doing the show?”
“Yeah, I mean we’re doing the show now - look.” Jenson points at a bunch of cameras that are filming everything. "Pretty easy, really.”
The reporter narrows her eyes in the anger only reserved for someone who really wanted to be an investigative journalist and is now doing fluff pieces for entertainment.
“I meant Survivor, could you see yourselves doing the survivor show? You know, going onto an island and just…..Surviving?” She says, slowly, as if talking to idiots. Jenson looks at her, confused. Then replies in an even slower voice.
“Yes. We do it all the time. I live on an island.”
“He does," Chimes in Teo, also very slowly.
“And we are by definition survivors. I mean let’s face it we are the Cruiserweight Tag Champs, record breaking Cruiserweight tag champs at that. All we do is survive. Whether it’s the Gatecrashers, whether it’s Dark Dynasty, the Canadians, Pineapple Promenade, Red White and Bruised, whatever. We’ve faced them all down and survived. We’d survived because we want this more than anything, we want to give the fans the very best, they pay a lot of money to come to the shows and we want to send them home happy. So we survive. For them.
Our match on Monday is no exception. You see, we have a 5 on 5 elimination match!”
Teo holds five fingers up, then flashes it again to make sure the reporter gets what the number 5 means.
“Not only do we have to survive 5 high caliber, quality opponents, but we also have to potentially survive two of our own team! You see, on our team we have Dark Dynasty. We’ve been facing these guys for a while now and they are tough opponents. They want our titles and, well, in the world of professional wrestling, if you have titles, even the nicest guys might decide they want to, y'know, do something about it. So we gotta trust guys we’ve been fighting for months now! It’s a hard thing to ask!
Not to mention the guys on the other side of the ring, you got the Schorg Bros, the other thorns in our sides. The Schorg Bros have attacked us, presumably because we took the belts from their sister, and they have made it clear they don’t like us and they want us gone, but we’re still here. We survived!
Then we have Flop, a top quality main event level talent that may or may not have killed and eaten someone, and a certifiable Badass-"
“Called Bob” Teo Interjects, causing a scornful look from the reporter.
“He’s a survivor in himself, he kicks ass and takes names. He’s gone through his whole career basically coming up short whenever he faces anyone, but you know what? Badasses don't quit just because of humiliating losses. He survives!
And rounding off that tribe of survivors you got Alex Scott. A guy who has so much heart and desire, who never quits and can on his day shock and awe the world.
So not only are we facing the prospect of two of our team-mates potentially making it a 7 on 3 match, but we’ve been surviving for a long time now and we still keep on going. You see that’s our secret weapon, we survive. If we survive longer than the opposition, we win. It’s why we’re going to survive this 5 on 5 on Monday night.”
Teo pats his partner on the shoulder, and points off to the side where a group of fans are holding out autograph pads. Jenson grins and nods, letting his partner have temporary control of the camera.
“My partner is right, you know. These guys, they’re dangerous. You underestimate any of them, and they’ll put you on your a[beep]”
“Mr. Blaze, you were warned about language.”
“Language? All I said is a[beep], I can’t even say that now? So I can’t tell the world that the Schorg’s are a pair of raging [beep]holes who seem obsessed with [beep]ing over the entire division rather than putting their [beep]ing [beep]ses on the line and facing us like men, so we can [beep] their [beep] up?”
“No. No you cannot say that on this channel.”
“Just wanted to be clear. Then I won’t say that, even though everyone is thinking it. Look, I’m not going to split hairs here. Dark Dynasty? They’ve earned their rematch. I don’t like that pair of pricks, but I can’t deny it. And the Schorg’s? They want to jump the line. They seem to forget that we’ve spent the better part of this year locked in combat with their sister while they sat around playing with themselves. Newsflash, it takes more than a sneak attack to get our attention, boys. Maybe it would have done something at title reign number two, but I like to think we’ve grown since then.”
“We’ve learned to control our anger into more productive activities, like merchandising and fan events.”
“Save it up, store that frustration and pain until we can get the chance to explode on the people who deserve it most.
Badass Bob? Wait, that wasn’t beeped? Whatever. Dude’s a cinderella story, succeeding in spite of himself and failing upward. But you know how Cinderella’s story ends, right? Eventually her luck runs out, and we realize that she rode up in a pumpkin. Bob’s thinks he’s fooled everyone into taking him seriously, but he’s just fooling himself.
I’d say that we’re exposing how pathetic he actually is, but to expose something, it’s gotta be a secret first. Anyone who looks at Bob and hears him try to string a sentence together can tell you that he’s got as much business in that ring as the actual Cinderella. But hey, it’s his funeral.”
“Maybe we should buy him a pumpkin carriage. They’d be on sale around October anyway.”
“Speaking of Halloween, let’s talk everyone’s favorite ghoul, the felonious Mr. Flop. Now putting aside the fact that this man is somehow not locked up in the most maximum security prison that is available to mankind, if I were a betting man I’d say that Flop is not going to last through a match like this. A match like this takes teamwork. You have to be willing to put aside differences and cooperate. Flop? He doesn’t play well with others. This is a man who had to hold both tag titles singlehandedly because his own partner wasn’t willing to put up with him. And he’s going to last on a team like this? Give me a break.”
“Give him a break, Sharon!”
“That’s not my-”
“And then you have Alex Scott. Nice guy, determined, hard-working. Kind of an odd man out really, he has the bad luck to be stuck with this rogue’s gallery. He’s had a run of start-stop momentum because he can’t seem to string together two wins to save his life. He’s missing that piece to make him great. And this is not the match where he finds it, Sharon.”
“That’s-”
“Bottom line, we’re up against an island of misfit toys. A pair of sneak attacking cowards who think they have a claim to a title shot because they’re related to a former champion, a wannabe serial killer, delusional dumbass bob, and a dark horse with a bum leg. Do we like Dark Dynasty? Hell no. Terry’s cool. But that’s not the question. Are we willing to work with our partners long enough to smash the Schorg’s?”
“You better believe we are. We’re going to bring this one home for the good guys, Gent style.”
The Gents share a fistbump as the reporter turns back to the screen, signaling to cut the broadcast.
“So Gents, you’re here at the launch party for Survivor. Could you see yourselves doing this?” Asks one of the reporters, flashbulbs going off everywhere.
“Yeah, easily” Answers Jenson, “I mean we’re doing it right now, it’s easy.”
“Wha…? Oh, I see! You thought I meant the interview. No, I mean could you see yourselves doing the show?”
“Yeah, I mean we’re doing the show now - look.” Jenson points at a bunch of cameras that are filming everything. "Pretty easy, really.”
The reporter narrows her eyes in the anger only reserved for someone who really wanted to be an investigative journalist and is now doing fluff pieces for entertainment.
“I meant Survivor, could you see yourselves doing the survivor show? You know, going onto an island and just…..Surviving?” She says, slowly, as if talking to idiots. Jenson looks at her, confused. Then replies in an even slower voice.
“Yes. We do it all the time. I live on an island.”
“He does," Chimes in Teo, also very slowly.
“And we are by definition survivors. I mean let’s face it we are the Cruiserweight Tag Champs, record breaking Cruiserweight tag champs at that. All we do is survive. Whether it’s the Gatecrashers, whether it’s Dark Dynasty, the Canadians, Pineapple Promenade, Red White and Bruised, whatever. We’ve faced them all down and survived. We’d survived because we want this more than anything, we want to give the fans the very best, they pay a lot of money to come to the shows and we want to send them home happy. So we survive. For them.
Our match on Monday is no exception. You see, we have a 5 on 5 elimination match!”
Teo holds five fingers up, then flashes it again to make sure the reporter gets what the number 5 means.
“Not only do we have to survive 5 high caliber, quality opponents, but we also have to potentially survive two of our own team! You see, on our team we have Dark Dynasty. We’ve been facing these guys for a while now and they are tough opponents. They want our titles and, well, in the world of professional wrestling, if you have titles, even the nicest guys might decide they want to, y'know, do something about it. So we gotta trust guys we’ve been fighting for months now! It’s a hard thing to ask!
Not to mention the guys on the other side of the ring, you got the Schorg Bros, the other thorns in our sides. The Schorg Bros have attacked us, presumably because we took the belts from their sister, and they have made it clear they don’t like us and they want us gone, but we’re still here. We survived!
Then we have Flop, a top quality main event level talent that may or may not have killed and eaten someone, and a certifiable Badass-"
“Called Bob” Teo Interjects, causing a scornful look from the reporter.
“He’s a survivor in himself, he kicks ass and takes names. He’s gone through his whole career basically coming up short whenever he faces anyone, but you know what? Badasses don't quit just because of humiliating losses. He survives!
And rounding off that tribe of survivors you got Alex Scott. A guy who has so much heart and desire, who never quits and can on his day shock and awe the world.
So not only are we facing the prospect of two of our team-mates potentially making it a 7 on 3 match, but we’ve been surviving for a long time now and we still keep on going. You see that’s our secret weapon, we survive. If we survive longer than the opposition, we win. It’s why we’re going to survive this 5 on 5 on Monday night.”
Teo pats his partner on the shoulder, and points off to the side where a group of fans are holding out autograph pads. Jenson grins and nods, letting his partner have temporary control of the camera.
“My partner is right, you know. These guys, they’re dangerous. You underestimate any of them, and they’ll put you on your a[beep]”
“Mr. Blaze, you were warned about language.”
“Language? All I said is a[beep], I can’t even say that now? So I can’t tell the world that the Schorg’s are a pair of raging [beep]holes who seem obsessed with [beep]ing over the entire division rather than putting their [beep]ing [beep]ses on the line and facing us like men, so we can [beep] their [beep] up?”
“No. No you cannot say that on this channel.”
“Just wanted to be clear. Then I won’t say that, even though everyone is thinking it. Look, I’m not going to split hairs here. Dark Dynasty? They’ve earned their rematch. I don’t like that pair of pricks, but I can’t deny it. And the Schorg’s? They want to jump the line. They seem to forget that we’ve spent the better part of this year locked in combat with their sister while they sat around playing with themselves. Newsflash, it takes more than a sneak attack to get our attention, boys. Maybe it would have done something at title reign number two, but I like to think we’ve grown since then.”
“We’ve learned to control our anger into more productive activities, like merchandising and fan events.”
“Save it up, store that frustration and pain until we can get the chance to explode on the people who deserve it most.
Badass Bob? Wait, that wasn’t beeped? Whatever. Dude’s a cinderella story, succeeding in spite of himself and failing upward. But you know how Cinderella’s story ends, right? Eventually her luck runs out, and we realize that she rode up in a pumpkin. Bob’s thinks he’s fooled everyone into taking him seriously, but he’s just fooling himself.
I’d say that we’re exposing how pathetic he actually is, but to expose something, it’s gotta be a secret first. Anyone who looks at Bob and hears him try to string a sentence together can tell you that he’s got as much business in that ring as the actual Cinderella. But hey, it’s his funeral.”
“Maybe we should buy him a pumpkin carriage. They’d be on sale around October anyway.”
“Speaking of Halloween, let’s talk everyone’s favorite ghoul, the felonious Mr. Flop. Now putting aside the fact that this man is somehow not locked up in the most maximum security prison that is available to mankind, if I were a betting man I’d say that Flop is not going to last through a match like this. A match like this takes teamwork. You have to be willing to put aside differences and cooperate. Flop? He doesn’t play well with others. This is a man who had to hold both tag titles singlehandedly because his own partner wasn’t willing to put up with him. And he’s going to last on a team like this? Give me a break.”
“Give him a break, Sharon!”
“That’s not my-”
“And then you have Alex Scott. Nice guy, determined, hard-working. Kind of an odd man out really, he has the bad luck to be stuck with this rogue’s gallery. He’s had a run of start-stop momentum because he can’t seem to string together two wins to save his life. He’s missing that piece to make him great. And this is not the match where he finds it, Sharon.”
“That’s-”
“Bottom line, we’re up against an island of misfit toys. A pair of sneak attacking cowards who think they have a claim to a title shot because they’re related to a former champion, a wannabe serial killer, delusional dumbass bob, and a dark horse with a bum leg. Do we like Dark Dynasty? Hell no. Terry’s cool. But that’s not the question. Are we willing to work with our partners long enough to smash the Schorg’s?”
“You better believe we are. We’re going to bring this one home for the good guys, Gent style.”
The Gents share a fistbump as the reporter turns back to the screen, signaling to cut the broadcast.