Post by Azurine Vebbins on Sept 19, 2021 8:23:52 GMT -5
Flashbulbs pop off like Campbell’s Soup cans connected to a “Just Married” limousine. “Da Damsel in Dat Dress” sits on Leo Albright’s lap as she power chairs across the lobby of Elysium in Seattle. Azurine’s wedding wardrobe features several shades of a certain color including one ruby-encrusted mesh veil, pink Lesbian Flag Subtle Pocket Design T-Shirt, crimson Fila Core Flare Tennis Skorts, a pair of red Leg Avenue Satin Bow Accent Thigh Highs, and burgundy “I DO” Bridal Slippers. She wiggles her toes so certain camera people can capture the “I DO” phrase for puff piece posterity. One camera person with Action Wrestling credentials joins the couple in a waiting service elevator. “Da Adorkable Angel” fans herself as though her wings are flapping around Heaven. Leo carries her believed-to-be blushing bride across the penthouse suite’s threshold. Our cameraperson pans around their living room to showcase a poker table, two decks of Big Ticket Entertainment playing cards, today’s edition of “The Stranger” newspaper with the headline "MRS. & NRS, ALBRIGHT?", and a smelted steel chair emblazoned with “MRS. AZURINE ALBRIGHT” on its headrest. “Da Hardheaded Housewife” gives her supportive spouse smooching sugar before leaving her lap. Azurine sets her chair down on the floor while Leo shuffles both decks. While shuffling Mrs. Albright tilts her head to reveal an aster/morning glory placed prominently behind the right ear. Our card-carrying couple proceeds to play poker when Jade Riley patches herself in for a split-screen interview.
Azurine Vebbins: So your leadin’ lady decides it’s time to get happily hitched today…
Jade Riley: Good afternoon, Action Wrestling fans! Jade Riley here reporting remotely from Alumni Stadium, home of the Delaware State University Hornets! On a related note, my senses are buzzing. Azurine Vebbins, are we interrupting passionate proceedings?
Azurine Vebbins: Not currently, Jade. My new missus and I wanted to get a kick start celebratin’ Wife Appreciation Day. We may have performed our nuptials in a closed door ceremony. Leo chose today, Friday, September 17 since it’s Professional House Cleaners Day and as she stated in her vows: Da house always wins.
Jade Riley: You have a Cruiserweight Eliminator Tournament Match against touted talent Terry Colt, Junior this week on CruiserClash. What are your chances of advancing?
Leo Albright: Extremely decent, Riley, A better way of wording your question would be: What are you going to do with Mister Colt’s only chance of advancing in the tournament, Azurine?
Azurine Vebbins: I’m gonna do what my wonderful wife just did to my bachelorette status,,,take it off da market. “Da Hardheaded Housewife’s” shalt not pitter patter. I’m shootin’ wid bode hips holstered. Dat rube from da Rough & Ready Ranch’s gonna be suplexed super silly Monday night. I reckon and notion Terry’ll suffer sickness from da compoundin’ centrifugal motion. On da plus side, Monday’s National Punch Day so he’ll have a bowl to barf in. Dat’s my “trigger warnin’” to dose in Caterin’ to drink up before my exhibition ends.
“Da Vivacious Variable” leans back, pulls down her left stocking, and places it onto the table.
Leo Albright: Think you got a hot hand, honey?
Azurine Vebbins: Not as hot as yours when you shush my tush, sweetheart.
Jade Riley: What happens if Colt catches you in his patented Crackshot?
Azurine Vebbins: It could cause a two-count pinfall attempt. Den again, my dance floor awareness is astoundin’. My ballet flat might grace a rope before da zebra’s hand makes first contact wid dat shufflin’ surface. Terry Colt, Junior must be a modest and undercompensatin’ man. After all, his finish comes in da form of a Small Package Driver. Aren’t you supposed to bet some-din’, Leo?
Leo Albright: I’m the house, remember? I shuffle, deal, and you’re the one betting, toots. Then again, we should have higher stakes than just bragging rights. Winner picks dinner? Get to select their spoon position?
Azurine Vebbins: Dinner. If I win, Monte Cristo sandwiches, I love bein’ little spoon. Anoder reason to advance? Terra Walker’s Cruiserweight Championship would make a wicked waist halo.
Jade Riley: Was nice interviewing you, Azurine.
Before revealing who won, the cameraperson pans out of the suite. They focus on the doorknob where Azurine's leash sways suggestively.
Azurine Vebbins: So your leadin’ lady decides it’s time to get happily hitched today…
Jade Riley: Good afternoon, Action Wrestling fans! Jade Riley here reporting remotely from Alumni Stadium, home of the Delaware State University Hornets! On a related note, my senses are buzzing. Azurine Vebbins, are we interrupting passionate proceedings?
Azurine Vebbins: Not currently, Jade. My new missus and I wanted to get a kick start celebratin’ Wife Appreciation Day. We may have performed our nuptials in a closed door ceremony. Leo chose today, Friday, September 17 since it’s Professional House Cleaners Day and as she stated in her vows: Da house always wins.
Jade Riley: You have a Cruiserweight Eliminator Tournament Match against touted talent Terry Colt, Junior this week on CruiserClash. What are your chances of advancing?
Leo Albright: Extremely decent, Riley, A better way of wording your question would be: What are you going to do with Mister Colt’s only chance of advancing in the tournament, Azurine?
Azurine Vebbins: I’m gonna do what my wonderful wife just did to my bachelorette status,,,take it off da market. “Da Hardheaded Housewife’s” shalt not pitter patter. I’m shootin’ wid bode hips holstered. Dat rube from da Rough & Ready Ranch’s gonna be suplexed super silly Monday night. I reckon and notion Terry’ll suffer sickness from da compoundin’ centrifugal motion. On da plus side, Monday’s National Punch Day so he’ll have a bowl to barf in. Dat’s my “trigger warnin’” to dose in Caterin’ to drink up before my exhibition ends.
“Da Vivacious Variable” leans back, pulls down her left stocking, and places it onto the table.
Leo Albright: Think you got a hot hand, honey?
Azurine Vebbins: Not as hot as yours when you shush my tush, sweetheart.
Jade Riley: What happens if Colt catches you in his patented Crackshot?
Azurine Vebbins: It could cause a two-count pinfall attempt. Den again, my dance floor awareness is astoundin’. My ballet flat might grace a rope before da zebra’s hand makes first contact wid dat shufflin’ surface. Terry Colt, Junior must be a modest and undercompensatin’ man. After all, his finish comes in da form of a Small Package Driver. Aren’t you supposed to bet some-din’, Leo?
Leo Albright: I’m the house, remember? I shuffle, deal, and you’re the one betting, toots. Then again, we should have higher stakes than just bragging rights. Winner picks dinner? Get to select their spoon position?
Azurine Vebbins: Dinner. If I win, Monte Cristo sandwiches, I love bein’ little spoon. Anoder reason to advance? Terra Walker’s Cruiserweight Championship would make a wicked waist halo.
Jade Riley: Was nice interviewing you, Azurine.
Before revealing who won, the cameraperson pans out of the suite. They focus on the doorknob where Azurine's leash sways suggestively.